The best one of the day for me was one of my teachers telling us how when she went to some museum, the name of which escapes me, she wanted to go to see an exhibit. When she entered, she noticed a really bad smell and the guard told her to back away from a particular area near a piece. When she asked why, he nonchalantly responded, "Oh someone took a huge poo on the ground, nobody knows exactly what happened."

I was like :confused: then :facepalm: then :rofl:

You guys share!

My friends cat and kept scratching its self by its ear until it removed all the fur and started bleeding, thats the sad part. The funny part is it didn't even notice (and still hasn't) that half of its face is raw and covered with blood.

Watching an internet video, listening to Niel deGrasse talk about third graders sending him hate mail, begging him to make Pluto a planet again.

Someone I know was riding on the back of a friends motorbike and [censored] themselves when the bike hit a speed bump. I giggled.

You will be the greatest person ever if you provide zee link.

Took a bit to track it down again but I think I found it. http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xahhue_fora-tv-science-neil-degrasse-tyson_news

I had a really good story... but I've forgotten it, so I'll just tell a joke instead:

Two Irish guys walk out of a bar... What?! It could happen!

It went a little something like this:

Took a girl on a ski date in the mountains. It was a wicked cold day but we were both dressed appropriately. She drank a huge tumbler of coffee while we were driving up to the mountain and while on the lift started complaining about how bad she had to pee. I began to make fun of her (because I'm an [censored]) and played around tickling her (so I'm an [censored] and a creeper). Turns out she peed her pants and within the 10 minutes it took to get to the top of the lift she had become glued in her own urine to the chair. She ended up losing her skis when the chair turned around and the lift got shut down for 20 minutes to get her unattached.
TL,DR: I made a girl piss her pants on a ski lift and she got stuck to the chair. We didn't go on a second date.

Reminds me of a customer I had today. When he walked up to the counter, I saw he was very obviously playing with his crotch (I wasn't looking, but it was noticeable through my peripheral vision) and my co-worker took over and helped him. I went off to get some things done and when I returned, my co-worker was finishing with him and then told me after, "That guy just pissed himself before coming in." I asked how he knew this and he said that the guy had a huge stain that was beginning to become yellow on the edges on his crotch and he smelled rank like urine. I was horrified but also entertained and I laughed for a while.

:lmao: :rofl: :facepalm: that is hilarious, I don't what I would do if that happened to a girl I was with.

BTW: what does TL,DR mean?

Too long, didn't read.

I can't stop laughing dude. :rofl: I'm crying.

A work college told me about a local drunk that once walked into a backstreet, pulled his kegs down and proceeded to defecate. Only for it to tumble into his pants, which he then pulled back up.

Poo Jokes, oh dear.

That sounds like something my husband would do. Actually, has done. Minus ski lift and replace with beach.For some reason my suffering gives him pleasure, the bastard.