» Tue Dec 01, 2015 7:36 pm Hey Chumps and Floozies,
It’s Bender “Bending” Rodriguez here to tell you how to emulate your greatest hero…Me, Bender.
S - 6
P - 1
E - 7
C - 7
I - 3
A - 3
L - 1
Why these stats? Let me explain so your simple human mind can comprehend the magnitude of my greatness.
Strength - 6 - I bend unbendable girders in my sleep!
Key Elements - Iron Fist, Weaponsmith, Strong Back
Iron Fist - Of course I have iron fists. Im 40% iron!
Weaponsmith - From Fleens to the Simple Bat, who doesn’t like beating humans with weapons?
Strong Back - Thanks to my hollow chest cavity, I can pilfer more than the average thief.
Perception - 1 - Who cares what everyone else is doing? All eyes should be on me, Bender!
Key Elements - Pickpocket
Pickpocket - Remember risk vs reward. Always steal from the rich and the weak. That way if you get caught you can turn the burglary into an easy and hilarious assault.
Endurance - 7 - I am a robot….duh!
Key Elements - Toughness, Lead Belly, Chem Resistant, Rad Resistance, Adamantium Skeleton.
Toughness - My grandmother was a bulldozer!
Lead Belly - Im 40% Lead
Chem Resistant - You name a drug I haven’t abused, and I’ll do it!
Rad Resistant - Radiation only hurts those weak humans
Adamantium Skeleton - Im 40% Adamantium
Charisma - 7 - This is how I can commit all sorts of heinous acts… but you still love Bender!
Key Elements - Lady Killer, Lone Wanderer, Animal Friend, Party Boy
Lady Killer - Who haven’t I slept with? My list includes Amy Wong, Lucy Lui, Crushinator, Countess De La Rocha, Femputer, Angleyne, Planet Express Ship, Lynn, Fanny, Bev, Bella, and a whole lot of unnamed floozies!
Lone Wanderer - Stayed a 1000 years in the desert and that perk of carrying more sure is nice for stealing!
Animal Friend - I taught the penguins to defend themselves and how to shoot guns. Just 1 more species to help me in my quest to kill all humans!
Party Boy - Of course I have to drink all the time, it powers my fuel cells. It’s not an addiction, it’s a necessity!
Intelligence - 3 - I was going to get a new memory chip implanted, but the idea of having to do something is ludicrous.
Key Elements - Gun Nut
Gun Nut - Anything to make me look cool. Plus guns give me the added benefit of hurting humans without having to get off the couch.
Agility - 3 - “[insert response here]” GoTo 59
Key Elements - Sneak
Sneak - Because the sweetest loot comes from unsuspecting chumps
Luck - 1 - Your God hates me!
From my cheating unit malfunctioning both at craps and bowling, I make my own luck through immorality and bending the rules.
So there it is you meat bags. Remember, society looks down on robots so we do what we, want when we want, and how we want. If you don’t like it you can bite my shiny metal ass! As for November 10th… LETS GO ALLLLREAAAADDYYY
