Battle on the Broken Coast

Post » Fri May 27, 2011 7:58 pm

A small bead of sweat dripped onto the cracked asphault. It had fallen from the nose of a sharpshooter with his face buried into the sights of his rifle. He knew that any slight movement would give his position away. He was dressed in a dirty olive green duster, with black oil marks wiped on the sides. The collar was soaked with sweat. An old-style cowboy hat with its rim bended lay at his side. The smaller frame the man gave, the better. His rifle rested on a large piece of concrete rubble, just out of sight of the overlooking hotel building. This heap of rubble was the perfect spot. A thick red liquid was moving slowly across the road in front of him, settling into the side drain.

Behind the young man were several people in the same uniform, hidden out of sight. A few of them peeked out for a second, but didn't dare linger for any longer. They had to have only been here for no more than 10 minutes, but it felt like 10 hours. A colored man with a scruff gray beard motioned for evryone to stay down. The moment of truth was coming. He took off his hat and draqed it over the end of his assault rifle. What little hair he had left was dirty and greasy, strewn about from the long time spent under that hat. He lifted it slowly into the light of the window, in plain view of the hotel building.

The sharpshooter in the rubble tensed up slightly. This was his only chance, and everyone else was counting on him. He couldn't have been older than 21, but the world-weary look of him said otherwise. The price of being a Regulator is hefty. A small puddle of sweat was beneath him now. His lever-action rifle was fully loaded and ready to fire. He would only have one shot, and his action had to be quick.

A loud bang Shot out from the hotel building. A round slammed into the old man's hat, completely destroying it. A small price to pay for revenge. The young man quickly jerked his gun, pointing it towards the middle floors. Within 2 seconds of the first shot, he had found its source and got a bead. He squeezed the trigger. For his efforts, he was rewarded with a magnificent sight. He was the only one who could see it through his scope, and any of the other Regulators would have killed to be in his shoes. An explosion of tiny shards of glass blew up into the sniper's face from his now destroyed scope. Soon to follow was a bright red mist popping from his head as the bullet exited his skull. He fell out of sight. The young man loosened and stood up. He turned to his peers.

"Got him." he said, a smile on his face.

The body of his fallen comrade was laying in the middle of the cracked road. The old man walked over to the boy, several other Regulators following. He picked up the boy's hat off the ground and placed it on him.

"Helluva shot, Jake. You earned this." His voice sounded broken from years of smoking.

Most of their faces were turned to the body. He had fallen in the line of duty, the best a regulator could ask for. He would be given a proper funeral service and would be remembered for his service. Of course, the old man knew that would be the first of many casualties on this trip. The sniper wasn't who they came for. They had a much bigger bounty to collect. The old man turned back to the boy.

"We ain't here to collect his finger. Our target's still somewhere in these ruins. We've only got 2 hours of sunlight left, we're finding a place to hunker down-" He looked over at a protesting recruit. "that's an order."

The group made their way down the opposite path of the intersection, leaving the hotel behind them. The heat of the sun wouldn't be on their backs too much longer. The best Jake could ask for was a nice bottle of beer and a hefty portion of Pork 'n beans. He earned it today.
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Victoria Bartel
 
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Post » Sat May 28, 2011 2:48 am

The plot will be explained as the story continues. There will be more chapters to follow.

I value your crtitique and criticism.

+1 for whoever can guess what movie inspired this opening scenario.
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Rozlyn Robinson
 
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Post » Sat May 28, 2011 2:50 am

I need names if anyone would like to contribute. Male and female.
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Katie Samuel
 
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Post » Fri May 27, 2011 7:32 pm

It was decent, but there's been a lot that start with sharpshooters, like Kings of the Wasteland. It had some minor grammar mistakes and I found the story hard to concentrate on, it just didn't capture my attention, but I would like to see more before I judge it any more. As for names, why don't you use a random name generator?
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m Gardner
 
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Post » Sat May 28, 2011 5:24 am

It was decent, but there's been a lot that start with sharpshooters, like Kings of the Wasteland. It had some minor grammar mistakes and I found the story hard to concentrate on, it just didn't capture my attention, but I would like to see more before I judge it any more. As for names, why don't you use a random name generator?


The few times I have used name generators were bad experiences. They just all seem too generic.

This story isn't going to follow a sharpshooter, if you were fearing that. I'm working on the next chapter.
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Latino HeaT
 
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Post » Fri May 27, 2011 10:34 pm

OK then, how about Zack? or Galen? or Maurice? or Upton? or Harvey? or Delta? or Brianna?
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Sakura Haruno
 
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Post » Fri May 27, 2011 11:30 pm

Rico

Mel

Brock
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sexy zara
 
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Post » Sat May 28, 2011 7:42 am

Norris

Royce

Daly

Zeke
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Sharra Llenos
 
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Post » Fri May 27, 2011 9:38 pm

Closed per OP request.
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Emma Pennington
 
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