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The United Insignia of Suffering

Tales of Wooly Malice and Anticleran Contempt: Part 1(UISTWMAC)

RP Idea by I am the Walrus! and Person From Anticlere

In the early days of the fourth era, a great plague spread across Tamriel. It was later discovered this plague originated from Dagoth Ur, it was soon also discovered the source of this plague was THE ROD OF DAGOTH. A magical item that was activated through vigorious svcking and licking to release huge mystical energy. In the wrong hands, it can do nothing but bad! It is in these days that our brave band of adventurers sets out on a quest to find THE ROD OF DAGOTH and cast it back into the fires of Dagoth Ur from whence it came. The heroes have met in an inn though fate, and have agreed to the quest. THE ROD OF DAGOTH was last rumoured to be held in a secret underground complex below the Imperial City which can only be activated by licking a spear stuck in the ground outside of the Imperial City, which will open a gateway into madness. An old altmer with questionably masculine fashion and weird eyebrows told you the rumours. So our adventurers set out from Dagoth Ur(where they heard the rumours) to Vivec. Where they begin their quest.

NOTE: This is before Red Year.

NOTE: Please post your character sheet in the thread.

Name:

Gender: (Hermophradites allowed)

Race:

sixual Orientation:

Nickname 1(required):

Nickname 2(required):

Class:

Address:

Items:

Appearance:

Age(Must be over 18):

Misc:

Bio:

Pet Peeves:

Mental Health:

Insured? (Y/N)

You start 5 miles south of the Inn.

Character Sheets:

I am the Walrus!
Name: Shadowblade DeathSteel the Destroyer

Gender: Female

Race: Redguard

Class: Upper Class, suga.

sixual Orientation: Whateva you want it to be, suga.

Nickname 1(required): The Night

Nickname 2(required): Death

Address: The Gay Bear Inn, Dagoth Ur

Items: Low cut Ruby Red Dress with Ridiculously Low Neckline, Green Slippers. Pirate Hat. Lightsaber.

Appearance: Has particularly lavish cleavage, almost visible through her thin dress with it's low cut.... ugh, *shivers*. Her ebony skin shines in the pale moonlight. She is thin and well built, with long dark luxurious hair... *shivers* By the Nine....

Age(Must be over 18): A proper lady never tells, suga.

Misc: Former-prosttute. Is the Leader of the Party. Extremely Flamboyant and frisky.

Bio: Was born and raised in South Detroit. Crossed over to the Elder Scrolls universe in 1944 and became the great nightblade and assassin who ever lived. She was also a prosttute at some point.

Pet Peeves: Uptight men, Mudcrabs.

Mental Health: Perfectly fine, Suga.

Insured? (Y/N) N

Person From Anticlere.

Name: Rendagulf

Nickname 1: The Doom-Shadow Slayer

Nickname 2: Man-Bull

Race: Nord

Gender: Male

Address: Skyrim, Solitude, Hrothgar ave.

Class: Heroic Berserker

Items: A steel plate cuirass enchanted with mighty magicks of the north (a spell to keep him warm). Underneath it, a tunic woven from the hair of many hags he slew with his mighty ebony claymore, which in turn was crafted from the ebony he ripped from the frozen ground of Solstheim with his bare hands. Rendagulf’s pants have been in the family for generations, imbued with the powers of his ancestors who keep his resolve strong no matter what. He wears knee high boots of steel, crafted by an Orcish master smith after Rendagulf beat him in a duel. Over his back he wears a massive fur cape, which serves no discernible function.

Appearance: Standing at 7’8 feet, Rendagulf is a beast of a man. His shoulders are said to be so broad a swallow becomes weary while trying to fly their length; indeed, the mighty hero faces many problems when entering through doorways. His fists are said to be as large as a Bosmer’s head, which is why his weapon is also of a majestic size. The hero’s face seems as if it was
carved from stone, emotionless in the face of any danger. With a huge nose and wide yet thin lips, this is completed by his large, sky-blue eyes. His blonde hair flows untamed to shoulder length.

Age: 28

Misc: Extremely strong, Rendagulf is said to be five and a half times the man Randagulf, the Nordic hero of old, was. However, there isn’t yet a single song or tale about his mighty achievements, however Rendagulf is sure someone will eventually put together a saga.

Bio: Born in Solitude as the son of two nobles, Rendagulf’s youth is described as incredible by everyone who knows him. When he was a mere baby, his jealous uncle tried to kill the only heir to his brother’s fortunes and placed two snakes in his bed. Baby Rendagulf proceeded to strangle said snakes and then hit his uncle on the head with them, knocking the man out for two days.
His strength, however, was later tamed by a legendary unnamed hero trainer who had settled down and decided to teach his ways to those who would listen. He taught Rendagulf all the mighty Nord knows and then died right afterwards, making Rendagulf the only man who knows of the ancient ways of this strange hero. Many an adventure has Rendagulf had, many beasts he has slain, and now he embarks on another one – to find the source of this strange plague.

Pet Peeves: Intellectuals, cold

Mental Health: Incredibly egocentric, but then he has reason to be so! For he, after all, is the mighty Rendagulf!

Insured? N

_

WoolyMammoth

PFA...lol

NOTE TO ALL: This is a comedy.


Name: Manaras Jadaryn

Gender: Male

Race: Dunmer

sixual Orientation: Straight

Nickname 1(required): MJ

Nickname 2(required): Mom-Juggler

Class: Nerererevaraine

Address: Illegal Immigrant. Waiting to finish his legal documentation.

Items: The mighty Akivirian sword, dawn/duskfang, which he keeps in his underwear. During the day it burns bright, and he often has to change pants. During the night, it expands, and freezes, thus getting very hard. He wears mighty Daedric suit of armor, being more powerful than any other armor in the entire universe, as he is the nerevarine. He wears an enchanted necklace, which consists of the gold letters, "50 Cent". He has awesome,black shoes, which are partially elevated by a short heel at the back. He uses them primarily for dancing. Break dancing.

Appearance: Manaras is a very stern looking man, bad ass in fact. He is muscular, standing at 6'5. His eyes are red, and he has long black hair, which may be let down to his shoulders, or in a ponytail, depending on what kind of dance off he takes part in.

Age(Must be over 18): 666

Misc: Has a bad speech impediment. Can't say Nerevaraine right, or any words really. He stutters.

Bio: Became the Nerevaraine after defeating Dagoth Ur at a dance off. He has seen the "Rod of Dagoth".

Pet Peeves: Hates people that can't dance.

Mental Health: He seems alright. Though, there is speculation about him possibly liking little boys.

Insured? (Y/N): Insurance? Hell, who needs that when you can dance. His record company insures him.

-

Josh gro-Graz

Name: Josh gro-Graz

Gender: Male

Race: Josh is 25% German, 15% Deadra, 50% Orc, 10% 1337 BEAST PAWNZORZ

sixual Orientation: Heterosixual

Nickname 1(required): God

Nickname 2(required): Orcish Jeebus

Class: Destroying Shadow of Darkness Assassin Warrior

Address: Down the street doin’ your mom.

Items:
- The 1337 Sword of Cookies and Death: The 1337 Sword of Cookies and Death is a sword crafted out of children’s bones and tears. It is said that it is strong enough to cut through anything. Many people call this sword “Smexy piece of goodness”
- The Shield of Dangerously Attractive Hermaphrodites : This sword is said to be made out of Attractive Hermaphrodites. It pawns teh newbs by turning into a device that shoots out sharp metal.

Appearance: I could describe it but that is what pictures are for!

Age(Must be over 18): His age is unknown

Misc: - Nobody can stop him. Not even Raptor Jeebus.

Bio: It is said he was made it the fires of a pit, but he was actually a warrior before he was born.

Pet Peeves: Not doin’ your mom

Mental Health: He is completely sane

Insured? (Y/N) No

Shadowblade DeathSteel the Destroyer turned around suddenly, her lushful bosoms surging up and down playfully underneath her tight dress. The pale moonlight shone off of her ebony skin, and she turned around to see her companion hurrying up behind her. She stood outside the small wooden Inn that was built just overlooking the ledge of the crater of Dagoth Ur. It's front door faced the edge of a cliff, and if one wished to enter the Inn, they would do so perilously, only the tips of their feet clinging to the rock face as they moved. Shadowblade DeathSteel the Destroyer put her fingers to her nose, smelling the bright jasmine scent that seemed to follow her like the plague that followed all citizens of Tamriel now. She mourned for them day and night. She turned to her companion, and grasped his glorious, muscle-laden shoulder, turning him about to look into his deep eyes, which shone with the experiences of a life time, and horrors that could not be undone. Shadowblade DeathSteel the Destroyer has lusted for this man and his solid, rock-like muscles from the day she saw him in that inn. She petted his hair and whispered sweet nothings to him as she thought of ways to lure him to her, so that she could give herself up to him.

Rendagulf grinned heroically, resulting in a standing ovation from everyone in the inn. He then cracked another grin, just for Shadowblade. Let's go upstairs, baby. This grin said. The heroic Nord, however, had no vile intent, for he merely wished to show Shadow his mighty sword. He had, after all, crafted it from ebony ripped from the ground with bare hands! What a feat that was. But the ever-heroic Rendagulf could not unsheathe it in a pub like this, for it was already cramped for his massive frame and flailing around this sword of massive proportions might have resulted in a few injured. Perhaps that would have not been so bad, had this inn been inhabbited by those vile fools that constantly challenged Rendagulf. Whatever their dark sorceries were, this honest Nord did not understand them and merely engaged in an honourable duel with those threats to society. Some called them 'monks' yet Rendagulf preferred the term 'monsters'.

"How long shall we dally here! We must save the land?!"

OOC: 'Shadow' is not one of my nicknames. Knock it off, buster.

IC: Shadowblade DeathSteel the Destroyer grinned lustfully back at Rendagulf, bending over to tie imaginary shoelaces, letting him get a better look at his goods.

"Awright, suga." She stayed bending back up. "I have to say, your eyes are like the sun, and your grin is like looking into the gray hair of a beautiful old man, like my pappa, I remembe my pappa, he owned a small tamato shop down on main street, he would sell bannanas to all the nice people and laugh as he did so. Then, some white mobsters gunned him down for his change. Those were bad times." She shook her head. "I cried so hard.". She broke down into sobbing heaves, her melons jiggling wildly in every direction. "My momma said I'd have to move in with my auntie and uncle in bel air, but I didn't want to go, so I came here, just to look for you, suga." She grinned. She moved closer to him, and slipped her hand down, feeling around at him. "If you want, you can stab me with your other sword... suga.... I have a room upstairs...."

"Erm! Yes, sure, maybe!" Rendagulf's grin was momentarily replaced by a look of confusion. What was this lady on about? He didn't know. No one had ever required anything more of him than to grin heroically, striking the occasional pose or perhaps even throwing out a frown to scare his enemies. She had also mentioned some other sword. Strange; he only had one. After all, he wouldn't forget to keep track of his swords, not after forging this claymore. Oh, was that a deed worth telling! Perhaps one day he could share it with some scribe, who could then work that mysterious magic and somehow etch it upon a white object. All this was mysterious to the heroic Nord.

"But I should know about hard times?! For it was Rendagulf the Nord who battled the dreaded Kwama of east Morrowind..! And yet those thankless Dunmer?! Not only did they not thank Rendagulf for freeing them, they tried to treacherously attack me, their minds enslaved by the vile Kwama! When they started babbling about me killing off their food source?! I decided they were beyond redemption and took all of them on! Twenty Dunmer at once, yes! Armed with vicious canes and eggs! I nearly slipped and cut my finger once!"

snip

snip

Name: Josh gro-Graz

Gender: Male

Race: Josh is 25% German, 15% Deadra, 50% Orc, 10% 1337 BEAST PAWNZORZ

sixual Orientation: Heterosixual

Nickname 1(required): God

Nickname 2(required): Orcish Jeebus

Class: Destroying Shadow of Darkness Assassin Warrior

Address: Down the street doin’ your mom.

Items:
- The 1337 Sword of Cookies and Death: The 1337 Sword of Cookies and Death is a sword crafted out of children’s bones and tears. It is said that it is strong enough to cut through anything. Many people call this sword “Smexy piece of goodness”
- The Shield of Dangerously Attractive Hermaphrodites : This sword is said to be made out of Attractive Hermaphrodites. It pawns teh newbs by turning into a device that shoots out sharp metal.

Appearance: I could describe it but that is what http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs38/f/2008/341/8/5/WOW_fanart__Orc_Death_Knight_by_dwinbotp.jpg are for!

Age(Must be over 18): His age is unknown

Misc: - Nobody can stop him. Not even Raptor Jeebus.

Bio: It is said he was made it the fires of a pit, but he was actually a warrior before he was born.

Pet Peeves: Not doin’ your mom

Mental Health: He is completely sane

Insured? (Y/N) No

Rendagulf would've frowned with his mighty eyebrows; alas, he had none, courtesy of an accident involving a particularly narrow doorway and a fireplace. However, his frown was still fearsome enough to make some folks - who had begun dancing to this strange Dunmer's magic noise box - faint. The heroic Nord himself remained unfazed by this, choosing to ignore a couple of accidental cassualties; after all, those were unavoidable when a hero of his calibre was involved. His primary focus now was this odd man; Rendagulf had recognized him as the one who was running some sort of a strange sideshow when he was saving the rest of the world with his mighty sword and undefeatable strength.

"You, strange Dunmer! What is your purpose here?! Do you join us to fight the Plague?! Which plagues the world! Plague on it, that damn Plague!" He was convinced the only way this Mer could've ended up here was with the guidance of that peculiar elf Rendagulf had met earlier, who told him not only of the Plague but also of the Rod of Dagoth and that his destiny was waiting for him in this inn. He remembered remarkably little of their conversation, the Nord having been distracted completely by the eyebrows, but he did remember that he'd been told to find the Rod of Dagoth and 'cast it back into the fiery chasm from whence it came'. The identity of this mysterious object, whence, eluded him for the moment, but as always, the mighty hero would eventually come to a conclusion of some sort.

OOC: Both new Character Sheets have been accepted. I'm waited for Aula to finish Squeak's sheet before I get us out of the inn. After that, if anyone else wants to join us before we reach Vivec, we can meet as travellers on the road. I have a plan on where the plots going to go. I'll edit this post once Aula's done and add my IC.

Name: Cabendras

Gender: Male

Race: Altmer/Argonian

sixual Orientation: Homosixual

Nickname 1(required): Gender-Bender

Nickname 2(required): sixy Gandalf

Class: Ancient Wizard

Address: Alinor

Items: Ancient Staff of Mystical Energy, it has a long shaft, and two weight-balls at the end to balance the staff. http://comeonelleen.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/elton.jpg. http://electricityandlust.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/elton-john.jpg. Pink Slippers. A smaller version of his staff he keeps in his 'back pocket'.

Appearance: He has long, quirky eyebrows that seem unusually long and slanted. He constantly wears a furrowed expression on his face, he has deep brown, short hair. He can break some dance moves too. This is http://electricityandlust.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/elton-john.jpg

Age(Must be over 18): Young enough for you to be attracted to him.

Misc: Is very flamboyant and quirky, strangely expresses huge interest in the bodies of his fellow men, and their swords. He often retreats up to his room alone with his staff for extended periods of time.

Bio: He used to live in New York City, where he was a famous singer, however, shortly along in his career, he contracted the AIDS. After finding a magical doorway, and moving into our realm, his AIDS disappeared. Since then, he has been roaming Vvardenfel, slaying 'monsters' with his 'staff'.

Pet Peeves: Macho Men

Mental Health: Can seem fleeting at times.

Insured? (Y/N) Y

_____

Cabendras, hearing the soft merry beat of the drum, and the thump of the bass, excitedly pulled up his pants and stowed away his staff. Rushing down the stairs of the inn, he burst open the door, walked up to the singer, and pushed him onto the floor. Grabbing the mic, and looking up into his star-struck fans, he shouted to the beatbox 'ROCKETMAN, LET'S GET SOME BEATS GOIN', OH MYYY".

Singing gracefully, he mournfully struck up the song, yelling note after note in perfect harmony, creating a beautiful melody.

Hearing the stikes of the drum sticks hitting their targets, Cabendras lit up with a strange magic and sung gracefully "And I think it's gonna be a long long time, til touchdown bring me round again to find, I'm not the man the think I am at home, oh no oh noooooo! I'm a rocketmaaaaaan. Rocketmaahttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GAKOLOnfV4aan, burning out his fuse out here alone." He continued his beautiful journey into musical bliss, the stars flying past him as the bar room was transformed from a dull [censored]hole into a beautiful world of endless possibilities. It could be magic, or it could have been the acid he dropped before he came down. Either way, it was beautiful. As the chrous came round again, he readied himself for another bout, the songs gliding out like wine into a glass, with ancient wisdom. Feeling the mood rising, he stood up out of his chair, and delivered the words in an emotional, stunning preformance, the entire tavern was now singing along, and as he went on, pelting out notes like a beautifully crafted and well-built machine. Suddenly, he realised, it had not in fact been acid he dropped, but diphenhydramine! How could he have made such a mistake! He curled up into a ball and cried as a horde of spiders crawled over him, the lights went out, and shadowmen appeared at every corner, he screamed madly the lyrics, hoping to hold on to some semblance of reality.

Shadow

Feeling the magic in the air, Shadow Took out her Lightsaber, lit it, and started dancing around, waving it as a glowstick to the beat of the music, alas, as she pranced and frolicked, her jugs moving under her tight dress like writhing snakes, she dropped her lightsaber, which fell through a beam and onto the floor, cutting off the support and starting a fire. Shadow know [censored] was goin' down, so she grabbed some fried chicken from a nearby table, as well as some fine melons, and ran out the door, as she panted outside and took a bite into the warm chicken, leaving her face all greasy and sticky, rubbing off her soft ebony skin, she heard the support go in the inn as it fell down, most likely killing half of the people inside!

Rendagulf watched with his trademark heroic grin as the inn collapsed. It wasn't that he enjoyed seeing that, or that he was confusing the inn with some vile lair of monsters - like those monastery places. He simply wasn't certain how he should feel that the inn suddenly went from being perfectly fine to a burning pile of rubble. The hero's mind, while perfectly capable of dealing with incredible terrifying danger and quickly reacting when in battle, had a tendency to work at a different pace when there were no immediate threats like liches or some such. Some mistakenly thought this mean Rendagulf was stupid; these people were complete fools, however, because they failed to understand how such a stressful job affected the mighty hero.

"Hm!" The warrior rubbed his enormous chin as cranks began to slowly turn and his powerful brain awoke from its slumber. "We might have destroyed the inn and killed everyone inside!" He turned to Shadowblade, who was busy devouring a chicken. Immediately Rendagulf's stomach responded with a rumble that could've caused an avalanche had they been in the snow-covered mountains of his homeland. Of course, there they'd have some food, because no one knew better how to find food in Skyrim than Rendagulf, whose old teacher had trained him in that well. Some people considered troll meat disgusting, but a hero could not afford to be so fussy and so he frequently helped himself to this fine dish, at times even with the fur still on which he claimed added a spicy taste to the meat.

"I'll go get some food!" The Nord proclaimed with his booming voice, immediately proceeding to wade through the burning rubble. Had any lesser man attempted that, they would've suffered severe burns, but of course a hero like Rendagulf could lift the flaming debris easily. As he was searching for a meal to satisfy his appropriately heroic hunger, however, strange shapes began to emerge from the ruins of the inn!

"Oi! These 'ere heroos ruined mah inn!"

"Get 'em!"

As more and more shapes began to emerge, inhabbitants of the inn that had managed to survive the collapse, Rendagulf recognized the incredibly familiar sight that was taking shape before him and immediately all confusion went away.

"Oh! You're an angry mob!"

"That we be, boyo!" The innkeeper, an aged man with strange outwards-curved legs exclaimed, picking up a torch. "Just let me find mah pitchfork and we can get on with tis 'ere mobbin' ye angrily!"

Although Rendagulf, possessing his incredible strength, could've easily disposed of the mob with his mighty claymore - which he had forged himself from ebony, and thus it would've made short work of the measly pitchforks and torches the peasants had produced from the innkeeper's torch and pitchfork storage - he knew this would not be the right thing to do, for he was a hero, not a villain. Plus, some voice told him that it would not be right for their quest, so instead the Nord decided to bravely retreat, hoping that Shadowblade and whetever other allies they might've had would follow suit as he ran off, unaware that he was heading right towards the crater of Red Mountain and the horrors that lurked there still, even after the fall of Dagoth Ur.

Shadow
Shadow was frozen in a moment of shocking indecision. Her jugs for once, not jiggling hysterically. He looked from her chicken and melons, to the angry mob approaching her. A look of sheer terror on her face, even though she was too paralyzed to move her face, her eyes screamed. As a redguard, she had never made such a harsh decision as to have to decide between fried chicken and her life. Suddenly, warmth rushed back into her body, and she took one last bite of the chicken, looked at it mournfully, then dropped it and fled off after Rendagulf.

Cabendras
The famed bender of genders stumbled out of the bar with a look of frenzied panic on his face. Shadows seemed to float around at the edges of his vision, and a man entirely in black with a black hat stood opposite him outside the ruins of the end. Like a whispers from far away, voices came to him. Man, that was way too much diphenhydramine. He asked the shadow figure in the black hat what he should do, the hat man looked at him puzzled, and said, "Follow the keeper of the chicken". Cabendras had no idea what he meant, so was shocked when a redguard ran past him, dropping chicken at his feet. With a frenzied haste, he hurried after her, voices and whispers resounding in his ears as he went, his mouth parched and dry, like the sahara desert.

As Rendagulf fled the angry mob with his heroically wide steps, eventually the bunch of old and drunk men decided it wasn't worth the effort of chasing the heroes down. They didn't even know what they would've done if they had caught up; stick a pitch fork in them? It hardly seemed satisfying enough considering they'd just burned down everyone's favourite inn in the vicinity of Red Mountain (coincidentally also the only inn there) and more sophisticated means of revenge were miles away, along with all the other comforts civilization offers. Even the Ghostgate didn't have anything to offer in this regard. So the angry drunks instead decided to carry on their drinking elsewhere - say, convert the Ghostgate to an inn. With such a plan they wandered off in the general direction of civilization.

Rendagulf, however, didn't stop looking, as in his heroic flight he had no time to look back. This did, however, prove detrimental, for unknowingly the Nord was leading the party right into a vile ambush, a trap set by one of their many enemies... For once you set out on a quest to stop a plague such as this and recover an artifact such as the Rod of Dagoth, you're bound to attract unwanted attention. And attract they did.

Fleeing towards the crater of Red Mountain, the fearsome... threesome was being observed by a foe both cruel and cunning, the likes of which none of the heroes had yet faced. No, even Rendagulf, the famous defender of Solitude who slew the mighty warlord Yfnglirad of Whiterun when he invaded with an army composed solely of drunks riding dogs! For this was a lieutenant of Dagoth Ur, the only great servant of his who had survived his master's fall, for he was so vile that he - or rather it - could survive merely off its own vileness and did not need to connect to the Heart of Lorkhan for immortality. The bane of all mages and intellectuals, every thinking being... Dagoth Lobe.

"The fools!" The diabolical villain, in fact a floating brain with a mask not unlike the one of Dagoth Ur hastily thrown on for whatever reason, buzzed. It lacked a mouth, yet somehow, mysteriously, the tentacle-armed brain managed to communcate via Tamrielic tongues. Judging by its bloated state, it could communicate in more than one Tamrielic tongue, too, for the vile Dagoth Lobe had absorbed the knowledge of many a defeated foe. That was why Dagoth Lobe was such a horrifying opponent - it would outsmart his opponents, defeating them with superior brainpower, and then sap them of their knowledge. This was how he intended to dispose of our heroes, too, counting on the trick that had worked so many times before...

"You, staff-carrier! I bet your name is Cabendras!" Dagoth Lobe exclaimed as it descended, intending to wreak havoc upon his victims. "I challenge you... to a brain fight! And if you refuse, I shall forever haunt you in your dreams and call you a dummy!" This foul trick was yet to fail Dagoth Lobe. For some reason, it didn't occur to all the heroes that came upon this vile threat that trying to outsmart a big floating brain wasn't a very wise idea; perhaps this was why Lobe always won.

"And the same applies to you two!" A foul-smelling tentacle extended and pointed in turn at Shadowblade and Rendagulf (who looked rather puzzled by this odd foe that had suddenly appeared before them; the heroic Nord once again found himself puzzled, this time over the nature of this foe, since he had no idea on Nirn what the hell it was).