is there a way to run oblivion with hdr and aa without editing the ini file?
Is there a grapihcs card that will let me do so or is it just the way it is?

Both nVidia and AMD/ATI cards can force Anti-Aliasing to run alongside HDR for Oblivion.

For nVidia, set the anti-aliasing mode for your Oblivion profile to "override any application setting" and set the anti-aliasing to the desired number of samples (Oblivion can natively do up to 16x Multisampling). (If it still doesn't work, download nVidia Inspector and make sure the AA compatibility is set to this hexadecimal code: 0x200100C5.)

Same thing for the CCC on AMD/ATI cards, just set the anti-aliasing to override the application and you force AA and HDR.

If you plan to use OBGE, though, don't bother. AA does not work at all when it is running.