Awhile ago...whether due to spoiled milk or jaywalking gone wrong - I thought it would be interesting if a character in the world of Oblivion started out on Earth. But not as a human. They would have to start out as an ant. It may seem odd...keep in mind though, that it is no stranger than the Tea Party. So, I started to write about this ant and his journey to Cyrodiil. Obviously, an ant would have very little to do, so thanks to a god he would become an Argonian. And why not? Certainly the average ant has just as much right to a place in the world of Oblivion as the rest of us. So set me on fire, burn my cat or whatever floats your little boat. Here is what I wrote before I suspiciously became interested in something else...

1
…………………………


They’d been hiking now for close to thirty-three hours and his mentor Phil-Za showed no signs of slowing down. Either the man was crazy or was possessed by some sadistic god; of which, Steve wasn’t sure anymore. Steve tried to estimate how far they’d gone but the damn weather was making any legitimate guesses near impossible. Plus, whatever landmarks he did recognize had long been left behind.

Steve looked up at the sky and could see absolutely nothing. Any glances into the watery haze presented him with nothing but an eyeful of water. The lightning did nothing to help matters either. The wall of rain in front of him was an empty canvas smeared in gray with the occasional splash of solid white. To make matters worse, the rain was pouring sideways and no matter which way he turned his head it seemed determined to blind him.

“Phil-Za,” he shouted at his mentor’s back, “any idea how much longer until we can set up camp for the night?”

Phil-Za kept marching along like a madman bent on conquering an ancient dictator. Steve wasn’t sure if his mentor had even heard him and whatever lingering hope was still around seemed to vanish.

He should have never woken up yesterday. From everything he’d been told about the trip, getting there was the easy part. He wondered how this could be true. In the past thirty-three hours, they hadn’t stopped once. Not an iota of a break. “Crap,” he muttered. This had been the most miserable journey of his life.

Decidedly, his situation was unique – at least in contrast to his typical routine. Normally the happy sort, he was finding that his patient demeanor had since; long collapsed. Life was funny like that. In fact, nature seemed to have a sense of humor as every five steps he took seemed to result in a branch smacking him in the face.

They’d finally come into some sort of area that seemed to block the rain out a bit. He could see to his immediate left that there was a drop into a ravine and on his right was a world of greenery thick enough to strangle silence. Not the most encouraging of possible surroundings.

Steve thought Phil-Za might be able to hear him now. “Phil-Za,” he yelled, “how much longer until we get there? I’m a walking zombie back here!”

Phil-Za slowed down a bit and waited until they were walking side-by-side. This inevitably put Steve that most closer to the edge of the ravine and he was starting to wish he’d kept his mouth shut.

“Say what?” Phil-Za asked.

“How much longer until we get there?” Steve said while shaking water from his antennae.

Phil-Za was easily three times the age Steve was and found it amusing when the youngsters had a hard time keeping up with him. This always brought a wide smile to his face. “Why, you in a hurry or somethin’?”

Steve, trying not to look into the ravine, took a deep breath. “Look Phil-Za, don’t get me wrong, alright? I do appreciate what this journey means and what it stands for. I’ve worked hard in preparation –“

“So, what’s your issue?” Phil-Za interrupted.

“Well…,” Steve said, “if I had some type of idea where we were, where we’re headed, how long the trip takes…you know, that sort of thing. It might not be so bad.”

Phil-Za cleared a few branches with his machete. “Okay, you’ve done well so far, so I’ll be straight with you. We’re heading to what they call Trebon Point. Typically it takes about fifty-five hours, but we’ve been making good time. I suspect we’ll be there in another fifteen hours or so.”

Maybe Steve was wrong. Fifteen more hours might as well have been forty. “Thanks.”

“Does that help any?”

“Not really,” Steve muttered.

Phil-Za nodded his head as he kept whacking away with his machete. When he was satisfied with the path again, he put the machete back on his belt. “Ya know, I don’t think I’ve ever met an ant who hated walking as much as you do.” This wasn’t true of course. He knew the journey was tasking even for the best of their youths. It was however a tradition of sorts that they give the kids a hard time.

Steve looked over at his mentor. “Look, it isn’t that –“

“Now,” Phil-Za said, “if you’re like most ants – and most of us are - you’ll spend a small amount of time picking up food and an insane amount of time walking. Walk. Walk. Walk. This is what I do and it’s what all ants do. They walk.”

Steve thought of pushing him in the ravine and then thought better of it.

“I’m going to start calling you Captain Patriot, do you know why?” Phil-Za said.

“Why?”

“Because, if you took the average American and shrunk them down to the size of an ant and asked them to walk across a typical driveway, they’d collapse before they got to the other side. I’m telling you the truth when I say, most humans would stop, look at each other and form groups based on what type of crumbs they’d found. Then they’d sit on their fat and lazy butts and eat. Eat. Eat. Eat.”

“Not walk.” he yelled. Just in case Steve had forgotten.

Steve grumbled.

“Steve, I’m here to tell you that ants don’t have time to eat. They have things to do and today that just so happens to be walking. And why not? We find walking to be as natural as breathing. In fact, if you were to stop any brother on the street and ask them what they were doing, they’d stop, look at you with an annoyed expression, shake their head and then walk away.”

“Many species love walking such as fish, birds, chickens and even the cat.”

Steve was convinced his mentor was starting to show his craziness now. “Fish? Birds? You do mean swimming and flying don’t you?”

“Either you’re going to continue to be misled by a world that you see or you are going to see things for how they are. There is no reason a fish can’t walk and until you realize this – you won’t fully understand your place.”

“Got it,” Steve confirmed with a roll of his eyes.

“For instance,” Phil-Za continued, “contrary to what some people might think the sloth is an avid walker.”

Steve looked strangely at his mentor and asked sarcastically, “the sloth?”

Phil-Za couldn’t help himself and wore a humorous smile on his face. “Oh yes,” he said, “The sloth has been said to be one of the most enthusiastic of walkers and has even been featured on such magazines as Walking in the Fur, The Daily Step, Just Not Backwards and not to mention the universally acclaimed periodical I’d take Two Steps and Die, but I’d rather take Three.”

Steve was glancing wearily into the ravine next to him and feeling some anxiety over the fact that the trail was thinning.

Phil-Za nodded slightly up the trail a bit. “There’s the cave you’ll be staying in. Come on.”

“I thought you said fifteen more hours?” muttered Steve.

“My, how time flies!”

With Phil-Za striding and Steve trudging behind, they walked up to the cave. “You’ll be staying here for the next two days and then your journey begins,” Phil-Za said as he stepped inside for a look around.

“Remember Steve, use all the tools you’ve learned over the past couple years so you can find your way back to the colony. You only get one chance at this and it is imperative that you get it right.”

Steve stepped inside and laid his gear down. After a quick stretch he noticed how quickly the cave disappeared into a world that forbade color. “I know.”

As relieved as Steve was about being out of the rain, he didn’t find the cave to be as welcoming as he thought it’d be. With no small amount of apprehension Steve asked, “how long will you be sticking around tonight?”

Staring into the unwelcoming blackness Steve felt a shiver creep up his spine. “Phil-Za?”

Nothing. Steve turned around and realized he was alone. With slight panic he ran to the mouth of the cave and looked around. Phil-Za had apparently already left him. “Crap.”

II



Steve was standing up against one of the walls in the cave while looking into the fire. He took a drag of his cigarette and with what seemed to be great concentration; he exhaled upwards into the air.

“Mind if I join you?” a voice asked.

Startled, Steve yelled, “who’s there!?”

“Sorry buddy. I was just hiking through and noticed a light flickering on some rocks leading up to your cave. I see you have a fire going. Any chance you’re up for some short company?”

Steve gathered himself together. “No, that’s fine,” he said, “make yourself comfortable.”

“Thanks,” the man said as he sat down next to the fire.

Seeing no immediate threat from the guy, Steve’s heart started slowing down.

Steve took another drag from his cigarette while he studied the unexpected visitor. The guy looked like a regular ant, probably the same species as Steve was. This was good. He’d heard some nasty stories about other species that he may encounter on the journey home and was in no rush to meet them.

Steve squatted by the fire and said, “I’m Steve. What brings you all the way up here?”

The guy leaned back so that he was propped up on one elbow and said, “I’m God. I was just enjoying the weather and a nice walk tonight. It is awfully beautiful up here after a nice thunderstorm. One of my favorite places actually.”

Steve nodded his head in agreement. It actually was nice outside; a far outcry from the weather he had endured not too long ago. “Please to meet you,” Steve said, “I’m sorry, did you say God? That’s an odd name.”

The man chuckled and said, “well, it isn’t a name really. It’s just who I am. Call me Bart if it makes you feel better about it.”

Steve frowned. “Did you say it’s who you are?”

“I’m God.”

“Uh-huh,” Steve said as he stood up to grab some more tinder for the fire. “So, you’re God are you? If you don’t mind me asking, just what kind of god would you be?”

Steve saw no harm in the question. The guy was clearly nuts, but he seemed harmless enough and Steve could use some entertainment after the day he had.

“Well, that depends,” the guy mused, “some people say I’m the Alpha. Others say I’m the Omega and then you have those that say I’m both. Say, can I get one of those smokes off you?”

Steve pulled a cigarette out of his pack and gave it to the guy. “So, you’re the Alpha and the Omega then, huh? What is that? Latin?”

The man finished lighting his cigarette and started to laugh. “Actually, it’s Greek. It means I’m the first and last. To tell you the truth though, I’m just God. Thee God. The only God. You know, that sorta thing.”

“Right. So let me ask you God,” Steve said, “you do know I’m an ant right?”

“I probably know it better than you do.”

“And you know ants don’t have gods, right?”

“Of course I know that.”

“So, when you say that you are God – you clearly mean someone else’s god because we both agree that you’re not mine. Correct?”

“Agreed.”

“Well then, why do you insist on announcing yourself as God?”

“I said you can call me Bart.”

Steve sat down. He didn’t know if he wanted to laugh or kick the guy. The guy didn’t seem to be pressing an agenda or anything and Steve decided it was probably better to just laugh about it.

“Ok Bart,” Steve said in a sarcastic tone, “I’ve got nothing to lose so I’ll go along with you tonight. So, whose God are you?”

Bart took a hit off of his cigarette and exhaled smoke over the fire. “The humans are the only species on Earth that generally know me.”

Steve asked, “the Christians?”

“Yep. And the Muslims, Jews and any other number of religions found in their domain.”

“No offense Bart, but for a god, you don’t really look the part. In fact, you kind of look like my Uncle Carl,” Steve said.

Bart laughed sheepishly and sort of glanced at him before looking back down at something on the ground. “You wouldn’t think it, really, just by looking at me, would you? People seem to think God should look some other way. I really do hate to disappoint but yes…it is me.”

Steve pondered this for a moment and then said, “you’re an ant.”

“True.”

“Bart, I’m sorry but ants can’t be gods.”

“Can’t they?”

Steve thought for a moment while tapping his cigarette nervously in the air. “Ok,” he said, “I suppose you created everything?”

“Yep.”

“And you’ve been around for a very long time, right?”

“Yep.”

“Ok,” Steve said, “how long?”

“Beats me.”

Steve sighed. If nothing else, tonight’s conversation was going to be frustrating. There was a moment of silence.

Steve said, “so you don’t know how long you’ve been around. What kind of god are you anyway?”

The man smiled over at Steve and expertly placed the cigarette between his lips as he started talking, “it all ties my brain up just the same as it does you. Before I created this particular universe, there wasn’t any matter. No air. No atoms. There was absolutely nothing.”

Steve looked at his visitor and asked, “and how long did you put up with being the only thing in existence?”

“A lot longer than you can imagine.”

“Try me.”

“Well, if you can comprehend a trillion years and then were to multiply that by a trillion and then continued to multiply it by a trillion a couple trillion times…well, you’d have a pretty large number. That’d probably be the length of time I existed before I created what you know as existence. It really makes my head hurt.”

Yep, Steve wasn’t going to do the math on that one. “So,” Steve said, “and then what, you just decided after all that time to create the universe? In what, seven days?”

Bart laughed pretty hard at Steve’s question. “It isn’t quite as simple as that,” he said, “take that number before and double it, which is probably the amount of times I’ve tried to create existence. It is much harder than you think. All of the fundamental laws of physics were created for a reason. Without those very specific laws, things just don’t work. Then you have the 4.1 billion other fundamental laws you guys haven’t figured out yet and you start to see what a headache it really is.”

Bart looked down again and flicked his cigarette into the fire.

Steve just sat there looking at him for a moment. Why not humor him he thought. As ridiculous as the whole thing seemed, it was kind of interesting. With that he decided to press the conversation forward. “So if it was such a headache, why even do it? Why would you be so intent on creating something if it was so frustrating for you?”

Bart laughed. “What the hell else am I supposed to do?”

Steve imagined that if there was a God, then that’d probably be true. If you just so happened to be the only thing that existed…what the hell would you do with yourself?

“You know,” Bart said. “In the very beginning I just was. I didn’t know it any more than a rock knows that it exists. I imagine that over billions of years I became aware of myself. It was probably billions – if not trillions of years later that I learned primitive thought. Eventually, I developed the ability to reason and to think on a much higher level.”

Steve walked over to the cave entrance to get some cooler air. “So that’s it,” Steve said, “you just sat around thinking all day?”

“There wasn’t anything else. I didn’t have a physical form and there was nothing for me to look at. Even as I sat there thinking…I had no idea what physical meant. A body was beyond my comprehension and so were all senses such as smell, taste, sight and touch.“

Steve considered this for a moment. He picked up a stick at his feet and tossed it off into the trees in the distance. “Didn’t you get lonely?” Steve asked.

“During that time, I didn’t imagine conversations I might have with other beings because even that was beyond my comprehension. I didn’t know that I was unique or that ‘I’ was an entity at all. I was just thought. To guess at my intelligence at the time would be foolish because my thoughts were limited to a very limited existence.”

“At some point however, I began to have random little sparks in my thoughts. These sparks were little triggers that happened for reasons that were beyond my understanding. Either way, they eventually led to ideas of me being an entity and taking on some form that I could see in my thoughts. After that, I became curious about my thoughts and this led to sparks that created the idea of companionship. You know, someone to share those thoughts with.”

“The point of knowing I wanted to interact with somebody else and the time that I could actually do that is a gigantic leap in time. There isn’t a number that can truly put just how long that was in perspective. Suffice to say that I was alone for a terribly long time.”

Steve caught himself staring at him with his mouth open. “So, let me get this straight,” Steve asked, “you weren’t always an all-powerful god then?”

“Nope,” responded Bart. “In fact, I’ve been –as you say- an all-powerful god for a much shorter time than not.”

Steve walked around a bit more and decided he needed to sit down. Finally, Steve said, “is that even possible? I mean, is it possible for nothing to become the most powerful force in the universe?”

Bart looked up at him and said, “probability says it is.”

“Really?” quipped Steve, “I would’ve guessed otherwise.”

“Think about it Steve. Everything in this universe is truly random. It is chaotic, unpredictable and the unexpected always happens when you least expect it to happen.”

“I’ve been around for such a ridiculously long time that the probability of any random thing happening to me is absolutely certain. In this case, due to extremely random tiny events happening over trillions and trillions of eons; I eventually became God.”

“Alright,” Steve said, “I can get behind that. But, what are you looking to do, gain another worshipper here?”

“Not at all.”

“Really?”

“I’d rather you didn’t worship me.”

“That’s strange.”

“Is it?”

Steve stood back up. “Well yeah,” he said, “our colony has learned a great deal about the humans and quite a bit of their world revolves around the very idea of you. In fact, they go to great lengths to inform each other of the inevitable doom they’ll face if they don’t accept you.”

Bart stood up too and started pacing by the fire. “You nailed it on the head,” he said, “their world revolves around me.”

Steve looked over and said, “I’m not following.”

“You see, revolving around me amounts to them declaring wars in my name, justifying their sins and condemning others of theirs. I become nothing more than a self-righteous tool to hate and control each other.”

“They like to refer to me as a factor after death, but in reality, they’ve turned me into their factor for death.”

Steve started laughing and said, “you know, believe it or not, I actually know what you are talking about.”

Steve lit another cigarette and tossed one over to his new friend.

“Over the years,” Steve said, “my colony has built a program to study the linguistics of other species. In particular, that of humans.”

“I’m familiar with it,” Bart said.

“Really?”

“Oh yes. Your species has always been of great interest to me. There are various colonies throughout the world that are actually working towards understanding other life forms on your planet.”

“Yeah,” Steve said, “we really want to see a world where all creatures can work together towards a better future.”

Bart smiled at Steve and said, “I know. That is why I am so interested in it. Of all the living creatures on your planet, who would’ve thought it would take the ant to work towards a unifying existence for all living things?”

“Yeah, well, studying the humans has been a mixed bag of consequence,” Steve said.

Bart nodded and said, “I can only imagine.”

“Take my brother Malik for instance,” Steve said, “he had declared himself not only a dedicated Christian but a staunch conservative too. This ultimately led him to declaring that all the ants in the colony were a bunch of psychotic communists who threatened freedom for ants everywhere and he left. Ten other ants followed him and together they formed a compound somewhere to the east. I haven’t heard from him since.”

Bart frowned.

“Now, my sister,” Steve said, “is a horse of a different color. Femi takes great pride in her opposition against Malik. She is –according to her – the thinker in the family. The brains if you will. Now, to be honest, I’m not so sure about this but watching her and my brother argue has been amusing nonetheless.”

Bart walked over to the cave entrance and took a long drag on his cigarette with an expression that clearly showed he didn’t approve of this. “I guess,” Bart said, “it can’t be avoided. Anytime you mix two or more cultures there will be inevitable ideas that are introduced amongst each population. It’s a shame to see religion and politics have affected even some of your colony.”

“What strikes me,” Steve added, “is the fact that there was a time when my brother and sister were perfectly happy. They did what they wanted, when they wanted. Life was pretty darn good until they adopted human ideologies.”

Bart nodded in agreement and said, “Funny how that works out.”

“What is silly,” Steve said, “is the fact that they only see threats from each other. It’s all imaginary. For instance, Malik thinks that Femi threatens his freedom to make a good living. I don’t understand it. In my society, you can be rich, you can be poor.”

“But, it is your choice,” Bart concluded.

“Exactly!” Steve said.

Bart said, “The humans see the same threats. Here in the United States they truly can be whatever they want. Rather than achieving goals on their own, they like to blame their failures on other political parties and worse – beg me to help them out of a pressing situation. In the end, they are the ones who are in control and so long as they continue to act otherwise, they’ll never see a better outcome.”

Steve spread his arms and said, “Yeah, but what do you do?”

“Flood the Earth?” Bart asked.

They both laughed.

Bart motioned over to Steve and said, “Listen, come outside with me for a moment. I want to show you something.”

Steve walked over to the mouth of the cave and then over to his friend who was standing outside looking up at the stars. Steve looked up too and had to admit it was a beautiful night.

Bart put his hand on Steve’s shoulder and said, “Out there, where all the stars are is an entire universe. There are things that would completely blow your mind.”

Steve, still looking up, smiled and said, “Yeah, I’ve always enjoyed looking up at the sky at night. It’s fun to imagine what’s out there.”

Bart nodded, “What the universe needs is a human being with the mind of an ant.”

Bart walked towards some trees and then there was a blinding flash of light.

Well crap, Steve thought, that was just getting interesting.

Steve started to turn around but noticed a huge cliff of sorts where Bart had been. He looked up straight into the sky to see what the hell it was and nearly had a heart attack. “Holy crap!” Steve exclaimed, “a human! Crap, crap, crap!” Running now back towards the cave; his heart going a hundred miles an hour, Steve ran smack into a wall.

Confused as ever, Steve backed away from the wall and turned around. He was directly eye-to-eye with the human he had seen before. “What the…”

The human smiled and said, “Steve, it’s okay. It’s me Bart and if you’ll stop panicking for a moment, you’ll see that you are no longer an ant either.”

Steve just stared at the guy. No longer an ant? What in the world was he talking about? Steve looked down at the ground and nearly crapped himself. He was a human! “What the heck is going on,” he yelled, “I don’t want to be a human and why are my arms red and green!?”

2
…………………………

If anything, life was unpredictable. Hell, the world was unpredictable. How does an ant go from an important cultural journey to meeting God and then finding himself on a completely different journey…as a...human? It didn’t make any sense to Steve and he wasn’t sure he really wanted it to. Things like this just didn’t happen to normal ants, so why him? Why now?

Bart was standing under some trees looking off into the Sunrise and Steve was about fifteen feet away sitting with his back against a large rock. “How long?” Steve asked.

“What’s that?”

“How long will I be a human?”

Still admiring a swirl of reds and oranges, Bart replied, “you’ll be an Argonian for the rest of your life.”

Steve didn’t respond. He didn’t like this. He looked at his hand and moved his fingers about in different directions. His hand was complicated and this served as a reminder of just how complicated his life was about to become. If only he hadn’t met God.

“Of all the things I know about humans,” Steve said, “none of it is going to help me out much, is it?”

“Probably not. But, you’ll adapt, you’ll learn and you’ll probably struggle. In the end though, I’m pretty certain you’ll be just fine. Besides, as I already said you aren't human. You are an Argonian.”

"A what?"

"Argonian."

“Whatever. How am I going to interact in their world?” Steve asked. “I don’t know the first thing about humans and their day-to-day lives.”

Bart didn’t respond. He just kept staring off into the distance with a warm smile on his face.

Looking down at the grass around his feet, Steve had to admit; it was a marvel to see the world from the perspective of a human. On one hand, parts of the world seemed infinitely smaller to him, while on the other; the world seemed bigger than ever. “I wonder,” Steve said, “how far my colony is from here. As a human I mean.”

“About a quarter-mile or so,” Bart said.

This blew Steve’s mind. “How long would it take to walk a quarter mile then?”

“About seven minutes,” Bart said as the Sun finished its journey for the morning.

Steve stood up and Bart turned around finally and looked at him. “Listen Steve,” he said, “you aren’t going back home. I’m sorry, I truly am. You’ve got to know nothing good can come from that.”

“But. Can’t I…I mean, what if I just talk to them? They’ll understand.”

“They won’t understand you and worse, you won’t understand them. You're Argonian now and you are going to find that other species will make far less sense to you than you think they did before.”

Steve stared at the ground. He didn’t like this one bit. “So what am I supposed to do? Do you have a specific task in mind? Do I need to go to a certain place?”

Bart smiled at him and said, “there is no greater purpose than the fact that I just think it’s a good idea.”

“For who,” Steve asked with a tinge of anger, “them or me?”

“That remains to be seen.”

Bart started walking down a path of sorts and Steve tottered along behind him. Steve couldn’t help but notice how much easier the ground was to travel on as a human. It lacked certain…chaos.

He noticed that beside the path was an endless row of bushes with a tiny trench running alongside them; probably no deeper than 12 inches or so. I wonder if that was the ravine I was so terrified of yesterday, Steve thought.

Eventually they came upon a large wall made out of solid sandstone. Bart gestured for him to come over and Steve noticed there was a door embedded into the rock’s face. Bart pointed at the door and said, “your new life awaits you through that door.”

Steve furrowed his brow and bit his lip. “So,” Steve said, “I’m going to live inside a large rock?”

Bart laughed. “No. That door is more-or-less a gateway to the rest of the world. I can’t go into a lot of detail, so you’ll just have to trust me.”

If anything at all made sense today, Steve apparently missed it. He was starting to feel apprehensive and exclaimed, “I don’t understand!”

“Look Steve, we have a very limited amount of time here. I have other things that need to be done and you need to get on with your new life. The world isn’t the place you think it is. I’m not going to go into any detail on that because you need to find out for yourself. What is important is that you understand the world you lived in before was just part of an illusion.”

“An illusion,” Steve asked, “what sort of an illusion?”

“You’ll find out when the time is right.”

“Well, at least we have that sorted out,” Steve said sarcastically.

“Look, it’s the best I can do. I promise you though, all of this will make sense to you soon enough. Just trust me. Okay?”

“Okay,” Steve said. “So, if my life was an illusion before, what is it now?”

“If Murphy has anything to do with it; then this will be an illusion too.” Bart pointed at the door. “Good luck.”

“That’s it? Just a quick pat on the back and I’m on my way?”

“Yes.”

“Okay…” Steve just stood there with a dumb expression glued to his face.

Bart touched some sort of box near the door which was followed by some beeping noises. The door opened.

Steve looked in the doorway and could see what looked to be bricks. It appeared to be a hallway of sorts. Squinting through the bars on the door Steve noticed there was a strange man standing across from him. He was behind his own door too.

What the…

Steve turned back around and was stunned. He was standing in a small room made of bricks! How did he get in here!?

"Hey, lizard!" the guy behind him yelled, "it must break your heart, huh? Being so close to the water, knowing you'll never get to swim again... You know, sometimes, when they let us in the yard, you can hear the sounds from the lake. The boats, the gulls. So close... No, you'll never get to swim again, Argonian. But don't worry, you'll be dead soon enough. That's right. You're going to die in here!"

And so his journey begins...