"Billy Mays here with all your weaponary means! We got shotguns, assault rifles, fatmans, and most of all, plasma blasters! With it, you can keep those nasty raiders off your turf!"

Billy Mays raises a fatman and fires a mini nuke at oncoming raiders, chuckling!

"Thats the power of Mighty-Nuke! We even sell ammo!" Billy mays gestures to piles of Mini-Nukes. A voice is heard behind the camera.

"Uh, Billy, I dont think you should stack those up so close togethor!"

"SHut the hell up camera man!" Billy Mays says, "BUT WAIT! CALL NOW, AND WE WILL INCLUDE A ALIEN BLASTER ABSOLUTELY FREE! Just pay shipping and handling...."

Warning: Sideffects of using such weapons may result in, but are not limited to, turning into ashes, blowing up, bleeding from the eyes, ghoulification, and much much more! Do not call this number!

Billy raised his thumbs up, "Call 1-800-2590, thats 1-800-2590! Call no-"

The mini nukes blow up behind him, static being returned!





((Heheh. Sorry, but they should SO put Billy Mays in a fallout commercial ))

I expected Longer

Post what you think it would be like if Billy Mays made a fallout commercial.

Billy Mays here with the Super Purificado 9000! *Billy hefts up a large mechanical abomination. It looks like a blender with handles on the side, a faucet on one end, and a magnetic coil on the other. Knobs, lights, and wires decorate the majority of its surface.* It cleans, purifies, disenfects, and otherwise makes safe almost anything you can imagine!

*Billy walks over to a puddle of water.*

Can't stand dirty water? Tired of seeing blood in your urine, saliva, and/or sweat? You'll never have to worry about overdosing on radiated water again!

*Billy scoops up some dirty water with an old bottle and pours it into the blender aspect of the machine. The Super Purificado 9000 starts to give off a dull buzzing humming noise, followed by an insane whirring as the blender starts up at 57,000 RPS, and the lights start to blink on and off. The water seems to evaporate!*

Check it out as this machine actually purifies the water to a point scientists once thought was impossible!

*Billy turns the knob on the faucet. Sparkling, crystal-clear water quickly gushes out of the spiggot and into a clean bottle. Billy takes a sip, and his eyes noticably brighten.*

Mmmm, thats good formerly toxic hydration!

*Billy then walks over to a pile of dirty boxes and cans.*

Check it out as it gives off a magnetic frequency that literally ruptures the fabric of reality where dust is, removing it from existance and leaving your food clean and healthy!

*Billy fires up the machine again, pointing the coil at the boxes. Instantly, the air around the coil and the food seems to warp and bend, and several of the boxes and cans begin to tremble, shake, and even do flips. Billy then turns off the machine, and walks over to the food.*

This box of canned meat would have killed me five seconds ago, but look!

*He pops open the can, revealing pristine and mouth-watering CRAM.*

It looks fresher than the day it was canned!

*In the background, a raider appears on the horizon. He whips out a lead pipe, and quickly begins to run silently towards Billy.*

And, should you ever find yourself in a pinch...

*Billy suddenly spins about, and with a grin fires up the machine again. Instantly, a magnetic field on the same frequency of human flesh is created inside of the raider. A cloud of shredded flesh, tattered fabric, vaporized blood, and shattered bones fills the air as the man implodes upon himself.

It makes an excellent self preservation tool!

*Billy then turns back towards the viewer, flashes a cheesy smile, and exclaims:*

Buy the Super Purificado 9000 TODAY!!!

Hahahaha, nice.