After playing through Dragon Age Origins and its expansion, I was unhappy about some of the things the epilogue said so I am going to write a fan fiction to correct them. Apparently my PC leaves the Grey Wardens a few months after defeating the mother to look for Zevran(his gay lover), and apparently he and Zevran take control of the Crows. I am going to fix that because I did not romance Zevran, apparently I raised his approval to high and it triggered a unintentional romance. What I wanted to happen was my PC goes to look for Morrigan and his child because she is his true love. I have not played the Witch hunt DLC so this will be my own fan fiction. Anyway here is Chapter 1 so far, feel free to suggest any fixes to grammar, punctuation, etc.

Chapter 1

After the mother's death, Mike Cousland, Oghren, and Justice return to Vigil's keep. Velanna chose to go with the Architect to provide her tainted blood so that the Darkspawn may be free from the cycle of the repeated Blight. Mike and his companions arrive at Vigil's keep and are greeted by Anders and Nathaniel. "Thank the maker! You've returned! We didn't think we'd see you alive again!" says Anders excitibly.

"Great to see you guys too!" Says Oghren as he lets out a fierce belch. Three of the men chuckle while Justice walks into the keep with a disappointed look at Mike.

Nathaniel says, "Thank the maker you survived, its a good thing your back in one piece!" Anders and Oghren walk into the keep while poking fun at each other. Once they are in the keep, Nathaniel says, "good they are gone, could I speak to you alone?"

"Yes", replies the Warden Commander. They walk to the dungeon and procede inside.

"Thank you" says Nathaniel.

Mike looks at Nathaniel with a puzzled look and asks, "why are you thanking me? I thought you hated me?"

Nathaniel smiles and says, "I did hate you for the things you have done to me and my family, but I understand that you did not know everything King Alistar has done to the Howes after your request."

Mike looks saddened and says, "I only wanted revenge for what your father and his men did to my family, friends and home, I want you to understand that I did not mean your entire family harm" Mike pauses for a moment and says, "I only wanted this keep because your father destroyed my home, I did not expect Alistar to remove the remaining Howes by force or do anything to sabotage the legacy of the Howe name"

Nathaniel nods and says, "No need for a apology, the trust and things you gave to me was unexpected and I appreciate it greatly." Nathaniel looks at the warden commander and says, "Alistar did not know about the things his men have done, it was mostly his wife's doing."

"Ahh, Anora that little [censored]!" says Mike with a chuckle. "She wanted me executed for killing her father but Alistar put a stop to that."

"Its a good thing Anora and I didn't kill you after all." says Nathaniel. "My family would never have regained its honor and I would probably would have been hanged or rotting in jail." says Nathaniel.

"Meow!" says a tiny voice on the guard's desk. The two Grey Warden's look at the guard’s desk.

"Oh, if it isn't Anders cat." says Nathaniel.

Mike walks over to the desk and picks up the cat. "Ser Pounce Alot, what are you doing here?" says Mike with a smile. "Lets get you back to Anders before he gets worried about you." Mike says to the tabby cat. The Grey Wardens leave the dungeon and go into the keep’s throne room with Ser Pounce Alot.

You should make a mod. (svcks if theres no toolset for it)

There is a toolset and I do not know how to use it. Also I do not own the PC version of Awakening which is where a majority of characters come from.

Nice work. :goodjob:

Since you asked, you might want to double-check your punctuation within, before, and after quotation marks.


Example corrections:

Comma should be inside the quotation mark ("Yes,").



Need a comma before "says" ("Thank you,").


And you might also want to check your apostrophes (or lack thereof).


Example corrections:

Should be "It's" - a contraction of "it is" in this context.



Should be "Grey Wardens." Plural, not possessive in this context.



Anders'. Possessive.



Should be "Let's" - a contraction of "let us" in this context.


Hope that helps. This is all pretty nit-picky stuff, so feel free to ignore me unless you're aiming specifically for flawless punctuation etc.

I wrote all of that on a Ipod Touch at 2:30 am this morning and some of those mistakes came from that annoying auto suggest feature. Thanks for the corrections, I will go back and fix them before preceding with the writing. I got to brainstorm more ideas right now, going back to playing Dragon Age to study the character's personalities more.

It's good, but the Mike really bothers me. I mean.. Mike? At least go with Michael. Seems so inappropriate to me, set next to Anders, Alistair, Oghren, etc. But maybe I'm just nit-picking..

Of course Michael is his full name but he prefers to be called Mike since he is me and I know what he wants. Also hes not really appropriate anyway, he usually says the worst possible things to his followers and usually picks the evil options.