Vault 74...(sigh) I remeber that vault pretty well, being held up in that place in the middle of the wastland of new york city, the city where almost the first bombs fell. I was just a child when the first bomb fell in washington, it was on our tv when brodcasting that the president is trying to make peace with the chinese goverment in alaska anchorage, and that the war is still raging on. The last thing I remeber was seeing a man in a suit handing my dad a envelope and my mother with a worried face looking at my father. He opened it and and read it and then burst out wth tears and dropped the paper right near me, I picked it up and read only the word "Vault tec".

We had to grab everything and fast, I grabbed my teddy bear and of course of my new born puppy Rosco, my dad took my hand and took me to our automatic car and got in with my mom, and Rosco. We drove for a long time and I started to fall alsleep but then my mom awoke me and I looked up and saw almost a thousand people everywhere with luggages and their cars, we got out and my mother grabbed me and her luggage and I grabbed onto Rosco and as my father grabbed his luggage as well from the trunk.

My mother and him looked at each other with sad faces and he turned to his car and said

"Well...I have had you since I was 23, I guess Ill have to let you go after all this time"

He walked ahead of us and me and my mother and as we tried to get past all the people around, some where shoutng "let us in" but I could not understand. We got up to a bright light area and there was the cool protectrons I saw on tv and the soilders I saw in the news program, they where all trying to keep the people back and my father, but he showed the paper we got from the man in the suit and the protectrons and the soilders let us through and we got to a large wooden door, my father opened it and let us through first and I all I saw was dirt all around us.

There up ahead was a large round door with the numbers 74, there where many children and advlts around weiring a blue jumpsuit with the numbers 74 on their backs. Then there was a man that had power armor like my action figures and he spoke with my dad for a lond time, he walked over a terminal and stood there and waited until some people where finished bringing in cargo boxes, the last box held six protectrons with some nuka-cola.

Then finally the man in the big armor pushed the button on the terminal and...the large door started to close and then I heard loud screams and the wooden door broke open and people started running toward the round door screaming and the door twisted and then shut in and all left I saw was the teared face of that woman.

My life began in the so called vault 74, little did I know back then what I would have to face now, becuase this vault is way diffrent from the others.

Since I actually have access to a real computer for once, I'll put in bold all the mistakes I found.




Man, it's been a really long time since I've gone through a fic and edited it like this. Hope I didn't miss anything. Anyway, it isn't a bad fic, and for once I don't have to bring up the issue of spacing. Two things seem to have occured a lot here though. One, you have a LOT of run-on sentences. Two, you seem to misuse the word where a lot. Just type this on word and you can avoid all the misspelling I pointed out. As for the rest, try reading it out loud to yourself to see if it sounds right. If you can't say it all in one breath, it's probably a run-on sentence.

I really am nitpicky today. Must be because I'm writing something of my own right now. Regardless, I hope this helps, and I hope you didn't take any offense. Some people get angry when you point out their mistakes like this, but that's what reviewing is for, right?

EDIT: Oh yes, almost forgot. I don't usually comment on storylines or characters, I usually only point out mistakes in spelling and grammar and such things. I'll let someone else handle the whole story part. I always wait till a fic is finished to offer those kind of comments, and since most fics round here are never completed...

The door of the vault enterance closed with a loud screeching sound. The kids around me were worried and scared and they didnt understand just as I felt, my father went to the man in the power suit and spoke, I didnt understand much back then but I understood little.

"How long will it stay closed?"

"Sir, I dont really know much about what is going to happen, only the overseer will know what to do, thats his job"

"The overseer?"

"He controls the vault and takes care of all the systems and functions of this vault"

"So where do we go right now?'

"Oh yes, I almost forgot"

He walked to a door and pushed the button beside it and walked in the room and my father walked with him and my mother grabbed my hand and I kept trying to hold Rosco. As we walked in the power armor man walked over a huge box and opened it and pulled out three jumpsuits and one small jumpsuit with four leg holes.

"We got the order of the dogs jumpsuit as soon as we can, here you go little buddy"

He handed me the jumpsuit and I holded it but was a little shy to say anything.

He handed my mom three jumpsuits and we went back to the box again and pulled out a small box and my dad grabbed it, the man then pulled out a weird card and told my dad something and he shaked hands with my father and he left.

"Alright, lets get to our room and then we go to the Cryo room"

We soon got in a hallway with many rooms, we soon got to a room with the numbers 138.

"Here we are"

My dad put the I.D. card inside the metal button opener and the door slid up, we walked inside and it was amazing.

There was five rooms, two bathrooms and one kitchen, my dad closed the door and then walked over to the room with a white queen sized bed and above were a large cloth with the same words 'Vault tec". I walked over to a room that had a large bed with black sheets and there was a small dog bed also, and there was amazingly a service droid but was not working, I walked up to it and pushed a red button below it and I flew up and I jumped back fast.

"Hello, I am MASS and here to assist in any needs you may need"

The robot floated away and I got up and Rosco walked over to his bed and layed down and started to sleep and I dropped my suit case and fell on my bed and slept as well....