I need Your help! : Othor Games

» Fri Feb 18, 2011 11:32 pm

Hello!

I have pre-exams now at school, and have been tasked to write a letter to my friend in England about an animal I found and in what circumstancs. There are few more pointers, but I wanted to ask if some native - english users here can check my work for grammar errors or something like that - I would be very gratefull!

Here's the letter:

Spoiler

My dearest Catherine,

I'm sorry that I've not writen to You recently, but important matters here still keeping me busy. Thanks for that advice about replacing these old chairs my dining room! Anyway, the reason I write, I've been walking in the forest recently and found a poor, wounded dog. It was trapped in some wires. I set him free, and took it home, becouse his leg was bleeding badly. My family feelt sorry for the doggy, and dad took it to the vet. The leg was bandaged and Puppy, that is the name we gave him, returned to our home. He was very scared at the first time, but we managed to gain his trust and love. Now, I'm in charge of going out with him

But he is a real friend to me now and I'm very happy to have such a dog.

Hope to hear from You soon,

Cheers,
XYZ

Thanks in advance =)

» Fri Feb 18, 2011 7:14 pm

Ok, first of not sure if there should be a comma after My dearest Catherine, could be wrong, but after that you have You capitilized, it shouldn't be. Also you don't need an explanation mark ! after rooom. Because is spelt wrong, felt not feelt Dad maybe should have a captial D, since you are refering to your fatther, but could be wrong there.

Hope that helps.

» Sat Feb 19, 2011 6:00 am

Hello!

I have pre-exams now at school, and have been tasked to write a letter to my friend in England about an animal I found and in what circumstancs. There are few more pointers, but I wanted to ask if some native - english users here can check my work for grammar errors or something like that - I would be very gratefull!

Here's the letter:

Spoiler

My dearest Catherine,

I'm sorry that I've not written to you recently, but important matters here are still keeping me busy. Thanks for that advice about replacing these old chairs in my dining room! The reason I write is because of an interesting event that happened to me recently. I've been walking in the forest a few days ago and found a poor, wounded dog who was trapped in some wires. I set him free and took him home, because his leg was bleeding badly. My family felt sorry for the dog and my dad took him to the vet. The leg was bandaged and Puppy, that is the name we gave him, returned to our home. He was very scared at first, but we managed to gain his trust and love. Now, to my pleasure, I'm in charge of going out with him. He is a real friend to me now and I'm very happy to have such a dog.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Kind regards,
XYZ

Thanks in advance =)

I edited in my changes, I think it's a bit better like this. May I what grade you are in? Back when I was in high school when we were tasked to write a letter they were supposed to be quite a bit longer than this.

» Fri Feb 18, 2011 9:59 pm

My dearest Catherine,

I'm sorry that I've not ~~writen~~ written to ~~You~~ you recently, but important matters here are still keeping me busy. Thanks for that advice about replacing ~~these~~ those old chairs my dining room! Anyway, the reason I write is I've been walking in the forest recently and found a poor, wounded dog. It was trapped in some wires. I set him free, and took it home, ~~becouse~~ because his leg was bleeding badly. My family ~~feelt~~ felt sorry for the doggy, and dad took it to the vet. The leg was bandaged and Puppy, that is the name we gave him, returned to our home. He was very scared ~~the first time~~ at first, but we managed to gain his trust and love. Now I'm in charge of going out with him.

~~But he~~ He is a real friend to me now and I'm very happy to have such a dog.

Hope to hear from ~~You~~ you soon,

Cheers,
XYZ

That's the best I could do without changing too much else. You don't actually capitalize "you" in English unless it's at the beginning of a sentence. Even though it's referring to a person, it's not a proper noun like their name is. ^_^

» Fri Feb 18, 2011 7:41 pm

Spoiler

My dearest Catherine,

I'm sorry that I've not writen to you recently, but important matters here are still keeping me busy. Thanks for that advice about replacing these old chairs my dining room! Anyway, the reason I'm writing is because I went walking in the forest recently and found a poor, wounded dog. It was trapped in some wires. I set him free, and took him home, because his leg was bleeding badly. My family felt sorry for the doggy, and Dad took it to the vet. The leg was bandaged and Puppy, his new name, returned to our home. He was very scared at first, but we managed to gain his trust and love. Now, I'm in charge of going out with him, but he is a real friend to me now and I'm very happy to have such a dog.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Cheers,
XYZ

Fixed various spelling and grammar errors. Also, try not to use things like

in a written letter to someone, especially for school.

Ninja'd, and I should probably go back to English class...

» Fri Feb 18, 2011 10:32 pm

Shouldn't it have been "written" instead of " I write is"? I write is does is not correct I believe. Either put in "the reason I have written" or leave it as you have done.

*edit* Ok, now I see why, I had trouble reading what Steampunk wrote. He/she forgot the comma afterwards, so it didn't make sense to me.

I just can't believe I didn't catch all the mistakes that Steampunk found out.

. This is the only one I don't agree with him/her.

» Fri Feb 18, 2011 9:43 pm

Thanks alot for all the answers! It took me about 5 minutes to write this letter, but I wasn't sure about the grammar, and because this letter will be evaluated for a grade, I wanted to be sure..

Thanks again guys!

» Sat Feb 19, 2011 9:23 am

Shouldn't it have been "written" instead of " I write is"? I write is does is not correct I believe. Either put in "the reason I have written" or leave it as you have done.

*edit* Ok, now I see why, I had trouble reading what Steampunk wrote. He/she forgot the comma afterwards, so it didn't make sense to me.

I just can't believe I didn't catch all the mistakes that Steampunk found out.

. This is the only one I don't agree with him/her.

I tried to err on the side of changing as little as I could, but you're right. That part was a little iffy.

If I wanted to re-write the sentence I'd probably do this:

Anyways, the reason I write: While walking in the forest recently I found a poor, wounded dog.

Edit:

Probably also choose either "it" or "him" in this sentence:

I set him free, and took it home, because his leg was bleeding badly.

I set him free, and took him home, because his leg was bleeding badly.

I set it free, and took it home, because its leg was bleeding badly.

So that you're not switching between the two in the same sentence.

» Sat Feb 19, 2011 7:58 am

Steampunk's covered most of it, but I'd also change

"The leg was bandaged and Puppy, that is the name we gave him, returned to our home."

to

"We bandaged his leg and brought Puppy (that's what we called him) back home with us."

Avoid passive sentences as much as you can, and the clause between comma's should be put between parentheses, since it's a clarification considered not part of the actual sentence.

» Sat Feb 19, 2011 9:40 am

That is good Steampunk.

I just realized something. How is the OP learning if we are doing the work for him? Hopefully he/she will not just copy and paste with us helping him and he/she actually looks at what was changed and why.

» Sat Feb 19, 2011 5:36 am

That is good Steampunk.

I just realized something. How is the OP learning if we are doing the work for him? Hopefully he/she will not just copy and paste with us helping him and he/she actually looks at what was changed and why.

You only realized that now?

It's his own responsibility. If he tries to learn from the offered advice than that's great and we will have made the world a better place yet again (huzzah for BSF). If not, whatever. At least we tried to help.

» Fri Feb 18, 2011 7:14 pm

Is it weird that I've read the entire letter aloud to myself in an English accent?

Other than that. I've got nothing.

» Sat Feb 19, 2011 3:05 am

Steampunk's covered most of it, but I'd also change

"The leg was bandaged and Puppy, that is the name we gave him, returned to our home."

to

"We bandaged his leg and brought Puppy (that's what we called him) back home with us."

The intention of this sentence is that the vet has bandaged dogs leg, not the family, that's why I put it this way - I think is ok, but not 100% sure, because I'm not a native english speaker

I just realized something. How is the OP learning if we are doing the work for him? Hopefully he/she will not just copy and paste with us helping him and he/she actually looks at what was changed and why.

My intention was never to "copy paste" someone's work to my exam - If so, the topic would be something like "I need You to write a letter for me", but what's the point of learing then? I just wanted to check how is my current grammar, becasue I'm a self-learner, I got the english lessons just recently in a new school, from about a two years.

Again, thanks for Your feedback and opinions!

» Fri Feb 18, 2011 7:16 pm

The intention of this sentence is that the vet has bandaged dogs leg, not the family, that's why I put it this way - I think is ok, but not 100% sure, because I'm not a native english speaker

Ah, then I'd make it:

"We got his leg bandaged at the veterinarian's, and brought...."

» Fri Feb 18, 2011 8:17 pm

That's good. Now rewrite it in Caps, change the font colour to red and the size to about 72. And end the whole thing with an exclamation mark.

» Sat Feb 19, 2011 5:35 am

Ah, then I'd make it:

"We got his leg bandaged at the veterinarian's, and brought...."

Thanks for your suggestion, that seems more logical than mine sentence.

That's good. Now rewrite it in Caps, change the font colour to red and the size to about 72. And end the whole thing with an exclamation mark.

I don't quite understand what do you mean by that.

» Fri Feb 18, 2011 9:40 pm

don't quite understand what do you mean by that.

It's a joke. Sometimes we kid.

» Sat Feb 19, 2011 5:21 am

I'd break out the semicolons, personally (they're criminally underused, to my mind). Anyway, here's my late attempt at a re-write:

Spoiler

My dearest Catherine,

I'm sorry that I've not writen to you recently, but important matters here are still keeping me busy. Thanks for that advice about replacing these old chairs in my dining room! Anyway, the reason I write; I've been walking in the forest recently and found a poor, wounded dog. He was trapped in some wires. I set him free and took him home, as his leg was bleeding badly. My family felt sorry for the dog, and dad took him to the vet. The leg was bandaged and Puppy (that is the name we gave him) returned to our home. He was very scared at the time, but we managed to gain his trust and love. Now, I'm in charge of going out with him! But he is a real friend to me now and I'm very happy to have such a dog.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Cheers,
XYZ