Great work man

Why is it, Aussies are the only one's who read my stuff and post a comment? I mean come on, everything that is said whether bad or good improves a writer's technique.

anyway, Chapter 5 will be up tomorrow sometime.

I'd like to, but I'm just not a fan of the Tribal point of view.

I wasn't asking your point of view on the story, even if you haven't read it! I was asking those who do read, but don't post what they think of it.

Not whether you like the tribal point of view or not.

Geeze, dude. Chill. I don't care if you were talking to them or not, and I did read it(parts of it). I was just stating that because it was related to your question.

Saying you don't like the point of view doesn't help. Telling him why does.


I'm liking it a lot, because I sort of picture Native Americans whenever they speak. So far the only thing that has bothered me is saying "large knife". That would be more of a third person description, and would've been better to give it an original "tribal name". But it's really just a minor problem for me.

I have enjoyed it, the pov is fresh and new. it would be really cool if you could even share the roots of the tribe along with the protagonist's story. it would really be interesting to see who they were to begin with, how they survived the war and the wasteland. it would make the end of the tribe as alluded in the first chapter even more poignant. This, the "Letters from the Mall" and the "Times that bind." are pretty much the reason I check this forum for updates.

THose are both what I want to hear. What I can do to improve the story for my readers. Thanks to both for giving me something to work with. Chapter 5 will not be up today, I got caught up with some friends, and have not writing thoughts going through my head. But it should be up tomorrow sometime by the latest, or maybe not? Its my birthday tomorrow :foodndrink: Well just have to see.

Well typically, I only post to point out mistakes or, if I'm in a really good mood, give long, drawn out criticism. So if you don't see a post by me after my first comment, that's usually a good thing. Just wanted to let you know that I'm reading.

And you know gary, if you enjoy reading Times that Bind, you could always join up. It's not too late. /End shameless attempt at recruiting.

Oh yes, and happy birthday Strangelove! I'll be sure to drop a post in the happy birthday thread when I get emoticons.

Just a small thing I was thinking of, the wasteland mutated dogs are tanslucant not transparent no?? it just shows how good the story is when thats the only criticism I can make.


EDIT: Just realised that it was vision and not mutated dogs so i rectract my statement.

I get the feeling you have delved into a little mescal yourself, but that is another story.

As for the story, i like it. The writing makes me feel like a person from a tribal level of thought is actually telling a story. Not like most of the first-person stories around, where it sounds like a professional author is walking around describing everything in agonizing detail.

reading over that, it sort of looks like an insult. I assure you it is not.

This is what I like to see. People telling me what they like, so I can continue doing it, and seeing people tell me the flaws that I can fix. So keep the comments coming everyone Also, this chapter is a bit longer than the others, so be prepared. It's just to open another door for, Phoenix.

Chapter 5

I awoke the next day, positioned awkwardly against the small cave wall. Before I left, I checked my things over to make sure nothing was taken or had fallen out while I slept. My people say that as long as you are good to the earth, and cherish what it gives, it will be good to you and watch you. The reason I say this, is because as I left the small cave I saw a lone figure laying motionless on the ground. It was a man, armed with a rifle and some other provisions for being out in the wasteland. I wasn't sure if he was dead or just waiting for me to get closer, then strike while I was surprised. Already, though I didn't realize it at first, I was experiencing one of the first wasteland traits: Be weary of those who may try and deceive you.

As I got closer to the motionless man, I unsheathed my knife. I body shook from the fear of what could happen. Even though I had been out in the wasteland before, never had I been so alone. I gently kicked the man with my foot, seeing if he'd make a noise. Nothing happened, I did it again but still nothing happened. I decided to roll him over, and see what I could use for my own purpose. He had several cans and boxes of food, and even some ammunition for his rifle. I checked him over for any injuries, but I couldn't see anything that would have made me think he was attacked. So I scavenged what I could from the dead wasteland, and took his rifle. Though I dislike firearms, I had to use whatever I could to survive.

After scavenging what I could carry, I headed out deeper into the wasteland. The sun beat down on me, if I had been of fairer skin, I surely would have been quickly burned from the sun's rays. I took a drink from my gourde, the water moistened my throat as it ran down. Everywhere I looked, there was only brown scorched earth. Even the animals did not come out and hunt or scavenge from the wasteland.

As the day moved on, the sun began to get even hotter. I looked around for a place to get some rest and get out of the heat for awhile. A mediocre size cave that was at the base of one of the large mountains, showed itself to me as I quickly hurried to the shelter. It was dark, and I could not see how far the cave went. Hopefully none of those Mirelurks were inside waiting for prey. I stayed where I could see fairly well, and waited for the sun to go down and the wasteland to cool for a bit. I waited and waited, but I began to feel tired and sleepy. I tried to stay awake but my body and eyes had a different say. I quickly fell into a deep sleep.

As I slept, I dreamt I had awoke in a mystical land. The people from my village ran around and talked, having a good time. Our village was a lot different than what I usually saw it as. The tents were no tents, but small cubed structures that were lined up neatly in rows. Some had been damaged, but no one seemed to care. I tried to speak, but no words came out of my mouth. Everyone around me seemed to be oblivious to my presence, I felt a bit sad and confused, wondering what was going on. I looked down at my hands, and to my surprise were covered in blood. I was shocked, and did not know what was going on. I looked back up, and saw my entire village on fire. Bodies of friends were strewn all around. Some had been hung against walls, and were headless. Other's seemed to have been shot several times. I began to feel tears run down my face, the hot smokey air blew all around as fires roared and consumed all they could. I looked around, trying to see if I could see my mother and father, but I didn't see them. I walked around the village, searching. Maybe they had gone inside and were hiding from whatever had done this. As I did walk around, the body of Bull lay on the ground. His eyes were open, and when he spoke only blood spurted out. I looked in horror as he reached out to me. A large spear was jutting out of his stomach.

He tried to speak again, but nothing came out. I tried to speak, and nothing came out. We both looked at each other, but before I did anything, Bull's hand dropped to the ground and only his eyes stared a haunting look at me. I began to panic in fear, what was happening. What had happened here. What was happening to me.

I continued, stepping carefully around Bull's body. But as I looked, his eyes seemed to follow my ever move. Still looking at me with that haunting stare. I could do nothing about it, I tried to close his eyes but my legs would not take me towards him. All I could hear was the sound of raging fires and the collapse of roofs as I moved through the streets. As I entered one of the cubed tents, I saw what I was looking for. My mother's body was laying there lifeless and limp. I cried as I saw her face, dirty and covered with blood. I tried to wake her up, not wanting to face what had happened. But I failed, and nothing worked. Suddenly from another room, a tall figure stepped forward. It was covered by the shadows, and I could not see who it was. But the figure spoke, and I could hear it. The figure was a man, it was my father. He gripped the wall close, holding his stomach with the other.

"Why did you do nothing, Phoenix. Why could you not have helped?" My father said collapsing to the ground. I hurried over to him, he was barely hanging on to life. I looked at his stomach. Organs were falling out, I quickly stepped back from shock. I looked back at my fathers face, but he was dead. I did not know what he was talking about, why had I not done anything to stop what had happened. But before I could do anything more, the ground began to shake uncontrollably. I looked around, trying to run for the door but fell to the ground before I reached it. I started to cry and fear completely consumed my emotions as I reached for the door. It was just in reach, then suddenly the very ground below me opened up to a dark black abyss. I fell, trying to grab for something, and trying to scream at the same time but nothing came out, and there was nothing to grab onto.

I suddenly awoke in a cold sweat. My heart raced, and my breath was rapid. I looked around, and realized the ground was shaking uncontrollably like in my dream. I hurried out of the cave, not wanting to be consumed by the dark black abyss. The sun burned my eyes as I ran out, but was over come by the sound of a loud machine. I rubbed my eyes, and looked to see a large metallic machine rolling by. Men were talking and laughing as they followed close to the machine. I looked, trying to see I recognized who they were.

"STOP!" A loud thundering voice said as the whole group including the metallic machine stopped to a sudden stop. The men looked at me, raising their rifles and assault weapons at me. I stopped where I was, and didn't know what to do. All I had was my knife for defense, even it couldn't help me from defending myself from these men. As I stood there, a tall powerfully muscular man walked over. He sort of reminded me of Husky, a sort of rebirth of Husky, but it wasn't him.

"Who are you, kid? Where do you come from?" The man asked me.

"My name is Phoenix, I am just a traveller. Please don't hurt me, I mean no harm." I replied shaking a bit as I stood. I could not look the man in the face, that was what I would have to learn in becoming a man. To look another man in the face, was to show you had no weaknesses or fear of him.

"Phoenix, huh? Well Phoenix, since you're just a traveller. You wouldn't mind giving me and my men some of your things for our trip would you? The next town or settlement is a long way from here, and there's not much to be had from them."

"I'm sorry, but what little I have I can not share. I will need all of it." I replied only looking at the man as high as his collar bone.

The other men smirked and looked at one another. I had no idea who they were, but they did not seem so friendly from the way they dressed. The man put his hands against his sides, thinking of what to do. His large hands looked like they could crush a man's skull with one great squeeze. I wiped the sweat from my brow, and looked only at the mans collar.

"Well then. You and me have a problem, Phoenix." The man said looking down at me. I could see his face, it was deformed. He was missing his left eye, and had a patch covering it. He had a disfigured ear which seemed to have been re attached at some parts. His large scar ran from the right side of his face, down to his jaw line. He was a fearsome looking man, and I had trouble looking at him even more.

"We have no problem, lets just both be on our way?" I said trying to free myself from his gaze. But he quickly grabbed me, squeezing my arms with both of his strong powerful hands. I was trapped, I had no way of getting out. These men were bad, and only wanted to rob who had little to give. "Please let go, your hurting my arms." I said looking at his face. His teeth gritted together, they were dirty and dead. I looked away quickly, trying to break free.

"No, Phoenix. Your coming with us, we'll sell you to the highest bidder." The man said pulling me up into the air. I tried to kick him, but it did little to stop him. He tried reaching for my knife, but one of his men ran over and took it from me.

"NO! THAT'S MY KNIFE, GIVE THAT BACK TO ME!" I said screamed. Suddenly a echo of howls and snarls came. I stopped fighting, and looked around. It sounded like Dog Soldiers, they were here watching me. The other men looked around, with a bit of fear on their face. The strong powerful man looked around, still with a tight grip around me. I tried to break free, but it was still useless.

"So Phoenix, you've got some friends around here?" The man said looking at me with a evil smile.

"May the earth swallow you whole!" I said in a raised tone of voice. I spit in his face, and was thrown against the metallic machine. Suddenly gunfire erupted and I covered my ears. It did little to help, but at least I was free to run. I quickly ran for the cave, grabbing the dead mans rifle from before. The powerful man didn't do anything as I ran, concentrating on the fight at hand. Suddenly I saw arrows fly through the sky, hitting several men in the chest. Two of them struck their targets in the head.

"OPEN UP!" The man said in a loud even more thunderous voice. He unholstered his pistol, and began to take cover behind the metallic machine. It was tall and cube like. It had strange circular pieces holding it up, and a smaller cube in the front where a man sit dead, already pierced three time with arrows.

I grabbed the rifle, and took what aim I could. The first shot missed the man I was aiming for. The echo of the rifle hurt my ears, and a sudden roar came from inside. I turned, and heard another. I grabbed my things, and hurried out, and crawled above the cave. Suddenly a large dark figure ran out, it was a Yao Guai. The large beast charged forward, spotting the men taking cover by the large metallic machine.

"Kill it!"

"Watch out!"

"Someone help, get this [censored] arrow out!"

"I'm dying." Some of the voices shouted as the Yao Guai took its first victim. I could see on the other side of the metallic machine, men with bows and spears. I looked closely, and spotted Bull with several other Dog Soldiers. I took cover behind a rock, and watched at the Yao Guai tore apart its fourth and fifth victim. I had a bit of celebration in my mind, but it was drowned out by the sound of Anubis' voice.

"Be careful of these men. They bring nothing but death and hardship to those they meet. Their job is to bring other people, and sell them to others for profit. Be weary of them Phoenix, there are many like them out here. Do not trust any of them." Before I could say anything, I felt Anubis leave. Just his very voice was calming and put me at ease.

I quickly returned to the fight at hand, and realized I had no weapon but the rifle which seemed to be out, and a broken spear. The sudden cry of the Yao Guai captured my attention as I saw the mighty beast fall to the ground lifeless and with blood trickling all around its body. The Dog Soldiers had the mysterious men occupied as I checked the rifle once more. It had a broken bolt, and a bullet was sticking partially out of it. I tried to clear it, but the bullet wouldn't budge. So I went with my second plan.

As the mysterious men fired at the quick Dog Soldiers, I grabbed the rifle at the end, and used it for a club. My skill with a firearm would become greater later on, but at the time I was ignorant to the fact, and did not know how to operate one properly. My first target was the man who had taken my knife. He was bald, and had a black goatee that made him look a big rugged and evil. I charged him, he had fear in his eyes as I brought the rifle down on his face with a mighty crack. He fell to the ground holding his cheek. Before he could react at all, I brought the rifle down on his head two more times, both had a different sound as I beat part of his skull in.

The man lay there, not moving an inch. I grabbed my knife from his belt, and threw the rifle beside him. The stock of the rifle had already cracked from using it as a club, and it would be no use to me any longer. Bullets rang out as I quickly fell to the ground, hoping nothing had hit me. I was lucky, the bullets were not aimed towards me, and I was injured. I looked around, finding the man with the strong hands, firing up at the mountain ledge. As I charged forward at him, I unsheathed my knife, gripping it tight in my hand. The bone handle was strong and reliable, it wasn't liable to break easily. I leapt onto the man's back, holding on as best I could. The fighting seemed to stop as my legs flew around, and I was twisted all around. The man grunted and tried reaching behind him to pull me off, but I bit at his hands.

The Dog Soldiers revealed themselves, the other mysterious men had been killed, and the Dog Soldiers stood watching as I struggled to keep a grip around the man. I could feel his muscles tense up as I was twisted back and forth, up and down.

"Get off me you little [censored]! I'll kill you-"

The man was quickly stopped and I was thrown from him. I fell to the ground, rolling a bit as I came to a stop near the large metallic machine. My knife blade was dripping with blood. My face was a bit covered in blood, and had collected dirt when I had fallen. The large man fell to his knee's holding his throat as he turned and looked at me. I slowly got to my feet, my arm hurt but nothing that wouldn't go away soon. He didn't try to speak, but blood seeped through his fingers as he raised a finger at me.

I smiled a bit, it was my first kill. This would surely prove in someway I was a man, and could take down a bigger target than myself. As the man collapsed to the ground, Bull and the other Dog soldiers ran to my side, they were breathing hard, as was I from all the excitement. They smiled, and Bull patted my head in approval. None of us spoke through words, but with facial gestures.

"You did it, Phoenix. You've killed your first man." Bull said in a proud tone.

"Yes." I replied, that being the only word I could think of without being to overcome with joy like a child would have been. Before I could say a word, Bull and the Dog Soldiers left me alone. I shrugged and didn't ask anything of them. My trials had just began, and their presence would disturb the time I would need to reflect on what I had experienced, and what may be ahead of me. One thing I did know, I would be avoiding any future encounters with people no matter if their intentions were good or bad. I was alone again in the wasteland, just what I wanted.

Sorry for being late on posting. Busy with work, anyway, good story Strangelove. I think this is going to turn into something GREAT! It keeps my interest that's for sure. :tops: