Most people have an above average number of legs.

Schr?dinger's cat walks into a bar and it doesn't.


An infra-red photon walks into a bar and says "Is it hot in here or is it just me?"


A virus walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve viruses in this bar", the virus replaces the bartender and says "Now we do."


A neutrino walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve neutrinos in this bar" and the neutrino says "Whatever, I was just passing through."


A room temperature superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve any kind of superconductors in here" and the room temperature superconductor leaves without putting up any resistance.

Who was the only senator to vote for the bill allowing knives on the senate floor?

Brutus!

Erm...I don't say anything, pick up lines are stoopid.

Yup, saying nothing is always the best option, Just stare intently at them until they get ensnared by your tractor beam-like gaze.

When they quickly walk away it means you didn't stare hard enough, as your tractor beam-like gaze lacked the power to pull them towards you.

Anything Louis says in Ghostbusters.

Oxygen, potassium and sodium are walking down the street. Oxygen asks them "Would you guys like to go watch a movie?", potassium says "K.", sodium says "Na."


Why did the chicken cross the M?bius strip? To get to the same side.


A noble gas walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gases in here" and the noble gas doesn't react.

Didn't Sheldon tell that one?

Wouldn't know. Maybe.

edit: And for [censored]'s sake of all the jokes why respond only to the one you've apparently heard already?! What's up with this insta-pessimism floating around in the world these days, what the [censored] man?


edit2: I've just been watching some Bob Saget's stand-up acts so just in case it wasn't obvious, that was meant as a joke.

My brother-in-law told me this one a long time ago. It's not necessarily a "nerdy joke", but it's pretty funny.

This old fella (70ish) decides to take his boat out and do some fishing one afternoon.
While sitting quietly waiting for a bite, he hears a voice say "Pick me up".
The old man looks around but sees no one.
"Pick me up!" the voice says again.
The old man looks down at the water, and there floats a frog.
"Did you say "pick me up"?" asks the old man.
"Yes!" says the frog. "Pick me up and kiss me, and I'll turn in to the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll be your life long companion, and all your friends will envy you."
The old man reaches down, picks up the frog, and puts it in his pocket.
"What are you doing?" cries the frog. "I said kiss me, and I'll turn in to the most beautiful woman you have ever seen!"
"Nah..." says the old man. "At my age, I'd rather have a talking frog."
With age comes wisdom.

I am shocked and appalled.

Bazinga!

Haha! More like, they take one look at me and run away screaming for their MAMA! MAMA!

A nerd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.

The first nerd was stunned and asked, "Where did you get such a nice bike?"

The second nerd replied, "Well, yesterday I was walking home minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike.

She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want!'"

The second nerd nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."


(Ok I cheated.....I searched)

I just had the worst day, watching pi and i fight. I don't even know what they were going on about. But how it ended does not give me much hope when i demanded that pi show some rationality; then pi did't take that well and just told i to get real.

Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

Helium walks into a bar, the bar keeper yells "We don't serve your kind here. Helium doesn't react.

Why did your girlfriend dump you?

Because of your half life.

What's purple and commutes?

An abelian graqe.

This made me laugh manically.

Wadsworth!

How many existentialists does it take to change a lightbulb?




Alternative answer:




cookie to those who get the reference

I admit I laughed at some of the jokes here.

FOREVER ALONE.

Did I not already say that one with Argon.....
EDIT: A higgs boson particle walks into a church and
Priest says: You call yourself the God particle that's sacrilege ! Get out!
Higgs Boson says: If you don't have Higgs Boson particles how do you have mass?

A priest, a doctor and an engineer are playing golf and get stuck behind a slow group. The greens keeper explains that the group is a bunch of blind firefighters. The priest says "That's horrible, I'll pray for them." The doctor says "I'll call a colleague that can help them." The engineer says "Why cant these guys play at night?"