If you can't even approach your parents to talk to them about it without them getting angry, its time to just just shove off and get the hell out. If they don't want to be advlts with you, I think its time you took the initiative and did the "advlt" thing.

Its within reason that you should be able to sit down and talk it out. If they refuse that, they're just being childish.

Yeah, it doesn't sound like there is much reasoning with them if they are fundamentally opposed to your lifestyle. Time to move out.

Welp, I say GTFO as soon as you can, mate.

Definitely. I can understand parents being mad over things like grades, job, or who you hang out with, but there is one thing that I am no okay with, and that's basic lifestyle choice. Whether it be religion, sixual identity, beliefs, or whatever, I don't think its within anyways rights to punish you or harass you for them. Let alone attempt to perform an exorcism on you.

Its time to skedaddle and skip that joint, home slice.

Yeah, living with someone who cannot stand your lifestyle when they know your lifestyle results in one of two things: horribly atrocious tension that eventually breaks things or them trying to "save" you (which usually builds to horribly atrocious tension that eventually breaks things)

Say:
"mom and dad, im ready to support myself and i will move out of the house" and do it.

now they cant enforce a bedtime.

Indeed. They're not as against my choices as before, but they still don't particularly like them either.

I agree with what you're trying to say, but sixual orientation (or "identity") is not a lifestyle choice. It affects your lifestyle, but there's nothing choicy about it.

The way I see this, there are only three things you could do:

1) Sit down and have a civilized discussion about the fact that you are 19 and have the right to your own sleeping/showering schedule.
2) Rebel and start doing whatever you want until they are forced to accept it.
3) Find a friend that is living by themselves and move in with them, or get a job and find an apartment. Also, assuming you're in college, live in a dorm.

You know what I mean damn it.

no no no no no no no no no no no no no not this again. >_<


seriously op, get out. i would hate to see somebody else live with their parents and their still 25+ (ie. my cousin)

My solution was this.

I pretended to drift off to sleep, then got up and used, say, headphones so they didn't find out I was about. I'd close my door, too.

Then I'd apologize profusely and say that I was up late-- looking for gifts online for them.

And I'd stay up again the next day. If they'd ask me if I'd stayed up late, I'd reply I had. If they asked why, I'd tell them I couldn't go to sleep.

Keep doing this until they get pissed, then have some fun with them. Make it so they don't know if you're lying or not when you say you DID go to sleep.

Sooner or later they will stop caring. Especially if you do things that are important to you during that time at first-- say, writing that novel you always wanted to write.

Hate to say something rather generic and boring but it's their house. As unreasonable and stupid as their rules seem, and obviously you believe them to be to boot, you are certainly old enough to get your own place to live.

I don't know what your job situation but the reason I was eased up on at a very young age and allowed to stay out as long as I wanted by the time I was 13 was 1) my father died and my mom felt sympathetic, but 2) I was already working, albeit for cash playing sports, mowing lawns, and screwing with computers. However, responsibility goes a long way when it comes to leverage about [censored] like this, and it's hard to argue as a parent if you are pulling your own weight and not being a mooch. If you have actually done this and it's just being ignored, then without a doubt, time to pick your [censored] up and leave.

To me this is a pretty straight forward issue when it comes to being an advlt and not liking the rules of those who pay the bills and own the house.

What I did was move out to college, and am now back in my parent's house. I had a bedtime, but now I don't. Show them you can take care of yourself, then they might ease up on you. Seriously. Even if you have to take out a loan for dorms (I had to) or find just a cheap place to live for a year, it shows you can take care of yourself, and you will get a lot more respect.

Buy your own home problem solved.

So much easier to say it than to actually do it. He'd have to get a job (if he doesn't already have one), and save up, which would take longer if his parents THEN start demanding rent because he's working.

If you're interested in going to college, I'd say go for it and get a dorm. You may have to have some loans, but at least it gets you out AND you get the benefits on an education. I know you said you had some health issues so I can understand if you can't do it (I myself don't live in a dorm anymore due to severe epilepsy and anxiety caused by my fear of the seizures).

MWFan: Circumstances aside I hope you do have a job. Circumstances included jobs can legitimize the time you are away from home, like a night shift, until your parents kindly calm down about the whole issue. Or you have money to support yourself and move out. Or you may even just tell them that you will pay rent, and that they will put down the binoculars. But, those are really secondary to what you can try and work out through conversation.

Living at home is relatively cheap if you don't have to live somewhere else. It's not all sparky and independent. But if you can figure it out you will, arguably, be better off for it. So my advice would be to try and work with your parents through the summer. Presumably with school heading your way in the fall, and before school starts if nothing has gotten better then prepare to move out.


Many nicknames, but I don't think you've gotten fiend yet.

The whole idea of staying with parents is because one isn't financially (or in some cases mentally) ready to go yet. For a college student staying home is a very cost-effective method of preventing unnecessary debt, housing in particular, especially when the debt is roughly 10k+ at U.S. colleges for a dorm and the interest for someone at his age and apparent responsibility would be easily enough for a very good used car on top of the 10k. Obviously for someone who gets a free ride and their parents take care of their debt and all that, this doesn't matter, but for the rest of us.. this is not a smart move, and IMO does not show financial smarts to impress parents into erasing a curfew unless parents are solely impressed by you taking on debt just to show them that you can stay up later at night.

It's been said plenty of times before, move out! I had it easy because as a student I can get an interest free loan, which meant I could pay rent. But if you just svck it up and get even the [censored]tiest job you can find, save up a few months worth of pays and leave. That's not a healthy environment.

I'll go out on a limb here(only read page 1 responses) and say: If you're being to loud, it's not your parents job to "close their door" to block out your noise. It's YOUR job to keep the noise down so they can sleep. Assuming either of them works and gets up a pre-set time every day, they need sleep to function correctly. Now, I read that you are sick at the moment, apparently a fairly serious sickness from the sounds of it, so I'm guessing that eliminates the whole "Get a job and get your own place". I understand that, truly. I also understand where you're coming from when you say "I'm not a child, why do they insist on treating me as such". Unfortunately because of the sickness, they likely are still viewing you as one. You need to sit them down, AGAIN, and explain to them that even though you are sick, you are not a child anymore, that you have the RIGHT to set your own bed-time. In return, you agree to keep the noise down to an absolute minimum, so as to not disturb them. This ALSO means that you can't tramp up and down the hallways of your house finding food for a late night snack, or moving from your room to the livingroom and what not. Pick a spot, stay in it, at least for an hour at a time.

To those of you who say a parent is unreasonable if they kick their child out at 18 if the child won't obey their rules: LOL. Just because your 18 doesn't mean you can go hog-wild crazy and do whatever the hell you want. If you live with your parents still, it IS a "Their house, their rules". Yes, those rules need to be reasonable, but as long as they are, you can't expect to just flaunt them "Because I"m an advlt and I can do what I want". Do that at your own risk, but don't blame your parents when you get tossed out on your rear. They have their own life to live, and past 18, you aren't their responsibility anymore(with the exception of New York and states like that where it's 21). You should be damn well grateful that they are still letting you LIVE at their house, likely rent free AND also likely not paying anything towards the food bill.

just move out and never talk to them again

Sounds like your parents (dad in particular) are being passive-aggressive, most likely as a result of coming out to them. They can't change you so they'll do their best to try to control you. Time to start making a plan to move out. If my parents were monitoring my hygiene, bedtime and comings-and-goings at 19 I'd tell politely to mind their own business. This has nothing to do with "our house, our rules" - they're don't want to let you grow up and can't come to grips with the fact you have. Do be considerate after their bedtime - nothing more irritating that someone rattling around the house when you need to go to work the next day. If that's the main reason they want lights out at the same time I can understand that - I'm a light sleeper and oftentimes people being up after I go to bed will keep me awake (even if they try to be quiet).

So do you have a job? The whole no reason to get up before noon thing kinda sounds like you don't. If I had a 19 year old kid with no job who doesnt get up untill noon I'd be pretty pissed as well.

At 19 if you are having trouble getting along with your parents, its time to move out. It's not liek being 13 and having no other choice but to stay.

Agreed and I thought the OP meant he was getting beaten or something lol

Wow it seems a lot of people in these forums have serious parental issues, I'm very fortunate to have awesome parents who were awesome and remained awesome before and after I moved out. I think you should stay with a friend until you can move out and get an apartment or something, I've never had these issues so I can't give the best advice, hope you can solve this.