This will be an actual character I RP with and update a constant journal for (perhaps one entry a week) provided you guys are interested in the idea / story. Also as you can tell from my stpry I'm not the best writer, but I will be revising and spell checking all my stuff provided I decide to go through with it.



Aldrich Vintarius is an Ex- Imperial Legion Soldier, he enlisted with the Imperial Legion at age 24, starting off as a simple guard in the Imperial City, keeping watch over the market district.

About a year later he was ordered to go, with the aid of 4 other guards, and hunt down and kill a gang of thieves that had been terrorizing the nearby village of Weye. When he met with his fellow guards in the barracks they revealed to him that it was not going to be as easy as it had originally sounded, a scout sent to the camp where the gang was holed up revealed that the thieves were actually a large gang of geared and skilled maurauders. There were expected to be as many as 5 of them at camp with 3 look outs posted around the perimeter, and a conversation he had heard lead him to believe there were as many as 4 more inside of the aylied ruins they were using as a base camp. This was not the only surprise however, as Aldrich would soon find out that he would be commanding the squad of guards, and that it was a sort of test of his combat tactics, how well he could keep his cool, and his ability to keep up ally moral in the heat of battle.

Aldrich determined it would be best to wait for nightfall, to catch them off guard, and hopefully most of them would be asleep, he also decided it would be best to get to know the soldiers he had at his disposal. The first was Vontarius, a soldier skilled in using sword and shield, and one who could handle a bow at long range. The second, Fredrick, was very large man, built like a tank, and had the hardiness of an ogre who preferred to use a large mace to crush his opponents. The third, Valanor, was a slim man, looked barely fit enough to be in the legion, but he was actually one of the most skilled archers in Cyrodiil. The last was a man that did not reveal his name, all that stood out was a sense of emptiness in his face, the only information he revealed about himself is that his preferred weapon of choice was a silver longsword, with no shield or secondary weapon.

When night came he re grouped with his squad outside of the gates and headed for the enemy encampment. Just outside of the camp he drank from a flask of shadowbanish wine that his father had given to him when he joined the legion, saying that he had kept it from when he was in the legion himself, he let the others have a drink as well. Soon, as the wine took effect, a he had aquired the ability to see in the dark, everything appeared in shades of blue, and he quickly told his quad what they had to do and the plan was set in motion.

Vontarius, Valanor, and Aldrich located the three lookouts mentioned by the scouts, and with coordinated shots, they took them down with arrows to the head. They gave the signal to the other two that the lookouts were dead, and they all rushed into the camp, killing the maurauders that were sound asleep in their tents, the plan had worked perfectly. they were not done however, as they still needed to rid the ruins of the remaining enemies. They were surprised to find that only one of them was asleep, but the other 3 found out quickly that they were outmatched and surrendered to the guards, but they knew their orders, and slew them on the spot.

Aldrich told his allies to check the rest of the ruins for any other maurauders while he checked for pulses, and any bandits that may have been left alive outside in the camp. As he was about to call back his squad he heard a scream from inside the ruins, he proceeded carefuly, slowly stepping forward to avoid making sound. He proceeded through corridors and passages to see something grotesque, Vontarius,Valanor, and Fredrick all lay dead, slaughtered and mutilated on the floor, he heard a footstep coming from behind him, turned around, but quickly fell to the floor, knocked out by a blow to the head.

He awoke several days later to find himself in a jail cell in the Imperial City Prison, shackled, and wearing nothing but some ragged old cloth clothing. He asked the prison guard why he was there, but the guard gave no answer.


I know this isn't the best material at the moment but this is just sort of the rough draft of the first 'chapter' of Aldrich's story and if I do decide to do this I will make corrections,

it sounds good to me, we'll just have to wait for Acadian to comment :dance:

NOOOO! Not ANOTHER RP story!

Yeah, sure, whatever suits you the best is good enough for me.

First, I'm humbled that you would mention that my journal may have offered some inspiration. :twirl:

Comments
1. The concept. Yes, writing a journal can bring your game to life and your game can bring the journal to life. It is a wonderful synergy. The place to do this is a fan fiction forum. Our own wonderful Bethesda forum or the chorrol forum linked in my signature are both great choices. There, you will find a supportive audience that can provide assistance in developing the skills to support it. {Edit: I see this thread has been moved to fanfic. }

2. Your story. You have introduced conflict and mystery and have what sounds like a fine character and story.

3. The craft of writing. Writing fiction is difficult and fraught with common traps that, as fiction writers, we are helped by our peers to overcome. Some of these pitfalls that may be relevant here:

- The forum format has a habit of turning medium or long paragraphs into 'walls of text' that become difficult to read. Using short paragraphs eases reading greatly on the forums.

- Similarly, long sentences that run on challenge the reader to stay oriented. Carefully crafted sentences that are often shorter generally work better.

- It is not necessary to do a 'full data dump' in your first story. Revealing details gradually over several episodes flows more naturally.

- There are three ways to transmit information in your fiction. The first is to 'tell'. This can efficiently cover a great deal of ground, but is, frankly the most boring of the three. The second is to 'show'. Here you describe what the character is doing, allowing readers to draw conclusions. Instead of saying 'it was a sunny day' you might say 'the warm sun felt comforting against my back'. Makes it more personal because you are saying how it affects your character. The third way is dialogue. Dialogue is more challenging, but when appropriate, is the richest way to display information. Showing and dialogue require more words and lengthen your story, but they are well worth it. You could have done much in your above episode with a rich and detailed conversation between your hero and his guard captain to introduce the quest while revealing much of your hero's background and temperment.

- Perspective, or point of view (POV). It seems you are using a third person POV. This is the most commonly used perspective in fiction for good reason. It allows you much flexibility. If you are comfortable with it, it is a good choice.

- I would keep your tense in the past. It can get quite unmanageable to effectively write a story in the present tense.

- I would recommend you spend some time on the fanfic forums. See what styles you admire and ponder why that is. Then decide what you think will work for you and consider opening a thread to tell your story there.

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My goodness. :blush: I am not trying to write a story myself here, so let me stop.

Alrighty then thanks for the support. I'll report this and get it moved over to the fan fiction form to see what they think of it over there.

Before anyone reads that, I suggest you break it up into paragraphs. Here we have a classic wall-o-text and my eyes are bleeding heavily from it.

I broke it down into some smaller paragraphs, I can break them down further if need be.