Falanu said her Lady is calling.... does that mean I'm Syl is not dead!?

That is good man. :wavey: Haha good choice in weapon power btw. Wabbajack is one of my favorite staffs because of it's randomness.



Yeah I'm wondering that same thing lol. Guess we will find out with the next update though.

Hmmm, a cryptic message... what could it mean? Also, no-one picked up on my hidden message? I was personally very delighted at that hidden message, as it was sort of difficult to align.


The Master Thief + Tran the Gan VS Professor Snuggle-guts, the Bacon-Eating Puppy

The Master Thief approached the growing crowd of puppy-admirers with a look of trepidation in his gaze, which was cold as steel or something bad ass sounding like that. Stealing a spot in the crowd, The Master Thief looked into the gathering to find the Puppy, who was nibbling a ham with the fury of a thousand people at a pie-eating contest. Come on, we all like pie here, right? Damn straight. Give me a pie-five. Yeah, I just said "Pie-five." Thanks for the pie-five!

Where were we... ah, of course. "Hello, Professor Snuggle-guts," The Master Thief said, "you seem quite... meaty today." The Puppy paused in its eating, then flashed The Master Thief a glare. The Master Thief responded with a similar glare, and this went on for what seemed like infinity seconds. To the untrained eye, however, it just appeared like a strangely handsome masked man was giving a cute little puppy a death glare. "Oi! This bloke is giving this here puppy a death glare! Kill him!" shouted a Townspeople. Not wanting a distraction, The Master Thief casually stole the soul of each member of the crowd. Professor Snuggle-guts removed the ham from his mouth, chewed a bit more, swallowed, then addressed The Master Thief. "Hmm, quite good to see you again, chap," said Professor Snuggle-guts in a charming British accent, "I do say that you're looking spiffy."

"Cut the crap, Professor Snuggle-guts," The Master Thief interrupted, "we both know why you have that name." Professor Snuggle-guts snickered a little, then gave The Master Thief a penetrating stare. The Master Thief returned Professor Snuggle-guts' stare, and a wind tore through the town. "I can't let you escape me again, Professor Snuggle-guts. You were the one who stole that bacon before I could. You were the one who destroyed my guild. You ruined my life, so now..." The Master Thief paused for dramatic effect, and the camera zoomed in on his eyes, "I'm going to have to steal yours."

Meanwhile, back at the Library

"-YYYYYYYY-" Tran the Gan continued to shriek. Suddenly, he stopped. "What the hell happened?" Tran the Gan asked, as his head was pounding like the Hammer of Stendarr, "why am I cover-ed in blood?" Schmut E., the Death Scholar, was writhing on the floor as his body struggled to contain his newfound power. "By the Gods, Schmut E.! I'll go get help!" Tran the Gan mobiilized quickly, as he was apt to do.

Ever notice I say "apt to do" lotta times? Yeah, well, deal with it.

However, Tran the Gan wasn't expecting to dash halfway across the city, to land in the middle of a staredown between The Master Thief and Professor Snuggle-guts.

break

"Get out of the way, Tran the Gan!" The Master Thief shoved Tran the Gan out of his line-of-sight; however, it was too late, as Professor Snuggle-Guts had already disappeared. "By the Eight and One, damn it!" The Master Thief bellowed, "You fool! He has the advantage now!"

"Who, that Puppy?" asked Tran the Gan, having already sensed Professor Snuggle-guts, who was scampering across a rooftop nearby. "Wait, you can see him?" asked The Master Thief. "Uh, of course, good sir! He is right up there!" The Master Thief followed Tran the Gan's line of sight, and spotted Professor Snuggle-guts trying to scurry over a pipe. "Good technique." The Master Thief said as he stole Tran the Gan's sensing abilities.

"After the beast!" The Master Thief bellowed, "Come, my brother-at-arms!" The Master Thief stole up to the rooftop; Tran the Gan, meanwhile, flickered up next to The Master Thief as he landed. "Nice moves, Imperial... I think I'll try them on for size." The Master Thief immediately stole Tran the Gan's flickering move. Professor Snuggle-guts had made his way past the grounded pipe, and was currently attempting to make a five foot jump to the next rooftop. "I think not, Professor," called out The Master Thief as he tossed his enchanted blade to Tran the Gan, who flickered out a hand to catch it. "Eat this!" The Master Thief reached behind him, stole a piece of Space-Time, and shaped it into a glowing sort of bow. Muscles straining, The Master Thief drew back the mighty weapon, and unleashed its PhysicsBreaking Power upon Professor Snuggle-guts.

The arrow slammed into Professor Snuggle-guts' unprotected backside, and a flash of light and sound resounded throughout the city.

Tran the Gan, startled by the light, let loose an even mightier "WRYYYYYYY-" as he was shocked into his bad ass vampire form again. "Hahaha, is that the best you can do, 'Master Thief,'" Professor Snuggle-guts sarcastically asked, "please, I've eaten bacon more spicy than that." Professor Snuggle-guts began to rumble like a freight train running over a stampede of cows, and shifted into a new, more powerful form. Specifically, that of ten thousand puppies.

"By the Eight and One, no! I thought that bow would kill him!" The Master Thief exclaimed; before he could warn Tran the Gan to run away, his companion had already started eviscerating the massive orion of puppies. "-YYYYYYYY-" Tran the Gan bellowed as their little puppy blood poured into his mouth, "-YYYYYYYYYYYYY-" The Master Thief stood shocked for a moment, then flickered up beside the Imperial Vampire, blade in hand, and began to slice into the horde of beasts as well.

"You think you can defeat me by killing us all? Hahahahah! They aren't even real, you fools!" shrieked Professor Snuggle-guts, "FeAr My PoWeR!" A long, shallow scratch mark rent Tran the Gan's face as the true Professor Snuggle-guts assaulted him; however, this only furtherened his blood rage, driving him into an even greater frenzy.

The Master Thief, realizing the direety of their situation, attempted to sense out Professor Snuggle-guts, hoping to end the fight before either of them were killed or driven to madness. Finding the bacon-eating Puppy in the field of illusions, The Master Thief threw his blade at Professor Snuggle-guts.

What will happen next? Will The Son ever be talked about? Did you find the hidden message in the last update yet?

And a "pie-five" to The Master Thief for being so awesome! Great update!

And since I didn't get the hidden message right, I'll go back and see if I can't figure this out... :glare:

To be honest I have no idea what the hidden message is, can't figure it out. I like Snuggle-Guts' accent btw. :biggrin: For some reason evil things do often have british accents... lol

Woo! Pie five! More awesome updates!

All I can get from the hidden message is svck IT, as the text changes on different screens. So if there was any more than that, I'm afraid it's ruined. Sorry :shrug:

Carrot, you found the hidden message! Good job!

Yes, Syl, the Lady in question is indeed Lady Syl... perhaps all is not as it seems....

Expect a raunchy update... oh, lets say four or five from now, depending on how fast I can progress things along.

Credit where it is due: Trannigan was the one who named Professor Snuggle-guts.

Carrot, stop being so smart! I bet you hold such intelligence due to you being a Kiwi. YOUR EDUCATION SYSTEM IS BETTER THAN OURS! D: I FEEL BLASPHEMED! Cast down is the Adeladian teenager! I have upset the Protesant Church with my dull ways! *Schmuty gets thrown to the lions, eaten alive - cue http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kyFyAqLtHq8.*

Oh yeah, great chapter coming along. I lost my laugh from over laughing. Actually, between posting, reading and laughing, I was believed crazy and thrown into a mental hospital. With one of those strait jackets. It's pretty comfy - the cell, I mean. Padded wall and all. But you are alone. The nurses shun your ugly face, the doctors give you shock treatment for the lulz. as they watch you helpless body writher. It a horrible place. Horrible, but comfy. Also, you have to pay for your food. THAT svckS.

I escaped Shutter Island, where they tried to keep me, accused me of being mad - I know I'm not! Now the orderlys are hot on my heels. Litterally. I swear steam was tooting or whatever you call it out of their ears. Quite scary.

*whispers to Lady Syl and Trannigan* - On the count of three, we jump Carrot, club her orangeness over the head and snatch her away like paedophiles sterling theives. Actually, I'm not sure if man-sized carrots have brains for you to mush. We'll just taser her instead. Anyways, once we do - we shall take her to Bethany or Philadelphia in the Middle East - it's your choice. There, we shall climb a mountain where a stone altar is placed. . . and we will sacrifice an innocent bystander. After than random and unessesary event, we shall take the near-dead-clubbed-over-the-head-and-over-tasered Carrot to a hidden forest in Europe.It is a pine forest, each tree is packed tightly.

After some crazy ritual thing, Carrot will be made a Human Centipede. Her brains shall be taken, cut into thirds and given to Syl, Trannigan and Schmuty, adding their knowledge.

The end.

I like all of it, Schmuty--except one thing: I can't do the human centipede thing. Centipedes are even more terrifying to this arachnophobe than spiders!!! *shivers* Madgod, those things are disgusting! I used to live in an old farm house with a dirt cellar, and the place was infested with centipedes.... I was bit by one once, and I still have a scar on my wrist from it... Eww... I'm so glad I don't have to worry about those now.... :unsure:

So, unless you want me to go completely mad to the point of incompetence, we MUST NOT turn Carrot into a giant human centipede. Nor a giant millipede. Nor any kind of pede whatsoever. I say we should turn her into the carrots' arch-enemy--the evil white-rabbit from Monty Python. :bunny: Then we can not only take her brain to add to our own intelligence, but we can also make rabbit stew. :liplick:

(FTW, I've never eaten rabbit of any kind, and I don't suppose I ever would, but it's fun to talk about, don't you think?)

*Sneaks Schmuty a ridiculously large nail file for his door lock.*

I agree with Syl Centipedes are creepy lol. I vote for carrot cake instead.

Omg, an even better idea! Carrot cake with cream cheese frosting.... MmMm good... :liplick:

Quick Update - Well, it was supposed to be, but you know how writing goes.

About twelve hours earlier (yeah, since they got to the city, only 12 hours have passed. Crazy, right?) The Son had departed with his cocoa beans and sugar towards the hut of the local shaman, a Khajiiti famous for odd recipes, or failing that, being a stereotypical witch doctor. The Son soon arrived at the hut, which was in a swamp or something. Seriously, use your imagination! I'm not doing all the work here; that isn't what I signed up for, people. Just think about all the witch doctors/shamans/tribal elders you have ever seen, then combine them into one furry package, and you've got this dude.

So, Witchy Shaman Elder was already brewing a mystical stew above the fire that somehow didn't burn his house down. "Come in... I sensed your approach." The Son tossed the doctor a funny look. "Uh, how?" "The forest creatures follow my command... hehehehe!" The Witch Doctor laughed, "please, have a seat. Your journey is about to come to an end."

The Son sat in deep contemplation as magical tribal smoke swirled around him. Suddenly, his eyes popped open. "Yeah, this isn't working, guy. I'm not getting any spiritual guidance or contemplations whatsoever." The shaman or tribal elder or whomever cackled maniacally. "That is because the smoke is really... poison!" The Son gasped in horror, then died as the poison spread through his body like as quickly as Vegemite spreads across a slab of koala meat. "Now I shall be payed by his Lordship!" cackled the Shaman; however, he too had inhaled too much poison, and died as well.

Meanwhile, back in the City

The Master Thief's blade let out a high pitched whistle as it impaled Professor Snuggle-guts' furry little body. "Hahaha, I do say that your weapon was quite ineffective, you blaggart," Professor Snuggle-guts began to say; before he could finish, however, the blade began to svck out his very soul. "Wha-?" whined Professor Snuggle-guts, "whas happenin'?" The Master Thief bellowed out a huge laugh as he strode over to the puppy. "Umbra, you fool," The Master Thief said, "I stole it from Vile." Professor Snuggle-guts let out a tiny yip, then began to disappear as his corporeal form was drawn into the purple shortsword.

Just then, Broken-Scale appeared, having climbed up using his ace ninja skills. "Hey, dudes!" exclaimed Broken-Scale, "I've been looking for you everywhere!" However, as Broken-Scale was scaling (hurr hurr hurr) over the lip of the roof, he tripped and fell; in turn, this activated the Spear of Wabbajack, and a mystical ball of energy shot out. The energy ball sailed through the air like a drunken butterfly, and lightly touched Professor Snuggle-guts' wound where it connected with the Umbra Blade.

"By the Eight and One!" The Master Thief shouted. Professor Snuggle-guts had started to flash, like old-timey video game bosses did when they were about to explode. "Back to the water vessel!" Tran the Gan, having killed his last puppy, reverted to normal, and flickered off towards the Library, where Schmut E. was currently voiding his bowels. Broken-Scale, meanwhile, had caught a nearby Cliff Racer - come on, those things are like Lizard Pigeons - and had Wabbajacked together with it into a hideous, though functional, flying Argonian.

As Professor Snuggle-guts began to emit a high-pitched whirring noise, The Master Thief stole a path back to the tavern, where Carro was sitting, surrounded by the bodies of every drunkard in the building. "Fair maiden, make haste! We must furthen our distance from the city, immediately!" As The Master Thief slung Carro ceremoniously across his back, he noticed another maiden, this one wearing a crown and nothing else, lying in a sweaty sheen on the ground. "What is with these people and carnal relations?" The Master Thief muttered as he slung the nvde maiden next to Carro; with the two ladies safely secured, The Master Thief flickered out of the city, into the water way where our Heroes had first entered. Broken-Scale had already arrived there; after de-Wabbajacking with the Cliff Racer and killing it, he had prepared the ship for travel. Tran the Gan arrived soon after with Schmut E., who was just now learning to control his powers of the Doom Slap; together, our Heroes fled the city, which had taken an odd purplish-red hue to it.

Professor Snuggle-guts exploded in a flash of light and Oblivionic energy; the resulting blast wave evaporized the city, instantly killing anyone within its loading screens city walls. As the shockwave spread outwards, our Heroes' ship did that cool thing on the water where it rides a wave, then slams into a small island.

Luckily, the combined character shields protected everyone, leaving the group with only a few minor broken arms and face-scratches. Carro was unharmed, as no rock would dare to mar her unmarrable features.

Back in the City

"- and that is why we need to go to war with the High Chancellor's army." Lady Syl concluded her rousing speech; however, no-one was around to hear it, as she was currently in a barren wasteland. Lady Syl looked around, looking damn fine in that hot dress of hers. "How rude! Everyone leaves before my speech even finishes!" Syl huffed and puffed for a few minutes, but then felt something scampering around her feet.

"Yip! Yip! Yip!" yipped Professor Snuggle-guts, now just a plain puppy, for the evil spirit that inhabited his furry form had been banished to another realm. "Why, what an ador-a-ble little creature!" Lady Syl said, "now what is your name?" "Yip! Yip! Yip!" yipped Professor Snuggle-guts, as he held out a hand for Lady Syl to shake. "Professor Snuggle-guts, huh? A man of learning is always to be respected, dear." Syl took the puppy's paw in her hand, then introduced herself as Lady Syl, Duchess of Mania and Dementia. "Now, Professor," Lady Syl said, "where are we?"

So, The Son is dead! How could that be? At least Syl is back, and she has a puppy and a plan

Oh yay!!! I am still alive! :celebration:

I do hope you will find a way to explain how Syl managed to survive that terrible explosion (but if you don't, it's no big deal--the awesomeness of your story tends to defy all logic anyways...). Like a phoenix, the Duchess of Dementia rises from the ashes yet again!!! *laughs maniacally*

And I get to keep the puppy! :hugs:

In all, it was a hilarious update, with or without Syl's resurrection! I loved every sentence! :rofl:

Alas poor The Son... :sadvaultboy: *Pours a Pepsi for my dead homey.*

But yay Syl is alive, and Professor Snuggle-Guts isn't evil anymore. ^_^ I wonder how they are gonna get out of wherever they are...

:lol: Vegemite is putrid. Also, it doesn't spread easy :sadvaultboy: Nutella speads quite well, however.

How 'bout we send Carrot off into the parallel world, where she weill not age, but be trapped for ten years. When she returns, it will be 2011 again, and Carrot will have (somehow) converted to EVERY religion, despite that most contradict eachother, but it works, nonetheless and she had unlimeted knowledge with sure wisdom. Then, we throw her in pot of boiling water or feed her to the rabbits. The end >:]

Mmmm... Carrot cake. Oh, wait...


That was the second time in one day that it was suggested I be made into a human centipede.

Oh, and wonderful update Master Thief! I look forward to reading this every day after school

[censored] happens, Carrot, if you know what I mean. You'd make a great Human Centipede, except that fact that your face withh be sewed to another's behind. Unless we make you the first segment of the body, the you'd be fine. That is, if Carrot survives to process. But yes, Master Thief makes me look forward to each day cuz I new a new update of Pepjit will be waitng.

Lol Schmuty your a nut. The good kind of nut though.

Travel Thursday

The beast had ravaged its way out of the Imperial City, leaving a bloody, corpse filled trail of skooma addicts and guards behind it. However, even five thousand bodies couldn't slake its thirst for death, so the beast roamed onwards, in search of the one called Master of Blades. As time passed, the beast's rage erected higher and higher, quivering with a fury like none had ever seen before. Soon, it had made its way to Cheydinhal, a dreary little city near the border of Morrowind and Skyrim.

Back at the Wastes

Well, not really. Near the Wastes, which is to say, the ex-city of Whatever-fell. Uh, let me think for a second... alright, I guess I'll go with my first decision. I don't think I feel like trying the second one as of now. Actually, I was going to spring this on you guys later, but hey, might as well do it now. Maybe I'll even have a second scene later in the story, as this is thread II. Yeah, that would be excellent.

So the group was resterating from their flight through the sea, on a mysterious island that mysteriously rested in the middle of a mysterious lake. It was mysterious there, alright. Probably because the mysterious island had mysteriously appeared right after the explosion. Actually, this works out really well, as I can add some flavor to an already spicy plot. Like a super spicy bacon sandwich, with the slices of bread made out of bacon.

Schmut E. was watching Tran the Gan, who was currently cleaning himself on the lake's shore. Water dripped down Tran the Gan's ripped abs, leading a trail to his underwear (you know, the kind that literally everyone in Tamriel wears), which was plastered quite nicely to his equally ripped thighs. "G'day, I'd like those wrapped around me," said Schmut E., who had become quite smitten with Tran the Gan after the Imperial Vampire had saved him, "Crikey!"

Schmut E. crawled out of the bushes, and after composing himself for a moment, approached Tran the Gan as he splashed about at the water's edge. "Want to try some of my Vegemite?" Schmut E. bashfully asked. "I do not understand your question, Scholar," replied Tran the Gan as he rubbed himself down, "what do you mean?" Schmut E. giggled and blushed like a school girl who had just seen Whatever Musician School Girls Find Popular These Days (Carrot, you know anyone like that?). Anyways...

"Crikey, you're silly," Schmut E. forcibly laughed, which only disturbed Tran the Gan further, "hey, here is a weird idea: would you ever date a man?" Tran the Gan, being an open-minded Imperial, considered this course of action for a second. "Nah... I only prefer one lady... Syl..." Tran the Gan took a moment to daydream about the Bosmer's dangerous beauty.

"Wait a moment," Tran the Gan took a deep breath, "I smell her! Syl's alive! WRYYYYY-" Tran the Gan vampired up, and began to flicker away towards Syl's location; before he could go, however, Schmut E. jumped onto the Imperial Vampire, only to be carried along with him as he flickered across the water.

"Crikey, it feels even more ace than I imagined," Schmut E. moaned sensually, "criiii-keey." The two quickly arrived at Syl's location, and found her trying to teach Professor Snuggle-guts how to tap dance. "No, no: left foot forward, then clickity clack!" Syl shouted, "Sheogorath's Staff, I can't work with this sort of talent!" "Yip! Yip! Yip!" yipped Professor Snuggle-guts, for he had spotted the two men as they approached. The fuzzy puppy bounded in front of Syl protectively, his furry little ears flopping about with reckless abandon, like that of a drunken butterfly.

"-YYYYYYYYYY-" Tran the Gan continued to bellow as he ripped off his underwear, "-YYYYYYYYYYY-" Lady Syl gave the Imperial a look of surprise, then tittered out a delightful laugh. "Looks like you've been working out," Syl gave Tran the Gan's abs a look, then slowly moved her gaze down a foot, "and even added a few levels to White-Gold Tower." Damn, that was a good line. Excuse me while I laugh for a couple of seconds.


Alright, back to business. Tran the Gan flickered over to Syl, and tore her dress off with a mighty "-YYYYYYYY-" Syl laughed again, then passionately kissed Tran the Gan on his lips. "You remind me of Thadon," Syl moaned, "however, he has much, much more experience than you... but maybe he can make up for it?" Syl pointed at Schmut E., who was currently eyeing Tran the Gan's Down Under, if you know what I mean. "Come over here, boy, for the ride of your life," Syl gasped as Tran the Gan began to enflame her passions or something like that.

Naturally, Schmut E. jumped at the chance, and the scene that follows is far too graphic to poison your innocent minds. Really, I'm getting sick just thinking about it. Oh, no, don't put that there! By Stendarr's Hammer, what is that? Chicks have one of those? What would you even do with that? Oh, I see. Well, I'm turned off literally forever. No, please don't go back for more! That is just disgusting!

As the three made hot, sweaty love to each other, Professor Snuggle-guts put his paw over his eyes like cute little puppies do when seeing something disgusting, whined a little bit, then scampered off towards the lake. However, even he couldn't run fast enough to escape their grunts of growing ecstasy.

Meanwhile, back to where I'm not being disgusted

The Master Thief sat in a coolened cave, like a Polar Bear's house of some sorts, watching the unconscious, nvde maiden that he'd picked up at the tavern. Carro sat nearby; however, she only had eyes for her own reflection, which was visible from a pool of clear cave water. "Not looking too good," The Master Thief thought aloud, "not good at all." Carro, thinking that The Master Thief was speaking to her, immediately let out a gorgeous huff (which set fire to an orphanage for Blind Rabbits), and reached out a hand to slap The Master Thief across his masked face. Before she could, however, The Master Thief stole a look towards her, and once their eyes met, calmly explained that he was speaking about the unconscious maiden.

"Oh, how silly of me! Of course you'd never speak ill of a beauty like me," Carro tittered, "correct?" "Correct, fair lady; to do so would be a lie, and I'm a thief, not a liar." The two shared a laugh; as they did, the unconscious maiden woke up. "Wha- where am I? Where are my gowns? GUARDS!" she shrieked; however, she quickly stopped once she noticed Carro. "Oh, my," whispered the maiden; her face then flushed a bright red as she crossed her legs, and fell into a deep sleep once again.

"Quite odd, dear Carro," said The Master Thief, for his years of Master Thieving had led to intense observational skills, "It appears that this lady is in love with you. Strange, because it also appears that she is the Queen of the now-destroyed City... the same Queen that was attempting to have you killed." Carro giggled a cute little giggle, then explained to The Master Thief that she sometimes charmed those around her, to the extent that they would fall madly in love with her. "I can see why," The Master Thief said, "you are a perfect physical specimen, indeed."

Just then, a crash of thunder echoed off of the cave's walls. Broken-Scale, still dressed finely in his tuxedo, jumped into the cave, out of breath. "Uh, dude and dudettes, I sort of made a mondo problem," Broken-Scale said in a rush, "there was, like, this giganto deer, so I was all like 'Hey, I'll use my Spear of Wabbajack to turn it into a mouse, kill it, then wait for it to turn back into a giganto deer for us to chow down on.' But, uh, it sort of turned it into something that likes to play with electricity."

Broken-Scale paused to take a deep breath. "Oh, and it is like, fifty feet tall or something."

Uh-oh! Looks like the Gang is in a pickle again!

Ahahaha! Wow, I wasn't expecting my prize to come out like THAT! Job well done, good sir!


Yeah, I do, and damn they're annoying.

MOAR!

Oh my god... :rofl:

That was probably the funniest update yet. Btw when did Broken Scale get a tux? lol

OH MY! Good, sir, that was unexpected!

Schmut E. is into men, eh? *nudges Master Thief, winking* Get in there, Schmut E (if he even has one. You never know - it could've been burnt to cinder during the fire or maybe he's Jewish, and when he was circumsised, a pirahnna smelt the flesh, randomly jumped in and . . . you know . . . You don't? Want me to explain if full detail? Is that a yes? Okay, here goes, OR, a koala (or dingo) came by . . . )

Did I just say that?

Never thought I would say something like that.

These forums are a bad influence on me - I learnt six jokes, boner jokes, new swears, words I should'nt even know at this age, another lesson of six ed . . . Gah dammit, what is it with you people?

We are educating you, Schmuty. It is imperative that you learn these things eventually. Why not on a forum where you're supposed to keep everything PG-13...?

:rofl: That was a flipping hilarious update! :lmao: