Prologue

Five hundred years after the Oblivion Crisis...

Many years ago, the Champion of Cyrodiil stopped the daedra from invading. The hordes of infernal dremora and vicious daedroth. When he left Mankar Camaron's Paradise, people viewed him as a hero. However, he had become much darker.

He then went to the Shivering Isles in search of power. When he returned, any traces of humanity had left him. In his demented rage, he slaughtered the Blades, and began a crusade of crimes. However, an Argonian assassin stopped him.

After that, the Argonian and his Khajiiti companion came to the ruins of Morrowind to regain their thoughts. For after they killed the Champion, their long-lost Dunmeri friend arrived in a new-found body of a lich. They killed him and ever sense held a deep sense of remorse.

For some time they stayed in the blackened remnants of the Dunmeri homeland, but left. The despair that filled their hearts from seeing the remains of where they met their friend caused them to leave. They were never seen again.

There is rumor in the streets of the Imperial City of a daedric cult with the power to weaken, or even destroy the seal from our world and theirs. The Champion of Cyrodiil rose up before, I must rise up now. After the Mede Empire fell, a Daedra-worshipper conquered Tamriel.

When I was a squire, they taught me the skills of swordplay, etiquette, archery, and restoration. Now I guess I'll have to put my skills to the test. I must walk in his footsteps, but I must remember the teachings of the Dunmer, the Argonian, and the Khajiit.

The time is near, I must stop time from repeating itself...

Alright, not only did you kill the blades, but you also killed the Champion of Cyrodiil?

"After that, the Argonian and his Khajiiti companion came to the ruins of Morrowind to regain their thoughts. For after they killed the Champion, their long-lost Dunmeri friend arrived in a new-found body of a lich. They killed him and ever sense held a deep sense of remorse.

For some time they stayed in the blackened remnants of the Dunmeri homeland, but left. The despair that filled their hearts from seeing the remains of where they met their friend caused them to leave. They were never seen again."

Wait...wha--?

And a Daedric Worshipper CONQUERED Tamriel?

I really hope this is a joke-fanfic. But nevertheless, it is a fanfic.

Now, that's not very constructive at all is it? Someone being a little extra creative doesn't have to be a bad thing at all. In fact, its refreshing at times. Besides, not all Daedric worshippers are pure evil. You can worship them simply out of interest and such although if its someone like Dagon, you might possibly be evil be even not maybe not :shrug:

Nonconstructive criticism is nonconstructive :nod:

On that note, while you have an interesting premise of a story, you may consider slowing the pace down a bit. You just dumped what should be a decent-sized chapters worth of information on us in a few short paragraphs. So unless that was just for a short intro-prologue, I would suggest slowing it down and describing things rather than just listing them off one by one through the chapters.

Hehe. I will keep that in mind. Sorry. And thanks.

Trust me, it'll slow down. It's more telling what has happened.

Edit: Actually, I'll just do something different...

It's a good idea Kalaran, but you have to understand that the way you wrote it seemed very rushed and choppy.


You otta try going into much more detail on alot of things. For example.






Instead of just basically pulling things like Argonian Assassin's with no names and Khajiit's that are randomly being there companions, try to give some depth into there characters. Same story for the whole ruins of Morrowind and Dunmer in a lich body.

Who is this Argonian? Where exactly did he come from? Same for his friend. How did they meet? Who were they serving, if anyone? And what is there history with this dunmer?

Also, how exactly did Morrowind become ruins? When the Champion of Cyrodil went mad, where was his damage done, and how great was its effect? What in the world was changed?

Things like that are what really matter. Who what where how when and why. If we don't have at least four of those details, maybe three, we are going to be lost and probably not care about what is going on.






Also, to add onto that



"There is rumor in the streets of the Imperial City of a daedric cult with the power to weaken, or even destroy the seal from our world and theirs. The Champion of Cyrodiil rose up before, I must rise up now. After the Mede Empire fell, a Daedra-worshipper conquered Tamriel."



Where did this little fact come from? What do any of those three sentences have to do with one another? Instead ofj ust typing out these one-fact-per-sentences things, you should try to go into detail for every fact, whether its a large amount or small. Example.


"In present times, there are rumors going about of a new daedric cult rising. One that may have enough power to shatter or completely obliterate the seal that protects our world from the planes of Oblivion. No one knows if these are just rumors, or something worse, but it is believed that they are located" yadda yadda. Don't go spoiling everything about them, but give us a idea of what the general public would know or believe.






So, first we are five hundred years past the oblivion crisis? Now we are in it? How about instead of this, we type up something more along the lines of just.


"It is written in many books and scrolls, and told through many tales that five hundred years ago, the land of Tamriel fell under siege by powerful beings known as the Daedra. Those that lived during this time came to know this as the Oblivion Crisis...________ (<-- More details and stuff)"



Tell us what happened in your version of the crisis, who lived who died, what the Champion did specifically, then the aftermath.


All in all, this is not a bad concept. Just needs ALOT more detail to it. If you want to get a idea of the kinds of detail people would wish for a intro, just go ahead and watch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfBb3LuY0uc&feature=related


Good luck, and I do hope you go through with this story! Don't do what I did and ditch everything one to four post in because of lack of positive attention. Take the feedback given and put it to use!


And remember! Long, detailed paragraphs! Type it up in a Word program if you need to and work on chapters over the course of days!


TEAM TIGER OUT!

The characters do have depth,b ut you have to understand. It's being told from the protagonist's point of view, he doesn't know their name.

Edit: Well I wrote this over the summer, perhaps I'll dos omething new.