» Fri May 27, 2011 11:00 am
Simply put: Crab People.
Un-simply put: When Atlantis sank into the sea, everyone died. Soon, it was infested by crabs and various other sealife. Many moons later, before the bombs fell; the world was powered by nuclear fusion and nuclear waste disposal in the sea was imminent. One day an angry mother dumped her son's sea monkeys into the ocean, whilst he clang to her leg screaming "NO MOMMY NO THEY'RE REEEEAAAALLLL!!!!". After telling her son that his elder brother was indeed the favorite, she followed through with a swift backhand; knocking the boy onto his rear end. Roughly 31.048 seconds later, the first bombs fell, searing the flesh off both the young boy and his hirsute beast of a mother, leaving only ashes and the smell of burnt hair and plastic. The sea monkeys managed to survive the explosion by hiding in a coral reef, conveniently located directly next to Atlantis. Here, the sea monkeys (now swollen with radiation poisoning) met the crabs which were also swollen with radiation poisoning. They soon fell in love and fornicated to Barry White's Greatest Hits. 9 months later, the first baby Mirelurks were born. They sang and played in the ruins of Atlantis, whilst the song from Disney's The Little Mermaid "Under The Sea" looped over and over as background music. When they reached the tender age of 2, they weighed a whopping 900 pounds and were incredibly vicious. They emerged from the ocean, and immediately devoured a wastelander bathing in the waves, thus coining the term "The Terrible Two's". The Mirelurks migrated across the wasteland killing, fornicating, and going "number 2" all over the place. And from then on, they became known as The Mirelurks, due to their hard shells and faces that explode when shot point blank with a .44 caliber magnum.
And before you ask, no I'm not a Doctor, but I do drive a Mercedes.