For as far as I could see, a musty, orange haze hung suspended in the sky as if caught by some errant spell, stretching well beyond where I could make out the road. The day's dying light caused the haze to glow slightly, casting the entire area in a dull orange illumination. I let out a long, exasperated sigh; many of my friends and the others in the small town thought that it was 'pretty' when the sky looked like this. In fact, many of the couples from school came to the very spot I was sitting at, on a slight sloping hill covered with grass at the edge of town, to admire the spectacle, thinking it romantic.
My thoughts on the matter, however, were altogether different.
Every time I looked out from this spot, I was filled with a feeling of...well, not quite nostalgia. Nostalgia was when you were thinking about the past, something you'd already experienced, and were looking back on. This feeling was more like longing: longing for what I hadn't experienced, and what I imagined I was missing, every day I was stuck in this damned hellhole of a town.
By the Nine Divines, did I hate Cropsford: the eyesore on the map of Cyrodiil.
Established near the beginning of the Fourth Era, by Barthel Gernand. This was just one of many lines that had been repeatedly drilled into my head, and that of my fellow classmates, as we had learned about the history of our small town. Using Gernand's example of self-reliance and determination as their guide, the people of Cropsford decided soon after the town's founding to isolate themselves from the rest of the world, hoping to escape the 'tyranny' of corrupt leaders and bureaucrats. Those who held similar beliefs soon came to the town as well, and now, 150 years later, Cropsford was a small, isolated farming town, one that frowned upon the presence of 'outsiders', and was even less enthusiastic about anyone in its already tiny population thinking about leaving.
That, of course, is where I come in.
"Yo, Felicity!" a voice cried out from behind me, the tone excited and impatient. "It's your turn! Come on!"
I forced myself up off the grass, and brushed any loose bits from my black, patchwork pants. I started for Gerard and the others as I casually brushed a long, hanging strand of bright brown hair from my face. "So, who won?" I asked with a nonchalant interest, my gaze shifting between the various members of the group.
There were seven other kids, either 17 or 18, like me, gathered around a small clearing a few dozen feet from the farmhouse furthest from the centre of town. I knew each of them from school, and knew that like me, they hated life here in Cropsford, and that they wanted to get out almost as badly as I did. That's why we came here every day, to do something to keep our minds off the monotony of our lives.
"Me, of course," came a deep, hoarse voice. I turned to look at Magnus the Bold, the hulking Nord of our group. He sported messy, dark red hair, with the patchy and undeveloped beginnings of a beard the same colour. He gave a slight, confident smile which I returned in kind as his steely gray eyes met with my deep blue ones. He hefted a blunted iron longsword, one of the two kindly provided to our group by Gerard's father, the town's blacksmith.
I turned to my left to see Tel Ran, a young Argonian, wincing slightly as he rubbed his right arm. "Here, Felicity," the lizard remarked, handing me the other iron sword with his free hand. "And be careful, he's in his 'zone' today."
I gave a slight nod of acknowledgement as I took the weapon, before facing Magnus, both of us ready for the go signal. As a Nord, I knew that he was a lot stronger and more durable than I was, and at six feet and three inches, he was a good half foot taller than me too. But as an Imperial, I knew that I was a lot faster and more agile than him. If I could just avoid getting hit by one of his blows, and I could get a good position on him, I knew I could take him down.
"Alright, you guys know the rules," Rebecca explained, standing to the side. The young Altmer sported a flowing head of blonde hair, and a bright blue house dress with a number of grass stains on the front, probably from her match with me earlier. I don't know how many times I must have told her that a dress was not something you fought in. "Last one standing is the winner, alright?" the Elf asked, looking between me and Magnus. We both nodded, and she took a step back, signalling the start of the fight.
Magnus and I both began circling each other, trying to find a good position. I wouldn't have minded directing the setting sun in the Nord's eyes, except that would mean I was charging up the hill to him.
The man grinned confidently, as the others of the group cheered for their selected champion of the day around us. "I'm not gonna lose to you today, Felicity," the Nord boasted, keeping his blade ready in his right hand.
I gave a playful smile in response, gripping the hilt of my own weapon with both hands. "False hope doesn't suit you, Magnus," I taunted back, lowering my gaze slightly. The Nord chuckled in reply before launching himself in my direction, sword outstretched before him.
I quickly managed to dodge his clumsy attack, clearly meant to simply initiate the fight. With his arm still outstretched, I managed to manoeuvre my slender form behind the brutish Nord, and deliver a solid kick into his side. I wasn't overly worried about wounding my friend; I knew that the attack would act more as an annoyance than an actual detriment.
Seeming to agree with my evaluation of the situation, Magnus quickly spun around, his blunted sword geared towards chest level. I managed to block the strike with my own weapon, but the sheer force behind the Nord's attack sent me stumbling back, temporarily off balance. A number of the other kids behind me cheered, hoping for Magnus to quickly pull off a decisive victory.
And indeed, the Nord did make another charge at me, his blade braced closer to his chest this time. I managed to dodge the man's attack, which swiped downwards and to my left. I successfully got in a few good hits on Magnus while he was exposed, hitting the side of his chest with my weapon, albeit with relatively little force; just enough to knock the wind out of him. The Nord gave an amused grunt as he braced his longsword against mine, and we each opposed the other's strength.
My vision was focused on Magnus' calm but determined face as I strained against his superior strength, gritting my teeth. I could have tried to pull away, but that would have left me open so I had decided to try and hold my ground instead. The cheers of the others hooted behind me as I kept Magnus' blade from advancing further, which seemed quite odd in my mind. I looked over to Magnus' grip to try and figure out what was going on, and I quickly began to snicker.
The reason why my strength seemed so uncharacteristically equal to Magnus' was because unlike me, he was still using one arm. He stood with his free arm casually at his side, easily keeping me at bay with just the one. I imagined how ridiculous the scene must have looked like to the others, with me struggling with both hands to keep at bay the much larger and stronger Nord, who idly used his solitary sword arm. Despite my best efforts to the contrary, the corners of my mouth tugged into a large smile as I began to giggle, and soon after began to outright laugh. I felt my sword being pushed back as my strength faltered, and knew that I had probably lost.
It was then that Magnus' push too lost power, and I heard my laughter accompanied by a much deeper, heartier one. As my eyes welled with tears of joy I managed to look up at Magnus, who also began to laugh at the spectacle. It didn't take long before a half dozen more laughs rang out behind me, having spread to the rest of the group.
With a huge smile still on my face, I decided to go for broke and rush the Nord, releasing my blade and slamming into him with my full body weight. Taken off guard, he and I both collapsed onto the ground and tumbled down the hill, laughing all the way down. The others were quick to rush to our position, leaving the swords where they had fallen.
"You two alright?" Gerard asked us as he neared our resting place, a massive smirk on his face. Where we'd come to rest, I was laying on top of Magnus, both of us out of breath.
"Yeah, we're alright," I replied, smoothing back my flurry of long brown hair that had gone wild during the roll the Nord and I had shared. I felt at the back of my hair, and ensured that the long white ribbon that held my ponytail in place was still there. "But, I don't know who won that one..." I admitted, not knowing who had hit the ground first.
"What do you say we call it a draw?" Magnus suggested as both he and I got to our feet, brushing off loose strands of grass and dirt. He showed a massive, satisfied grin and held out an equally massive palm, eagerly waiting to be shaken.
I gave a nod, and grasped his hand eagerly. "A draw," I replied, smiling happily. "For today, at least."
It was moments like that, with my friends, playing and laughing, that made Cropsford a more tolerable place to live. What I had there, at that instant, made me forget what I was missing everywhere else. That serene mood, though, that feeling of tranquility, was soon shattered as an angry, gruff voice called out from the nearby farmhouse.
"Felicity!" the voice barked, angry and annoyed. I looked up the hill to see a man in a dirty white shirt and a pair of blue suspenders standing at the top of the hill, staring down at me and the others. "Get up here, this instant!" he demanded.
"Hell," I muttered, my good mood spoiled by this interloper. I looked between the others and gave an apologetic shrug. "Sorry, guys...I gotta go."
The others nodded grimly in reply, understanding the depth of my disappointment. "It's just as well," Rebecca pointed out, looking at the horizon as the sun sank beyond our view. "It's getting late anyways."
I knew that the others were trying to make me feel better, but my heart was still low in my chest. Why did he always have to do that? Couldn't he see I was enjoying myself? I resisted the urge to give out another sigh, and instead just shrugged. "I'll see you guys in school tomorrow, alright?" I said to them.
"Alright, then. Tomorrow," Gerard confirmed as he and the others began to slowly disperse. As usual, we left the weapons where they were; we came here practically every single day, and the others in the town didn't mind them being left there. Well, most of them, anyway.
"Felicity!" the man at the top of the hill barked again violently. "Get up here, now!"
"Yeah, yeah," I yelled back, my tone intentionally disrespectful as I dragged my feet. "Coming, father."
I finally reached the top of the hill, and my father glared at me the same way he always did, with anger and irritation that, once again, I'd disobeyed his high and mighty orders. "How many times have I told you that I don't want you around that group?" he growled, a gentle wind playing at his thinning crown of short, black hair.
"Too many," I replied, rolling my eyes. The reason he didn't want me around the others is because he didn't want me around other people who wanted out of Cropsford. He knew that every time a visitor from the outside world came to town for any reason, the eight of us were there, asking about the fabled Imperial City Arena, or the latest rumours, or, hell, anything they were willing to divulge. I knew he would have preferred that I take up an interest in farming, and becoming a bride and mother, than anything happening outside. He glared down angrily at me as we moved through the small streets of the town, finally arriving back at our house.
The moment I stepped through the door, the smell of roasting venison hit my nostrils, and I already knew that mom had almost finished supper. I quickly slipped off my shoes next to the door and made my way into the kitchen, not bothering to wait for my father.
Steam filled the small, white walled kitchen, billowing from pots filled with cooking vegetables and mixing with the aroma wafting from the venison on the dining table in the corner. Clearly recognizing that somebody was there, mom turned around and looked at me, as usual adorned in her long white apron. "Felicity!" she exclaimed, heading towards me with her arms outstretched. Despite her years, mom had managed to keep a rather slender figure, and was roughly my height. "Hello, dear," she said as we embraced each other in a loving hug. "Did you have a good day?"
"More or less," I replied, the scent of mom's floral perfume overpowering the smell of the food this close. I glanced back at the kitchen doorway as father stepped in, who glanced at the two of us hugging. "He did it again," I explained sourly.
Mom's eyes widened slightly, and she gave father a disappointed stare. "Jason, dear, why must you always embarrass her like that?" she asked, her tone reflecting her disapproval.
"I don't want our daughter mingling with vagabonds, Margaret," he replied, moving for the table. "Maybe if I 'embarrass' her enough, she'll stop going to see them every day, and begin acting like a woman." Without a hint of guilt or remorse, he seated himself at the head of the table, tucking the tip of a napkin in the collar of his shirt.
Mom's mouth went wide as she prepared to give father another of her famous speeches, but I shook my head, stopping her. "Don't waste your breath, mom," I cautioned. "He never listens anyway."
Mom hesitated for a moment, before giving me a weak smile that I knew meant sorry. I waved it off, knowing it wasn't her fault, before she gently coaxed me to the table, where I sat opposite from father. Mom returned to the vegetables, which she then promptly brought back to the table. She sat down to my right, between me and father, and with a silent acknowledgement between the three of us, we began to eat.
For several minutes, there was a calm, almost bearable silence at the table, as my father cut at his thick piece of meat and mom took small mouthfuls of potato. My mind elsewhere, I errantly played with the food on my plate, dragging a few pieces of corn with my fork.
"So, Felicity," my father began, looking up from his food at me. Great, I thought to myself, knowing that he was about to start another conversation, the last thing I wanted. "Have you thought at all about what you're going to do this year? You are 18, after all."
I grumbled silently to myself, my eyes darting back and forth across the room. I really didn't want to speak with my father about any of this. "I don't know," I lied, forcing a slight shrug. I knew exactly what I wanted to do, not that he'd approve of it. "I haven't really thought about it too much."
"Well," my mom piped in, looking at me. "I understand from William Macdonald's mother that he's looking for a wife," she explained; I knew that my mom wanted me to stay in Cropsford, settle down and have a family. In that regard, she was like my father. But, despite being equally determined, at least she wasn't as thoroughly unpleasant about the whole thing. "He's a handsome young man, Felicity, and you're quite a beautiful young woman. Between the two of you, I'm sure that your children would be-"
"Mother!" I cried out, letting my hands slam against the table in disbelief. In a closely knit community like this one, it was inevitable that people would simply 'arrange' to get married, rather than having an actual interest in the prospect, especially when you considered that said community was willingly isolated, and full of farmers with limited land to move around in. But the very notion of marriage didn't appeal to me in the least.
"Well you must do something, Felicity," father pointed out, leaning forward in his chair. "A farmer's life is not well suited for solitude; it's too much work for one person to handle alone."
Yet another reason why I want out of this hole, I thought bitterly to myself. My gaze fell to the floor as I mumbled my response. "I...I'm not planning to become a farmer."
Mom and father both looked shocked; they had often spoken of my future career as if it had been set by the Nine themselves. "What, then?" mom asked, still in disbelief from my bold statement. "A blacksmith? A carpenter?"
I looked up, and my gaze shifted between my parents for a moment as they awaited my response. I took in a shaky, nervous breath; I knew I'd have to tell them eventually, and it seemed as though now was the time. I shot up from my seat, and looked at them with excited eyes. "I...I want to be a mercenary!" I exclaimed.
My father looked at me as though I'd shoved a blade through his heart, slack jawed and his eyes confused. Mom looked blankly into space, as if not understanding, before giving me a hurt look. "You mean leaving Cropsford, don't you?" she asked, trying to cope with what I'd said. Although I had always told them I wanted to leave the town, I don't think they ever believed I'd actually do it. After all, there had been countless people who had said that growing up here over the years, and almost none of them ever did. I nodded my head to my mom.
"Absolutely not!" father roared angrily, shooting up from his seat. "I won't have my daughter as some scum-for-hire, and I certainly won't have you leaving the town!" He took a few menacing steps forward, and pointed a single, shaking finger in my face as rage boiled in his eyes. "I don't care what you think, you're not leaving Cropsford! You're my daughter, and I forbid it!"
The rage in my father's words sparked a similar feeling in me, and I slapped his hand out of my face. "You can't tell me what to do!" I roared back. "I'm not your property! You can't control me!"
Father raised his finger to its previous position, and took another step forward. "And you're never seeing those hoodlums from school again!" he threatened, narrowing his eyes. "I just know that they're the ones putting all these ideas in your head! I don't care if I have to talk to the Sheriff himself, you're not going anywhere near them again!"
At that moment, something inside me snapped; it was like all the hurt and pent up hostility towards my father from over the years all gushed up at once. "Shut the hell up!" I roared, so loud and forcefully that it made my throat sting. "I won't let you keep me here! I won't become a bitter old farmer like you!"
My father's patience seemed to have reached its breaking point, as he swept out his outstretched hand, catching me in the face with a backhanded slap. I let out a gasp of surprise as I staggered backwards, grasping at the point where he'd struck me. I couldn't believe that he'd actually hit me...
"Jason!" mom cried out, horrified by what she'd seen. She shot up from her seat and rushed towards me as I kept my hand on my face.
My father panted heavily as he glared at me. "You will do as I say, Felicity," he growled, his tone hard and cold. "Do you underst-"
My father was cut off as, with as much speed as I could muster, I lunged towards him, striking him hard in the jaw with a brutal uppercut. My fist throbbed with pain as it made contact with my father's bone, but I'd say he got the worse part of the exchange, as he stumbled back, landing on his rear.
I pulled away from my mother and took a few steps towards father, as he looked up at me, dazed and confused. I spit on his dirty white shirt, and glared at him with disgust. "I'm gone," I growled, before turning around and walking slowly to the door, and out into the town.
By now the sky had turned from a musty orange to a deep, undisturbed black, dotted with hundreds of stars overhead. I paid them little mind, however, as I headed for the road that led out of Cropsford...that led away from all of that.
"Felicity, wait!" my mother cried out from behind me, rushing out of the house. I turned and looked to her, and as she quickly approached I could tell from her watery eyes she was on the brink of crying. "Your father..."
"Is a bastard," I growled, completing her sentence. An orchestra of insects buzzed around us, but other than that the streets were empty and quiet; the others in the town were probably inside with their families.
"He loves you, Felicity," my mom pleaded, tears beginning to roll down her face. "I know that's hard to believe now, but he really does-"
"It's too late, mom," I replied sombrely, shaking my head. "I can't stay here anymore," I explained, before gesturing to the west with my hand. "Out there...that's where I belong. I have to leave."
My mother began to sob now, and embraced me in her arms. I too wrapped mine around her; I felt bad about leaving her, especially now, but it was something I had to do. "Mom...I love you," I told her softly, kissing her gently on top of her head.
My mom sobbed into my shoulder for another moment, before looking up at me with a pair of swollen, puffy eyes. "I...love you too, Felicity," she replied, her voice full of sorrow. She leaned over and kissed me lovingly on the cheek, before releasing me from her grasp. I gave a weak smile, and headed down the road again.
"Wait!" mom cried out again, heading towards me. She pulled a small leather pouch out of the pocket of her dress, beneath her apron, and handed it to me. "It's all I have, Felicity," she explained, before nodding slightly. "Please, take care of yourself. And, if you can, visit us from time to time," she requested.
I took the small pouch of gold, and placed it in my pocket. "Thanks, mom." My gaze fell to the ground, and I clenched my fists slightly. "And, please tell Gerard and the others...I'm sorry." I looked up to meet her sorrowful gaze with one of my own, before giving a final wave of departure. "Goodbye."
And with that, I headed out onto the road, leaving behind my friends, my family, and everything I thought I'd known about the world I lived in, intent on finally seeing what I'd been sheltered from for so long.