Shamen Falling star's personal journel of unique peoples of clan iron-roar

Xerxes was a middle child in a litter of 6. Kirah (Xerxes' mother) named them in order of oldest to youngest: Osirus,Xerxes,Isis,Set,Horus,and Ornulu. It was said Xerxes was given Stendar's arm because he was much larger than any of the other cubs when they would play-fight He would allmost allways win. Xerxes was favored among the tribe for his demeanor and his attitude.When it was rumored Xerxes would become the leader Osirus was infuriated. At a ceramony Osirus attacked Xerxes. Osirus enhanced himself with the strength of an ogre and the fight was mighty. Rituals forbide weapons but the punches and slashes and kicks were hard enough to rend flesh from bone.At the end Through luck Xerxes won. Osirus spat at Xerxes and gathered among him a few other kahjiit and left the clan.

Xerxes' life was relatively happy until his 28th birthday. At the time Xerxes was a mountain and one of the best fighters in Elswyr. HE had tooken on Bosmer raiders,Dunmer slavers,even imerial legionmen. It seemed Xerxes was destined for leadership. Xerxes stood over seven feet and weighted allmost seven hundred pounds,he was all muscle,with a mane just like his fathers..But on a stormy day A man in a gold mask wrought Destruction among the entire clan.Only a hand full of us survived.Set and Ornulu were both slain along with their mother and father. Xerxes vowed revengeon the beast with the golden mask.

A leader from another band was going to absorb clan iron-Roar into his clan. Xerxes fought him for leadership,but lost and was exiled due to fear of rebellion. Even though we are no longer a clan we call Xerxes; Goldmane,Which to us means leader. It is rumored from the Treesap folk that Xerxes slayed a large gathering of slavers before leaving elswyr. We wouldnt of even known it was him if it was not for the fact they stated he was possibly three times taller than they,and he weilded a double headed Axe the size of a cart axle.Where ever Xerxes may be. A path of blood and glory will follow.



i have been thinking of turning the story into a fan fic,but im unsure. i'd appreciate some feedback.and after a few posts ill probably begin the story

Looks pretty damn good. I'm curious to hear more of the other members of his litter.

Sounds like a mysterious character



Same here :goodjob:

i didnt really feel it. Mainly because the clans where united under the Mane of Elwesyr. Another reason you use numbers instead of words. Like 700 pounds instead of seven hundred pounds, something i feel should never take palce in a story. There wasnt alot of back ground other than "one day they where born, Xerxes owns in play fights, his brother studies magic and xerxes gets his ass kicked even though he's a uber warrior."

Then theres this

"When Osirus reached the age of advlthood "

What age is that? ten? Eighteen? forty? Enlighten me.

And the names, i wouldnt expect them from any where but an old fantasy game based on the middle east. or http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xerxes , they arent very Khajiitish at all, it took me a while to realise i was reading about Khajiits actually.

It just all felt a little rushed, like you have a gun to you're head and you have one lung full of air to tell the story before the trigger is squeezed kinda rushed.

guh


Osirus=Oldest Brother. Osirus has dark fur with allost a red tinge to it. he favors a long katana..a Nodachi if you will.
he is about 6'3. his mane is raggedy looking but its clean. he uses destruction,conjuration,and alteration for spells moslty. Osirus secretly hates Xerxes because he is the second born and but is more loved.

Set=The smallest of the pack Set has brown fur and a small mane. He uses mostly Daggers and is known for his ferocity in battle. Set doesnt use magic but rely's on his dextarity to slay foes. Set is impartial to the politics of the clan. he was slain by the masked man


Isis=the only female of the pack. spotted like a leopard she weilds two heavy sabres and a briastplate of intricate silver. She has the smoothest tounge by far and when they were younger would use her friends for favors to her brothers. Isis is missing since the raid.


Horus=Horus had a vey long tail but a slender build. he would tie wieghts to his tail and use it as a weapon while he carried two shileds in his hands. Horus had a small mane and was favored by Xerxes as a kid brother. Horus leads the rebels of clan iron-roar

Ornulu=Ornulu was thought to be part werewolf He had no mane but a longer face,and a bushy tail. Ornulu exceled in unarmed comabt and was known to give even Xerxes a run for his money. Ornulu died fighting The gold masked figure.

Probably would have been better off saving that for the story. Since it would give people a reason to read.

they wanted to know about the other five so i gave them a quick outline.


and since the story isnt lore based. the names dont have to be either.
least thats how i see it.

But the universe you're basing you're story in is law based. By that logic i could write a fanfic about giant snails with eight arms taking over the Empire simply by farting. And They can all be called tom.

i'd read it...

lol +1 to Havok - although, granted, I am partial to lore. Grammar and punctuation is a little messy in spots, but the story is fine by me. It reads like a short story and I've got no problem with that. On with the next installment

I just...
I can't imagine a 700 lbs Khajit wielding an axe the size of a cart axle.
He could take theoretically take out 30 Imperial Soldiers single handedly.

I dont see how any theory could be drawn from that o.O

And theoretically he could be tooken down by 1 assassin, or 1 archer. or 1 warrior with better skills.


And ill start the installment after the feedback dies down.