Vic looked at the flat cardboard he was sitting on. How the hell do people sleep like this? Eh, Sam, I heard there was some raiders up at the old Super Duper mart. You wanna check it out later today? Sam looked at Vic and frowned. " You think I want to end up the decoration of some drugged up psychopath, I will not go treasure hunting with you, not after what happened to Billy." Vic looked at Sam and said " It takes real balls to do what Billy did, I don't want to remeber , I just want to forget and move on.". Sam looked and pulled out an old coffee pot and began to pour into his old coffee mug, " You think just like him, suggest and then forget. Why can't we just find a nice place to settle in. I mean, when me and Martha were together, we had a nice shack in this town called Arefu."

Vic thought about how he met Sam in the first place, " You remeber when we were in Talon Company, how we were in that trench fighting muties?"
. Sam smiled and said " Hell yeah, that was when all I had to worry about was horrific mutilation and dismemberment. You know why we left, the pay svcked. Everyone in our squad was lucky enough to have 50 bottlecaps. My life ain't worth a few soda caps."
. Vic laughed and grabbed the coffee pot and poured some into his tin can, " Do you think we will ever have a better life than the one we had in Talon Co.? We had a home, food, weapons, shelter, and friends!Friends!And let me tell you those are hard to come by now a-days."
. Sam gazed in disappointment " You mean psychotic friends who butchered for people for a measly pay of 3 caps a target. Hell if I am going to be like that. I am going to move on to somewhere nice and quite, like Megaton or Rivet city."

Vic gulped down his coffee and responded " You in Megaton? Hell , I heard they rip you off from a simple bowl of squirrel stew. I wanna go somewhere nice, like Tenpenny tower or maybe even Point Lookout."
. Sam gazed in astonishment " You mean you wanna go to the place where Billy told us about those redneck inbreds?You are out of your [censored] mind. Without a gun, without money, and without armor, you'd be lucky to get within fifty meters of the nearest boat there. Well fine, I will go with you there if you want, I can't leave you there. Just one condition.".
Vic looked at Sam and smiled "What".
Sam said " I do the talking and I get to pick the home we live in.". Vic looked at him and frowned, " What about the old calvert mansion?". Sam said " That place is bad mojo from what I hear, we should look for a small house near the boardwalk and settle in just fine. All we need is food and a old holo-projector to keep myself entertained.".
Vic looked at Sam and said " And a radio. I robbed this from Jabsco while he was taking a nap, it can pick up a signal from 200 kilometers!".
Sam said " Fine with me, just keep the noise down, I don't want the rednecks there to change their mind about living in the swamp."


Sam and Vic knew they had a thought out plan and they nodded and went to sleep in the camp they had.


"Good night Jack-ass"
"Good night bastard"

"You need to work on your lines" Vic said
"[censored] you" Sam said
"Thats the spirit"

OOC: So, what do you guys think?

Before I read anymore, break it into paragraphs. A giant wall of text is not good, and it draws people away. Also when someone else speaks, its always a new paragraph.

Hmm, thanks for the advice, I will do my edit right away.

So what do you guys think?

I liked it, its better then what you write for RP's. I give it....8/10

Also, when someone says something, you always go to a next line.

e.g

The ship's boiler was overheating and Edward could tell it was about to explode. He looked towards Pete and they laughed.

"Ready to jump, mate?" he asked.

"Sure, see you back at Port." laughed back Pete.

Chapter 2

The next morning, Vic and Sam woke up to the sound of wind blowing and gunfire from the nearby raider camp they narrowly avoided.
Vic then said to Sam " You ready to go to Point Lookout!".
Sam said in a lazy fashion " Sure, but do you know where the ferryman is?"
Vic gave a smirk and said " He is waiting for some folks near Wilhems Warf"
Sam smiled and said " Alright, you wanna go now? Hehe, sometimes I get the feeling my death will be at the whim of your patience"

Vic grabbed his belongings and awaited Sam to pack up his N99 pistol from when Sam was in Talon company. Sam and Vic then began to walk South West, towards Wilhems Warf.
After 3 hours of travel and scavenging, they came across Grandma Sparkles Shack. Among the Warf was a large ship, its wooden bulk making it creak at odd places.

Sam turns over to Vic " Are you sure this is it?"
Vic told Sam " I think so, why else would a pre-war piece of crap be there right now."
Sam said " I think it works though, hey look, its Tobar, the guy who sent the signal out"
Vic was about to walk towards Tobar only to remeber that Sam told him he was to do the talking. Damn
Sam moved towards Tobar and said " So, you can take us to Point Lookout? And if you can, how long is the damn trip?"

Tobar, grizzly and lumbering, said " You boys wanna go to Point lookout, eh?"
Sam and Vic nodded almost simultaneously

Sam said " So, how long?"
Tobar responded " 4 days of travel, I got me some cards, a few beds, and a dart board with a few darts. You in or not, I ain't got all day"
Sam and Vic looked at eachother for a moment and then turned towards Tobar.
"We're in"
Tobar smiled and said " Then climb aboard, welcome to the Duchess Gambit"


Sam and Vic took a seat on the stern of the ship, Vic grabbing his Radio and putting it on the table.

Sam says " I feel a little excited to get away from all this, you know, no more raiders or super [censored]s to deal with"
Vic responds and says " I told you a little adventure would'nt be bad. All we do is sit back and relax 'till we get there"
Sam nods in agreement and tunes the radio to GNR
Vic and Sam put their trader hats over their heads and begin to rest while listening to the song "Maybe".




OOC: I know its a little short, but its the Epilogue to the where they finally leave the wasteland
Constructive critiscism is welcome!

O.K., this is what is really annoying me about your story and the way you've written it.

When someone else speaks, you don't have to say: Tom looked at Steve and said, "Lets go get some tea!"

Give more description and emotion to your characters. And STOP saying "Mr. X said "..........." It's really annoying to me, to have to read that when ever someone speaks. Have it be more like this.

Tom looked at Steve, showing he was ready, "Let's go get some tea!" The two walked into the dinning area, and had their tea. It was warm and refreshing.

ADD MORE DESCRPITION. I'm starting to think, that your rushing everything you write. Which is not good at all.

Well, you can't blame me for rushing the RP. I am probally working on the biggest mod since the Global Travel system. I will do so. So this is how I should write

E.g

Vic and Sam woke up, only to hear the sound of hundreds of bloodthirsty raiders charging them

" Holy crap!, Sam, get me your pistol now!"

" Here"

Is that alright?

Nice chapter....Ehm...Hard descision....Yeah, 8/10 still. But don't you think its a little early to write Point Lookout fanfic when it didn't even come out?

Skippy, good question , even though it is early for a Point Lookout fanfic, I have a pretty good idea of how the story is gonna turn out without making up random crap. TRUST ME on this one.

Well, I guess we do have enough info and videos to have a good brain visual of how Point Lookout will play out, so I guess its close.

Enclave Radio: That is a... big claim, to say the least. What mod are you working on, exactly?

You go on these forums man? I had no idea. Want me to go on MSN?

Check my mod page, its immense, check it out. I am going to rebuild the game basically to make it look a bit more tidy than it is. It's called a new pre-war mod.

"Disregard."

Chapter 3

Sam and Vic were finally awakening, aboard the ship, the Duchess Gambit. They had little to realize that their rise to fortune would be a journey filled with the blood of innocents.

Sam: Ah christ, I think I got a damn hump on my back!

Vic: Screw that, I think we're here!!!

Tobar began to climb down his wooden stairwell and came to the cot.

Tobar: Well, here we are folks, Point Lookout, damn nice ain't it?

Vic and Sam: Sure, if you mean giant clouds of fog and rumours of blood thirsty swamp hill-billies?

Tobar: It isn't all that bad, I mean, living the life of an adventurer isn't bad, you get loot, and you have plenty of tales to tell when you get back to your buds. I am right?

Vic and Sam nodded and then left Tobars ship, heading out towards the pier. After losing sight of the ship, Vic and Sam found an empty retail store. Deciding it was best to set up shop there, they began to build barricades and set up sandbag emplacements around strategic viewpoints.

Vic: Sam, well, what do ya think? This house is gonna be great, I got the main room ready, with the radio all ready.

Sam: We just need a television, like one of those Radiation kings. We get all the info from GNR. I mean, they did rebuild the damn station, and there is so much [censored] going on. I heard the Citadel just got rebuilt, the brotherhood is back in contact with their buds from the West coast. And rivet city is out at sea, and Tenpenny just made a new city. We need to know about home.

Vic: Fine, with the 500 caps I have, I can go buy a tele off some poor idiot out in the boardwalk and that fission battery will keep it going. Just let me go get it.
Sam: Sure, I will just wait, I will give you my savings too, go get a weapon, a NICE one.
Vic: Alright

Vic left in hurry, to what was known as Haley's shop. Vic ran into the store, looking for a nice T.V set, finding an old Radiation king on the shelf, along with a ham radio and a double barreled shotgun.

Vic: Hey Haley, you don't mind if I just get these, "incoviniences" for a good price of about, lets say, 900 caps, total?

Haley: Well, damn, that radio is nothing but useless without the right co-ordinates, so keep it for free, that nice T.V will be about 400 caps, and the shotgun will be 300, ammo is about 100 caps for 60 shells each.

Vic then hands over his savings and grabs his pack, filling it with the old T.V and ham radio, including the new shotgun. After leaving, he heard screaming noises coming from the East. Looking back at the store, he see's haley block his door with a big large pile of sandbags, then lock it shut. Vic running in fear, heads back to the house, knocking, only to see the face of Sam, pointing his 10mm pistol at Vic.

Vic:Damn Sam, you got me scared [censored]less!!

Sam: Get in, the hillfolk are coming, get the [censored] in!!!!


Sam and Vic, now residents of Point Lookout, have found their new home. Their home will be an ordeal full of blood. Chapter 4 coming out in a screen near you in 4 days!