I haven't read it yet, but I might give it a nice look. What you have to understand is that many people here are busy, in fact, too busy to read stories. There are readers, don't get me wrong, but it all depends on how the story is written out and the length. I came to find out my stories scared a few people away because the chapters were too big. I didn't read your story yet, but all I can say is that submit one or two chapters and wait until someone comments on it. Meanwhile you can revise your upcoming chapter for errors and mistakes and even change a few things. But people are often busy doing their own thing, they don't stop by and read other people's tales.
I actually made a topic about fanfiction readers and etc and how us RPers and forum goers can make a balanced system. One reads a fanfic and comments on it, then that person reads his fanfic and both submit a nice constructive review. I.E
Mr.Elder Scrolls: My name is Elder Scrolls and I have written the fanfic named "The Scrolls of the Elders." I am currently reviewing the story of Werewolf&Vampire and will write a review so far.
Werewolf&Vampire: I will read the Scrolls of the Elders and I will give my thoughts on his story.
Etc.