Just a little more show than tell is needed, for example -

His intonation sounded like an envoy, but he looked like no messenger Alix had ever seen before. Alix just nodded.
The man handed him a note and quickly turned with a flourish, departing back through the empty, cobblestone streets. Alix watched him go.

The note, orderly and crisp, felt like a heavy weight of expectation within his damp palm.
Opening it, Alix cursed loudly.

Fathis and Manheim stared at him in surprise, a tide of apprehension now rising up the base of their necks.

"A vampire!" It was all Alix could get out. He was too angry for words, so he handed the note to Fathis.

I'll get right on it! Thanks Winter Wolf, I appreciate the help! - Done, I hope that is better, and Thank You again for all your help, it is greatly appreciated!

I think I have found a solution to this, I re-wrote the sentences that had thoughts in quotation marks; hope this helps! Thanks for the help Winter Wolf!

Chapter 26: Fathis in the House


Upon reaching the Red Ring Road they took the lower turn so Manheim and Alix could stop by their respective homes, rest and clean up. Fathis went on with Alix to the Faregyl.

When S'Jirra saw how thin Fathis had become she fussed so over him that their previous incident was put out of Fathis' mind. S'Jirra went into a whirlwind of baking that filled the Inn with the wonderful aroma of home cooked food. Fathis felt hungry for the first time in months, and made quite a meal out of it. He complimented the dinner in perfect Khajiit, shocking both Alix and S'Jirra.

Abhuki toddled over at that and piped in, "Did that Dunmer just speak Khajiit? What? What's so funny?" Even Fathis laughed at that.

Stretching out in the chairs with their bellies rounded out, Alix and Fathis began to discuss where Maxical could be headed, and what their next plan of action would be. There were no answers to that, and so talk fell to the fight with Vicente. They became animated in the discussion, excitedly giving play by plays of the action, and forgetting S'Jirra may hear them.

"His scream when that first fireball hit almost made the blood turn to ice in my veins! I've never fought one of those creatures before, have you?" Alix asked Fathis.

Fathis shook his head. "His face changing from that of a young boy to an old man, and those glowing eyes, I've never seen the like! Positively frightening! You could not see Manheim's face, but it lost all color; I thought he may faint dead away when that creature changed forms like that before our very eyes!"

Alix felt guilty discussing Manheim with Fathis, knowing they both had feelings toward Maxical - and knowing Fathis knew nothing about Manheim's interest in her.

"Poor boy had never seen a Daedra conjured, well, neither had I to be honest." Alix said truthfully. "I will admit to feeling the color drain from my face as well when the first beast appeared!"

Fathis laughed. "I knew he could not have seen it before because he didn't know they were on our side. He was killing them all faster than I could conjure them! He has a wonderful fist, does he not? I could stand to take some lessons from him."

Alix tried to picture Manheim controlling his jealousy enough to give Fathis lessons in hand to hand combat and almost fell out laughing. In an effort to control the urge he changed the subject.

"Fathis, I have never seen a fight like you gave with those spells flying. Are you saying Maxical can do that too? Just like you did?"

"Oh yes, she mastered in destruction! She falters a bit with her aim, though, and it may not come off as smooth when everyone is hit but the target. I wish I could find some way to train her aim to match her ability with the spells. I received many letters from Traven and Polus complaining of her aim." Fathis said, laughing.

"As did we, a letter or more a week for five years!" Alix laughed.

"Which was your favorite of all?" Fathis asked, leaning forward with his eyes laughing.

"The horse, it had to be the horse." Alix said, "Oh how I would have liked to see their faces!"

"I did see their faces, and it was worth every Septim I paid to bribe their forgiveness with!" Fathis went into a detailed description that had Alix doubled over laughing.

"From what I understand Arch Mage Traven awoke to find the beast eating his blanket and when he leapt out of bed he slid in the manure on the floor." Alix barely was able to choke out.

"Yes, yes! It smeared his robes as he fell as well!" Fathis added, then they were both doubled over.

Fathis began at one point to mention the note. Alix sat up quickly and put his hand on Fathis knee, shaking his head slightly while piercing Fathis with his eyes. Fathis could not mistake the signal, so changed what he was saying to nose.

"The man's note?nose was the most obnoxious piece of filth I've ever seen!" Fathis finished off, hoping it was convincing.

"Yes, I could not determine whether he be man or beast with a nose like that." Alix said in what he hoped was a good enough cover up.

They decided to spend the night and head out in the morning. S'Jirra fixed the guest room to be especially comfortable for Fathis and drew him a bath, something she never did for guests. Alix started to head down to the small room in the basemant where he slept when guests stayed at the inn, but Fathis stopped him.

"No need for that Alix, are we not almost family? You must know I intend to marry Maxical. I know I owe you and S'Jirra my most sincere apology for my actions in the past, and I hope you will accept them." Fathis put out his hand.

Reluctantly Alix shook it. "Of course her acceptance is up to her, you understand." Alix said in a reserved voice.

He had seen tonight why Maxical loved this man, and seen himself that he may be able to protect her as well. It was a side of Fathis he had not been privy to previously. Yet still, was Fathis only seeing the side of Maxical that relieved his boredom? Alix couldn't tell.

Manheim was more like Maxical, they were two peas in a pod, and he was closer to Maxical's age. Alix would hope for Manheim to be her choice, but if it were to be Fathis he would not be upset as he may have been in the past. Either way he would welcome the one she chose.

***

When Alix entered the bedroom S'Jirra was shocked. "What are you doing? Fathis is here! We can't be seen together, you know that! And I want to know what it is you two were saying about a vampire and Maxical!" She whispered, but may as well have spoken. Khajiit are notorious for their inability to whisper quietly.

"Fathis knows this is where I usually sleep, he as much as sent me up here." Alix said, embarrassment tingeing his voice.

"Well, sleep is all you'll do with Fathis right across the hall, so don't get any ideas! And I want to know about this vampire fight and what it has to do with Maxical!"

Without revealing the part about the Dark Brotherhood or murders, Alix let S'Jirra in on Manheim's hopes for Maxical, and the fact that they had gone together to Cheydinhal looking for her where they ran into Fathis.

"It was like juggling with wildcats trying to keep Manheim off Fathis till after the fight with the vampire." Alix whispered. "After that Manheim was like a whipped pup, his tail between his legs."

The existence of the note was not mentioned, Alix only told S'Jirra that they had encountered a vampire and the three of them fought it.

"S'Jirra, you just would not believe Fathis in a fight, it was like he became a General! He had a battle plan in seconds and gave orders for each of us, and I've never seen anything like the way he fought. It was a privilege to witness it! After the fight he healed both of us and himself, he rallied us like we were his troops. I would serve under him gladly any day if he ever was to become a General, and I would feel confident in him as my commander!"

"And S'Jirra," Alix added, "I am no longer against Fathis as a mate for Maxical. Whomever she chooses I will be happy."

"Alix, you will tell me about the note, and don't give me that nose talk. I want to know!"

"I'll tell you about that when I know more about it. That is my final answer."

With a "humph" sound S'Jirra gave up the discussion.

***

When the Black Horse Courier arrived first thing the next morning Abhuki slammed it down in front of Alix and Fathis as they ate their breakfast. "They're all rats in that place, what kind of news is that!"

Alix glanced over at the paper. Fathis was poring over it, his head twisted to read the words. Fathis looked up, his eyes shining. "It's her! We have found her! No one else in the world is capable of creating this kind of mayhem!"

They left their breakfasts half finished and Fathis pulled Alix up on the back of his horse. They galloped straight up to the gate of the Imperial City and began searching by sector, beginning with the Imperial City Prison.

***






___________________________________________________________________

The Black Horse Courier


PRISON INFESTED! PRISONERS ESCAPE!

SPECIAL EDITION!
A PLAGUE OF RODENTS DESCENDS ON PRISON - BLAMED FOR ESCAPES!

Follow-up investigation being ordered by High Chancellor Ocato



The Imperial City Prison was suddenly overtaken by thousands of rodents earlier today. Our on the scene reporter witnessed the chaos in the compound personally, and said the shouts of the guards filled the air as they fought the unruly beasts.

The area worst hit by the swarming beasts was the Prison rotunda itself. Many Prison guards in this area were severely injured in the battle that ensued as the guards took on wave upon wave of rodents. An investigative review of the injured by this reporter found that all of the injuries sustained were from the guards own weapons. Thirty seven guards were treated for stab wounds, another fourteen were treated for blunt force trauma to various parts of their anatomy.

Inmate Valen Dreth was found in his cell with several bites to his face and was overheard to be calling "Kitty, kitty." This reporter, having witnessed the plague of rodents himself, can only say it will take more than one cat to catch all the mice that have taken over the prison complex. At this time inmate Dreth is the only individual requiring treatment for actual bites.

It can only be assumed that the other prisoners burst out of their cells to escape the same fate as inmate Valen Dreth. The prison officials refuse to confirm the identities of the escaped prisoners, but it has been rumored that among them were Owyn, the Blademaster of the Arena that murdered the new Grand Champion; and his accomplice the former Imperial City Guard. The prison officials have denied this, however.

As we reported earlier this month, rumors were circulating about a spy being caught in the Imperial Palace. He was said to have been caught skulking around Uriel Septim VII's private chamber area.

According to rumors this spy was then taken to the Imperial Prison for 'interrogation,' and subsequently escaped in the melee.

However, when questioned about the spy, both High Chancellor Ocato and the Imperial Prison Officials denied there ever was a spy - very unconvincingly in this reporter's opinion.

This reporter thinks it's high time the officials in this city come clean with the citizens. We have a right to know these kinds of things!

Claudius Arcadia, one of the escaped prisoners, was picked up later at his home by the watch and returned to the prison. He claimed the Night Mother herself brought the infestation of rodents on the prison as punishment for his incarceration.

Many residents expressed concern that the end times are near, as there has been a Prophet heard in Anvil recently prophesizing unholy doom on the land and the return of Umaril the Unfeathered, who by legend was a vengeful Ayleid sorcerer-King.

Everyone had originally believed the old Prophet was a kook, shy of a full load; however the recent attack on the Chapel of Dibella and now this plague of rodents has caused the citizens much concern, and some have begun to gather in front of the Prophet seeking wisdom in the final hours.

The Mage's Guild was also contacted for questioning. Raminus Polus spoke on behalf of Arch Mage Hannibal Traven and said they have no comment at this time.

At the time of this printing the captured rodent count is still only in the hundreds, causing many to wonder if the Prison guards overstated the actual infestation in order to draw attention to their understaffing problem.

Concerned citizens in the area have been heard actually accusing the guards themselves of releasing the rodents. One woman in particular claims two Prison gate guards were the only ones about when she was attacked, and that they laughed and ridiculed her rather than attack the beast.

* On a separate note, the wave of break-ins and picking of pockets that had suddenly taken over the Imperial City has come to a stop. It is believed the criminal scum element was frightened away by the rodent infestation.

_________________________________________________________

Hell Yeah!!!


I know I've already seen part of this, but it's still sweet and funny....


sort of like eating ice cream in front of the TV and watching the Marx Brothers...

:lol:

Another great read.
Your writing style is so beautiful, able to slip out of standard prose and into the dry dictation of the newspaper courier with ease.
That is talent that few have. :foodndrink:

Thank you very much Winter Wolf, and actually it is rough going trying to do that Courier, lol. It took a lot of edits! Lol. I appreciate your kind words, and all your help.


@ D.Foxy - yeah, you are back! I appreciate you reading it again, and edited some extra things into the script so you would find a few surprises (just in case you did re-read it), lol.

mALX! :read: This is so much fun to read!

"We have found her! No one else in the world is capable of creating this kind of mayhem!" :rofl:
I see from the trail of mayhem, they are getting closer to Maxical! Oh, this is brilliant.

There are many subtle connections within this edition of the Black Horse Courier - creatively and well done.

Your editing process is getting very good. Gone are the distractions I used to pick on you about.

Your plotweaving remains as fine or better than any. Your sometimes unique word selection is refreshing. In fact, all aspects of your writing are a delight.

Well done!

Another enjoyable read, thanks.

I have to confess to a little mental quirk though, as you write about Manheim. Somewhere, from an early game, when installing mods, the Manheim in my game is always pantsless - not noticeable unless you are behind the bar. He's also wearing white mage shoes. For the record, I am not the only one with a pantsless Manheim, but since I also use nvde mods for both genders, I snort-laugh like a twelve year old every time I swing by the Inn of Ill Omen - it amuses me, so I have never bothered to track down the culprit mod. As as you write about this stalwart fellow, I just keep picturing him running about baring all, but with those stylin' white shoes. Alix might not be so keen on him as a prospective son-in-law if he were playing in my Cyrodiil.

@ Acadian - thank you so much, not just for the kind words, but for the inspiration and (downright pushing) you have given me - you are a gem!

@ Leydenne - I had to answer your comment in a PM because - well for one thing I laughed myself sick on it, in fact still laugh every time I recall it! I am sorely tempted to download some of those mods, imagine the chaos - well I won't describe any of the many scenarios that popped into my head, lol.

Thank you so much for your comments, your help, and your humor!

Today, I registered so I can tell you how much I'm enjoying this story. Actually, I'm enjoying various fanfics, but this one has had me in tears and in stitches. You say a lot in just a few words.

Thank you so very much! I appreciate that so much, that means the world to hear! Welcome to the forum!

Goddess I am so behind on this. I am still working my way through the first Maxical topic, although I cannot resist the urge to sneak peeks here and there at the new stuff.

This is just priceless:



:D

I really hope you got to read "The Mission" - Chapter 24 (sorry it is so long), because your response to chapter 3 was so great that it spurred me to really work on the humor in Chapter 24 - (I also added a letter to chapter 3 after our conversation about those letters, lol). Thank you for continuing to read, I know with writing your own story and working your time is limited, you are greatly appreciated for taking the time to read my story!

(also chapters 8C and 8D - since you already know about my terrible sense of humor, lol).

Have been up to my elbows in recalcitrant laptops- just now got a chance to read and comment. The writing has progressed so much in this story since the beginning- and that is a sign of the dedication and commitment of the writer. The creativity and humor demonstrate your talent.

I especially liked the Black Horse Courier interlocution- it provides a "window to the world" of the common people and their reactions. When I first conceived of Athlain's story, I seriously considered writing the whole thing as a series of terse, documentary installments (the interludes). But I am too in love with my own words to do it- and I could not find a way to really make it work, besides. Rumpleteasza has made very effective use of letters in The King and I. There is just something about those "alternate voice" bits that adds far more to the narrative than would be indicated by the number of words....

I am so going to create an Order of the Rodent medal for all those poor, suffering guards! (May have to ask the talented Mrs. Treydog to do it for me.)

Please forgive my delay in congratulating you on thread #2. Every time I've tried to catch up on what's happening with Maxical I got interrupted.

The contrast between Maxical's bumbling but plucky efforts and Foxey's chillingly efficient 'cold-war' skill makes for true magic. It is a match made in literary heaven. I sincerely hope it continues.

Thank you Bobg, (Master Po) I have been very excited about Foxy's addition to the story too. D.Foxy is brilliant, innovative, imaginative - he brings a lot to the table that is just amazing!


@ Treydog - This had me rolling!



ROFL!! Thanks again for continuing to read the story, your opinion means a lot to me!

Sadly I have not been able to read Chapter 24 Not yet at least. I will get there eventually.

Don't know if this will work, but here goes:

http://img682.imageshack.us/img682/2111/mousemedal.jpg

Just something I dashed off in Paint with my non-existent art skilz. Mrs. will do a better one later.

There is a special cameo appearance of Treydog in this chapter as the Famous Palace Smith. Treydog crafted the Medal for the brave men of the Imperial City Prison, and has also donated his humor to this chapter. Please be sure to give him the kudos he deserves for his Medal! His Medal was the inspiration behind this chapter, and I thank him heartily, I don't know when I have laughed so hard! Thanks Treydog!





Chapter 27: The Awards Ceremony


_____________________________________________________________________________


The Black Horse Courier


INJURED GUARDS TO RECEIVE MEDALS! AWARD CEREMONY TODAY!

GUARDS INJURED IN PRISON MELEE HONORED AT SPECIAL DINNER!


SPECIAL EDITION!
FIFTY ONE GUARDS TO BE HONORED IN BANQUET AT THE PALACE!


Banquet to follow awards ceremony, injured honored for courage in the face of extreme danger and restoring order to the Imperial City. High Chancellor Ocato will attend!


As reported earlier this week, the Imperial City Prison was suddenly overtaken by swarms of rodents which attacked and maimed at least one prisoner, inmate Valen Dreth.

In their attempts to restore order and drive off the plague of hungry rodents, fifty one Prison guards sustained injuries that ranged from light wounds to some in very serious condition.

These fifty-one brave men are each to receive a Special medal of valor known as the "Order of the Rodent Slayer" at the Award Ceremony. The medal itself was crafted by the famous Palace Smith, Treydog; whose dedication to the cause of honoring these men was so great that he worked tirelessly throughout the past week to have these medals ready for today's Ceremony.

This reporter was able to slip behind the scenes and get a look at one of the medals, a full description and drawing can be found at the bottom of this edition.

The Award Ceremony itself will be held in the Prison yard open area. High Chancellor Ocato will be on hand to decorate the maimed. This ceremony will commence at three of the o'clock and will be followed by a parade from the Prison itself down to the Royal Palace where a special banquet dinner has been prepared for these brave men.

The parade will consist of High Chancellor Ocato mounted on a white horse, followed by several mounted Legionnaire.' Behind these will be the Prison guards, who will be on foot in formation behind the steeds.

Our reporter managed to infiltrate the Palace kitchen area where the Palace Chef was found to be in a heated argument with High Chancellor Ocato over a special stew made from the rodents themselves which is to be served at the banquet.

High Chancellor Ocato himself ordered this particular entree to be served to the injured men, providing the Chef with his own recipe for the stew. High Chancellor Ocato was seen forcing the menu and recipe into the hands of the Palace Chef, and was overheard numerous times shouting, "It's a delicacy!" His high pitched tones carried above the din in the kitchen.

The angry Palace Chef did eventually make the stew, but in his rage at Chancellor Ocato was seen numerous times spitting into the broth.

Of the injured, it was determined that thirty seven guards had sustained stab wounds in the melee, another fourteen were treated for blunt force trauma to various parts of their anatomy.

Our 'On the Streets' reporter interviewed several citizens to see how they felt about this special honorary recognition of the brave men. It seems to have wrought a certain humor amongst the residents, who have taken to nicknaming the plague of rodents in terms such as, "The Incisordent," and calling the Prison itself "The Rodential Palace."

________________________________________________________________________________



* Sneak peek of "Order of the Rodent Slayer" Medal:


http://img682.imageshack.us/img682/2111/mousemedal.jpg

Nicely done! A delightful short break from our girl's adventure.

Thank you treydog for adding your touch to Maxical's story.

MALX, this was a clever concept and quickly delivered with style and humor.

Bravo! Er... I mean Squeak, Squeak. :toughninja:

Thanks Acadian! Treydog sent that award (above in a post) - that was Awesome, and deserved recognition! I posted it on Maxcial's myspace too, so readers on the internet site can see it too, lol.

Forgive me for having not read your works in the past, MALX. I must say I'm glad to see the intrepid reporting of the Black Horse Courier alive and well!

I think I've done 3 of them so far, this one came on spur of the moment due to Treydog's great award, lol. Thanks for reading Lorca!

And thanks for the touches Malx...the part about the mouse stew was hilarious!