Prologue
El'Diablo cafe


Alcardio’s tequila sat swirling in his low glass. He pulled the photo of his contact out of his pocket. Blue denim didn’t like the heat much, but his white wife beater helped him with the heat. The skinny man in the photo looked like a bum, and likely was. Not getting paid well today. Alcardio took a deep drink from his radiated beverage, and got up from the outdoor bar. The place was full of down-on-their-luck Mexicans. Alcardio loved places like this, but only because nobody cared if you put a knife in someone’s stomach.

Alcardio skulked over to a table, a man similar to the picture sat there. “Jose Santego?” Alcardio asked solemnly.

“Ah, si, si. You must be Alcardio. Please have a seat.” Alcardio sat down slowly, keeping his eyes level with the man. “I want you to kill this man.” Jose slid a folder towards Alcardio, its contents slipping over the aged concrete. Alcardio casually flipped it open as Jose continued. “This man’s name is Jaun Genchio, and has put my family through mucho pena (pain). He has already killed two of my family, and I want him dead.” Alcardio picked up the photo of Juan.

“How much?” Alcardio asked inquisitively. “How much are you going to pay me? I don’t do freebies.” Alcardio put the photo back onto the table, and took a sip of the rum Jose had sitting near him.

“I will pay you with 100 pesos.” Jose replied.

“No.”

“Okay, okay. How about 500 pesos?” Jose asked, obviously ready to go higher. Alcardio wanted to go higher, but didn’t want to make the guy broke. He already looked malnourished and very, very, tired.

“575 pesos and I will kill this man for you.” Alcardio sighed.

“Si, si! Muchos gracias se?or!” Jose said excitedly. Alcardio drank the rest of the rum and got up from his chair. He would need time to get ready, and flush his system from the extra rads.


Well thats the start. If I get positive feedback I will continue, and thanks to Dr. Strangelove and my buddy for helping me create a story line

Looks good so far, maybe slow down on all the mexican.

So far it looks good, keep up the good work

Well it kinda needs it to set it up, but I can provide translations

I like it. As far as the Spanish, it's pretty easy to get the jest of what their saying. I mean, who doesn't know what gracias or "grassy-ass" as I say it, means?

Oh, and I dig the name. Very similar to Alucard from Hellsing :shifty:

ThatOneNwah, it means thanks xD

Lol I know, I was just using that as an example of common Spanish words people should know Actually, saying "thank you" and "yes" is all the Spanish I know :\.

Oh, I know a few naughty words too.

Haha. Alright. Chapter 1 up tomorrow!

It was a quick read, but good. I think what you have here, could turn out to be something great.

It was good. I understood most of the spanish. I would've understood it all but my spanish teacheris most likely certified as mentally retarded. :\

Okay, THAT makes me want to kill a bird whenever someone calls it that. UNDERSHIRT!

Its a bit short even for an intro, but I don't care much for that.

Seems good, I like the mixture of english and spanish.

And I like how you describe everythings

You earned 10/10

(Didn't notice the shape until now!~ ^_^ )

But if he had said "Undershirt", he could have meant any type of shirt worn under another. A T'shirt even, but when you say "Wife Beater", everyone knows what kind of shirt he's wearing, because everyone's heard of a Wife Beater, and has seen one once or twice in their life.


Anyway ON TOPIC: Nice intro, short but sweet is how I saw it. Mixture of Spanish and English was good, not over the top. Keep going.

Chapter 1

Alcardio shoved his hands in his pockets as he walked down the dusty road towards his good old apartment, if you could still call it one. Thoughts about how he was going to make this kill ran through his head. Knife, or shot to the head? It was a difficult decision, as it always was. He didn't want to get blood on his new shirt though, so he would go for the headshot.

The wooden door creaked and fell off its top hinge as Alcardio pushed it open. At least it shut properly. He walked over to the table holding his weapons. Alcardio opened the cupboard next to it to reveal his holster setup. A vest and two leg straps hung on a rusted hanger. He slipped it on and clicked the clips together. The side holsters slapped his thighs as he walked. The weapons on the table greeted Alcardio with a glint.

His revolver of choice was a Smith and Wesson 500 Super Magnum, loaded with standard .50 caliber high-explosive incendiary rounds. Its 18" length fit nicely in its holster, and strapped in snugly. The second weapon of choice was a small automatic Glock 18c outfitted with a 25-round clip. The weapon to get his headshot however, was an R700 sniper rifle. The bolt-action mechanism was less prone to jamming from the Mexican sand which covered the streets, and found its way everywhere.

The trip to the compound Juan was hiding in was not far from the parliament building in Playa Del Carmen. Alcardio opened the door to his garage, showing a glinting and polished motorbike, ready to ride. Its older style also meant it was running on gas, not that radioactive stuff. Alcardio felt sick just thinking about the fumes and crap that came out of the tailpipes in the 50's.

His bike roared as the throttle cut loose and let gas into the engine. The dirt from inside blew out, as did the fine sand and dust that had gathered in there. Alcardio had a bit of time to think the whole operation through, but it didn't matter. The building was quickly in sight, and about a mile away, Alcardio cut the bike's power and walked the rest of the way. The poorly kept walls of the compound provided many hand and footholds, so Alcardio had no trouble climbing the side of the huge building. The designers of this pre-war area had left all of the vent shafts on the roof open, and easily entered by a quick punch to the grates.

The vent was cramped, but ran through most of the building. A vent towards the ceiling provided the needed lift to get into the rafters. His position was quite comfortable, as the steel beams had a strangely placed wooden platform placed between them. Alcardio sat there and readied his rifle. Several minutes later, Juan finally entered the room. He stood in front of a few barrels marked explosive. Perfect. The kill, and the distraction. Alcardio carefully lined up his shot with the barrel's cap.

The rifle pushed against Alcardio's shoulder when the shot rang out. An explosion that could be heard across the continent ignited a small trail of gunpowder. The trail crept to under Alcardio, making him a bit nervous of his position. A quick look under the platform revealed a small package of plastic explosives. "Oh shi-" Alcardio jumped up and leapt for the nearest rafter. He grabbed it and swung to the second one, followed by a trip to the ground, courtesy of the C4 under the boards. Alcardio stood up and looked around deliriously, certain he had cracked a rib or two.

The room cleared of smoke, and no one was there. No gore covered the walls, as was certain from the explosives. Alcardio looked down and saw electrical parts at his feet. Damn, android. This was a setup? Alcardio drew his Glock and pushed open the thick steel door. The door creaked open and the compound was deserted except for some guards. The sound of a siren rang through the facility, and a mechanical voice crackled to life.

"All personal evacuate immediately. Core has been compromised. Self-destruct imminent." Alcardio slung his rifle and stumbled for the door, with the other guards running for it. Alcardio heard a small sound, almost inaudible from the sirens. A girl no older than 5 sat in between two crates. Alcardio almost left without her, but he knew the child would die otherwise. He pulled all of his strength together and ran over the crates. He smashed the left crate down and picked up the girl, then hobbled back to the door.


Chapter one is up, enjoy. And thanks to Strangelove (again) for explaining to Skippy the purpose of saying WIFE BEATER.


And Aaron for yelling at me and making me fix things.

Gah! I just killed a sparrow!

Nice job Reaper.

9/10


Just one favor. Can you have a few historical buildings be in the story.

Like El Zocalo plaza in Mexico city. Or castillo Chapultepec in the out-crops of Mexico city.

I would like to see a mention of those buildings.

I know, I am a SOB who wants everything my way, but I am a little homesick of my country so do me a favor and do so.

Other than that, great Fanfic. :goodjob:

Another good chapter Reaper. I like the Smith&Wesson 500 Magnum he's got, because it seem's like a bit of over kill, but sometimes overkill it good.

10/10

Chill out on all the Mexican. It's becoming more of a steryotype than a story with every person being named Juan and Jose.

You would be surprised at how many neighbor's and friends I have that are named Juan and Jose. Both are just very common first names. Like Ramirez is a very common last name. It's not steryotyping if its in common usage or a fact.

Wow Strangelove, you love defending me now don't you And Enclave Radio, I will take that into account tomorrow for chapter 2. Hideout maybe? We will find out.

Its semi-defending you, and semi-stating fact. Both are good

I will be going away for two or three days, but I will have chapter 2 up tomorrow/the morning here. Please don't let it die