When playing the mini disposition game, you have the choice of Coerce, Admire, boast, and Joke. With everything everybody knows of Oblivion, books, people, places, wild-life, etc. What kind of jokes do you think your player is telling??

Admire, Boast, and Coerce could be any number of things being said given all that you do. When joking though, there has to be a selct group of jokes that only people of Nirn would understand. What jokes do you think your character is telling??

So, whats up with Fast Travel food?

I saw a goblin walking by the other day, before he saw me. I thought I'd let him go, but he finally smelled me and attacked me. So I cut off his head! HAHAHA!!!!!

A blonde and a brunette are hanging out in a bar. The brunette turns to the blonde and says, "I had six with a Brazilian last night!"
The blonde says, "Oh my God! How many is a brazilian?"

:foodndrink:

Hahaha, yes sir! (Half the people that read it are guaranteed not to get it, unfortunately)

Strangely enough, i understand it

Good one.

I take my job as a Palace Guard in the White gold tower seriously.
I had one guy in here yesterday, wearing a hood.
I said "look mate, it's policy, no hoodies."
He wasn't for having it and I ended up kicking him out.

When he was picking himself up, he still kept going on about being a monk.

Two sweetrolls are roasting over a fire. One says, "Sure is hot, huh?" The other replies, "By the Nine! A talking sweetroll!"

My wife left me the other day, she said she was sick of me and wanted some real sea men.

Did you hear about the Khajiit dating party? It was a real hairem.

Some Argonian actually fell for a Succubiss' cruel, painful trap. Now they call him "Lost-His-Tail".

This is hilarious, nothing to add though I'm terrible at telling jokes. :unsure:

An orc and an Imperial are walking down a road. The Imperial says "Look at that disgusting Spriggen", then the orc says "thats no Spriggen, thats my mother!"

OMG, well how many is it? Is it more than a gazilian? Do I need more fingers and toes to count? I never heard of a Brazilian. Oh, wait, I'm a Bravilian. . . and a blonde. Is Brazil near Bravil. . . like are they related? Ooooh, I'm so confused. :ahhh:

A girl came skipping home from school one day.

"Mummy, Mummy, she yelled, "We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl asked.

"Yes, It's because your blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.

"Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids said up to D, but I said it up to G. See? A,B,C,D,E,F,G!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?"

"Yes, It's because your blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.

"Mummy Mummy!" she yelled, "We were in archery class today, and when we were showering, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!"

She lifted up her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm Blonde, Mummy?"

"No Honey, Its because you're 24."

Ok, that's just great.

An Imperial and an Argonian meet in a mine in Morrowind. The Imperial goes:
"Ey, see that big chunk of ebony ore and a pickaxe?". The Argonian replays:
"Well, yea-"
"EXACTLY, SO GET TO WORK YOU LAZY ****!!!!"

What do an Orc say to another?

"Man, you're ugly!"

How many Orcs does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. *Orc runs off assuming lightbulb can be found to screw*


There was this Khajiit that walked into a bar and sat down on a stool and the bartender said, "Can I help you?"

The Khajiit asks, "skooma, skooma, skooma, got any skooma?"

The bartender said, "NO! This is a bar not a skooma den."

The Khajiit walked out and then he came in the next day and sat on the very same stool!

The bartender walked over and asked him if he could help him? The Khajiit asks, "skooma, skooma, skooma, got any skooma?"

The bartender yelled, "NO this is a BAR NOT A SKOOMA DEN!" So the Khajiit walked out again and left.

He came back the next day and sat on the same stool once again! The Khajiit yelled at the bartender, "SKOOMA, SKOOMA, SKOOMA, GOT ANY SKOOMA?

The bartender said, "NO. And if you come back here once more I am gonna nail your tail to the wall and you are gonna die there."

The Khajiit said, "ok", and left.

The next day came and sure enough the Khajiit came back except he only peeped his head inside the door. He asked, "nails, nails, got any nails?" The bartender replied, "NO!"

The Khajiit said "Good, then you got any skooma?"

An Altmer, a Dunmer, a Bosmer, and an Orc were sailing on a small boat, when it sprang a leak. In a vain attempt to keep the vessel afloat, they threw their belongings overboard. When they noticed that wasn't helping, they realized they needed to take more drastic measures.

The Altmer exclaimed, "For Summerset Isle!" and leapt over the edge of the boat into the sea. The others caught on.

The Orc exclaimed, "For Orsinium!" and threw himself off the boat.

Then the Dunmer exclaimed, "For Morrowind!" and threw the Bosmer off the boat.

Oh noes! As a Bosmer blonde, I don't think I like where this thread is going! :stare:

:lmao:

An Altmer, a Bosmer and Dunmer are drinking beer at the Inn when a necromancer sits down at the next table with his drink

Predictably enough the place starts filling up with flies because of the necromancers body odour

Each one of the elves ends up with a fly in their beer

The Altmer gingerly fishes the fly out with a spoon

The Bosmer just grabs it between thumb and forefinger and tosses it over his shoulder

The Dunmer spends 5 minutes wringing the fly dry

Hmm racked my brain, ( it hurt ).. Here goes.

Mehrunes Dagon manages to physically enter Tamriel and before him stands three people an elf, an orc an a human...

He goes up to the finely robed human and demands to know who this weakling is. "I am emperor Uriel and I banish you with dragon fire" the man declares..
So with a chuckle dagon stamps his foot down and splat goes the emperor.

Next comes the grey hued Orc and he demands "who is this maggot"... "I am the Grey prince, champion of cyrodiil I challange you" proudly boasts the orc.. Splat.

Finally the prince of destruction approaches the elf, and looks down at the flame haired bosmer " And what claim do you have " Dagon roars...
"I'm your biggest fan" squeks the elf.. And Dagon flees in terror never to be seen in Tamriel ever again.

So an Imperial gaurd came up to me the other day, and he said to me" you have my ear citizen."

So I ask him: "Do you want it back?"



Yeah you know this post would have ended up on here eventually.

"I'm a khajiit in disguise...want to see me lick my butt?"

Anyway, in all seriousness...

"An Orc Matron suspects her husband of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a sword. She goes to his shack unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a bosmer woman.

Well, the Orc is angry. She reaches to take out the sword, but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the sword and puts it to her own throat.

Her orc husband yells "No, don't do it!". The wife replies "Shut up, you're next.""

Silly Orcs.

EDIT: Also...

"This nord arrives at Sovngarde. He has to wait to be admitted, while a Divine leafs through his Big Book.

He's checking to see if the Nord is worthy of entry or not. The divine goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the nord, "You know, I can't see that you did lots of good in your life, but you never did anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you're in."

The nord thinks for a moment and says, "Well, there was this one time when I was riding down the road and I saw a Orc gang assaulting this poor elf girl. I slowed down to see what was going on, and sure enough, that's what they were doing. There were about five of 'em torturing this lady."

"Infuriated, I got off my horse, drew my mace, and walked straight up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy with a large axe and a big ring in his nose. As I walked up to the leader, the gang formed a circle all around me."

"So I ripped the leader's ring off his nose smashed him over the head with the mace. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor, innocent girl alone, you bastards! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'"

The divine, extremely impressed, says, "Really? Wow, when did all this happen?"

"Er.. about two minutes ago."

One racist Breton says to the other:

Whats the difference between a watermelon and an orc?

the watermelon can feed a family of four!

Similarities? Their heads are big, green, and full of mush.

An altmer and an orc were walking through a forest when they suddenly saw a beautiful young dunmer woman being set apon by bandits. Reacting acordingly they fought the bandits and drove them off. Before the woman could thank them the Daedra lord Azura appeared before them and said "This woman is under my protection. I thank you for coming to her aid and as reward I will grant you each two wishes."
The orc proclaimed that he would go first and said "I wish that I were iresistably attractive to all orc women where ever I go."
No sooner had he said it than two (beautiful?) orc women came running to him and started fawning.
The altmer thought for a moment and a smile came across his face. He said "I wish for a horse faster than any other horse in all of Tamriel!"
At that moment a magnificent white horse trotted right up to him already sadled and bridled.
The orc now somewhat enamored by his two female friends said "I wish that all orcs other than me were women!"
At that moment a passing orc adventurer suddenly morphed into a (beautiful?) woman and ran up to him, fawning like the others.
It was time for the altmer's second wish and the last wish to be granted. He got onto his new horse, looked at Azura with a wicked smile and said "I wish that orc were gay."
And rode off as fast as his horse would take him.