Hey everyone. I should tell you, I feel pretty wobbly right now.

So, I wrote a Fallout 3 fanfic last year, and I tried to post it here, but every time I tried people kept telling me off for formatting it wrong and I got so confused I decided to just stop, because it was clear the way I was posting was making it hard for people to read.
BUT I've never had complaints about my formatting in my gallery on deviantart, so I was HOPING it might be okay to link you to that and ask what you think?

Please don't be scared to say "My god you svck" because to be honest, I'm expecting it. What I really don't want is people sugar coating it and saying "Well it's okayyyy..." XD
I haven't revisited it myself in quite a while, so I'm hoping to apply whatever you say to it when I re-read it. Might help me iron it out some.

(Please note the first one or two parts are the worst, beginnings aren't my forte XD)

Link:
http://sakura-kirakira.deviantart.com/gallery/31786693

(I did check all the rules I could find, there was nothing to say I couldn't link to another site for it.)
Ta, all. :3

EDIT:: The reason I'm dragging it back from the grave now is, I was thinking about writing another one with a different main character, but if I'm just embarrassing myself I won't bother.

I most certain you should write more, we seem a little dry on fanfics right now and your story was not bad at all.

I definitely did not like how it began almost verbatim of the opening of fallout 3 and how much of that dialogue was from the game because it really just felt like I was playing the game for the umpteenth time again. But afterwards you took the original story and crafted it to something unique, and though it has flaws it also has flavor and for me it was fun to read.

Though I must say that in general your writing might need a little improvement, a smudge more detail here and there, clear up the dialogue a little bit (sometimes I got lost in the long streams of it with no indicators), nothing much.

I won't go into specifics but I do want to give you a clap on the back for actually writing and finishing a story. Not everyone can do that.

So to answer to your question: Yes I would like to see you write a new one.

Me too, what Yttrium said.

Also, try seperating conversations with a space. You seem to do the new line for new speaker thing, which i love and wish everyone always did always, but seperating action and conversation pieces with a blank line might make.it easier for people to kind of unconsciously make the transition from "oh they're talking" to "adventure continues"

Saw nothin wrong with your writing. Time, experience, and Yttrium can help you iron out any grammatical/structural areas that might be either incorrect or simply less than ideal.

Yah its the spacing, between paragraphs you indent and start a new line but you should put a line of spacing or you will put people off. Thats about the only thing I see wrong with your format.