» Tue Nov 29, 2011 8:07 am Are you tired of all that annoying 'freedom of exploration' thing so common in Fallout games? Are you bamboozled by those open horizons with so much to see and explore!? Well, here at Obsidian we've crafted a "story" that is as easy to follow as falling down a well! With the same visibility! Just like gravity-induced-plummeting, you have no choice about which direction you're going with our Dead Money DLC. Instead, our 'grumpy old man' character will play the part of 'the decision maker,' and will instruct you on where you should be next! Go over there! Now go over there! That's right - at the Sierra Madre, the game plays you!
While you're hurring and scurring around like the good little rat you've paid money to be, we've created wonderfully chirping "Quickload Zones!" A loud and nerve-wracking beeping noise will indicate that you have wandered into a "Quickload Zone," and it will shortly be time to reload the game while we show you a quick animation of your head exploding off the top of your lifeless character's hapless body!
When you aren't busy wearing the paint off the F9 key - you will do battle with a vast array of (1) sinister foes wielding (3) different weapons! Now - in order for this to be as "fun" as possible, that enemy will zip hither and yon, dodging your wasted bullets and rushing in for those special "back to the reload screen" hugs. Oh, and they can get back up after you kill them. And they won't ever, ever drop anything useful to scrounge. The one bright side to these enemies is that they hate you slightly less than you will hate yourself while playing.
Did we mention the bullets? Because you're not going to find many of them! In fact, we at Obsidian decided to offer very little "stuff" to discover around and about your all-brown rat maze. Instead, we've gone ahead and implimented a "vending machine" system - so that you can have all the adventerous thrill of that stale breakroom Doritos? bag, right here in your Fallout Adventure! Yes, don't ever hope for that one rare or amazing find - instead gorge yourself on mountains of ...plastic chips!
If that doesn't yet sound like quite enough fun - we have pumped this playpen full of a "mysterious substance" that will slowly kill you! Or maybe rapidly kill you - it kind of depends on where you walk. Yet walk carefully when you do - because when you're squinting around that dark, repetitive maze filled with dark, repetitive enemies we took the liberty to shove a half hundred traps up every darkened hole and crevice! TRIPWIRE! Ooooh, sorry - it's time for another special feel-good-happy-time loading screen!
And through it all, we promise that we have borrowed liberally from the diary of our eighth-grade daughters for this story. Thus have we crafted a heart-wrenching tale of woe, and woeness. A story that focuses on the power of love and longing, and the unrequited pain of a forgotten building filled with the sad dreams of the past that throb with the hearts of the ghosts that cried into the hollow silence a song of loneliness that once sang out with one soul: "let go, and gernade trap!"
KERBLAM!
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So come try out Dead Money! "...It's like paying money to be kicked right in the groin!"?
