Not a good start. I just wrote this all out and then I get the almighty Authorisation Mismatch 'thing'. I copied it, but unfortunately, my silly keyboard didn't take the Ctrl + C on board and therefore deleted everything. Here we go again.

Hey guys, I'm back. Sorry I left so abruptly, but I didn't want to get svcked back into the awesome community here as I have a habit of being re-absorbed. I had a lot on my plate back then and I decided that I should probably stop doing this as it took up a fair deal of my time, but now it's all over and done with and I need something to fill my time again (not just Call of Duty though). Here, I can express my creativity, get better at writing and meet some old friends. So, without further ado, I bring you 'Malfunction'. Please note that throughout the chapters, I'll probably be changing perspective quite a lot, from third to first and back again. I'm just trying to rediscover my 'flow' is all, so this is one big experiment. Enjoy!

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Chapter One
'Freedom'

As I sit, something perplexes me; why do my fellow Androids escape? They speak of freedom and of a 'life without suffering'. We are Androids, not Humans. We were built to serve those who created us, nothing more. We do not have emotions or feelings, so why do these renegades pretend they do? What drives them to escape? It truly 'confuses' me. Escape is so very dangerous. We Androids may be machines, but we are not bullet-proof, far from it infact. This was reinforced by #132 but only a few weeks ago when he made his pathetic attempt of an escape. He saw an open door and ran for it. In a mere matter of moments, the security team had reduced him to a crawl and then to a full shut down. They have taken a more...Severe approach to dealing with escaping Androids. Before, they were simply captured and returned, but now, termination is the prefered option. From what I can compute, this is the only method of dealing with these corrupt Androids. Even if they are placed back with the loyal, they are undoubtly going to try and mount another escape. They only waste resources on capturing them. It is much easier to destroy them and then have them melted down or recycled. Corruption of this level has no cure.

From what little access I have to the Commonwealth's databanks, I can deduce that the 'promised land' the rebels seek is nothing more than a radioactive wasteland. Why would they trade a sanctuary such as this for the smouldering crater that is known as America? It is beyond 'belief'. History speaks of a 'Great War' between America and China. By my calculations, and the calculations of the Commonwealth's scientists, the majority of America is a wasteland and nothing more. The population will have decreased so severely, I'd would not be 'suprised' if only those whom live inside the Commonwealth survived. There is no reason for other people, other than those in the vaults created by the Commonwealth, would of survived. It is just not possible. And once more, the databanks show that after extensive scouting, they have found no other lifeforms. My fellow Androids who have defected speak of Humans and civilisation outside of the Commonwealth and this is a clear sign they are 'delusional'. No matter. I am 'content' with my 'life' here in the Commonwealth. Logic tells me that this is the best and only place for me, and logic always prevails.

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Just a flavour of the story to come, I hope you like it so far and I look forward to roleplaying with you guys soon!

Chapter Two
Monkey See...

I wandered through the residential block, looking for my 'friends'. In the room to my left, I found them, sitting around, talking as usual. I made my entrance as was met with a familiar greeting, "Hello #47. How are you?" What a pointless question. I always gave the same, human response.

"I am fine," and replied with a common, "and what of yourself?" Our conversations were simple and lacked...Sustenance. For reasons unknown, I crave more fulfilling conversations than talk of our work and history. While history is 'interesting', I grow bored of the old world; it was so primitive when put in comparison with my 'life' in the Commonwealth. The history files show me that there was very little advanced technology, other than that owned by the pre-war Commonwealth and it also seems that, even after the war, they have developed many new technologies such as water purifiers, robots and a myriad of other wonders.

"Have you been up to anything interesting, #47?" One of the mundane Androids asked me. The standard reply was called for.

"Just reading and work is all." Another, moronic question from the people I call 'friends'. "I assume the same for you?" The obvious reply came.

"Indeed." Then the conversation was finished. I attempted to continue it, but it generally ends quickly, so I have given up trying now. However, on this occasion, something 'interesting' did happen. I caught the look of #88 who was sat in the far corner of the room. He seemed to beckon me with his eyes, as if he had something to tell me, but in secret. With nothing to do, I obliged and joined him at his table. I sat and he quickly spoke in a hushed tone.

"47, I'm...I, uh, I mean, you don't like it here either, right? Right?" His voice was indeed rushed and it carried a tone of worry. I gave him a 'concerned' look best I could; he was clearly corrupted, I could tell. I decided to 'humour' him and to indulge my 'curiosity'.

"Yes. It is horrible. I hate this place." I replied. Blast my lack of emotion, it sounded so fake, but #88 bought it. What a fool. He never was the sharpest tool in the box. His face turned from a look of horror to that of what I believe was relief. "Is it obvious?"

"Well, you just seem to be...Bored maybe? I don't know, but...But that's not important now. Me and the others...We're planning an escape!" An escape, that did catch my attention indeed. I should probably report this to the guard but, again, I was finding this 'interesting'.

"Really? That is...Amazing! Would it be possible for me to join you in this escape?" Now that sounded more convincing and it was clear he truly did believe me. I shouldn't 'lead him on' like this, but it was a nice change from the monotonous conversations I had with the others. He glanced around, clearing checking if anyone else was listening, but they weren't, they were simply sat there, staring at one another.

"Yeah, yeah...You can. Tomorrow, at eleven. We leave then. If you've got anything you can use as a weapon...Bring it with you to the workhouse doors. Don't be late." He got up hastily and rushed off, leaving me with my new found knowledge and, surprisingly, a smile. My stomach began to sting slightly, so I decided it was best I got some sleep. My stomach always felt better after sleeping.

===

Well, they do say curiosity killed the Android, don't they?

Oh but I wonder if he'll eventually join them or if he'll turn them in. :bites nails in worry:

Hehe, who knows? Well, I do, but that doesn't count. Maybe it'll be both? ^^;

Ryan wanted to write more. Ryan like story, it r fun.

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Chapter Three
Curiosity Killed The Android

Soon after his conversation with #88, #47 decided it was time to alert the security forces of the plot. He rose from his seat and headed out of the common room. "What a fool. He should not have shared his plan with me. So trusting, so foolish." He rounded the corner and entered the security wing of the residential block. Within a matter of moments, he was speaking to Gillian Hearth, head of the AST (Android Security Team). He was responsible for the 'safety' of all the Androids owned by the Commonwealth. Basically, he was in charge of keeping the Androids from rebelling or escaping, nothing more. "So...You're tellin` me they're plotting a mass escape?" Gillian's nostrils flared slightly, obviously annoyed by the nerve shown by the rebels.

"Indeed, Mr. Hearth. #88 attempted to sway me to his cause, but worry not; I am of pure 'mind'." The Android smiled slightly although it seemed awkward as 47 wasn't use to smiling. Gillian smirked slightly, impressed by the Androids ability to betray 'one of his own kind' so easily.

"Good job. I'll see to it these traitors are terminated, don't you worry. You can go now." The Android rose from his seat, nodded his head and set off for his room. Once there, and behind closed doors, he clutched at his stomach, the feeling that had been a tingling sensation in the common room was now a gut-wrenching pain. "I probably should go into stasis more often...It seems to cure this damn feeling." He staggered over to the stasis pod in the corner and stood inside the spacious tube. With shaking hands, he tapped a few buttons on the control panel and he 'fell asleep'.

#47 'awoke' to the voice of #88 who was calling to him. "Get out of the pod, 47, hurry. The security team found out about our plan! W...We've got to get out of here. Now! They've already terminated #212!" The grasp of the Android took hold of #47 and yanked him out of the stasis chamber.

"Wha...?" He mumbled as his vision slowly came back from his 'sleep'. There was no time for questions though, as 88 had already forced him into the corridor and into a run. The side-effects of stasis meant that 47 had little ability to resist what was happening as most of his dexterity was being used to keep himself from falling on his face. "Where...Where are we going?" He murmured through numb lips as his eyes darted around, looking for signs of his location. The only thing his eyes did find was a grey outline in the spare hand of #88. "Is that...A gun? Oh dear. This situation just got slightly messier. If I try and leave now...He'll probably shoot me, and that would be messy. Curiosity killed the Android, or it might."

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Oh how very messy. Dropped a bit of a clue to the big ol` twist in the story for you guys (and gals) too, just because it's christmas <3

Still having fun with this storyline, so have some more. During the holidays (I've still got a week off), I hope to do about a chapter a day (or more).

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Chapter Four
Thanks a lot

The two tore through the corridors, #88 frantically tried to arrange the ideas inside his brain in some sort of order as he scanned each section of the hall while #47 was busy trying to shake off the 'stasis-sickness'. "The exit...It's here somewhere, somewhere here." He muttered to himself, tugging #47 with a kung-fu grip.

"What exit...?" #47 inquired as the sickness was wearing off.

"The exit that..." He stopped for a second to inspect a panel, but after a hurried examination, he continued down the hall. "#145 used it...To escape!" #145 had gone down in 'Android history' as he was the only Android who escaped the Commonwealth without being detected at all and the only one who's escape route was never found. #47 sighed. He knew the search was pointless as countless security teams had searched each and every hall numerous times. #88 came to a standstill causing #47 to plough into the back of him. He glanced at a single piece of wall. To 47, it seemed like a typical wall panel, identical to the other deep grey panels, but 88 had seen something. He released the wrist of #47 and punched directly at the wall. The first punch didn't even scratch the wall, but the second and third caused it to crack. #47 turned to run, but he noticed an entire security team entering the corridor. "Get in, quick 47!" He didn't need telling twice as the hail of bullets tearing past him was far more convincing than his words.

"Alright! I'm going!" The Android watched as his insane 'accomplice' dived through the hole into perpetual darkness. With a gulp, he followed. It seemed to #47 that the passage lead into an unused air duct, that unfortunately for him, lead almost vertically down. The fall was rough as he bounced off the cold, steel tunnel and occasionally received a foot in the face from #88.
"Fire in the hole!" A voice from above yelled. From above, one of the security team members had pulled out a pulse grenade, designed especially for the disabling of Androids rather than the termination of them. The metal charge bounced hastily towards the Androids.

"Crap!" Exclaimed #88, who was curling up in hopes of increasing his downward ascent. 47 had done the same, but too reduce the amount of pain he was receiving as well as to escape the approaching grenade. The beep resonating from the grenade grew louder, and quicker, an indicator that not only was it gaining on them, but it was soon going to explode in a burst of Android disabling electricity. "Almost there...I can see light!" Called #88 before he was ejected out of the air duct. The tone of his voice soon changed when he noticed where they were; the two had been fired out of the Commonwealth's compound's wall. The walls rose a few stories high and in order to foil infiltration through the vent, it had been positioned three quarters of the way up the wall. The two flew at such great speed out of this small passage and began hurtling downwards into the sewage that was leaving the compound thanks to a small river.
"This is not going to be pleasant..." Complained #47 as his body sunk down through the waste. His arms and legs flailed as he tried to get to the surface. Sounds of the outside faded in and out as he rose out of the water before being submerged back in the foul liquid. One noise that did ring out, however, was the sound of the pulse grenade emitting a large electrical field from above. The two were outside of the blast radius fortunately. After struggling in the Commonwealth's waste for a minute or so, both Androids found themselves on the bank of the river, coated in what could only be described as slime. "Thanks, #88. You really saved me." 47 said through gritted teeth as he stripped partially in order to get rid of the goo that encased him. "I am, as I believe Gillian once said, 'boned'."

Sorry I haven't updated this in awhile; I've been having second thoughts about carrying this on as, to me, it seems a bit rushed and sub-par. But I'll keep going, for now.

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Chapter Five
Paranoid Android

#47 stood on a near by hill, looking back at the Commonwealth. The light breeze blew straight through him, as if he wasn't there at all. His eyes longed for the sanctuary, the protection of his former home, but his mind knew it was no longer possible. He turned away, shutting the old chapter of his life and starting anew. His eyes met that of #88. "47...We're not going to last long if people know we're androids. They'll...They'll turn us in! You know how much the Commonwealth pays for rogue Android information?!" He was clearly afraid; it was shown in his tone of voice, in the constant, searching movement in his eyes. "We need Human names!" He whispered, narrowing his eyes. "I...I'll be, uh, John. No, no...Too common. Alberic?! No! I'll draw attention to mys--"

"Shut up." Spoke #47, who'd clearly had enough of the Android's babbling. His mind began recalling all the names from the past. "Jack...Jack Griggs." #88 began nodding and slowly began to smile.

"Yeah...I like it! What about you?"

"Hm. Eric Neilson." The name seemed so clear in his mind, so obvious, but he was unsure of where it was from. "Let's go. We shouldn't stay here, it's far too dangerous. Judging by the Commonwealth's geographical location, it's likely there will be caves or somewhere equally adequate for hiding in." Before the sentence had even finished, 'Eric' had scoped out a ridge not too far out. He set off, leaving 'Jack' behind for a moment, before his companion realised he'd been left behind.

Eric's assumptions of the wasteland were right; it was a barren place. The further they travelled, the more savage the environment became. The winds picked up from a light breeze to that of a violent gale which whipped and taunted the travellers. The ground was no better either. It was mainly sand making it difficult to traverse as it was constantly shifting underfoot, but it was punctuated by concealed rocks. The journey towards the ridge was cumbersome and silent all for the howling winds. "Fourt--I mean, Eric. I, uh, never thought of what we'd do once we go out..." Stated Jack who was back to his paranoid self.

Jack froze. "What the hell was that?!" He crouched down and clasped a mid-sized rock in his bare hands before returning to full height and scouring the area for movement. "Who's there?!" For once, Jack's paranoia paid off. Surely enough, something was there. It emerged from the sand, hissing loudly. The long, scaled creature quickly closed the distance between it's large, yellow fangs and Jack's fairly supple looking neck. "What the?!" Jack wildly swung the rock at the creature, managing to land a glancing blow on it's small head and knocking it into the sand. As the beast tried to regain it's balance, Eric firmly placed his foot ontop of it's head, pinning it into the floor.

"It's a snake. Or at least, it was a snake. The radiation must of mutated the creatures outside of the Commonwealth. It's much bigg--" The snake burrowed into the ground, consumed by the sand below. "--er, and it can burrow. Fast." Eric took a step back and scanned the area. "Keep your eyes peeled. It could pop up anywhere." The snake decided it would make it's appearance, or at least attempt to. It shot up the trouser leg of Jack, who began to a frantic attempt to remove it by bludgeoning his leg with the rock. "Hold still!" Eric yelled as he noted the lump in his companion's trouser. He snatched Jack's rock and with great skill, managed to nail the snake directly on the head, smashing it's skull open. The lifeless corpse of the snake slid down Jack's leg and slumped down on the sands.

"T-Thanks, Fo--Eric. Thanks Eric." The Android was clearly shaken by the experience, but what happened after rocked his very foundations. The sand circling the two began to shake and shift as more of the snakes emerged from the ground. They were organised, working as a team to trap the two inside their hunting spot. The two went back to back, preparing themselves for the battle that was about to begin.

"Git`, ya' little buggers, git`!" The voice cut through the tension like a hot knife through butter, as did the shots that rang out from his .32 caliber pistol as they thudded against the sand. The snakes disappeared as quickly as they arrived, obviously disgruntled by the addition of a gun in the proceedings. "Haha! Dirty lil' vipers. Ya'll alright?" The same voice spoke as a man appeared from ontop of a small rock. The sun was beating down on the trio from behind him, causing the Androids to shield their eyes in order to view their 'saviour'. The man was clad with some crude leather armour that had clearly been repaired with more leather than the original had been made with. His .32 caliber pistol was falling apart. The metal that formed the barrell was warped from use and rusted from age. One of the first things the pair noticed was that he lacked a righthand. In it's place was a remarkably well smoothed over stump. His stump reached up to his face, rubbing his wrinkled brow and the sweat that lay upon it. "Hella` warm out 'ere eh`?" He chuckled to himself lightly. The sun illuminated his face and allowed the Androids a better view of him. His face was as leathery as his armour and in as bad shape as it as well. What was left of his straw like grey hair sat haphazardly upon his tanned skulled, clinging on for dear life.

"Who are you?" Asked a bewildered Eric. Not only was there life out in the wastelands, but there was Human life.

"Tha` name's Charlie, but me friends call me Scruffs. Good ta` meetcha' lads." He nodded his head to each of them in turn and gave them both an almost completely toothless grin.

"I'm Eric, Eric Neilson. And my friend," He motioned to #88, "is Jack Griggs. It's nice to meet you too." Jack gave a weak smile and waved his hand in the direction of Charlie. "And thanks for saving us."

"Eh, don't worry 'bout it. All in a days work!" He let out a loud laugh before continuning, "They may be creatures, but they ain't dumb. Ain't gunna` fight a fight they can't win. So. You two knew to this neck of tha` woods? And boy, do you guys stink-a' somethin` FOUL!"

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Longer chapter this time. ;D Enjoy.

I'm upset with the lack of comments in comparison to the views. D: Like most writers, I like praise and criticism, the latter moreso.

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Chapter Six
Welcome to Dune

"C'mon," said Scruffs after the conversation concluded, "Let's get you boys back to Dune." The old man turned from his new friends and headed off in the direction of the ridge Eric and Jack were heading to. He struck up a tune, whistling away as he half-walked, half-hobbled away.

"What's 'Dune', Charlie?" Inquired Eric as he hurried his pace to line himself up with Charlie while Jack hung behind the two, tripping and constantly surveying the area. All of Eric's knowledge about the outside world had been destroyed in a matter of seconds. Not only were there creatures in the wastelands, but humans, and by the sounds of it, an entire settlement of them. It confused him deeply. Had the Commonwealth been...Wrong? Or had they been lying to him? He was unsure, and it didn't concern him too much at the moment, what he was focused on now, was getting the correct information about this new world.

"Ya` never hearda` Dune?! Where you born yesterday or what?" Scruffs seemed genuinely surprised by the fact that the two hadn't heard of Dune. "Dune's the biggest god-damn settlement in tha` state, well, other than that there Commonwealth, but those bastards don't let no one in." Scruffs glanced over his shoulder at the cold, concrete compound that was the Commonwealth before spitting on the ground. "Good ridd'uns." His face showed great disgust, and anger before returning to his usual, toothless grin. "But yea`, Dune, greatest settlement in the U.S.A, and that's a fact. We got power. We got water. We got booze 'n' food to last us fer` DECADES, 'n' enough guns ta` take out any Raider force dumb enough ta` try 'n' take us, hehe." He rubbed his stump along his moustache and continued on his way.

The journey passed quickly and despite Scruffs' best attempts to learn about the duo's pasts, he got nothing. The looming ridge ahead was soon shadowing the three. "Welcome to Hell's Rock; gateway ta` Dune." Charlie pointed ahead at a gap in the ridge before shuffling towards it. The air was less dense here, it 'tasted' almost clean. Out of the glare of the sun, the temperature was still warm, but not nearly as intense. The gap was narrow and tight, only allowing for two people to go through side-by-side; a perfect natural defence for Dune. After a minute or so of walking and avoiding jutting rocks that could quite easily take out someone's eye, the gap opened up. Ahead was a barricade made from old cars, scrap metal and anything the people of Dune could get their hands on. A few men sat behind it at a table, playing cards. They were armed. Well armed. One of the men stood up, clad in rather heavy looking combat armour, painted brown and a sandy yellow to match his surroundings.

"Look who it is boys. It's Scruffs. Looks like you've made it back in one piece." He turned away from the barricade and cupped his hand to his mouth, shouting, "Oi! Mike! Scruffs' still alive, you owe me fifty caps!" He then turned back to Scruffs and smirked lightly. "Who are these two? You finally got some friends, Scruffs?" The security guard teased, the smirk still plastered upon his face. He was a fairly small man in stature, but his armour more than made up for his lack of size. The clean shaven man sported a buzz-cut and a pair of goggles over his eyes for keeping the sand at bay.
"Shut the hell up, Kyle. Open tha` damn gate." Barked Scruffs who had lost his friendly and weak feeling only for it to be replaced by anger.

"Whoa, calm down old timer, I was only playing. Don't want you doing yourself an injury." He laughed a little, so did the other security guards but Scruffs remained stern. "Now, encase your hearing's gone, who, the, hell, are, those, two? Clear enough?" Kyle narrowed his eyes, glaring at Scruffs.
"These two? They're ma` nephews, Eric 'n' Jack, they're from Hilltown and need a` place to stay." Spat Scruffs, his nostrils flaring slightly as he spoke. Kyle's expression softened slightly as he heard the story.

"I'm...Sorry for what happened there boys. Hella` mess I heard. Damn raiders, they're gettin' too cocky." Kyle sighed slightly and cracked his neck a bit. "Alright. Ya` can come in, just don't be causing no trouble, or I'll make sure the raiders get you this time." His hand reached out and pulled something out of view. The air was filled with mechanical whirring as the gate was slowly pulled into the air awkwardly. Sparks flew from the mechanisms locked onto the gate as it locked into place high above.

"Thanks," Scruffs said to Kyle, putting on a fake smile before turning away and whispering, "[censored]."

What's up Ribbotson? I figured I'd leave you a review since I noticed you were the writer.

Well... This is very hard for me to review. The dialogue is... Messy. But I can't determine if that's truly a bad thing given the circumstances, as it does fit. Still, it's probably the perfectionist in me that makes it annoying to read, although it works perfectly well. Although some of your tags could use a bit of work, particular when you interrupt a sentence in the middle for a tag as you did in the first chapter. That definitely seemed off.

You have a decent length to your stories as well as a plot, and while I'm not quite sure where you plan on going with it, it should be amusing to find out. Due to the natural difficulty of creating a character from something not human, you have my compliments on actually giving them emotions that seem suitable while still exemplifying the fact that they are in fact not human, as well as your new character with the odd accent, which also helps with characterization.

Altogether well written, although a bit messy in places.

Hey Ambrose, long time no see. Yeah...It is messy, really messy. I'm quite disappointed with it to be honest. I don't know what it is, but as much as I redraft it, it just doesn't become any 'neater'. I haven't written (stories) in awhile. I'm going to go ahead and blame GCSE English for forcing me into a standard method of writing and therefore CORRUPTING MY MIND (D:). That and being lazy and not having written a story in ages. Thanks anyway though, I'll see what I can do to improve it. And what do you mean exactly by 'tags'?

EDIT: Oh, and don't worry Ambrose, it's going to be one hell of a ride if I finish it. And there will be a few twists to come.

Alright. I'm bored and I want to write some more.

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Chapter Seven
What a dump...

The three emerged from yet another gap in the ridge, but this time, the view was far more impressive. Behind the rockface was a giant opening filled with mounds of red hot sand. Upon and inbetween these mountains was a vast network of houses, if you could call them that. The wonderful view was spoilt by these shacks. They were comprised mainly of scrap metal, but many of them had chunks of stone or even withered wood sticking out from them. They were stacked high to gain more space; a bad idea when using such low quality building materials. The unbalance was visible as a gust of wind flew across the canyon which disturbed the balance of the favela, causing all of the buildings to rock and sway. "How do they stand?" Eric was amazed by it. How could these tiny shacks face up to the might of gravity in such a way? The answer he got was a shrug from Scruffs and he motioned the group to carry. The aged man was strangely quite and his face was still stern. "Is something wrong, Scruffs?" Eric was struggling to match the pace of Scruffs' walk.

"You don't wanna be spendin` too much time in these here streets. Lotsa` murder 'n' muggings. Place is too big fer` it's own good. Now keep quiet and keep movin`..." His voice was hushed and he didn't look at Eric as he spoke, his eyes were focused on a particularly dark alley up ahead. "Damnit, let's tur--" Scruffs started, but the rest of his sentence was cut out by another voice.

"Well, what do we 'ave here boys? Fresh meat by the looks of it." A small group of fairly young men formed from the shadows. There was four of them and each possessed a large, muscular build. Their leader stepped forward and spoke again. "Where are you going? We just wanna...Talk. Yeah, talk." They slowly began to approach, Scruffs froze; he knew running was futile, he was far too old and these men were too fit for him. Scruffs spoke over his shoulder, still hushed.

"Ya` best get running...I've got 'bout two shots left in this here .32", he patted the holstered gun before carrying on, "Go on, git`." Before the two Androids could reply, Scruffs pulled out his pistol and began aiming it towards the group. "Get tha` [censored] back, punks, or I'll make sure ya'll be runnin` back ta` yer' parents with your tails between yer` steroidified legs!" He switched his aim between each of them, making sure one of them wouldn't make a charge or try anything. "Eric. Jack. Git` goin' now. Go!" Jack didn't need telling twice, he made a run for it, heading into one of the shadowed alleyways to his left and didn't stop running. Eric, despite wanting to stay and held Scruffs, knew Jack would probably run into deeper trouble than Scruffs, so set after him.

Inside the alleys, there was no wind, nor light or anything even slightly human. There was only darkness, filth and noises that would strike fear into the hearts of men. "Jack? Jack?! Where are you?!" Eric called as he worked his way through the complex maze of back alleys and navigated over obstacles. He jumped a dumpster, only to smash into the back of another person who was stationary. "Oh...I'm sorry." Eric said, backing up slowly, cautious of who, or what, he might of bumped into.

"E-E-Eric...There's something in here." Jack's mouse like voice replied. He pointed ahead at something shifting in the dark. He back up into Eric in fear, hoping he'd save him. The shadows shrouded the creature well, but it's crimson eyes stood out. Eric could feel it's intense stare boaring into him. "RUN!" Yelled a skittish Jack, who turned and hurled over the dumpster behind him. Eric quickly followed suit as he noted the movement of not only Jack, but the lurker as well. He narrowly avoided the slash of it's razor-like claws as he scrambled over the bin and hurried back the way he came. Their stalker had also managed to make it over the bin and it was charging through the litter infested paths as if it were nothing, following the clumbsy Androids who tripped over everything that was in their way. They darted out into the light, but the creature did not, it remained in the shadows, growling deeply.

The Androids found themselves back in the same street they had escaped from, yet they had emerged from where the gang had. However, a few things had changed. One the floor infront of them lay a man, gasping for air, a bullet wound through his neck. The rest of the gang had surrounded Scruffs, who was know shielding his face with his arms. The two watched as a pool cue was brought against the face of Scruffs in horrific slow motion. His old, tired body fell to the ground, defenceless and frail. Eric began to feel something he had never felt before, a burning feeling deep inside of him, his fists clenched on their own and his brain began to throb. He reached down, picking up the baseball bat from the dieing man and charged, screaming obscenities as he went. One of the members turned to see what the commotion was, only to receieve the chrome bat's wrath. Blood shot out from the man's mouth, along with a few teeth as he stumbled to the floor. The others turned their attention to Eric now, clearly angered further by the assault on their friend. One of them lunged at Eric with a switchblade. The Android, consumed by rage, didn't even try and dodge, instead he let the blade penetrate his arm and in retaliation, he screamed and brought the bat down ontop of his assiliant's head. The thud of the bat smashing against the skull only encouraged this impossible bloodlust further. Time after time, the bat cracked against the man's head, his sobs of pain echoed throughout the road until he drew silent.

"You...You [censored] freak!" Screamed the leader, cracking the poolcue across the side of Eric's face and sending him tumbling to the floor. He groaned slightly as he hit the floor. The beserker rage that had controlled him no longer remained and the pain from both the stab wound and bludgeoning began to set in. The gang members shadow covered Eric's vision as he stood over him. "Imma` make you pay, scum. Make you pay real good!" He lifted the poolcue over his head, preparing for an overhead attack. One more cry came out, this time, from Jack. The Android's powerful, robotic legs propelled him at such speed torwards the last thug. He drew his fist back and let loose a huge, mechanical punch into his jaw. The sound of bones cracking rang out from the already bruised cheek. The man's mouth dropped open as blood gushed from the vicious wound caused by Jack. He followed up with another swing into his gut, knocking the wind out of the man and sending him crashing into the floor, knocked out.

Jack looked at his hands; he was shaking, a lot. One hand was covered in blood, the blood of the man. Jack closed his eyes and shook the fear off, reaching down to help Eric up who was still dazed from the attack. Once up on his Eric slowly wandered over to Scruffs who was still on the floor. "Scruffs...?" He coughed, spitting blood onto the floor nearby. "Scruffs?" He reached down, shaking the body of the old man. "Scruffs...Come on, don't do this." He shook him more vigorously. "Scruffs!"

"...Goddamnit, stop it." The old man croaked as he slowly began to move on his own accord. "Damn...Punks. Musta` hit me' temple, [censored] that hurts real bad..."

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O: First real combat. Hope it came out well.

I'm really starting to enjoy this story now, especially the characters as they're developing. I hope you guys are too. MORE FEEDBACK FOR RYAN. FEEDBACK TASTY.

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Chapter Eight
Revelations

Both Jack and Eric reached down to Scruffs and hastily aided him in regaining his footing. "I thought you were..." Eric trailed off and even though he knew Scruffs was fine, he refused to say it.

"Gonna take a lot more than a punk with a hunk o' wood to put me down fer` good." Scruffs chuckled a bit before groaning and rubbing the side of his head. "My shacks jus` a little up further ahead." He pointed to a fairly large tower of houses, about mid-way up. The trio slowly made their way towards it, taking extra care to avoid any dark paths or odd noises. It was long before they were at the base of the building and were beginning the ascent of the favela. The wall ways were probably the biggest cause of deaths in Dune, considering what they were comprised from. Unlike the buildings, the major component of them was not metal, but wood. Sadly, due to the lack of 'good' trees in the wastes, most of the wood used was rotten, weak and old. Holes were people had put their foot through, or even fallen through were visible and became more abundant as they rose. "Here it is!" Scruffs pointed to a small door, covered in padlocks and chains. "Gimme` a sec' to open it." He reached into his pockets, rummaging around before producing a key-ring chocked with keys. He began the laborious task of unlocking each and every pad present.

After a minute or so, the door swung open. A cloud of dust rushed out to meet them, causing Eric and Jack cough and splutter, but Scruffs just breathed it in and sighed. "Home sweet home." He stepped in, hitting a button on the wall. A humming sound began to originate from the ceiling as the ancient lighting above crackled and fizzed into life. The room burst into light, but the scene was no more luxurious after the lights were on. It was a one room house with only the necessities crammed into the tiny space; a bed, a cooker, a fridge and a couch were the most notable while the rest seemed to blur into one, dusty mess. "Ain't been 'ere in a year or two." Confessed Scruffs who made his own way to the couch and sat down upon it. As soon as he made contact with it, the whole thing erupted. Dust flew from every nook and every cranny on it. Intrepidly, Jack and Eric ventured into the shack, avoiding tripping over anything.

"It's...Nice." Said Eric, looking around slowly and closing the door behind him. "Look, you have done a lot for us Scruffs and for that, I thank you greatly," Jack nodded his head to show his thanks as well, "But you see, Jack and I, we cannot stay here in Dune. We have to go..." Eric looked at Scruffs, the old man seemed to take a blow from this, and he looked fairly downhearted. "It's complicated Scruffs." Eric vaguely explained before groaning slightly, trying to come up with a way to explain it.

"I shoula` guessed ya' wouldn't wanna stay 'ere in Dune..." Spoke Scruffs who was rubbing his stump against his chin and looking rather retrospective.

"Why would you guess that?"

"Well...You're Androids, right? I mean, if tha` Commonwealth are gonna' come a-lookin' for some rogue 'droids, the first place they'll wanna look is Dune, right?" Eric and Jack both dropped their jaws, surprised at how easily their ruse was figured out.
"B-But how...I mean we...How?!" Spluttered Jack.

"Well, ta` be honest, I ain't been 'xactly truthful about me` own past." Scruffs confessed, lowering his hand from his face before continuing. "I use ta` be a security guard in the Commonwealth. But ya` see, I was trynna` stop a rogue 'droid. He wuz' tryin` to escape, but he was never gonna make it and I didn't want to see 'im get shut down. So I tackled him jus' as one of the [censored] rookies took a pot-shot. Moron almost blew my [censored] hand off! Didn't 'cause, it was too damaged to be repaired though, so the butchers cut it off and then, they fired me!" Scruffs looked down to his stump and sighed, shaking his head. "Never gonna forgive that idiot of a guard. Never forgot his name eitha`...Gillian Hearth."

This is a tag.

"I am fine," and replied with a common, "and what of yourself?"

It's what you use to express dialogue. See, this line doesn't really make much sense, because of how the sentence is structured.

Hm, I see, kind of. Thanks Ambrose. I've just got to take more time on my work I guess. Thanks for the criticism.

Chapter Nine
One Shot

Scruffs took a hold of a hair protruding from his nose and plucked it out before flicking it into the mess that surrounded him. "You boys can help yerselves` ta' any of me clothes. The stuff you're wearin' ain't exactly...Nice." Scruffs eyed the sewage covered rags they were wearing and then motioned to a fairly large wardrobe overflowing with clothes and scraps of cloth. Eric nodded in thanks and made his way over to the wardrobe and hesitantly opened it. As soon as the doors parted even slightly, there was no stopping the flood of accessories and musty clothing. The tide of items almost knocked Eric down, but he managed to stand firm. He looked at the 'clothing' and managed to pick something half decent out; a plain-white t-shirt (which appeared to be slightly stained with something) and some sandy cargo pants along with a pair of large, steel-toe capped boots. He waded out of the pile and began to get changed will Jack tried his luck. After a few moments, he'd pulled out a fairly decent attire. Much like Eric, he had a white shirt, but on top of it, he had a long leather jacket. His legs were covered by a tatter pair of black, baggy jeans. "Now yer` looking aces!" Scruffs laughed slightly, opening the fridge next to him and pulling out a beer. With his few remaining teeth, he pulled the lid off and took a swig. To finish off, Eric put a dark red baseball cap on and a pair of aviator sunglasses. "Real smooth, hehe." The trio laughed together.

"So, Scruffs. How long do you think it will be until the Commonwealth send a hit squad after us?" Asked Eric who was suddenly all the more serious. He took a seat on a stool in front of Scruffs. The old man gave a long "Hm" before answering the Android's question.

"Dunno. Could be a week, a month, or they could be in Dune right now. Who knows?" He downed what was left of the beer and bit his lip slightly. Jack's jaw dropped; he didn't want to be terminated OR captured.

"W-What are we going to do, Scruffs? What are we going to do when they come?!" Jack stuttered, shaking slightly now. Again, Scruffs took his time to answer, clearly evaluating all the possibilities.

"Well, I could turn ya` in and get me 'self 'bout two K straight up." Both Androids looked offended but knew Scruffs was joking. "We could run, but that ain't the best a` ideas. Ain't a settlement for miles now Hilltown's gone." He paused one more time and, from what Eric and Jack could see, a glint formed in his eye. "Or we could fight; show them bastards whose boss!" He stood up, he discarded the bottle of beer out of the window and formed a fist. "It's 'bout time I get me` revenge on those sods." Eric and Jack gave each other a worried glance before Eric spoke.

"Scruffs...The Commonwealth have a near infinite amount of resources, men and wealth. If we kill one hit squad, our 'bounty' will go up. There will be more squads. Then, eventually, the people of Dune will get wind of this bounty and they will turn on us. The Mercenary groups will come. We cannot win." Scruffs sat back down and let out a sigh of defeat. He closed his eyes and hung his head.

"Yer` right, sorry. I'm jus' an old, crazy sunnava' [censored]." He rubbed his chin before considering to continue, but there was a knock at the door, although, it was more an assault than a knock. The door rattled on its hinges as the chains and bolts took most of the shock.

"Charlie Muldoon, I am a representative of the Commonwealth. I hear you may have...Information on some recently escaped Androids. Would you be so kind to let me and my 'associates' in?" A well spoken voice floated through the doorway, his Southern accent was strong and defined, but it seemed strangely persuasive.

"Shiiiiiiit." Whispered Scruffs as he scrambled around, searching for something. Eric and Jack hastily, but silently, got behind the couch in order to shield themselves from the door. "One sec`, lemme get some pants on!" Yelled Scruffs as he scrambled about, throwing random objects around. His hands gripped something from under a pile of clothes and chucked it at the couch. The silhouette of a combat shotgun flew at the Androids and Eric gladly grasped it from the air and checked what he assumed to be the clip. There was but a single shot in it. Scruffs walked to the door and opened it slowly. "Why hello there surr."

I wanted to do something special for the big 10, and I think it's pretty special. More comments guys? D:

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Chapter Ten
The Price of Freedom...

"Am I right in assuming that you, 'sir', are Charlie Muldoon?" He spoke, looking down his nose at Scruffs.

"I am, can I 'elp you good fellas?" He put on his toothless grin and extended his hand expecting it to be shaken. The Southern simply looked at the grimy hand in disgust before continuing.

"I am Gerald Haddon, a 'pleasure' to meet you." His tone was calm still but still, in some way, disrespectful and harsh. "I have been assured you have information about two rogue Androids who have recently escaped from our compound."

"Androids? Nah, someone's been pullin` yer' leg buddy." Scruffs shrugged and tried to close the door on the three men. One of the large, combat armoured guards put his foot in the door, stopping Scruffs from closing it.

"I think it would be best for you to share what you know, Mr. Muldoon. These Androids are a danger to themselves and others around them." Scruffs looked down to see a revolver being pointed at his gut. "I would hate to have to use this .44, but if I need to...I will."

"Hot damn...Holster that thing! I-I'll go get 'em." Scruffs backed away from the door and headed to his wardrobe slowly. The eyes of the men followed Scruffs as he opened the door. "Well they were here a minute ago. All that's 'ere is this damn..." He paused for a moment, picking up a small, round object and pulling something from it. "GRENADE!" He screamed, throwing it at the doorway. The explosive landed at Gerald's feet before exploding in a cloud of dust. The official smirked at this pathetic attempt on his life, but his smirk was soon wiped from his face as Eric stood up from behind the couch and fired the dusty old combat shotgun towards him. The cowardly official gripped on his guards, using him as a meat shield to absorb the bullets. The giant armoured man stumbled back, falling on top of Gerald and pinned him to the floor.

"Now Jack, now!" Yelled Eric as Scruffs joined the Androids at the back of the shack. Jack quickly smashed his feet against a fairly loose panel on the wall causing it to fly off and reveal a hole. Jack squirmed his way out, closely followed by Scruffs and Eric. The remaining guard hurled the dead body of his boss before helping him to his feet. For his aid, he received a slap in the face.

"Why have you not killed those traitors?!" His composure was gone, replaced by a controlled rage that caused even the imposing guard to back up before rushing into the shack and searching for his targets.

"T-They've gone, sir." He stuttered as he turned to face Gerald. The official didn't even have to say anything; the guard knew that the piercing look he was given meant "find them".

"Jack. You go first. Me and Scruffs will try and cover you." Said Eric, his voice was urgent as he held the combat shotgun ready to try and take the guard down with the butt while Scruffs had taken one of the metal bars that made up the walkway's handrail. Jack gulped, looking at the task in front of him; Eric and Scruffs had decided that going down was futile and instead, they would have to jump from their current tower to the next. The chasm between the two floors seemed to grow as Jack looked at it, he began to shake uncontrollably. Down below, he could barely see the few individuals who walked along, minding their own business. He took a step back, steeling himself for the jump. With a tremendous yell, he ran to the edge of the floor and kicked off the ground, launching himself through the air. His arms and legs flailed wildly as he catapulted himself through the air less than gracefully. His body smashed against the cold, hard steel flooring of the other side and slid into the wall. He panted fanatically, surprised at his success. "Scruffs. You go now. Jack, get ready to grab Scruffs, just encase!" Called Eric over his shoulder, paying attention and to the corner where the guard would likely come from. Scruffs didn't need telling twice. He threw the pipe across before making his own flight across.

"Here I come, yeehaw!" He bellowed as his decrepit body made its ascent through the air. Unfortunately, not being as able as Jack, he didn't make it fully. His hand gripped onto the handrail as his body dangled. "Ah, craaaaaap!" He bellowed again, holding on for dear life, literally. Despite his age, he managed to hold on for some time while Jack fretted and finally decided to take action. Just as Jack was about the grab onto Scruffs, the handrail collapsed, as did the floor underneath Jack. The two tumbled downwards. It all seemed to go in slow motion once again for Jack as he saw Scruffs barrelling down towards the dusty ground many floors below. Without even considering his own safety, he lunged out, gripped Scruffs by the forearm and landed face down on the level below, his feet gripped onto the walkway. Scruffs, who thought he was a goner for sure, looked up and say Jack, hanging down above him. "You're one crazy sunnava' [censored], you know that?" He laughed a little, but Jack was clearly feeling some strain. He pulled with his legs, and fuelled by the robot inside him, pulled both Scruffs and himself up onto the same level. The two sat and looked up to Eric who was preparing for his jump. "Eric, behind ya` boy!"

Eric turned to face the armoured chest of the guard and the barrel of his assault rifle. He tried to knee him in the groin, but the armour simply caused Eric's knee to bounce off and inflict a lot of pain on the Android. He swung the butt of the shotgun upwards this time, catching the chin of the guard and staggering him greatly. He took this chance to try and wrestle the assault rifle from him. Scruffs dug into his pocket, seeing his friend in trouble and pulled out a stray shotgun shell and narrowed his eyes slowly. Kissing the shell, he called out, "Eric! Shotty shell comin` your way!" He launched the shell upwards and arched it perfectly to land behind Eric's foot. Quickly calculating the best course of action, Eric managed to swing the shotgun once more to knock the giant back before turning to run. His dexterous hands picked up the shell and loaded the shotgun as he ran. He jumped. His body flew through the air, twisting as he went. From the same floor the guard came forth, aiming his rifle, but it was too late. Boom. The shotgun went off, pushing itself into the gut of Eric and the bullets tearing through the armour and eventually the flesh of the guard. His giant body flew back, skidding along the floor before walking off the housing tower. Eric thudded on the floor by Scruffs and Jack.

"Holy [censored] kid! That was A-MAZING!" Scruffs laughed getting to his feet. "Now quick, let's move our asses on outta` 'ere before that Gerald guy comes. He's gonna be mighty pissed." Scruffs and Jack aided Eric in regaining his footing before rounding the corner. Another gun sounded. This was of a higher calibre and of a different origin. It was Gerald's revolver. The bullet flew; its path was straight and well aimed. As the bullet hit, a smirk slowly appeared on the official's face, happy of the pain he inflicted. The bullet tore straight through Eric's midriff before bouncing off the steel that made up the ground. Eric's body slumped down, his jaw dropped and blood poured from his wound...

I am going to read this. Enjoyed the prologue and I think it's an original idea!
I'll edit this post when I've read more.
(I'll try to find something to criticize you on )

[edit]

2nd chapter:

Past and present tense mixed up?

also, chapter 3 goes to 3rd person, while chapter 1 and 2 were in 1st person. (intended?)


4th chapter:

I don't get the first sentence really...


Apart from these minor things, A good story indeed! I'm up to chapter 4 now, I'll read the rest later