Shimmerene. The renowned city of lights. Famous for it's generous people, it's beautiful shining buildings and monuments, and of course, it's history of peace and co-operation.

One night, as many know, this changed. A gruesome murder shook the city to it's core. The daughter of King of Shimmerene was found murdered and dismembered in the palace garden. Shock turned the city upside down. But it gave Elusmyr something to do. There wasn't much work for the constable of Shimmerene in a peaceful time, but that had changed now.

Elusmyr spun around as someone touched his shoulder lightly. It was his deputy, Richarl, he was small for an Altmer, and his short, messy brown hair was uncommon in Shimmerene. "Sir, you've been standing here for half an hour. Perhaps you should rest."

Elusmyr turned back, and fixed his eyes on the message scrawled with blood on the wall. "The Beautiful" it read. A shiver ran down Elusmyr's spine. "Alright. What have you found out about the beautiful?"

Elusmyr turned around and stared at Richarl.

"They are a violent revolutionary group of artists. They are dedicated to disgracing ancient monuments in their hatred of the old." Richarl almost whispered.

"This will be a challenge then."

Richmarl nodded promptly.

Artists were considered a higher class then he and Richarl, who were warriors. Likely, they wouldn't be able to interrogate, arrest or even aggressively question any of them without hard evidence backing them up.

The stone garden must have been a joyous place some time long ago. But now it reeked of dread. Birds still sang, but the tone was almost mournful. Elusmyr doubted the garden would ever be cheerful again as he watched servants clean blood off the walls.

This is good, but it seemed a bit rushed to me. Perhaps try putting in more detail in the next post? Look forward to reading the next one

Agreed Cloud, a longer introduction would be helpful. But I can't leave it at that, c'mon

It's been a while since I've offered any advice, but I'll give this one a go

First let me say that any advice I give is meant with the intention of helping you to get better, they are most certainly not insults or the like. Just making sure, in case I get a little heated.

Alright, my favorite part of narratives are the introductions, probably due in no small part to the fact they are what I most frequently critique. But there are certain rules that must be followed to create a good, powerful introduction. Some of them are purely stylistic, meaning that they are up to the author, but I will give opinions based on my methods.

First off, you always hear about the hook of a story, or how essential the hook is to an essay. Without a good hook, a good portion of your readers won't read further. Your hook isn't limited to just your first line (though that is an important part), it includes your entire first post. I'm sure you already know how important a good hook is, but the real question is what makes a good hook. What makes readers want to keep reading? Is it a big exciting action scene, like the movies? Is it some ground shattering discovery? Does someone need to die? The answer to all of these questions is no, these are poor choices for hooks. You avoided all of them (good job), but now the question arises what do you need to have in a good hook.

In order to decipher what makes a good hook, we need to decide what makes a good story. The first things on my list would be interesting and full characters, suspense and mystery, character development, and a sound intriguing plot. There are other important things, like realistic dialogue and the theme, but these aren't as important to the introduction. The intro, the exposition, needs to accomplish a few things in order to give people an idea of what the story is about. It needs to give the setting (place, date, etc.), show us the protagonist for the first time, and it needs to have the begginings of the plot.

The setting is easy, you more or less did that (though I would do it a bit more showing instead of telling, but I'll get into that later), but introducing the character can be a tad bit trickier. You want us to have a firm grasp on the protagonist's overall persona, without giving away his history or personality too much (these are shown through steady characterization, avoiding infodumping). You need to give us an idea of what he looks like, but once again I'll cover that in showing. The last part, introducing the plot, is where most writers get tripped up. You don't want to just hand someone a sentence saying "Hey, this is what my story is going to be about", but you need to give us the first glimpse of it. I'd venture to say you gave away a bit too much in telling us who the Beautiful are and what they do, but that's just my opinion, decide that kind of thing for yourself.

Alright, I've used up enough space covering the introduction, I'll move into "Show, don't tell". This is the primary rule for all writers of fiction, something you'll have to master for a convincing narrative. Different authors use it to a greater or lesser extent, but the thing is they know what they're doing and why. Just starting out you'll want to employ a story that is about eighty percent showing and twenty percent telling.

But what is showing, and what is telling? Showing and telling are two ways to describe anything in a story, be it characters, settings, action, what have you. Showing is when you describe it in a way that paints a mental picture for the reader, it sets the tone and gives us something to look at in our heads. Telling is when you summarize action or details in a bland and uninteresting way, but it makes for a faster pace (how quickly your story reads. I'll go into detail later) and is useful for things that would be too mundane or monotonous to describe. The main thing that separates them is the attention to detail and descriptive words (adjectives/adverbs).

Telling (summarizing) would be something like this:



Buckets of fun to read, eh? It's not that exciting, but it does have its uses, like for fast paced action scenes.

Here, however, is what Joe's story is like using showing:



A bit more wordy, as you can see, but it's a necessary sacrafice if you want to capture your reader in the story.


Alright, these will be the last two things, I promise. I briefly mentioned pacing above, as it is interwoven into the "Show, don't tell" rule just as much as descriptive writing is. Pacing is the overall speed of a scene, how quickly the reader covers the material. It might all seem slow writing it, but when your reader goes over it the pace becomes very important in capturing them.

Pacing is controlled, more or less, by the size of your sentences. Long, drawn out, elaborate sentences will make a slower pace, which is why they're good for setting a scene or describing something that is not moving. Shorter sentences make the pace faster. They're good for action scenes. They're also good if things are happening quickly. You need to find a good balance, you need to know when to use a slow and fast pace (and how) in order to capture your readers.

Description (the second of the two things) is pretty simple, how you show things in your story to your reader. Just about everything in narration is some form of description. My take on description is that there are more or less three kinds of description: setting, character, and action.

Describing a setting is something you need to do for your readers to envision the scene. My favorite time to do this is at the beginning of every scene change, though it can be useful to describe the scene as you go along (for a faster pace from the get go). Taking a paragraph or two at the beginning makes it feel like we're zooming in onto the character from a far out place, like when movies go from a bird's eye view down to the character.

Like this (the introduction for the second part of my own story) :



I went from the sky, to the lake, to the city, to Weye, to the street, to the field mouse (which I used to introduce the two protagonists).

Character description is when you describe what your characters look like (obviously). What they're wearing, their facial features, and generally anything that isn't moving. Action description is just that, describing actions. Anything from someone running to casting a spell, falling through the sky to subtle body language is action, so long as something is in motion. You can use action description combined with character description to a more powerful effect, like so:



See how I combined action with showing character description in the bold? That's what I'm talking about. That is by far my favorite method of describing characters, using small mannerisms and action. It's a pretty easy thing to pick up, but difficult to use well (I certainly don't)


Well, I ate up about forty five minutes doing this while eating dinner, so let me leave you with a few passing words of advice: don't infodump (not saying you did, just avoid it), keep about a thousand word minimum on your posts (nothing is worse than a feeling of incompletion), and remember that suspense depends on characterization (I'll let you figure that one out )

So, all in all, I like the beginning, I love the Isles and I've always wanted to use the Beautiful in something (I actually plan to in my RP )

Thanks for writing, and keep up the good work :goodjob:



EDIT: Thanks, I try to drop a critique every once in a while, and I liked Walrus' participation in lore discussion, so I figured I might as well continue my reputation for giving a critique longer than the story. Sparrow's got her "friggin' long critiques", but I think I'm getting pretty close. Of course, it's all about the writers

Jesus Darkom Your like some kind of ninja! :frog: haha

Thanks, Darkom. That was very helpful. Yeah, this was very rushed. I wanted it to be longer, but I got distracted by other things and when I got time to do it I had to rush it. I'm working on a better bit nao.

I like this so far! The only thing I didn't care for was mentioning that most of us know what happened. It may be lore, history - but this is your story so we kind of want to hear it from you - your version of it. A bit rushed, but first chapters do tend to be that way - keep writing it, More, More !!!

The Beautiful. Not a very fitting name for the gruesome acts of the organisation, Elusmyr thought. Elusmyr closed the fresh, clean book he was holding. Care of the the books was a high priorty in the Royal Library. "The Beautiful: Facts and Fiction" it read in gold ink on the plain orange cover. A relatively new book, The Beautiful weren't well known outside of the Crystal Tower, after their infamous attempt to vandalise the Isle's most famous structure.

The medium sized Library was covered in dust. Maintenance of the books might have been one of the Librarians highest priorities, but sweeping the floors and shelves, it seemed was not. Elusmyr sneezed, sending his long black hair flying. It was only the start of Winter, and he already had a cold. Typical.

The smell of books was refreshing, however. Elusmyr had always liked books. A fascinating concept when looked at, He thought to himself that knowledge can be trapped forever in paper. Snapping out of his thoughts, he reminded himself he was here to do work, not daydream, as much as he'd liked to.

The king of Shimmerene was in grevious mourning, and had promised Elusmyr whatever resources or writs he needed to bring the Beautiful to justice. For humans, sorrow and heartbreak could be forgotten in decades, and if not, humans were shortlived, so they would not long have to live with the pain. Elves were different. Their long lifetimes cursed them with centuries to contemplate and mourn for dead loved ones. A thing that could destroy a weak mer. But the king wasn't a weak mer.

Even still, the king had ordered all the lights of Shimmerene to be out for a week in remembrance. The beautiful silver lamps and lanterns that hung from every corner of the city, the glowing gems in every path and the pulsing light of every tree, was supressed by magical or physical means. Sorrow overwhelmed the city.

Again, Elusmyr found himself thinking too much. "The Beautiful: Facts and Fiction" had been most helpful. He had gathered that The Beautiful were once a salon of artists, who shared the philosophy that the Isles must forget the past and embrace the future. However, they took a violent turn, and began moving around the province, vandalising ancient monuments and relics. Even the glorious Crystal Tower, the pride of Summerset, was subjected to repeated, though poorly planned, attempts at vandalism.

This was the first time the Beautiful had taken a life. The King of Shimmerene was famous for his xenophobia and dislike of all Imperial cultural influence. The Beautiful obviously didn't take kindly to that. Elusmyr stood up out of the wooden bench had had been sitting on, it creaked, obviously quite old. He walked over to the Shelf entitled "Recent Events" and replaced the book.

Turning, he walked through the warm Library towards the stone door that lead to the lobby, where Richarl waited. Of course, there was no fire in the room, that would be far too risky, a single ember could destroy a wealth of history and knowledge. No, there was a complex underground heating system below the Library, and Librarians checked regularly to assure the tempature was right for the storage of books. Everything in the Library was also made of well worked stone, so it wouldn't catch fire easily. Yet again, Elusmyr found his mind wandering. His footsteps echoed as he pulled open the door, and walked out. He shut it with a resounding bang.

OOC: What do you think, Darkom?

Much better In my opinion. Improved detail in Elusmyr's thoughts and feelings. A good Reality/fantasy mindset, if you get what i mean. However, im having trouble seeing where its all going, but i suppose thats the beauty of writing in pieces. Always a cliffhanger until the next piece. Looking forward to it.

Like in any good detective story, I don't want to give too much away

I really love that you mentioned the "smell of books" - they do have a smell - great way to immerse the reader to bring up something they will recognize! Still a bit rushed, but don't stop, your story is interesting! More, More!

There is a huge difference between the first and second chapters. I'll let Darkom speak for himself, but I really am impressed by the degree of improvement I'm seeing.

The first chapter was interesting, but left me blank as far as character and setting.

The second chapter was much, much more satisfying, with considerably more meat on its bones. Very well done.

I'll be watching this thread!

Especially lots of old books together... mmm....

Thanks for all the positive feedback and constructive criticism everyone. I'll have another post out by tomorrow.

Yes, I love the smell of libraries, especially the older sections - I used to have a room in my house for studying, and one wall was a bookshelf of really (extremely) old books I had to walk by to get to the desk - Awesome smell!

A murder mystery featuring the constable of Shimmerine sounds like pure gold as far as ideas for fanfics are concerned. I agree with everyone who has commented on the improvement in your second post. I look forward to what happens next.

If I can offer one piece of advice: Don't post if you are feeling rushed. Take your time with each installment. Ultimately, you determine the quality of your story. Better to take an extra day or two than to put something out there that you're not happy with.

Elusmyr leaned forward in his chair, and looked at the paper on his desk. The building he operated out of was small. It contained his office, a sleeping quarters with four beds, 5 holding cells, and a Reception where his two deputies operated. It was an old, stone building. The constable was rarely needed. The peace-loving citizens of Shimmerene rarely violated the law, and any foreign threat was dealt with by the army or the Royal Guard.

Elusmyr sighed, he always found the specially tailored red suit, with gold embroidery, while glamerous, uncomfortable and restricting. It had golden shoulder guards which sprayed cloth. A golden badge hung from his chest. What he had in mind would get him out of Uniform, though.

Wiping his intricately worked pen on a piece of paper, then placing it on it's side upon his desk, he called out flatly "Richarl.".

The door clicked open, and Richarl walked in, but before he could get far, he tripped over one of the many piles of books in the messy room, and fell.

"Be careful" smirked Elusmyr.

Richarl wore the same Uniform as Elusmyr, but his badge was silver, and he didn't have the shoulder guards or any of the fancy embroidery.

"What is it?" Richarl said in an annoyed tone, brushing himself off vigerously. He would never let any harm come to his precious uniform.

"We're going out on the town, Richarl. Maybe visit a few salons, I find a strong craving for art to be consuming my recreation time, recently, and I should feed it. Try to change into something less formal. You'll be attracting a lot of attention." Elusmyr continued his knowing smirk.

Richarl looked confused for a few seconds, and then comprehension dawned on his face. "Right away, sir." he muttered, and left the room.

Elusmyr rolled his eyes, and pulled himself out of the chair. And pushed open the door. Grenham was writing out a fine. He was a good worker, and preformed minor civic duties admirably, but he lacked the potential that Richarl had. Richarl could be dull at times, but he always caught on, sooner or later. But he did have potential, and with good training and molding, would make a suitable replacement for Elusmyr when that day came. But Elusmyr was still in his prime, so he wouldn't have to worry about that day for a long, long time.

The room had one window, and was rather dark and dreary due to the lack of lights in the city. The only light was a beam from the sun that came in through the window, illuminating Grenham's work.

Turning to the wooden door on his right, he pushed it open with effort. It always got stuck during the Winter months. Elusmyr had a small house inside the city, but he rarely visited itself. All his positions were in the sleeping quarters, where he stayed every night. There were two bunk-beds on each side, and at the end of the room, there was a wardrobe for clothes, a cabinet for food and a chest for valuables at each end of the beds.

He quickly opened the wardrobe and took out an expensive blue set of clothes. It seemed Richarl had already gotten dressed and was most likely trying to find a carraige nearby. Elusmyr got dressed, and left the room. He walked past Grenham, too busy working to notice something was going on, and he went out the door.

Snow had started to fall and the streets were covered. A few block over, he could faintly hear the sound of children playing. The snow was light, due to the Isle's natural weather, but there was enough for snowballs.

He turned as Richarl shouted. He was at the other end of the street, next to a carraige. He gestured to it. Elusmyr walked up the street, enjoying the weather. The cold wasn't very nice, but he always found the city beautiful with snow. The street was deep inside the city, and trees and gardens were on both sides of the paved streets. The city itself was Garden and Stone interwoven to form a result of wonderous architecture.

Elusmyr climbed into the red carriage, Richarl tossed a drake to the driver, and gave the directions. Soon, they were off.
"To The Dlal street Salon".

I agree. Keep it up!

A little thing I noticed: carraige should be carriage.

More More !!! Great stuff!

Oh, my friend, if there is one thing to learn about me it's this: never ask for a critique unless you are fully prepared to read the consequences

So, I've already covered some of the basic concepts: "Show, don't tell", pacing, characterization, suspense, description, and I touched on theme. Rule number one when recieving critiques is to always ask questions. I rarely share everything I know on a topic, and the only way for you to really get it is to ask questions about it. Rule number two is to never think that just because I don't cover the same topic again means that you have completely fixed it. Actual measurable improvement takes quite some time, so once I run out of things to say all you can do is look back and see if you fixed that problem. That said, let me tell you that I did notice a change, and I know that you took much of my advice to heart :touched:

However, this doesn't mean you fully understand the topic. Knowing about quadratics doesn't mean you're going to start factoring right away, it takes time, effort, and, most of all, questions. So be sure to ask about anything you don't fully understand, or ask if you can do better, or ask for a more specific example. Because if there is one thing to learn from critiques is how to make the most out of a critique. Just nodding your head won't help (though I saw that you did make a change for the better).

So, does this mean I have nothing left to share? Of course not

First topic is a fine tuning of your description. But in order to get my point across let me first talk about point of view. The point of view goes deeper than just whether you use "I" or "he", it even goes deeper than close (more description and thought from the character) or far (more from the narrator). Let me tell you now that your current story almost feels like it's trying to use a far style for a close point of view; you give a lot of details from the character's perspective, but none of it feels like the character's thoughts or feelings. You give a lot of detail on trivial things, like the layout of a room, or the heating system of a library, and you have to ask yourself, "Would Elusmyr be thinking this right now? What would he be thinking about? What is important to the story?"

So now comes the description part; are you describing things as the character would see them, or as you as the story teller would see them? It is possible to write a story using a further out point of view, but there are certain techniques involved that are difficult to master (meaning I don't use them, thus I have no idea how to go about doing it ). I prefer a closer point of view, because it serves better for characterization, flow, pacing, suspense, and a whole plethora of things. So, how do we zoom in the POV? By thinking about what the character is feeling at the time.

You can describe a scene without using the character, like I showed above with the shooting star (though my character could well be looking at these things as I'm describing them. However, the difference is that I do not include him in it, I don't say "Lucien looked up towards the sky, seeing the shooting star"), but you have to make a transition into the character at some point. That kind of description, using pure narration, is good for describing the scene, but not for either of the other two types of description (character and action).

Showing (key word) from your elf's point of view would mean you need to get inside his head, and tell us a story from in there. If you do, then it will undoubtably bridge this gap of characterization with much less effort on your part, making for a much better story. Don't tell everything about the room, just what the character is currently seeing, hearing, or feeling. Even if they knew the rest of the room, would they be thinking about it in a time like this? You say his thoughts are wandering, but this is just a little too much.



Why did he suddenly start thinking about the King and the city? He's in the library, not walking the streets. Keep us with the character; breaking away for two paragraphs to daydream about the current situation ruins the pace and the flow, not to mention it breaks the rule of RUE. Resist the Urge to Explain, aka don't go into detail on every little thing. Only write what you need to, don't waste words, because this will only bore the reader. The reader should care about the character even more than the plot or the backstory. This is why it is a character driven story, because of the characterization created by keeping us with the character, instead of things outside of his frame of thought.

So, you need to go into such information eventually, what is a good way to do so? I can think of two segways to use in order to describe the king and his city: either have the protagonist look out a window and see something to remind him about it (even then don't spend two paragraphs there unless it is in dialogue. If it is just thoughts or narration, keep it to three or four sentences at most) or have him see it when he leaves his little office building.

Describe from the character. Okay, so how do we do this? There are several different ways, but my hands down favorite is through the five senses (sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell). But wait, you can't just have him look around a room (unless he is, for some reason, scanning a room), it needs to be natural description. When someone first enters a room, they might look around to see what all is inside. When something makes a noise, they will both hear the noise and look up for the source. When they are looking for something in particular, they will both look at things and try to think about it, giving you a chance to use internal dialogue (thoughts).

Which brings me to my next point, internal dialogue. When used correctly, it can be a powerful tool for both description and characterization. Thoughts are the truest insight into your character, and next to dialogue and reactions to events forms the basis of all characterization. However, people don't just think, 'Well, this medium sized library sure is dusty. Look at the shelves and floor. But those books smell so good, I love that smell.' People think in natural, flowing, in the moment ways, 'Don't they ever dust this place?' From there it is better to describe things with sensory description, unless you want a paragraph long soliloquy (internal monologue). It's hard to describe, but if you look at some of the great writers around here and in your favorite books, you should be able to see how they do it.

But if you want to describe the character's appearance (which we need more of, I can't for the life of me picture this guy), how do you do it from within that character? People don't go around thinking of their own features unless they are incredibly superficial, so what's the best way to do this? Well, besides looking in a mirror (don't do this), you can use the action description method I gave earlier. Fixing your hair gives you a chance to describe what their hair looks like (good job on the sneezing bit, by the way, that's exactly what I'm talking about), staring at someone gives you a chance to describe your own eyes (though this breaks into a further out point of view. I tend to work in the middle anyways). "His sea blue gaze stared down the young elf, daring him to question his authority."

Keep your descriptions natural, don't describe too much, only enough to give us a feel for the scene. The best way to do this is with the generalization to specific method. Start with a general statement, like, "The musty room was sparsely furnished," then go into detail, "A single antique lamp cast the room in a dim light, the single armchair and side table casting long, flickering shadows." If you'd like, you can use metaphors to get your point across, "The room seemed like a haunted house, with white sheets on all the chairs and tables." or "The cave felt like a tomb, the damp air holding a stale smell of death."

Along with that, though, you need to decide what is the most important thing to describe at that moment. What gives more to the reader, the character's clothes, or his eyes? Where do you look when you are talking to a person, their shoes or their face? So what do readers want to hear about? What gives them a better picture of who this guy is? Because even more important than an actual picture is the metaphorical one, the feel of the character. You can't hope to keep their actual image as you see it in everyone's mind, so don't bother trying. What you need to do is make everyone form their own picture using tone and feel. Use generalized archetypes, then focus in on the differences between that stereotype and your character.

So, the absolute best way to get your point across with description is tone. What kind of feeling you give with your words goes even further than the words themselves. Use the same generalization to specific tactic as with scene description, first give an idea, "His serious look," then go into a detail, "And somber eyes told the young man he was not kidding."


Phew, enough already about description, eh? Well, once again I have given a monster critique, and I wouldn't want to overload your writing. You should focus on one thing every time you sit down to write, until it is to your liking. Then move on to the next thing; that's the best way to improve.

However, once again I'll give you a few topics to think about: speed up the pace a bit (only tell what is important to the story. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chekhov%27s_gun, if you've heard of it), don't have your character be omniscient (he should be guessing about things even more than we are, it's called http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irony#Dramatic_irony), and finally make longer chapters (it's not so much about a word count, but a feeling of completion. I would rather see your post leave off with a cliffhanger than a sudden drop off, though some kind of concluding feeling is best. Those last three posts should all be one; shutting a door means he has simply gone somewhere else, the fact that we don't know where means that it is not an end to a section. Likewise, watching people clean blood is not an ending unto itself, you need some kind of concluding statement, like an ominous thought or dialogue).

But, despite all this, you have most certainly improved. I can see that you are taking the criticism and putting it to good use, so I hope the same thing happens with this one. Thanks for writing, and keep up the good work :goodjob:

IC: The carriage lunged to a sudden stop. 'Here we are.'. The driver pulled open the door and Elusmyr and Richarl hurried out. The carriage driver shut the door, and Elusmyr paid the balding old mer 20 gold, and continued on his way. In front of them stood an old, but obviously recently renovated stone building. It had a stylishly carved wooden door. The building itself was wedged between two obviously much more traditional buildings. Elusmyr walked forward, pushing open the door and walking in. He entered the drawing room, filled with exquisite paintings, with Richarl following close behind. A warm fire burned in the wall furthest away from Elusmyr, with two men in Armchairs sitting around it, chatting idley.

The men look around from their chairs at the sound of the door opening. One of the mer, middle-aged with graying, black hair and a fatherly face greeted them. "Welcome, friends. Do come in. It is quite cold outside. Might I inquire as to your names?" Elusmyr walked further in and replied "Thank you, friend. I am Richmyr, and this is Elusarl". Elusarl looked bemused, and Richmyr chuckled a bit inside. "Both of us are here to participate in the salon. You are Daantaar, the host, Yes?" Daantaar nodded and continued "We will be meeting in 15 minutes, I am afraid you are rather early. Though, you are welcome to sit here and chat with us." Elusmyr smiled. "Of course.". Elusmyr glided over to the third of the five seats around the fireplace. "Will you be joining us, Elusarl?" He smiled innocently. Richarl, obviously still confused, hurried over to join Elusmyr. "Don't mind the boy" Elusmyr winked at Daantaar, who laughed politely. "He's just a bit dim." Richarl scowled and opened his mouth, but thought better of it and remained silent. 'Perhaps I should have told him more before we came here. I was lucky to get a tip-off on a possible den of The Beautiful, and his ignorance could ruin this.. But the boy needs to learn by doing, I can't explain exactly what he's supposed to do every time we go on a mission. He has to learn to adapt to whatever the situation throws at him'.

"So, are you interested in the art we have on display, or are you in fact an artist yourself? It's quite a selection, if I may say so myself. And of course, there is always good conversation in the drawing room after the exhibit." Daantaar said slowly. "Also, Thomas, get some of your special hot spiced wine for our new guests here, they're practically frozen." He continued with a smile.

"Hmm? Yes, I've always been a passionate viewer of art. I've never fared well from turning my hand to a canvas, though. You'll find I'm an avid reader, and I'm also quite a fan of political discussion." Elusmyr replied.

"Interesting. And your young friend here?" asked Daantaar

"Oh, he's my younger brother. He's not interested in much in the way of art or literature. Quite a conversationalist, however. He insisted he came along." Elusmyr replied again.

"Ah, very well. So, what are your politics? You'll find most people here to be rather against the traditionalist Altmeri beliefs. We're more concerned with letting go of the past to move on with the future. Of course, they are... nowhere near as radical as those dreadful Beautiful folk. It's hard to have our beliefs these days, since most of us get roped in with those violent, radical vandals and murderers." Daantaar hissed.

'His passion is a little too exaggerated. He's lying. I'm certain this is one of the culprits, if not the orchestrator of the whole assassination. Now... my next course of action. I can arrest him now, but he won't be found guilty unless I retrieve more evidence, and by the time I'll have found the evidence I need, he'll have fled the city without a trace. No, it'd be best to try and infiltr-'

"Mr. Richmyr?" Daantaar concernly asked. "You seem distracted. Is something wrong, perchance?"

"No, not at all" Elusmyr looked up and smiled. '[censored]'. "To answer your question, I'm afraid I don't quite agree with those politics. Look at it this way, traditional beliefs are what created the glorious Aldmeri Dominion. I believe it was the seeping corruption of reform that has rendered us inable to recreate that glory, and break free from the shackles of the empire." 'If I agreed with him, I'd be too obvious a spy. Better to let them convince me to look at life from a different point of view over time.'

Before Daantaar could reply, Thomas returned with a tray of wine glasses and placed them on the table in front of the guests. Elusmyr thanked him, and smiled. Richarl took his cup and took a sip. Elusmyr picked up a cup and joined him. Daantaar grinned and chuckled. "Did you really think I was so stupid, Constable? As to not know your face? You should have sent one of your henchmen, like your colleague here. You're not as inconspicious as you think you are." Elusmyr looked at Richarl, who was now dead or unconscious. 'The wine.' he thought as he attempted to get up. His armed failed them as they pushed against the chair, and he fell back down again. The darkness swept over his vision as the words "Goodnight, Constable" dizzyingly echoed through his ears.

Really good writing, details, descriptions - interesting plot and storyline - One complaint: the OOC at the bottom. You killed the suspense you worked so hard to build up with that one line - leave us hanging, we may complain, but it is still better, lol.