Chapter 1: Legion and the Orc

An Argonian walked through the dark rainy streets of Bravil. He was clad in leather armor and his face was hidden beneath a hood. On his back he had a bow and a quiver of arrows and a steel longsword to his side. Bravil is ridden with thieves, murderers and skooma adicts, quite a lovely place for vacation. An Imperial and two Khajjit followed behind the lone Argonian. The three closed in and drew their weapons, before they could even demand the Argonian's gold, their heads fell quickly from their shoulders. The Argonian sheathed his blade as quickly as it was drawn. The Argonian escaped the rain inside of an inn. The innkeeper greeted the Argonian with a smile,"Sun Tzu! Never thought I would see you in these parts again!" Sun Tzu sat down and slowly drank from the flagon of Mead that was placed before him, "I'm here for business..." replied the solemn Argonian ranger. Sun Tzu handed the inn keeper a sketch of an ugly orc, "Burgol gro Stazks... wanted Dead or Alive for two counts of murder and horse theft." said Sun Tzu. "Yes, he has been here, unruly fellow," said the innkeeper, "I believe he is holed up somewhere in a cave outside of town." As Sun Tzu was about to get up and leave a voice called out, "Sun Tzu, bounty hunter, sword for hire... lizard scum." A stern looking Imperial Legionaire walked into the inn. "You're lucky you are doing a job for the Empire... otherwise I would gladly cleave your head from your scaly body." All patrons within the inn were silent, Sun Tzu stood up and faced the Legionaire, "Yes... luck is indeed on my side, Captain Tabark." "Just take care of that orc," said the Captain as Sun Tzu exited the inn.

The rain had stopped and Sun Tzu left Bravil. He scouted the best area that Burgol gro Stazks could be hiding., he walked for an hour before he came upon large boot prints in the muck, they led him to an opening of a cave. He entered the main chamber, sword drawn, but then, all of the sudden a circle of torches appeared, holding them were Imperial Legionaires, and leading them was Captain Tabark. "I have you now, you Black Marsh scum!" Sun Tzu stood in shock and anger. Out of the circle stepped a snarling Burgol Stazks. "Well it looks as though the great Argonian Ranger and danger to the Empire, Sun Tzu is outwitted by the great Burgol gro Stazks with the help of the valiant Imperial Legion!" The hideous Orc roared. Sun Tzu then realized that the whole thing was a setup, his weapons were consficated, slapped in irons and struck on the head with a club.

Chapter 2 Inquisition

Sun Tzu awoke in the dead of night; he was being dragged by two Imperial Legionnaires. As his eyes started to become adjusted to the darkness he realized that they have entered the county of Leyawiin, and members of the Leyawiin guard were walking toward them. Sun Tzu watched Captain Tabark and the Leyawiin Guard Captain talk, but could not hear what they were saying. After the exchange of gold, one of the guards came up to Sun Tzu and struck him with the hilt of his sword. It seemed to be an eternity before Sun Tzu became conscious. He found himself in a pitch black damp room, his body was aching and he could feel blood caked on his forehead. He then realized that his arms and legs were chained, and he was lying down on a stone table. There was dead silence, except for the occasionally scurrying rat. Sun Tzu thought he heard faint footsteps, but quickly dismissed them. Hours passed and he heard them again, only they got closer and he then saw the fiery glow of a single torch accompanied by the outline of five figures. The person carrying the torch was the Leyawiin Guard Captain whom Sun Tzu had seen earlier. The six figures encircled the table and a female's voice spoke. Three of the six left the dark room, and the woman took the torch. The woman's voice was that of the Countess of Leyawiin.

Sun Tzu could see the hatred in her eyes through the torch light. Without a word or warning the countess grabbed Sun Tzu by the hand and sliced off his little finger, the Argonian winced in pain, restraining any outcry. "Well, now that I've attracted your attention," began the merciless Countess, "let's see what this lizard mercenary knows." Sun Tzu could feel the chains beginning to pull tighter. "We have been having quite the problem lately," said the Countess, "all of the supply caravans en route to Black Marsh have been attacked by a group of Argonian terrorists." A nail was driven through Sun Tzu's foot, "I believe they are called "The Claws of the Hist," most dismiss them as a small band of bandits, but I see them as a dangerous rebel threat!" shouted the Countess as Sun Tzu was branded in the arm with hot iron. The Countess paced around the room, "rumor has it that these "Claws" are gathering supplies and trying to unite the rest of you swamp filth? so, unless you tell me what you know, I will teach you the meaning of pain!" Hours passed, and each method of torture became more severe. Through the entire time Sun Tzu did not speak a word. The Countess became frustrated, and before leaving him she slowly sawed half his tail off. Sun Tzu was left chained on the stone slab in a pool of his blood, his vision grew blurry and he drifted off to sleep.

Chapter 3: Escape Claws
Sun Tzu had given up on living, he had no idea how long he had been in the torture room, but he knew that he was going to die. Sun Tzu heard footsteps again and surely knew what was to come. He closed his eyes expecting the end, but then felt the strain on his limbs gone, and was helped to sit up. He turned to see a young female Argonian with ragged clothes holding a torch. Sun Tzu quickly looked around in a panic, but the other Argonian put her fingers to his mouth, "Don't worry the Countess is off to see her mother in Chorrol. She expected you to be dead, so she told me to dispose of your body." Sun Tzu looked at the ground in dismay, "Well since she told me to "dispose" of you and seeing you're not dead? I think you should follow me if you can." Sun Tzu gave a quick smile and struggled to get to his feet. He limped after the female Argonian through a passage leading out of the castle and into Blackwood. A white horse was waiting for them and they rode away from Leyawiin. Sun Tzu drifted off into a long awaited peaceful sleep, and woke up to a more comfortable setting.

He was in a soft clean bed, his body still ached but he was no longer bleeding. Sun Tzu looked up to see the same Argonian who rescued him and an older female. The younger one smiled at Sun Tzu and left. Sun Tzu sat up and drank the water and ate the bread he was given. "It's good to see you alive, Sun Tzu!" exclaimed the elderly Argonian. Sun Tzu looked at her, but could not recognize the face, "Do I know??" "No! That is not important," interrupted the ancient Argonian, "but I know who you are." next to him was place a suit of leather armor, a steel long sword and a bow with a quiver filled with arrows, the very same equipment that was taken from him. "Thank you? for everything. I do not quite understand what's going on" Said Sun Tzu. "One member of the Claws was supposed to meet with you some time ago, but he was captured before he could meet with you." said the Argonian, "But why me?" questioned Sun Tzu. "The Claws have been watching you for a very long time, ever since your escape of slavery from Morrowind, we want you to join us?the member who was supposed to meet with you told the Countess that you and him had already met. Be sure to know that he was punished for his selfish tongue." Sun Tzu sat on the bed with many thoughts racing through his head. "We are truly sorry Sun Tzu, we tried to get to you first, but we were too late" said the Argonian. Without further questioning Sun Tzu stood and put on his armor and weapons, "Very well, what's the next step?"

Well, I hate when people read something of mine and never provide feedback so here we go: It's not bad writing, but it could be improved. The story itself is blunt, for lack of a better word. Without an introduction or anything similar to it, the reader is just thrust into the story without any prior foundation or basis for the story. I would have suggested an introduction with information on the time in relation to the TES storylines and into the character of Sun Tzu.

Also, your writing could do with more paragraphing and try to space out the chapters. Also (Sorry if this seems alot, but constructive criticism is good) your way of storytelling is...limited, again for lack of a better word. What I mean is that you seem to miss out on whole aspects of the story, such as when Sun Tzu decapitates those two, nothing is described, and then suddenly he's taking the bounty for the Orc, as well as, "Sun Tzu then realized that the whole thing was a setup, his weapons were consficated, slapped in irons and struck on the head with a club." There is almost no description.

I think any good writer will tell you that to make a good story is to describe, describe, describe! But keep it up, and I hate cliches but practice does make perfect, or whatever you can achieve that's closest to perfect. Apart from that it's good work

I would agree with Pat on this one. It is a good story, but more description will obviously add to it. Also, the generaly rule of thumb in conversations is to start a new line each time the speaker changes. It just lets the reader know who's talking. But, definitely keep writing and we look forward to your next chapters.

Ditto to this.

Needs more paragraphing and new lines for a new speaker. Other than that it is a good story. Keep up the good work.

Oh and welcome to the forums!

Thanks for the feedback! I started writing this awhile ago, so it's more or less a "rough draft" I just haven't really gone back to fix it up a bit. And as for Sun Tzu's backgroud, I wanted it to be more explained as the story goes on. At the begginning I wanted him to be known as simply an Argonian Mercenary. As for the time period, it takes place post Morrowind and before Oblivion. But I will make sure I go back and try to be more descriptive