Chapter 1

"Welcome Home"

Jack cooked the last slab of Brahman steak on the wood stove, before leaving the shack to go help his father unload the monthly supplies from the caravans passing through on there way to Anchorage.

As Jack got to the caravans his father turned around with a ghostly look on his face, 'what is it pa" Jack said before grabbing the box of 30-30 shells from the caravan driver, "more Instamash" his father said gagging, oh is that all, it looked like you were staring down a Stone Sheep at full charge,(Stone Sheep are mutated mountain goats) Jack said jokingly, I wish, I swear to the Lord above if I have to eat one more box of that Instas#$% Im gonna kill someone!

Dad will you calm down there's a Brahman steak cooking in the shack you can have if it will stop you from putting someone through a wall, "Ok" his dad said while he took the last crate off the cart and handed it to a group of villagers that showed up to help.

Im going inside will you pay the Driver the caps we owe him, sure whatever dad, as Jack handed the bag of caps to the Driver he heard a women yell "There Home, O my there Home!"

Jack looked to see a group of men, and women in Winterized Combat armor with a white duster over it, he knew right then that the soldiers were home.

"Ashley" yelled Jack as he ran to the thin young girl in the front of the group, "Jack I missed you so much hows dad", "Good he still gripes over the supplies though".

Mayor Maloy came out to great the soldiers and ask about there deployment and the situation with the war with the rebel group known as "Snow Gaurds" down

Maloy was a slender old man "its a wonder he stays warm in this called weather for how small he is" one of the soldiers muttered "that big beards what keeps him alive" replied another soldier.

Mayor Maloy was Jacks uncle but he never talked to Jack, Ashley, or there father. Ashley told Jack that she better go report in to the Commander at the town hall, and to tell dad that she will be over for dinner.

That night everything was quiet in the town although Fort Yukon never was busy town like Fairbanks or Deadhorse, there were the occasional caravan that passed through on there way to the southern cities, that always caused a bit of excitement out of the townsfolk.

Ashley was real quiet at the dinner table she barely ate, and she wasn't very talkative either. When jack went up to bed after dinner he heard Father yelling but he couldn't hear what was being sad to understand why, so he snuck downstairs to see what was going on when he got down stairs he seen Father, Ashley, and another man that he couldn't quite make out who it was standing around the wood stove in the middle of the house.

Ashley was talking about being assigned on a mission to go to a old military base up north but Jack couldn't here the name, father told Ashley that there was no way he was letting her go, the other man spoke in a deep Soviet accent saying that she would be well protected and not to worry.

Father then said that he needed time to think he would have an answer in the morning, Jack then hastily ran up the stairs and back into bed before he was noticed.

to be continued...................

please leave comments so I know if Im doing good please. Chapter 2 is on its way

Pretty good so far, story wise that is. There were a few spelling errors and you forgot to add quotation marks when people were talking. Sentence structure wasn't totally correct either. Let me help.



Then you have quite a few mistakes that involve your sentences.


These are just from the first few paragraphs. My suggestion is to write it up on Word or Wordpad first, using spellcheck and then posting it. It'll help you a lot.

Thanks mate it helped a lot I use those tips to make the second chapter better thanks

Glad to help

Chapter 2

"Red Stars"

Everything was fine that morning at the breakfast table, everyone talked like nothing happened the night before. Jack could see through the fog of illusion, and he knew they didn"t want Jack to know about it.So after breakfast Jack cleaned the table and fed the scraps to there Tundra Rat (Tundra Rats are a common creature similar to a Mole Rat but the have a thick coat of fur that keeps them warm in the harsh winters in Alaska) Here you go Pumpkin Jack said as he put the scraps into the rats bowl, then while his father was out gathering wood, and his sister was out buying supplies from the general store down the street, Jack went up and picked the lock on his sisters bedroom door, and grabbed her journal off her bed.

Jack then went into his room to read it. It read that the Commander of the 3rd Ranger Battalion (the group of military that Ashley is in) has ordered all Rangers on a mission to a pre-war military instillation buried in St. Lawrence Island far to the north, they are to be accompanied by a group of Soviet mercenaries called the Red Stars and are to recover some kind of old tech and it was an extremely important and urgent mission... just then Ashley walked in and Jack threw the journal under his bed and picked up a Gun's and Bullets magazine to lower the suspicion.

Ashley sat down at the foot of Jack's bed and said that she needed to talk to him about something very important, "What is it Ashley?" said Jack, "First of all I can see my journal sticking out from under your bed!", "But thats fine it stops me from having to explain this to you", "Ok then Ashley what is it?Jack asked hesitantly, "One of the soldiers that was supposed to go on the mission got Frost Joint (Frost Joint is like internal frost bite except your joints freeze and your paralyzed) and we need someone to fill in", "So you want to know if I'll fill in?", "Yes I do your the only one I trust enough to ask, and your 16 so your old enough to go, and I could talk the Commander into letting you go without training", "What about dad won,t he protest this excursion?", "He did but the leader of the Red Stars convinced him to let you go", " I'll go then!" Jack seemed excited but he knew the long trip North would be a rough one and he might not make it back.

That whole night was spent prepping gear, and Jack spent 2 hours getting briefed by the Commander,who despised new recruits but tolerated Jack do to his connection with Ashley. When Jack was done with the briefing, he was given his quartermaster forms and sent to the armory to gather his armor and weapons, he received standard issue Winterized combat armor with the ranger's signature white trench coat, a modified R91 assault rifle with a suppressor and collapsible stock for easy transportation, he also received a .44 magnum revolver as a side arm.

Jack didn't get much sleep he was to busy field stripping his rifle, checking his gear, and talking with other soldiers around the barracks, Jack had noticed that there were soldiers here that he never seen before, there were the Canadian Rifle battalion with there red riot gear, the 47th artillery division from Fairbanks (due to the extreme climate the 47th artillery division doesn't use artillery but other heavy weapons such as grenade launchers, missile launchers, and rocket launchers), there were army divisions from all over Alaska and parts of Canada, but the one's that really stuck out were the Red Stars in there white combat armor, and there were some in modified power armor to better suit the winter climate.

Jack always wandered why the Red Stars left the USSR, to come to America as mercenaries, apparently there was nothing left there for them Jack had seen some reports when he was a boy that said Russia committed mass suicide by detonating all there nuclear arms depots, to stop the Chinese from marching on the Red Square but there attempt was futile for the Chinese marched on the Red Square as soon as the depots exploded.

The man that was in charge Jack thought he heard a soldier call him Nikolai the "Bear of the West" had a long grey beard and a black Cossack hat, with his Salvaged Power Armor with a bear skull on the shoulder. Nikolai came over to Jack who was now sharpening his trench knife, and said "Your going to need alot more than that were we're going!" with his deep accent those words were burned into his memory for the rest of the night.


to be continued...........

This chapter still suffers the same errors as the last did, but they are much more few. Try to remember the difference between there, they're and their. The story is still carrying along nicely but your spelling, grammar and punctuation skills still need some work. Keep practicing

The chapters might be spaced far apart and I'm sorry for that if it happens I have been having some medical problems so I have been running to doctors and such, so Im not home alot but I will try to get a chapter out as soon as I can. Chapter 3 will be titled "The Journey"

Thank you

I'm sorry for grammar errors I'm trying a lot to get them straightened out I'm terrible at spelling but I'll work on it

Thank you

Chapter 3
"The Journey"


The town mechanic had fixed up an old military truck and added some modifications to it like tracks, armor plating, and even a mounted light machine gun that was scavenged off an army convoy outside of Nome. The truck could fit just about 20 people but there were over 100 units going all in different directions, Team A consisted of the Canadian forces, Team B consisted of the 3rd Ranger Battalion, and Team C consisted of the Red Stars and the 47th artillery division. Jack was going with Team C, and Ashley was going with Team B.

It would be a long journey and the truck was loaded with supplies, forcing the infantry to walk the whole length of the trip. Jack said his goodbyes along with everyone else, he said goodbye to his father, everyone was crying except Nikolai "the mans heart was forged in the depths of hell" Jack thought but he was to worried about his father he knew he was strong everyone was that lived in Alaska, but he still worried about him when Jack went to walk away his father handed him a necklace Jack examined it closer and it was a gold chain with a stainless steal Celtic cross on it , Jack always knew that his father was Scottish but he never really took an interest in it.

His father wore it as a good luck charm ever since there mother died 14 years ago, it brought him comfort to hold something that meant so much to someone he loved. Jack thanked his father and gave him one more hug and a reassuring "I'll be ok" before joining the other soldiers at the front gate, the soldiers hopes where lifted when someone in the group started singing Halls of Montezuma. The march to St.Lawrence Island started that day, the war started that day.

It was mid-day they had marched for 8 hours without rest they had orders to march till morning and rest for if they set up camp at night it would make them an easy target for any enemy that could be following them.

Jack thought that if someone was following them they are certainly doing a good job at not being spotted, so far the only group to run into any kind of resistance was Team A whom accidentley stirred up a feral ghoul nest about 20 miles north of their position but they easily cleared them out with no difficulty. Jacks group was positioned in the middle of the two groups with the supply truck, Ashley's group was in the back about 15 miles behind Jack, so with Jacks positioning in the groups they barely ran into anything other than the occasional Tundra Rat that got spooked out of its nest.

Jack was happy because the Red Stars were getting on edge with not being able to shot at something, and the Tundra Rats served as a steady food source and a good Soviet stress release.The Canadians radioed in that there was a small village about 30 miles ahead that they were going to clear out and set up camp at. Orders where not for all the teams to camp at the same spot for security reasons. Nikolai radioed back to Ashley and told her that they would be setting up camp soon, and it would be best if they found a place to set up to.

Nikolai found a suitable place to set up inside the Gates of the Artic National Park."There's something wrong here" Jack muttered "Welcome to the war" a soldier replied "Welcome to the war"


to be continued.........

This one was a much smoother read just, remember that when someone begins to talk you start a new paragraph.

It would be a long journey and the truck was loaded with supplies, forcing the infantry to walk the whole length of the trip. Jack said his goodbyes along with everyone else, he said goodbye to his father, everyone was crying except Nikolai "the mans heart was forged in the depths of hell" Jack thought but he was to worried about his father he knew he was strong everyone was that lived in Alaska, but he still worried about him when Jack went to walk away his father handed him a necklace Jack examined it closer and it was a gold chain with a stainless steal Celtic cross on it , Jack always knew that his father was Scottish but he never really took an interest in it.

This sentence is HUGE! Let me break it down.

"The mans heart was forged in the depths of hell," Jack thought.

He was worried about his father. He knew he was strong, everyone was that lived in Alaska, But he still worried. When Jack began to walk away his father stopped him and gave him a necklace. Jack looked at it. It was a gold chain with a stainless steel Celtic cross on it, Jack always knew his father was Scottish (Irish would have been a better choice though as the Celts influence had engulfed Ireland entirely. A whole island) but he never took much interest in it.

Thanks again for the help I have a doctors appointment tomarow so I might not get chapters 4 and 5 out but ill try. I'm trying to get at least 2 chapters a day but sometimes it might not be possible

Chapter 4
Hallowed Grounds

Jack had just finished laying out his bed roll when he had heard a ear splitting scream up the hill from him. When he got to the source of the scream he found a young girl around his age standing over a half buried corpse.

"What happened!?" one of the soldiers said on his way to the now growing group of on lookers.

"I....I....was digging a...a.....foxhole.....and......and" the girl muttered before fainting.

Nikolai had now arrived, when he spotted the body, he said "Just another dumb traveler caught in the snow!"

Jack and everyone else had now returned there camping spots, there was a lot of speculations going around that night.

One soldier ask Jack what he thought of it and all Jack had to say was "The snow didn't get that person". The soldier didn't even get to respond to Jack before a tomahawk caught him in the side of the head.

"Contacts we got Contacts" was ringing through the hill as a large band of tribals came running down the hill cutting down troops before they could even get out of there foxholes, and there bed rolls.

Jack grabbed his rifle and opened fire tearing a tribal to pieces just inches from him, Jack began to cry.

"I just killed somebody" Jack thought to himself before a soldier hit him on the head "Snap out of it kid, I know its hard but snap out of it!"

Jack climbed out of his foxhole and took down two more tribals flinching as there bodies hit the ground, after his fifth kill it became easier. He knew he needed to find Nikolai.

There was so much confusion there were rounds shattering trees, it was anarchy nobody knew what was going on, it was pure animal instinct kill or be killed.

Jack had turned around a tree to find a young boy with a spear through his right leg, he was still alive Jack went to pull it out, when a tribal tackled him.

Jack was struggling to get away the tribal was stabbing at him with a makeshift knife, and biting at him with razor sharp teeth, Jack was losing until, he got a grip on his magnum, blowing the tribal's head clean off.

Jack stumbled to his feet only to take an arrow in the shoulder, knocking him back down, he went to crawl to his magnum, when a tribal stabbed him in the hand.

The tribal dropped when a stray round hit him in the chest killing him instantly. Jack attempted to keep crawling for his magnum, but passed out before he got it.

When he came to he was being carried through a field with nobody else around.

"Where am I" Jack said cringing at the pain shooting threw his body, he felt very light headed and looked up at the person carrying him. He was big, and muscular with a short beard, and a black Cossack hat, Jack swore he knew him from somewhere but he couldn't figure it out.

Before Jack could ask who the man was he passed out again.

When he came to he was laying on an old coach, the room was dark it was only being lit by the sun peeking threw the cracks in the walls, and the spaces in the boards on the window.

As far as Jack knew he was alone, he whispered "Hello" but got no answer, he tried to get up but the pain was unbearable.

Just then Jack heard a door open and tried to get up and hide.

The man that was carrying him came around the corner and said "Conserve your strength comrade we don't need you passing out again."

"Here have this" the man handed him a piece of a cracker, it was stale and tasted like a piece of tin.

Jack asked the man "Who are you and where are we?"

The man replied "I'm Dmitri, and where in Anaktuvik Pass, The Gate's of the Arctic"



to be continued..............

I like the setting and look forward to reading more about the war.

Thanks there's more coming I'm gonna try for chapter 5 today

It will be atleast a week until a new chapter I'm gonna brain storm the next five and pound them out all at once, plus I,m suffering from severe righter's block if you have any ideas for the next chapters post them in the Taking Suggestions topic in my topics

Already gave you mine.

I know im still trying to decide whether or not all the soldiers from the ambush died or not whats your input?