01: The Chosen Candidate

The assemblage knelt as Hsiang Tong, Grandmaster of the Morag Tong, entered the room and stood before us. An electric silence filled the air as the group waited in anticipation. Finally he gestured for one of the candidates to rise. Me.

"Your time has come"

With those words I left behind the life, friends and training that had made up my childhood and adolescence and stepped out into a larger world, via the tunnel that so many promising candidates had followed Hsiang into throughout the years. And not all had returned, it might be added. The Grandmaster walked with a confidence that I struggled to imitate as we started our descent toward the caverns below.

The air was cold and mineral scented, the passage pitch black and lit only by the starlight spell on Hsiang's ceremonial robes.

"After today you will no longer be a candidate. You will either survive the ritual below and become an initiate of the Morag Tong, or fail and die, possibly by my hand... though I am confident in your talents."

Without preamble he pressed an empty metal flask into my hand. It was undecorated, or too tarnished to tell. We walked downward in silence for a few more moments, a distant sound of water dripping onto stone. The air grew cooler. More silence. I couldn't ask any questions, or speak. Silence was part of the ritual, my part. I knew that much only.

"The ritual is simple enough. Soon we will arrive in a cavern, mostly filled with streams, pools, stone. When we reach the entrance on our side I will leave you, sealing the door behind. On the far side is the only exit. I will wait for you there."

"During your crossing you must choose a place to drink from the water using this flask. Upon drinking you must meditate, immediately, to protect your mind. Absolute concentration, without even an instants distraction, until the process is over. Those who have failed have lost part of their sanity, and I have never suffered such to leave with their life."

The sound of dripping water was louder now, the path growing less steep and the bare stone floor giving way to smoothed rock covered by a fine layer of gravel. As Hsiang finished speaking we reached a doorway cut into the rock. Evidently he had given this speech on sufficient occasions to master the timing of delivery perfectly, doubtless helped by the fact that no one had ever been able to ask any questions. He stood by the doorway and I saw no value in hesitating, walking past him without changing my pace. Ego, on the inside I was terrified. I never got a chance to see if my apparent show of confidence had impressed Master Hsiang, as he simply closed the door behind me. I say a door, from this side what had been an entrance felt like unbroken stone.

I stood in the darkness, listening to the sounds of water. Feeling the cold stone beneath my feet. Smelling the mineral smell. And seeing nothing. It seemed pitch black, but for the phantom pseudo-images the minds eye always creates in complete darkness. I sensed nothing living, and after a moment longer in thought I decided to just approach this as a task, pragmatically.

I raised my left arm, a gesture to summon a magical light source. During my training they had apparently purposefully neglected magical training, and from what I had been able to tell I had little talent for it anyway, but I knew at least this much.

Nothing happened. The cavern stayed stubbornly and rather intimidatingly dark. I experimented further without success. Magic didn't work here. I would have to do this the hard way, blind.

02: Darkness

I gathered my thoughts. I had never relied upon magic, having an almost uniquely poor level of magical strength among the Morag Tong trainees despite being a Dunmer. But this situation was a little different, and a little bit of magical light would have gone a long way, and helped me go a long way. Presuming there was even a long way to go, it was too dark to tell. In an attempt to be positive I registered the observation that others before me, perhaps relatively more reliant on magic, had coped with this same challenge. I simply had to have faith in my training, though admittedly I had not had any training on a situation quite like this. The Morag Tong are assassins but during this exercise the only possible victim could be me.

The cavern sounded large, but how large? I crouched down and searched for a rock, finding a suitable one quickly. Then I threw it as hard as I could at the ground. It shattered with a loud snap, gravel and small chunks of stone striking my legs and loudly splashing into pockets of unseen water. I listened for an echo. In vain. No echo meant that, in theory, this was a big cavern, or at least a noisy one. There was an advantage to this noise however, because I could hear that somewhere to my front right was what sounded like steadily falling water, which gave me a vague sense of direction.

As I saw it I had two options... follow the cavern wall, or head straight across the center towards where the exit presumably lay. The former sounded slower but safer, the latter potentially more risky. The latter it would be. I did not want my memories of the Morag Tong initiation ritual to largely involve scrabbling alongside a wall in the dark. Besides, some of the rocks were pretty jagged. I cast aside my sandals and robe and plunged into the lake before me, flask in hand.

The water was cold and deep. I kept my head above the water. The Grandmaster had made it sound like a bad idea to swallow any water from here without some preparation, and if I had to resort to meditating mid swim I would just sink or freeze. briast stroke also meant I could listen to the waterfall and vaguely judge my direction. Leaving my clothes beside the rock face that had once been an entrance would allow me to recognise it if I did end up hopelessly lost and following the cavern walls with my hands, unglamourously.

The following swim was long and tiresome, with little to mark the passage of time beyond a growing numbness from cold and ache from fatigue. That and the waterfall sounds slowly reorienting from my front right to my right. Then my knees kicked into the ground painfully and without warning. I found that I had entered an area of small islands. Islands on which to drink and then meditate I supposed, though they seemed quite empty and otherwise uninteresting. Did it make any difference which I chose? I wasn't really sure what criteria to go by, but on island after island the thought came to my mind 'not this one'. Eventually I noticed something interesting, the waterfall sounded like it was water striking a solid surface as opposed to water striking the lake. Maybe there would be something there. I swum toward it, a fine spray of mist striking my face heralding my arrival.

Unlike the other islands this one was not simply a flat expanse but had pillars of crumbling rock, and at the centre of these the metal statue of a woman. It was upon this statue that the falling water fell from above, striking her head and arms before flowing down to her feet and onward to the lake. A significant location then, relative to the emptiness I had encountered in this place to date. I was anxious to get this ritual over with and reached the flask to the statues face, catching the water as it fell from her lips and chin. Then I found a dry part of the island and sat cross legged, the full container resting lightly against my thigh as I prepared to meditate.

I thought back to the training and meditation that all candidates had been taught. The suppression of pain or any distraction, the focus of attention and of poise, and patience. Essential for an assassin. I steadied my breathing which was slightly ragged, stilled my shivering and summoned my confidence.

'Meditate... immediately... to protect your mind... during the process'

What the process would entail I had no idea. Some sort of change. Initiation. Probably accompanied by pain. Apparently a process that could drive you mad if you left yourself unprotected. But, presumably, a process that had useful lasting effects. I needed blind faith unwavering.

The meditative state was surprisingly easy to summon here from an environmental perspective because there were no distractions of light or changing sounds, but suppressing my thoughts was more difficult. My final sane thoughts possibly. That thought didn't help either, but a sense of calmness finally gripped me. I reached for the flask, raised it to my face, paused, then poured and swallowed without letting it even touch my lips.

Describing the initial sensation would be difficult because I was doing everything possible to focus on something else, on an internal mantra. But it was not pleasant. I could feel a kind of numbness creep from my stomach, across my torso and out toward my limbs and neck. Compared to my training however it was was bearable, and I did not let myself get distracted. My hands grew numb and the sensation crept over my face but my internal mantra was unaffected.

My concentration was perfect... right up until two hands clasped the side of my face and an unseen face planted a kiss on my lips. My eyes snapped open (uselessly) in surprise and in an instant my mind was assaulted by that same numbing sensation. I could feel a female body gripping me in a hug, but I could also feel my consciousness slipping away.

She whispered to me "Men hold some things to be wrong and some things to be right, but to one who transcends, all things are fair and good and right". Her voice was both soft and harsh

Then true darkness.

03: Initiation

Waking up in an unfamiliar place in complete darkness can be disorienting at the best of times, and this was certainly not that. I levered myself onto my side, feeling quite solid physically but with a poor sense of balance. It felt as if the unseen cavern was spinning all around me, but surprisingly I didn't feel the least panic, or indeed any strong emotion. I crawled around the island but could find no sign of the woman. Where the statue had stood there was only an empty pool of water. Curious.

Gradually the sense of disorientation receded and I again entered the lake, having worked out a general idea of direction by the footprints I had left on the island. There were no other footprints. Despite the circumstances I swum with a sense of confidence. Quiet confidence, now that the waterfall had gone. The ache and numbness in my body had also melted away and I felt energised.

In time I became aware of a dim light ahead, which completely failed to illuminate the cavern but was never the less quite conspicuous. Approaching closer I could see a doorway on the shore, sat on the far side of this the Grandmaster, his robes glowing softly. He appeared to be meditating, facing the lake with his eyes closed.

Finally I felt solid ground beneath my feet and stood at the waters edge, the noise of this startling Hsiang out of his apparent reverie. He leaped up, the first time I had ever seen the Grandmaster surprised, and stared at me for a moment, his hand having darted towards a knife at his side.

"Well done... I did not sense you approach"

He looked at me searchingly, searching I supposed for signs of...

He's looking for signs of insanity.

A voice in my head, now laughing softly. I was sure this should have left me astonished and afraid, but instead it seemed only right, only natural. I decided to bow my head towards the grandmaster, a sign of deference to his rank. When I looked up again he appeared more reassured.

"You may speak. Tell me of your ordeal" invited the Grandmaster

But not about that island, the temple, or the Lady.

The internal voice again, not unwelcome. I went with it

"Master Tong, after you left me I swum across the lake. When I came to an island I took the flask and, in unbroken meditation, I drank from the water. A sensation swept over my body but this passed with time. My fears receded, and I swum onward until I saw your glow."

This was the first time I had ever lied to any among the Morag Tong, but again it seemed natural and I spoke calmly. I watched Hsiang carefully while speaking and he had not visibly reacted to the lie, though he continued to study me uneasily, looking me up and down.

Following his cue I looked down at myself only to see that my body seemed... darker... than it should. The light from Hsiang's robes were not illuminating me properly. Perhaps an artifact of the magic suppression from the cavern or lake water? But then why was Master Hsiang surprised? Evidently I had passed the 'sanity test' however, as he released his knife handle and passed a black robe into my arms.

"Dress. Your kin will welcome you into our ranks. And then for your first task"

We walked along the upward sloping passage. There were carvings along some of the walls, invocations in text and painted image to Boethiah, Lord and Patron of Assassination. Shafts of natural light fell from above and the air warmed, until we reached a large anti chamber. A stone statue of Boethiah took pride of place at the centre, a pile of human bones at his feet...

They failed the ritual.

...and a ring of Morag Tong initiates standing assembled before it. Some I knew as those who had taught me, and some were older peers who had taken the initiation earlier and survived, but many were unfamiliar. Among them I recognised Magnus, an old friend of mine whose safety I had feared after he left for the initiation and I heard no news for over a year and until now. But seeing him I felt none of my past warmth toward him.

The remaining ceremony need not bear detailed recount, beyond that I ascertained that all others I spoke to had experienced only the simple initiation that I had lied of having. I was congratulated, but felt no pride or indeed any strong emotion. It should have been slightly disconcerting.

When each Morag Tong agent approached me individually the 'voice in my head' spoke up.

See how she looks nervously at the Grandmaster? She has failed him in some way, and fears of it.

His strength lies in magic, but he thinks something unexpected has changed in you, something that defies his ability.

This one is interested in you. He seemed surprised when you were given the dagger after you were with the group, which must mean this was not standard procedure. He wonders if Hsiang is unsure about you.

Your friend, Magnus. Despite how he looks pleased to see you, I do not think he is. He is not as you remember him.

This complete, the Grandmaster addressed the group.

"We are honoured to welcome our newest initiate, and in ancient tradition I offer him both a Writ and a Name. Alseki, your writ is to execute Sujata Hlaalu of Vvardenfell..."

See the surprise in the faces of your peers? Something is unusual about this task.

Indeed behind the carefully blank masks of the group there seemed a sense of both shock and ...disapproval? But none spoke in protest.

"...and your task complete, return to us a true member of the Morag Tong. Farewell"

Having finished his address, Hsiang left the room immediately, already wrapping a travel cloak about him as if he had a journey ahead. Maybe returning to Mournhold, if the rumours among the candidates held true. Some of the assembled took this as their cue to drift away, while among others muted conversation broke out. Only one approached me. Magnus.

"Alseki, you should know that this writ is not legal, like so many we serve these days... if you are caught they will treat you as a criminal. Presenting the writ may gain you aid from some quaters, but not from the authorities. Also, I was just talking with Morgan. He says that you've changed in a strange way... he says that, magically speaking, he can't sense you. And he says he has never encountered it before... needless to say he doesn't like it. But maybe it will help you." Magnus looked troubled, and his optimistic comment sounded slightly hollow.

I didn't stay to chat. I had to prepare to travel, from Blacklight to Vvardenfell. There to find and kill Sujata Hlaalu.

Besides, I seemed quite capable of hearing a voice solo now. What need of company?