That was stupendous! I am so glad that Maxical pointed out that she was indeed successful, because she was! Although granted she was far from subtle... :celebration:

One little grammar nitpick I found:

the muscles in my leg to spring my leg into a full extension

You use the word 'leg' twice in the same sentence. Maybe you could find another word to use in one of those instances?

I just went through the previous pages to make sure I thanked everyone, Treydog, Arcry, RemkoNL - I missed thanking you three somehow when posting those chapters so close together, I apologize. It means a lot when someone takes the time and effort to post, I don't want you to think you weren't appreciated. Thank you so much for your kind words! The support really does help, just as the critiques do.

***

@ RemkoNL - ROFL! - Thank You! Foxy gets a ton of credit on that too, lol.

***

@ Dragon Reaper - Thank you so much Dragon Reaper - you ROCK!

***

@ Foxy - keeps refusing to take credit for his part in this, but as you can all see, the chapters with Foxy in them just seem to go off the charts with humor! What happens, we bounce what our character wants to say, then see what the other will respond with - the most inspired writing sessions follow due to Foxy's flair for detail. He is brilliant! - Thank You Foxy, now take a bow!

@ Acadian - Thanks Acadian, after our collaboration you know how tricky these things are, lol !!

***

Treydog - Lol, I am glad you enjoyed it! Well, technically Alix is her father, I mean he raised her anyway.

- I had no choice in the men that show interest in her, each was caused by the wierd game glitch, I just wrote about it, lol. I got another weird reaction from a man on last night's gameplay - coming up in a future chapter, and it will be good.

This is a custom character I called something stupid like "mALX Power, lol - but her personality has the weirdest effect on the NPC's.

Thank You Treydog! Your story is one I look to for improving my own writing.

***

AyumiFan - Well, I'm not (puddle) at liberty (puddle) to divulge (PUDDLE) the answer to that question, lol.

***

Nieres - Reading that touched my heart, Thank You so much! - also, I must admit something Treydog already knows, I have a life-sized Bruce Pearl in my home, lol.

***

SubRosa - Fixed, and Thank You for seeing that, and for reading - You are Awesome!

Oh, no. Not again!!!!!

Your writing is already packed to the brim with magic and humor as it is. You mean there is more craziness coming???.....

That does it, I'm off to Blackmarsh tomorrow. :lmao:

Thank You Foxy, now take a bow!

OK, Ok...


er...


MalX1?...


...did you forget the arrows?

...How am I going to shoot with no arrows...


:hubbahubba:

Winter Wolf - Lol, I hope not. I'll send Maxical in to Blackmarsh to bring you back, lol.


@ Foxy - I plead innocent of any warped humor that may have caused me to view your message in any way other than with the purest....(cough, cough) of thought (gasp, choke)....(gaaaahhh)

** mALX was struck by lightning while typing this comment

Chapter 35: Manheim Makes His Move


I walked in the door of Manheim's Inn feeling uncomfortable from having wet my armor earlier. I am not sure if it was his joy at seeing me, or my desperate need to remove my armor, but I forgot to be mad at him when I first got there.

"Manheim, I wet myself. Can I get a bath? Would you clean my armor for me?" I felt two years old, it was embarrassing.

Manheim didn't say a word, but took the stairs three at a time and drew me a bath. I pulled off the armor, the greaves were almost stuck to my legs. Manheim helped me tug them off without looking and then started carrying the armor out and stopped.

"I put some scents in the bathwater. A man came through selling them yesterday, I bought some thinking you might like that. I got the nicest scent he had. I hope you like it." He kept his back to me and left without turning around.

I had never had a scented bath in my life. I thought of Fathis and his scented baths, how the wonderful aroma wafted off him everywhere he went.

Slipping down into the water the scent surrounded me, floating up to my nose. It was delicate and sweet, not a heavy cloying scent like Fathis used. Oh, it felt wonderful! It was the first girly thing I can remember doing in my lifetime! I never even had a dress, oh how good it would feel to leave this bath and put on a dress instead of leather armor! It was the only thing I had ever hinted to Alix for that he didn't get me, the blue velvet dress I always wanted, just like Delphine's.

I didn't take the time to undo my braids, but washed them intact in the scented water. I noticed the soap Manheim had laid out had the same scent. I don't think I have ever felt so clean after a bath, the soft fragrance lilting off me.

I put on one of Manheim's shirts and didn't bother with the long johns, the shirt covered me well. The scent of glycerin soap was wafting up the stairs, Manheim must have cleaned my armor. Skipping down the steps I found my armor laid out drying, my pack cleaned, and everything repaired. I ran up to Manheim and stood on my tiptoes to kiss his jaw.

"That was for the scents, Manheim. I have never had a more wonderful bath in my life!"

Manheim looked at me for a second, smiling up at him, then said something that sounded like, "You better be right Alix." - The next thing I knew he kissed me! Again! I had forgotten to be mad at him when I came, he must have assumed I had forgiven him for the last kiss!

"Manheim!" I said, shocked, my head reeling.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to. I couldn't help myself. Uh, it was just?"

"Manheim, you cannot kiss me. You must promise if we are to remain friends. You know I have feelings for Fathis."

"I know, it's just?, well, you kiss me all the time, I was just kissing you back."

"Manheim, I kiss you on the jaw, not the lips. And THAT, is NOT just a friend kiss!" I said, pointing to the front of his apron.

"Well, I can't help that." Manheim said. He did not look repentant at all, instead he looked rather?pleased with himself.

"Manheim, I won't be able to come back here and keep being your friend if you are going to kiss me each time.

"I won't, I take it back. Forget it ever happened!" He didn't look as apologetic as his words sounded.

It would be pretty hard to forget it ever happened. Oh why could I not instill this kind of passion and arousal in Fathis?

"Manheim, do you love me?" I needed to know.

"Yes I do. I know you love Fathis. But I can't help what I feel."

"Manheim, I'm sorry. But I do love Fathis, and you cannot keep kissing me. Do you promise?" Why did his jaw set like that? He didn't answer but nodded his head. I was not sure if that was agreement or not.

"What was that you said before you kissed me? It sounded like you said 'You better be right Alix.' What did you say?"

"I don't know, the kiss wiped it from my mind." Manheim said, looking less repentant by the minute.

"Well, thank you for the bath and fixing my armor. I better get ready to go, I have to bring Owyn and that guard back to the Imperial City. You are okay with this then? Just friends?" I was searching his face for some sign I was getting through, his words were all apologetic, but his face did not reflect the same.

"Friends." He said firmly, but his eyes were sparkling.

"Manheim, your eyes belie your words."

"Well, you just kissed me, what do you expect my eyes to be doing?" Manheim said innocently.

"Manheim I did NOT kiss you, you kissed me!" I stamped my foot to emphasize my words.

"Well, you know what I meant." Manheim reached up and moved a braid that was sticking across my forehead, looking into my eyes as he did.

Did the man think he was a snake charmer that could look in my eyes and cause me to not know he was charming me? It would not work! I stamped my foot again to break his eyes from looking into mine. He kissed me again.

What had gotten into Manheim? Did he think to jar Fathis from my mind with a few kisses? His eyes were positively burning into me with that look. It was the same look Alix gave S'Jirra sometimes when he thought no one saw?

"gaaa" I gasped. Oh no. He really was in love with me. "Manheim, I'm sorry." It was all I could say. I gathered up my armor and went upstairs to change. I guessed I could not come back here again. It would not be fair to Manheim.

Manheim hadn't moved when I came back down from changing. I don't know why I thought he would have brought the escaped convicts up in my absence.

"I didn't bring them up because I wanted to apologize. I give you my word it won't happen again. You can come back and I won't kiss you."

"Aw, Manheim, don't make a promise you can't keep. I saw your eyes. It would not be right for me to come back here, an' you feeling this way. It's not fair to you. You will make someone a fine husband, but I am for Fathis and no one else. I want to thank you for all you've done for me though. You are a good friend." He looked hurt and scared. The determined look was gone. I felt like a heel, but he knew I loved Fathis before he kissed me the first time.

Manheim got Owyn and the guard and brought them up. I gave each their pardons and sacks of gold, plus divided my winnings from the Grand Championship match between them. As we walked outside Owyn and the guard hugged me and kissed my cheek, thanking me profusely for everything.

Manheim walked us out, then asked Owyn to wait a minute. He ran inside and brought out a plain jar with a clear yellowish liquid in it and handed it to Owyn, who seemed tickled to get it.

"Ah, Rotgut, thanks Manheim, for everything." Owyn smiled his toothy grin.

Everyone shook hands and said goodbye. I felt like I was walking away from my best friend, and my heart hurt from it. Manheim was in pain, that was obvious. I ran up and kissed him on the jaw for the last time. I could not come back and put him through this. I gave him a quick hug and whispered "thank you Manheim."

:read: mALX, this is great!

The story flows well, advancing the plot with detail, poignancy and humor.

The writing itself is wonderful. Beautifully expressive while perfectly retaining 'Maxical'. Your editing is successfully minimizing errors - to zero I figure in this case.

One passage struck me particularly: "The scent of glycerin soap was wafting up the stairs, Manheim must have cleaned my armor." What a gentle and effective transition from upstairs in the bath towards downstairs.

I'm glad you reminded us that the jar you introduce near the end contained Rotgut (reminding us of the men's drinking binge a few chapters ago). Otherwise I might have feared Manheim wrung the yellow liguid from Maxical's armor. :lmao:

This is top quality stuff, and a fabulous story. WELL DONE!

EEEWWWW! - Thank you so much, and for the tips. I guess because I remember it I think everyone else will, I need those heads ups when I mess up, so don't be afraid to give them to me. Thanks so much Acadian.


It was 5 chapters ago, you were right - I should not expect people to remember a description of a jar from 5 chapters ago, lol - but heads up EVERYONE! Remember the plain jar with the clear yellow liquid for next chapter, lol. You will need to know it.

Ok. You heard the lady. :deal:

mALX, I can't wait! And I shall use the 'set down coffee before reading' precaution.

.... But why do I have visions of drunk mice or some such? :lmao:

Disclaimer: I plead guilty to inside info on Maxical, but I honestly have NO idea regarding the future plans of this now mysterious jar.

Leydenne knows. - besides that, all the mice got eaten at the awards dinner.

"Manheim, I kiss you on the jaw, not the lips. And THAT, is NOT just a friend kiss!" I said, pointing to the front of his apron."

"Well, I can't help that." Manheim said. He did not look repentant at all, instead he looked rather?pleased with himself.


So Mannheim is a politician now, is he?

He never inhaled.

... but He DID have an election...



:angel:

Oh and regarding...Did the man think he was a snake charmer that could look in my eyes and cause me to not know he was charming me? It would not work! I stamped my foot again to break his eyes from looking into mine. He kissed me again. ...why can't Maxical see it's she who is the snake charmer???



:angel:

@ Foxy - I plead innocent of any warped humor that may have caused me to view your message in any way other than with the purest....(cough, cough) of thought (gasp, choke)....(gaaaahhh)

** mALX was struck by lightning while typing this comment

Lots of fun once more.

When I read about the jar with yellow liquid my first thought was that it was from Maxical's armor too! I am glad you clarified it was rotgut! I do remember the rotgut drinking binge however.

ROFL!!! If either of you ever offers me a Mello Yellow - I'm turning it down! (just kidding). (another Kudos Acadian for making me clarify that!)

*draws breath*

Manheim and Maxical sitting in a tree!
key-wai-ess-ess-ai-en-gee!

A shame he got turned down, though...


And it's good to see that I'm not the only one that got something other out of the yellow rotgut
Can't wait for the next chapter!

I know it. I am sure it would have to be written just like in Fallout 3 though, where you see them head toward the bedroom, then a loading screen occurs for 47 seconds, then they are walking away from the bedroom, lol.


cha-ching: (3rd kudos Acadian!)

I think my next chapter will be tame comparatively (now) but from now on when I have a scenario come up like this, you three will be getting PM's for input. - Actually, Acadian has asked me to put more explainations in and I will try to do much better.

Well, to our defence how can we not get weird associations when we read?

You fill our heads with all the weird glitches you stumble upon when you play the game, so it wouldn't be TOO unexpected that something like that might happen

ROFL - I think you all ROCK! I am just teasing with you, I just think it's funny that I teased Acadian for thinking that, and everyone else does too, lol.


I had another glitch wierd thing come up in the game the other night that had me rolling! Janus Hassildor (Count Skingrad) was supposed to be saving me out in the field from Mercator - and he was attacking Mercator and his two necromancing buddies and hollering "I need your blood!" - I got freaked out, because that has never happened before, lol. I think the game has got my vampires on steroids or something, they are all acting weird!

OK. Now I can definitely say this is a chick story. Don't get me wrong; they can be some of the most entertaining and your story is a pretty wild ride. Unfortunately, I am trying to catch up and started at the end of the thread so the first thing I read was quotes about putting pee in a jar. Whoa. I'm glad the story didn't actually bear out the allegations.

"Is that a mouse under your apron or are you just glad to see me?"

Well, I am always glad to see you...but if you wait a week I will have a mouse in my pocket. (It was moonshine, but Acadian has taught me a valuable lesson in not expecting people to remember obscure text, lol). Sorry about the love scene Master Po - there won't be too many of them in the future, as pieces are starting to fall into place that will push Maxical like a juggernaut .....

Well, this part of the story may be "girly," but it is still funny and touching. Not to mention well-written. After all the VOLS talk in SubRosa's thread, I simply cannot resist this:

mALX1 will confirm that there is a university here in Tennessee called "Austin Peay," named for a governor. The second part of the name is pronounced "P.E."

So Maxical's new University cheer can be the same as A.P.'s-

"Let's go Peay!"

Thank you so much Treydog! - RE: Austin Peay:


Well, I have respectfully restrained myself from any allusions to the ETN trick of using a bud can or soda bottle while driving down the road, nor have I mentioned what happens when a police car is cruising behind them, so they can't litter by throwing said can or bottle. I certainly will not discuss the next scene, where the police are still behind them, so they nervously take a drink of what they forgot wasn't soda. All I can say about that is, I laughed myself sick.

I say the more girly stuff the better. Give me some character development and romance and I am a happy person. :twirl: