I need to "Lookout" for myself: Point Lookout Fan Fiction.

Post » Sun Nov 22, 2009 2:47 pm


Chapter 1

When I woke up I sat up on the bed and turned my head and lookout out of the Porthole Window. I seen a Figure stand in the Distance, What was it. "Welcome To Point Lookout!" Tobar The Ferryman said to me.
"What happened here?" I asked Tobar.
"Same thing that happened to the rest of the Wasteland, Blown up". I stood up,
"So whats that?" I asked as I pointed at the figure through the window.
"Mole Rat" He replied,
I walked up to him. "Thanks" I said. I walked out of the cabin and up the stairs and walked to the Bench. I reached out and grabbed My 10mm Submachine Gun and my Chinese Assualt Rifle, After that I walked off the boat back the way I came.
"Be careful" Tobar told me as I left. I turned my head and nodded. It was about 11 at night, I lit up my Pip-Boy there was a Brawler holding an Axe, He swung at me but I ducked, then I pulled out my Sub Machine gun and fired a full round into it stomach.

It was my first Day in Point Lookout Im 18, my names Austin. Every time I felt tired I'd go back to the Dutchess Gambit and sleep. On my second day I was walking around and I came across a Destroyed Protectron. I turned I saw 3 Feral Ghouls munching away on a Still alive Vendor, tourchering her.
"Time to go back to the Swamp!"
I took the axe off the bench and aproached them. I raised the Axe and swung down It got the scrapper in the shoulder and servered off his arm, The Scrapper died. I tossed it at another and got it in the abdoman, It fell back I then pulled out my submchine gun and shoot the one still alive. The vendor was slowly dying and screaming and crying in pain so I lifted her up, and put her on my shoulders. I walked back to the boat and laid her on the bed.
"TOBAR!" I yelled. "A womans dying in her!".
Tobar ran in. He was out of Meds. "AH DAMNIT" He said with out any care.
"Go get me fresh Punga Fruit".
"From where?" I asked him.
"BEHIND THE DAMN MANSION" He pointed behind him at the mansion. "GO!" he yelled.
"Uhhh...Im nearly out of ammo" I said, he chucked me a Double Barrel Shotgun and gave me some Shells.

After I got there...

Once I got there I went behind the mansion, I crounched down and went behind the Corner. There were two Tribals theres. I shot them both and reloaded, There blood splattered on the side of the Mansion. I walked forward, There where about 5 Fresh Punga Fruits, I got them all but from the Top floor of the Mansion, A Ghoul came flying out the Window, He hit the ground and died, I turned to see two Scrappers, I shot them both and reloaded. There were about 5 Tribals running towards the Mansion or Running away, FROM WHAT? I wondered. I shot at them anyway, One got hit in the gut and Exploded. One got shot in the back (From what they were running from). I was shocked while one got shot in the head Bye the time I reloaded a man had shot the other 3. He was Built, Grey Hair, White Skin, Camo Shrit, Grey Army Pants and black boots, He had a Red and White Hunting Rifle, that was scoped. I stood up and walked over to him.
"Freeze" He said to me, I then stopped.
He walked up to me "Youre Not a Tribal" he said.
"Sgt. Mack Johnson" Sarge said.
"Thanks for the help" I said.
"Help? I dont help, If I had seen you there I would of left you to your fate"
He raised his gun at me, before he could shoot me I blew his brains out the top of his head. I grabbed the Hunting Rifle and went back to the Dutchess Gambit. The cabins door was closed, Whats going on I wondered. I walked over to the Port Hole and peered through the window, Tobar was eating the dying Vendor. I didnt believe it, I turned my head and Vomited. The window smashed and he looked out and seen me, I turned and seen blood dripping down his face.
Thats Sick!" I exclaimed. I stood up and went to fire at him.
"If you kill me you wont be able to get back to The Wasteland" he told me. I put my Shotgun down.
"Your sick" I said.
"No Im pretty Healty" He joked.
I raised eyebrow and said "In Point Lookout I need to 'LookOut' for myself"



P.S: Is it long Enough? If not I'll make it longer. Chapter 2: A New Radio Broadcast Why & From Where..Ooh
Comment Pleasm, K.

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REVLUTIN
 
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Post » Sun Nov 22, 2009 8:35 am

The only thing is the masses of spelling mistakes and grammar? It's a good story but the mistakes stick out like a badly placed trap... Such as the fact you need to have a line between each person speaking.
Eg.
"Hello, how are you?"
"Fine, thanks."

You need to spell things a bit more... Correctly? Oh and I think you need to space it out a bit more efficiently, good backstory though, :D.
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His Bella
 
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Post » Sun Nov 22, 2009 7:51 am

The only thing is the masses of spelling mistakes and grammar? It's a good story but the mistakes stick out like a badly placed trap... Such as the fact you need to have a line between each person speaking.
Eg.
"Hello, how are you?"
"Fine, thanks."

You need to spell things a bit more... Correctly? Oh and I think you need to space it out a bit more efficiently, good backstory though, :D.


K. In The Next Chapter I Will Do Better,
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MISS KEEP UR
 
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Post » Sun Nov 22, 2009 7:51 am

Like francois said, there are a lot of grammer and spelling mistakes.
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RaeAnne
 
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Post » Sun Nov 22, 2009 12:16 pm



Chapter 2: Rise Of The Lackins

I turned around and seen it was near dark. I looked at Tobar.
"I dont really like the fact your a Cannibal, so Im not gonna sleep here" I told him.
"Id think that'd be best" He said.
I walked off the Dutchess Gambit and to where I killed the Three Scrappers. There was a Matress there I feel asleep there, I woke the next morning My Pip Boy was screaming out in Static I looked at the Tuner It was set to a different setting, The Static was giving me Headaches.
"Odd" I wondered to myself.
I walked back to the Dutchess Gambit and asked Tobar what it was.
"They know your here" he told me.
"Who?"
"He and they"
"WHO?!"
"There A Group Of Brawlers And Scrappers, The Lackins There just as Powerful as Brawlers and The Brute Mutants in The Capitol Wasteland" (Capital is Spelt Capitol In The Game)
"Where are they?"
"You know were Harley's Hardware is? Yeah. Well South-West of there"
I nodded and walked onto Pilgrims Landing. It was only my Third day, and Ive raised more hell then blowing up the White House in Point Lookout it seemed.

[i]So when I got there, I went Inside Haley's Hardware and asked him for a few Stimpacks and a Chinese Assualt Rifle and 200 Assualt Rifle Rounds.
"Sure thing" Harley said, Handing me my Items.
"He do you have any Custom Kits? You know to Modify a Chinese Assault Rifle..."
He nodded.
"I'll have a Red Dot Sight, and a Silencer for the Assualt Rifle"
he gave me the Modifactions, After I Modifyed my Gun I exited the store and walked South West, There were about 2 Scrappers in the distance. I Crouched down and sighted in on on of their backs.
I firedn the a couple of shots before killing the first one. I wasted the rest of the Ammo on the other. I stood and walked forward I seen a Demolished old camp, There were 3 Captives and about 4 Dead bodys hand from the a Floor/Ceiling of a A Sniper Tower.
"Physco's" I said under my breath.
I snuck into the camp and Untied the Alive Captives and gave them guns. I told them to come with me, we went futher into the Camp. There was a Broken Road, On the left side there were Destroyed Barracks and on the Right side there was 3 Barracks still standing and 2 Destroyed and at the End of the Road there was a Concrete Stairway with a Concrete Throne on the top. We hid behind the Barracks and waited. About 9:00pm that night Lackins started to gather around the Pyramid and a 7'5" Half Brawler and Half Mirelurk.
"My Demented Children, We are a Quit and Civilized People. But People think were freaks because the Nuclear Waste Mutated us. Were still Human but they think they can shoot us because we look scary..."
One of the Captives Interrupted him
"Your Not Scray Just Ugly!"
I went down on my gut and rolled under one of the Barracks, They all did except for the one that Interrupted him, He got crushed. They walked out into the Swamp. But I looked back and there was Hope on the Thrown. A Fat Man, I came from under the Barracks and ran at it. I grabbed it and looked for a Nuke I found one and lifted it up and put it into the Fat Man. I shot the nuke The Half Brawler Half Mirelurk shrunk down, They didnt die.
"WHAAA?" I said.
It turned around.
It roared and ran at me
"Holy F***!" I said, I ran as Screamed. I ran to the Detetion Camp and past the Ghouls and Bots, I ran to Haleys Hardware.
I heard it Scream
"Its The Rise Of The LACKINS!"
back to Vendor's Store, I hit the Matress put I hid it. I covered it with Locker but Just a hole big enough to get out of...

Chapter 3: A new Weapon and A New Plan. /i]

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Arrogant SId
 
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Post » Sun Nov 22, 2009 4:23 pm

Still a good amount of spelling and grammar mistakes.
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Alexander Lee
 
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Post » Sun Nov 22, 2009 7:10 am

The story is interesting but yeah that grammar and spelling ruins it. But I like the story...
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leigh stewart
 
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Post » Sun Nov 22, 2009 1:18 pm

I like it so far. Plus the Underworld reference in Chapter 2 gave me a good laugh.
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Rusty Billiot
 
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Post » Sun Nov 22, 2009 9:44 pm

Not bad at all, but one major thing thats putting me off.
The font size and style is making my eyes bleed.
Please, make it bigger, and change the damn font.
Other than that, well done.
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Valerie Marie
 
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Post » Sun Nov 22, 2009 11:08 am

Its the same style and font the rest of us are posting with.
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^_^
 
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Post » Sun Nov 22, 2009 6:29 pm

No it's not. The OP's font is much smaller and I must admit, slightly more difficult to read then the default one. Aside from some randomly capitalized letters and grammatical mistakes the story has potential.
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Cathrine Jack
 
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Post » Sun Nov 22, 2009 5:43 am

Thats my mistake, but the font is the "normal" size for me.
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Maria Garcia
 
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Post » Sun Nov 22, 2009 9:52 am

Okay story, it needs some work but its okay. Keep it up, look forward to the next chapter. :ahhh:
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Georgine Lee
 
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Post » Sun Nov 22, 2009 9:35 am

Just A Quick Note before the Third Capter.

Im going to write with normal font and Im sorry about the Mistakes, Ive just been a Bit busy to go carefully. Also there is a Cellar Door and a Weapon in this Chapter so dont look for the Weapon or The Door in the game because it is not real.

If you havent got The Point Lookout DLC.

Scrappers are basically skinny, Like Ghouls but they have Skin.

Brawlers are Tubby

And Fighters are fat, In the first Chapter I only knew of Scrappers so I called the others Demented :biglaugh:

Chapter 3

Now that I got away, I wondered did the others. Did they die? Did they escape? It made me wonder When I woke up I had a plan, To take out the Lackins. It took a Special weapon, So when I woke up I walked back to Tobar.
"Hey Tobar"
He nodded.
"Hey listen, The Radio Station that came over my Pip-Boy the other day I found were It came from"
"Oh yeah?"
"An old War Camp, Blown to hell"
Tobar chuckled.
"There leader is like, Hugh as in tall, and get this Its Half Mirelurk and Half Brawler, They worshiped him they called it a Mirbur"
"A Mirbur eh?"
"Yeah"
"Well then"
"I shot with a Fatman, It took notice but It didnt get effected"
Tobars jaw dropped, so I smirked and Nodded.
"Well theres A Weapon underneath the Calvert Mansion "The Gravity Laucher" Ive seen It only once When you fire it it starts a Circle in the shape of the Target and theres a Switch on it, once the circle turns Red flick the switch and it blows the target to pieces"
"WOW, sounds dangerous" I chuckled as I talked.
"Yeah Its under the Calvert Mansion, In a cellar door behind it near the Punga Fruits"
"I seen it, I was gonna go in but since she was dying so I didnt and when I got back you were eating her"
Tobars expression with Anger.
"Well Im going to find The Gravity Launcher, Bye the way Im out of ammo."
Tobar gave me 300 5.65mm rounds and walked off the Boat after I got off the Pier named Pilgrims Landing, there was a Dark Shadow it was skinny as I got closer I seen it, it was a Scrapper. I shot at it Most of my bullets hit it. I switched to the Hunting rifle I picked up earlier and fired it at The Scrapper it hit its arm, The impact tore the Scrappers arm off.
"Scrap that" I chuckled.
I heard running steps down the Pier, I turned there was a Scrapper running of the sand down the other side. The Rifle had a Sniper Scope attached I focused in on the Scrappers head, I took three seconds of Concertration and fired. The impact tore off the head and sent the body hurdling back in One or Two backflips I turned walked forward towards the Mansion.

When I got there...

I pulled on the cellar door but it wouldnt budge. I remebered the Ghoul I walked down to him and searched his body, I found a Combat Shotgun and a few shells I also found the Cellar Door's key, Once I opened it there were about Seven Dead Bodies and lots of blood. I sighed, This gun better be worth it. So after about 10 minutes of searching around I couldnt find it but then there was a Door, I wasnt just a Single door with a chuck of it gone no It was full wooden Knobs werent broken I didnt belive it, an actually fully standing door. Once I had opened the door, Tribals charged me with Axes but I had guns I had switched to the Shotgun bye the time the reached me I shot one and he flew back into another I then shot the one that got knocked down there was another after I reloaded I shot him. So I searched through the room I found it in a Cabinet, Yellow with Silver and that Red Flick Switch.

When I got back to the boat...

I was still wondering if the Captives got away but I didnt worry about that...atleast not for now, at the moment I want to leave this Hell forsaken place But I dont have the caps for a Ticket to the Wasteland so I guess I'll stay.
"Tobar!"
"Did you find it?"
"Yeah it was in a Cab..."
Tobar cut me off "Cabinet? In a room with Three Tribals through a Perfectly fine door"
"Yeah how did you kn..."
He cut me off again "I was the one that constructed and hid the weapon, I knew there'd be a..."
I cut him off "A?" I chuckled
He got that Angry expression on his face "A Warrior, A Fighter, A Survivour!"
"There my Three Middle Names" I chuckled again.
I felt the boat rock me and Tobar spun, Scrappers and Brawlers were on the boat and some still running.
"Wanna kill some Swamp Lovers?"
Tobar nodded as we started to fire. After they were gone or atleast dead I went back to my Bed, Once I got there and fell asleep I had a dream of Tobar and Lackins, and Mirbur smashing the Gambit and killing Tobar.

The Next Day...

When I woke up I was still thinking about the Captives, It had came across my mind, have they been Mutated but I didnt wont worry about that... yet. I walked back to the Pier and the boat nowhere to be seen I walked out on the Pier and Tobar was On his Knees crawling. My dream, It came to life am I Psychic?
"A-A-Austin?" He was losing breath.
"Tobar?"
"Y-Yes?"
"How am I going to get back"
He pointed down to the sand with his Strength "Theres a Motor Boat, Before you go Avenge my death" He then died bye breath loss
"Okay"
I let go of his body and stood up. I nodded.
"Let go!"

To be Continued...

Chapter 5: Its Time For Mir-Bur Death.
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Eric Hayes
 
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Post » Sun Nov 22, 2009 8:26 am

Awesome.
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Davorah Katz
 
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