This is my first fanfiction, I would like criticism, and if it svcks tell me just that.

Prologue:

Death. Death was a thing many had feared for years. There were different theories on death, or more importantly what happened in the afterlife. Sadly, in 2077 death overcame the world. In hours most of the world was turned into rubble. It's inhabitants either killed or slowly turned into rotting ghouls. Those who were saved by Vaults and left into the world soon learned that thinking about death would get them just that, and focused on the day at hand. For with raiders, super mutants, and hideous monsters, death was everywhere.

Tom had pitched up his tent, set the traps around his camp, and was ready to get to sleep. He needed to get the caravan to Rivet City by tomorrow and wasn't even to Canterbury Commons. His guard, a young man he had picked up in Megaton, was struggling to get his tent up. He obviously had no experience. Tom went over and helped the kid set up his tent.
"When you sleep, make sure to keep one eye open, a deathclaw can sneak in and rip you in half." Tom said after finishing.
"Yes sir, Mr. Langdon." The kid said climbing into the tent.

Tom started to reluctantly fall asleep. He had to if he was going to make it to Rivet City in a day. He awoke to the unmistakable sound of a 10-mm. Pistol. He started to get up to make sure that wasn't the kid. He grabbed his .44 magnum and was lazily getting out. Something started to open the flap. He took his pistol and raised it to the flap and it revealed the kid. The kid was hit badly. Half his face was missing and he had a scratch going down the face that was still there. He was vomiting blood. He was trying to talk, but all he could do was gurgle. Tom decided there was only one thing he could do. He closed his eyes and fired. The shot hit the kid in the skull and killed him right off.

Tom opened the flap and saw a Yao Guai, leaning over his dead pack brahmin, staring at him. Within a second it pounced and landed on Tom. He could feel the weight crushing his legs and its teeth crushing his arm. He knew that he had to do something or he would end up like the kid. The Yao Guai brought its arm up and was ready for the kill. It brought its arm down but stopped in mid air, because Tom had put his knife into its eye. Tom struggled to get it off of him. Once he did, he ran over to his brahmin, but most of his stuff was wrecked. He could barely walk or hold anything. He was in the middle of Yao Guai territory, a while off from Canterbury Commons, it was dark, and he was wearing sunglasses.

It's pretty good. Keep going.

Thanks. Right now I'm working on Chapter 1

interesting.... wouldnt have killed the kid right off the bat though. i would have let the relationship between the two characters evolve so when the kid had to die, he would have had conflicts within himself and have an overwhelming amount of sorrow after doing the deed.

Thanks for the help. I'm not very good at dialouge though and have a tendacy to replace character development with action.

Like Sasholon said, it would have been good to let the kid become more of a character rather than just a 'random', if you know what I mean.

Apart from killing 'the kid' off in the first scene, I think it would have been cool for them both to try to survive after the Brahmin is killed. I liked it and looking forward to first chapter!

""it was dark, and he was wearing sunglasses"".....I'm interested to find out whether he keeps them on or takes them off. Will he keep them on? Will he take them off and hook them on his collar? Or put them in his pocket? Can't wait to find out what happens next!

I didn't expect many people to get the sunglasses thing it's a Blues Brothers quote.

Sure is, but I just thought that maybe you had him wearing sunglasses for a specific reason.