I have just started a new character and I have gone through quite a bit to get her right, because the wonderful world of mod using has been explained to me. This means I have elven blades of a more ....well, if you use mods you will know what I mean. I have several evil characters and I have always struggled with the true hero type....so heres a little story to set my character off on her adventure....it all begins outside the sewers she left the prison from.



Well, I am sure that was`nt what Uncle Dree had in mind when he said I should go to the city to learn about the age of men....thought Sli as she scrambled out of the gate. Sli staggered to the water and desperately tried to wash the slime and grime from her clothing and body.

" Its no good" she said to herself. So with a quick glance around to see no-one was about, she stripped the sack clothing off and dumped it beside her.Grabbing the dagger and the amulet of , that strange man, a king? She crouched and moved toward the water. Sliding into the cool water Sli began to relax, floating further out , she bagan to think about how this had all come to pass. Uncle Dee and Sli had been eating wey bread on the bank of a river in Cheydinhal. As the Chapel bells finished tolling a ruckus filled the air and Dee and Sli had gone to see what all the noise and shouting was about. A captain and 4 guards were evicting a drunken elf from his house and a few citizenry had gathered for the show of it. Dee stepped forward to hear better the words being exchanged between the captain and the inebriated dark elf. Sli could no longer see her Uncle, and it was a yell from a guard " HE HAS A KNIFE!!" that gave her the feeling of urgency.

When Sli finally broke through the crowd to the space in the centre she found Uncle dee Lying quite dead with the Grandibar butter knife he had been using beside him. It had been in his hand the whole time, blood seeped onto the cobblestones beside him. Sli was in shock, how could this be, they had only entered this place for a safe haven to eat....Uncle Dee....oh Uncle..... A guard stood over her with his sword still unsheathed " I am sorry, it was a knife, I caught but a glimpse and called out" said the guard, but before he could speak further his captain came over and spoke fiercely at the crouching small form of Sli the little elf from Grandibar.

" You, you are an assassin! sent to kill me were you! Who put you two to this? I`ll have this out of you, witch!" and grabbing Sli by the hair, he pulled her up off her feet, and stormed toward the guards keep. An assassin? whats one of these thought Sli and now she bagan to wonder if she was to meet Uncle Dee again sooner rather than later. Within the guards keep she was processed and thrown into a cell. Sobbing and grieving for her Uncle, her feelings slowly ran from despair to deep anger. Anger that burned and all she could see was the face of her Uncles killer. A night and a day passed when a guard came to her cell door to speak with her. He said he knew she was no assassin as he recognised the difference of a Grandibar made butter knife, they looked as though they were of the dagger style of the great elven brethren, smaller, but only an elf would know this. So The capatain had heard the shout "Knife!" and turned to see a small elf wielding, a dagger. The Captain had moved fast and stabbed out into Uncle Dee. That strike had been mortal and now Uncle Dee was walking with the Elven song.

Without thought of malice or even sense, Sli grabbed the iron dagger from the belt of the guard and with one hand about his tunic she pushed the point of the blade up through the mans throat, deep into the heart of his closing mind. Sli drew him to the ground silently her eyes ever watchful for more guards. His sympathy meant nothing. Nothing at all. You dont kill a Grandibar and live. The whole time as she rummaged for keys to the cell her mind was awash with the song of the elves. The fey folk of Grandibar are a peaceful sort, but in war or in rage a great change comes over them. The eyes of emerald green, change to a cat like yellow, the hair from deep brown turns black.....they change into demons of revenge and malice when threatened or caused wrong. Thats why the Grandibar stay hidden in the forests. It had been Uncle Dee`s intent to show Sli the ways of man and to show her why they must remain hidden in thier gladed valley.

Door open Sli moved silently toward what she thought would be the exit she thought it to be. Suddenly, as she had but laid a finger on the door nob, a guard pulled the door open swiftly, a half eaten apple raised to his mouth. Sli saw the mans eyes open wide in shock and ducked into a roll around him, into the room. Guards, a good twenty of them, all about the room, some sleeping some eating, some getting clothed and some just reading. All looked to see her. And then Sli saw him. The captain, him, the man of man she must kill. Rage surged through her body and she sprang like a cat at him. Staggering back and trying to unsheath his sword, all manner of actions then broke loose from the stillness of the second before. Several guards managed to grab her but not before the tip of her blade had sliced a line across the captains cheek, gouging his nose as she was pulled back by the desperate guards.Sli was beaten into unconciousness and tied hand and foot, placed in the best cell they had and strict instruction was given for her to be not approached under any cuircumstance. The event had caught the attentions of the keeps court and it was decided that Sli should be moved to the Imperial city for questioning, for if indeed she had been an assassin, what plot was this for the age of men to be victim of? What conspiracy was this?

Sli slipped back into now, to find she had drifted so far she could see the great bridge to the imperial city. and to her right....something familiar, something Uncle had said, the waterfront? The waterfront. yes, she remembered Uncles words. A cabin, a cabin to the other end of the waterfront, the one They had been heading for to watch from the age of man. A safe haven for the Grandibar, kindly shared by dark men in dark clothes who came to our valley to buy herbs and poisons, especially poisons. Home, Sli thought of her home and the valley and her friends...but the rage had not faded and she was still oath bound to reek justice. But how? Sli slowly made her way to the cabin and under the moonlights she saw all was quiet and lifeless. Padding barefoot and quite naked she slipped to the door of the cabin. Inside she found a warm fire and a table with food, and a bed. She eat the bread like a savage, and drank the wine , pouring much about herself in her frenzy. Sleep. Drunkenness had taken her and she had passed out upon the bed. Sli whose elven name cannot be truly spoken by man, means "chosen".



Ok, thats it, I think I have failed in the "not playing a dark character" plan. Work in progress...not sure if I got the idea across, if youn want to comment or make suggestions or just tell me its rotten go ahead. Typo`s and deriliction of grammatical perfection wont happen because I am a self educated englishman who learnt by doing crosswords.. If you want to make suggestions for what or where Sli should go next go ahead...I am thinking the amulet would be important though. That would tie in with her still being "cat-eyed" and black haired. If you like this I will write more but I get discouraged easily, so encouragement welcome if I deserve it.

Thank you for reading.

No offence, but that font is terrible. Put it back to the forum default and I'll read it

As requested. No offence taken.

Hrm, well, all in all I found this opening just a tad confusing. To start with, you state before the story starts that it starts outside the sewers, but then all of a sudden we are in Cheydinhal. The death of the uncle is remarkably similar to the quest there (http://www.uesp.net/wiki/Oblivion:Corruption_and_Conscience) which I'm guessing is intentional? Even though the name is different etc. Then at the end, she is captured, but then has escaped to the waterfront without any real explanation. This all left me feeling a a bit: :confused:

But anyway, general critique:

You changed the font, it was a big improvement, however, I assume you wrote it in Word or something similar because of the formatting, for example "was`nt" in the first sentence looks wrong. That's just because formatting has copied over to here. I tend to type everything up in word, then copy it into notepad, then copy it here. It gets rid of all the weird formatting Word just loves to introduce! That's just personal preference though I guess.

The writing on the whole felt rushed. Everything is happening very quickly with no breathing space between characters. This makes it quite jarring to read. Just throw a bit more description, and slow down the pace and it will read much more smoothly. I mean, having her uncle killed and suddenly finding herself alone must be a hell of a shock, however, she has carried on as if nothing has happened. Write more about her feelings and emotions. Give us a character we can empathise with, or care about.

Spelling & Grammar: I assume this: "Typo`s and deriliction of grammatical perfection wont happen because I am a self educated englishman" was sarcasm or wry humour? There are several spelling errors throughout, including consistent misspelling of "began". You also spelt dereliction wrong in the quoted sentence above. There are a few apostrophe's missing too, eg don't and that's in the 5th paragraph.

Generally, I liked what you wrote, particularly the inclusion of the elf stuff, the family ties, and the allusions to a great history. It gave a different flavour, it felt more exotic.

I'm not trying to discourage you or anything, these are just my opinions. Keep writing, you can only get better ^_^

I am actually not confused although the transfer from realtime to backflash and the the transfer back to realtime was a bit abrubt.