Haha it reminds of this article I once read.
If you are ever tempted to lap your CPU do this instead: stand on polyester carpeting with your socks while you press your CPU onto the 3500 rpm spinning gray 60 grit wheel of a nice Black & Decker BT3500 bench grinder. Keep going until the static tingle in your fingers turns into sharp shocks and the IHS is ground down to where the actual circuitry is visible. Now your CPU will work perfectly. If you'll believe that, you'll also believe that Microsoft Bob was the best Operating System in history, Enron stock was a profitable investment, and Hancock was a great superhero movie
Note:I have never tried lapping, so I can neither confirm nor deny if it works or not.
-Edit....wow that was a very odd ninja. Thats the same article I read a while back. (of course it is one of the top results)