I haven't done a fan fic in a while. I felt like I needed to write some more, so here I go. Comments are welcome, but if just want to enjoy the story that's fine too. But if see an error, please point it out. And I wanted to experiment with this background color, what do you think? I'll get rid of them if their distracting.

-A Mechanized Society-
August 25 2310
03:51:26 A.M.
Brotherhood of Steel
Interrogation Room

Paladin Belial: Do you like the sun, Mr. Lindbergh.

*There is a large intake of breath followed by a sob*

Lindbergh: I already told what you wanted, let me go already.

Paladin Ross: Not all of what we want, Mr. Lindbergh.

Paladin Belial: Where were you March 18, 2310.

Lindbergh: What?

Paladin Belial: March 18, 2310. The day the Citadel was destroyed. We know you where there with Redfield. How did he know the codes, who was the mole!

Paladin Ross: We already have your information, but we have one piece that just doesn't add up. How could he have gotten the security codes, no one outside of the council knows them.

*There is a small chuckle*

Lindbergh: Got your asses kicked by a tribal and you can't even figure out where he hit you.

*There is a long pause*

Paladin Ross: Tribal?

Lindbergh: You mean you didn't know?

*The tape crackles as he sighs*

Lindbergh: Guess I'll tell you the whole story, doesn't matter now.

Paladin Belial: Start from the beginning and leave nothing out this time. You haven't had water for two days now, don't make three.

Lindbergh: I know. So let me begin...

Interesting premise. I like colored text better than colored background personally.

Honestly, so do I. But nobody uses it so I had to test it out. But we won't see it again.

The frequency of my posts, is of course, extremely varied. A couple hours, days, or months. Who knows. Any way I want these entries to be short and sweet so here is another.

Ritual
-The Start-

Every man must take the ritual if he is to continue living amongst the tribe. As my father took it before me and his father took it before him, then I shall also take it. Yet it does not stop the fear of failure, for people's expectations are even greater for me, then they were for my father.

It differs for every clan you are in; the warriors, the hunters, the gathers, the messengers, and even the exalted priests. Yet no matter who you are, you must do it alone, and if you fail then don't come back. So as they stripped me me of my tunic and began to paint my body with the signs of the spirits, I was feeling more then a little bit nervous.

My friend, Peter, sat across me. His body was being painted also, though different signs then me, he was a warrior after all. When the elders had finished the painting the left the tent, giving us some time before the prayers would begin.

“You nervous?” Peter whispered as he slapped me on the back, almost sending me sprawling

“Of course I am you dumb ass,” I replied while playful punching him in the shoulder. Though peter could easily take me in a fist fight and win.

“What happens if we fail?” he asked more seriously this time.

“We won't fail. No one has failed since my grandfather's time,” I nodded my head to Johnny, who had been fragile since birth and has managed to catch every single sickness that has come around “He might though”.

Peter nodded and switched the conversation trying to ease our minds. We talked about the low yield from the crops this year and the massive, two headed wolf, Hunter Theron caught this spring. Of course like every one of our conversations, it ended with girls.

“Hey did you see Jacklyn,” Peter asked nervously.

Jacklyn was a girl slightly older then Peter who he had a crush on since they were little. And I had to admit she was attractive, with a large bosom and a smooth, milky white face. Of course I never would mention it to Peter. Besides, I heard she was missing a couple things upstairs.

“No I haven't, but don't worry we'll see her tonight.”

“I want to marry her,” I was taken back by his blatancy, but not surprised. He was sixteen after all and was about to begin his ritual. I patted him on the back.

“I'm sure she will accept. Her family sure would be happy to have one of the warriors as the husband to her daughter.”

He smiled, obviously at ease with himself.

“Yeah, thanks man. And I'm sure Kate will have you,” he smiled a false smile. I smiled back. With both knew that would never happen a messengers son and a priests daughter, the very sky would split open before that would happen.

An elder opened the flap of the tent.

“It's time,” he said roughly.

Me and Peter looked at each other, then stepped through the opening.

Ah, Yttrium, how the tables have turned. . .( joke).

Very nice start. Keep this up. I like tribal fics!

Thanks Surfer! Appreciate the help.


I was going to do that in the next chapter or two. But the problem in what I have in writing is that I tend to over detail by a lot. Great for essays not good for stories. I wanted it to be a fast and smooth read and I was feeling like adding more details would slow it down, but I see your point. Thanks for the tip.



Eh, yes and no. You see I thought long and hard about this also. But I wanted these tribals to be a mixture of culture from before the war and after it. The original starters of the tribe new what happened as they came from shelters, they built a society off a culture they only knew a couple things about and so tried mixing their elements in it. That's why you get the biblical names. Well all accept Hunter Theron, but that was a joke.

Anyway, thanks for the advice, I wanted to try and get a blend of two cultures but if more people want tribal names, I'll change it.

As for the grammar mistakes, thank you very much. I make mistakes often and can't spell to save my life, so thanks for correcting this for me.

I'm enjoying it so far Yttrium, though I'm glad you scrapped the colours you used in the first post. I think if that had continued I'd have pulled my eyes out. Keep it up mate.

(Ah I see as I was posting about the colours, you were editing them out.) :thumbsup:

Im interested to see where this goes! I dont know how this shall link back to the first post (prologue so to speak).
I did, however, spot a few grammar errors. "Of course I I'm you dumb ass," should be "Of course I am you dumb ass"
And "than stepped through the opening." Should be "then stepped through the opening."
Anyway, Looking forward to seeing what happens!

EDIT - Sorry, Just realised someone pointed out a few of the grammar mistakes - My bad

Thanks Kettle, I wanted to wait until someone else replied or a made a new chapter so it didn't look like I was shamelessly bumping my story. And yeah I was wondering why no one used background color, and I see why. It literally melts your eyes from their sockets.

Disco Biscuit: Thanks, I had thought I had gotten that when surfer pointed it out, but I missed it. Thanks for catching the "than" instead of then. I often mistake those because I speed read-everything.

Thanks you two. Comments are welcome, but not necessary.

Lovely work, I've never really been into post-apoc tribal stories but this one looks quite good.

Enjoyable already. I saw two or three small grammatical errors in The Start, take a re-read of it and you will probably see them like they were bold print.