Knights of the Wasteland

Post » Fri May 27, 2011 8:37 pm

Woah, wait, I read the first two chapters. Did he just destroy a tank to turn it into armor, or is the tank still useable?
User avatar
Wane Peters
 
Posts: 3359
Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2007 9:34 pm

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 6:26 am

:o. He disassembled the tank and turned them into battle suits. He explained why.. They were running low on fuel so an electrically powered armored battle suit was ideal.

Edit: The components of the tank he didn't use are still usable.
User avatar
Jordan Moreno
 
Posts: 3462
Joined: Thu May 10, 2007 4:47 pm

Post » Fri May 27, 2011 6:36 pm

It seems when I wait a few hours, nothing seems to happen :'[
User avatar
Tiffany Carter
 
Posts: 3454
Joined: Wed Jul 19, 2006 4:05 am

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 6:26 am

Within a few hours, filled with rage and sorrow, the Knights had torn apart the Talon Company in a rampage. The traitors had disappeared, probably fleeing into the wastes.

"What the [censored] is happening, Artois. This all seems like a dream.. I can't imagine the General going traitor. It just doesn't seem right," said Phillis. They hadn't found the General's body amongst the dead, and they suspected he was the leader of the traitors.

"Son of a [censored]!" screamed Karro somewhere off to the left. "How could they just.. Kill them... Their brothers and friends! They just killed them right there in cold blood!"

"We all need to calm down. We need to get back to Viper Country, and figure out what the [censored] is going on," said Ratchet, scratching the back of his head, now that he was out of the suit. "Damn I've had this itch for the last [censored] hour! Feels like heaven! Damn!"

"Shut up, Ratchet. Our lives as we know it are changing. But you're right.. We do need to make the hike back to Viper Country. We need the batteries for the suits, and we need to talk to Murtel. That is, if he was still alive. General probably killed him; Murtel was the most loyal to the Viper name out of any of us," grumbled Artois, who was getting back in his suit.

"Whatever, foo'," mumbled Ratchet, who also began getting back into his battle armor.

The group, once suited up, began the journey to their headquarters, mumbling and shouting about the General's possible betrayal, and other urgent matters.
+++
Captain Carick slowly dragged himself up to the wall, and lent up against it. He had managed to stem the flow of blood, but he knew he was going to die.

"Son of a [censored]!" he screamed, and picked up his discarded magnum. "I.." was all he managed to say before the pain and sorrow overwhelmed him and he pulled the trigger.
+++
The Viper-Knights had decided to do this stealthily, and had their backs up against the far side of Murtel's workshop, obscured from the view of the rest of the base.

Artois nodded to Phillis, and went around the left side, Phil around the right.

Phillis looked around once they got to the door, and he snapped off the handle as quietly as he could before nudging the door open and entering.

"Shut up you stupid [censored] mechanic! I said where are the self-destruct buttons!" screamed a figure in the workshop, facing away from Phillis. Murtel was beyond him, tied to a chair. Artois recognized the voice as belonging to the General, and pulled Phillis back.

Phil saw Murtel's eyes meet his own, and he held back a scream. General was still unaware of their presence.

"I told you, I'm not going to [censored] tell you! This whole thing was a bad idea you moronic son of a [censored]! You don't deserve to be a Viper!" he shouted defiantly. This was replied to with a kick to the groin and a slap across the face.

Phillis had had enough, and he raised his assault rifle, and shot a hole through General's top hat. "Damn it!" shouted Phillis.

General wheeled around, and gasped as Phillis opened fire. Seven shots rang out through the room, three impacting on General and one landed a glancing blow to Murtel's shoulder.

Two hit the General in the left lung, exiting the other side to ping against the wall. The other hit him full in the face, and got stuck in the man's skull. He fell over, clutching his head, and was dead before he hit the floor.

"Murtel, what the [censored] was he talking about, self destruct buttons!" screamed Phillis, reluctant to untie the mechanic.

Murtel's eyes were watering, he was on the verge of crying from either pain or regret. Phil couldn't tell which.

"Please.. forgive me.. Please! The General he... Forced me to create self destruct units on each of the suits. I was supposed to set them off during the battle, but I couldn't bring myself to kill my fellow Vipers," stammered the mechanic, in obvious pain.

"Why?!" shouted Artois, who had entered the room.

"I.. I don't know. He never told me why."
User avatar
Ashley Campos
 
Posts: 3415
Joined: Fri Sep 22, 2006 9:03 pm

Post » Fri May 27, 2011 7:34 pm

Just read it all.
quite a good story, I like the goresome battles you describe. They're quite detailed :)

Though the story has a good flow, I do notice some spelling and grammar mistakes, I'll try to post them in an edit.

ps. You do get much responce Holy Walrus. If you'd look at my story, you'll see that I'd began writing in march, so you're going way faster than me.
User avatar
Kat Stewart
 
Posts: 3355
Joined: Sun Feb 04, 2007 12:30 am

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 7:20 am

Oh damn.. Hadn't noticed that before :D.
User avatar
Matthew Aaron Evans
 
Posts: 3361
Joined: Wed Jul 25, 2007 2:59 am

Post » Fri May 27, 2011 7:22 pm

well there goes Carick...
User avatar
Elena Alina
 
Posts: 3415
Joined: Sun Apr 01, 2007 7:24 am

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 4:59 am

Haha yeah. Poor Captain Carick :/.

General died too :P...

I'm going to write another chapter soon :D.
User avatar
Josh Dagreat
 
Posts: 3438
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2007 3:07 am

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 6:30 am

They found the traitors in the Mess Hall, and brutally "removed" them. The Knights had untied Murtel and tended to the old man's various wounds.

"Where the [censored] are the buttons?" asked Artois urgently.

"I.. I put them in the attic. The attic in my workshop..."

"The [censored] attic? Who even knew you had an attic? Whatever. We need to destroy them, before one of them goes off," coughed Karro, who had some kind of cold.

"Yeah yeah.. C'mon. Let's hurry this up. I'd rather not lose my suit."

"No no! You can't destroy them! It will set off the bombs!" shouted Murtel.

"Well how the [censored] do we go about it then?" spat Phillis, getting agitated.

"We have to take the charges out of the suit... They're strapped to the battery package."

"Ugh, well get to work old man," said Phil, and called Artois over. "I hope the old bastard gets blown up.." he whispered to his tall friend.

"Hey don't think like that. He's the only guy here who knows how to maintain these things. We need him, and he knows it."

"Whatever, Artois. I just lost my respect for him, though. I can't believe he would even consider such a thing. The General must've been [censored] insane."

"I know what you mean. We all have our eyes on him," said Art, ruffling through his hair with a grimy hand.

It took another hour for Murtel to remove the charges, and he approached Phillis and Artois with them. "Woh woh there, big slicker. Get those [censored] things away from us," snapped Phillis, waving the mechanic off.

"But what am I supposed to do with them?"

"Toss em in the Mess Hall after we gather up the food.. Then we'll just blow the place sky high on our way out. It isn't safe for us here."

"Aye, Cap'n," replied Murtel sarcastically, and he got Karro and Fulgrim to help him with the foodstuffs. They had found three shopping carts behind the old grocery store, and decided to use them to transport the food.

Murtel, Karro and Fulgrim exited the Mess Hall, the charges placed inside and the food bundled up in their arms. They dropped each load into its own cart, and wheeled them away from the hall.

The mechanic had retrieved the buttons, and had ordered everyone behind his mech shop. "Asta la vista, you bastards," shouted Murtel, referring to the broken and bloody bodies of the traitors inside. They had put the General in there too, seeing as it a rightful ceremony for the vile men and women.

The building exploded, a large mushroom cloud erupting from it. The sound was deafening, and the ground wobbled as the shockwave rippled past. Flames leaped out of the burning building, and body parts flew up into the sky, to land back into the Hall. "They got what they deserved," grumbled Art.
User avatar
Ann Church
 
Posts: 3450
Joined: Sat Jul 29, 2006 7:41 pm

Post » Fri May 27, 2011 7:13 pm

Very interesting indeed, I like it.

But I'm still having a hard time imagining the size of the EPABS, are they close to the size of a Behemoth? Overlord?
User avatar
cheryl wright
 
Posts: 3382
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2006 4:43 am

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 8:07 am

Woh nowhere NEAR the size of a behemoth O_o.. How could you make 10 behemoth-sized suits out of a single tank :o. Anyways, they stand at 2.5 meters tall.. I'm not sure how many feet that is but it's taller than a normal doorway. They're about the size of a space marine from Warhammer 40k, which is kind of what inspired them. They are about twice as wide as a normal man, and have 10 centimeter thick armor.
User avatar
latrina
 
Posts: 3440
Joined: Mon Aug 20, 2007 4:31 pm

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 7:12 am

To give you a picture, they are about a foot shorter than the space marine in this pic. http://fc06.deviantart.com/fs40/f/2009/044/8/c/A_Human_Moment_by_ANARKYMAN.jpg
User avatar
Margarita Diaz
 
Posts: 3511
Joined: Sun Aug 12, 2007 2:01 pm

Post » Fri May 27, 2011 8:04 pm

Oh Ok, just the descriptions made them seem big, that or my imagination is t3h sux. Still kind of big anyways if their are almost Space Marine sized.

Well can't wait to see what will happen next!
User avatar
C.L.U.T.C.H
 
Posts: 3385
Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2007 6:23 pm

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 3:25 am

:D I'm glad you like it.. I'm going to start posting them slower though, maybe 2-3 a day..

I'll have another up in about three hours.. Got some stuff to take care of and whatnot.. He didn't JUSt use the tank materials, he had some metals and components of his own, but I guess it does seem a little big. Maybe 1.5-2 feet shorter than a Marine.
User avatar
Laura-Lee Gerwing
 
Posts: 3363
Joined: Fri Jan 12, 2007 12:46 am

Post » Fri May 27, 2011 11:31 pm

Why isn't anyone else posting? Q.Q

It doesn't seem anyone is reading this, besides only a few peeps. Don't worry, I'll keep writing in it :D. I rlly like this fanfic.


You are getting responses, I always read (or at least scan) the stories on here. However, I generally don't comment except perhaps with a 'grumpy' moderator intervention :D unless I am specifically requested to.

The story is action packed, flows well and well written with regard to spelling and grammar, unless there are a lot of mistakes in a FF, and every one will be bound to make a few errors, as long as they don't detract from the enjoyment there seems little point in picking holes.
I will add that this is not my style of story I enjoy, there is too much blood, gore and violence and not enough description of the surrounding and the characters to give a better mental picture of what is going on, and to give the reader time to sit back and absorb more of all the atmosphere.
Someone mentioned not sticking to lore, did they in this one or perhaps it was in another thread? To me strict adherence to lore is not that important, after all it is only fiction based on the events of Fallout.

I would also suggest you slow down a little with posting new chapters, give everyone chance to log on, read it and comment.
User avatar
saharen beauty
 
Posts: 3456
Joined: Wed Nov 22, 2006 12:54 am

Post » Fri May 27, 2011 8:23 pm

Aye. I'll try and make it a little more descriptive about the enviroment and surroundings. I just wanted to do good descriptions of the fights scenes, because a lot of the time if you don't describe a lot during it, people will get lost in them.

But I'll definitely take more time on the chapters, usually it takes me about 5-10 minutes to write a whole chapter, I'll try and put more effort into it.

Thanks for criticizing :D. It helps :]
User avatar
Teghan Harris
 
Posts: 3370
Joined: Mon Mar 05, 2007 1:31 pm

Post » Fri May 27, 2011 9:38 pm

I'm still waiting for you to write a story about a Cuddly Bear and his adventures around the Wastelands, Rohugh...

Anyway, Rohugh gave some good advice. Also, if you don't get a lot of comments, it can also be a good thing. It means what your doing is fine, and people don't think they can give you much worthwhile constructive criticism.

On a unrelated note: I have found a picture of Rohugh -- http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b285/rogerhughtaylor/Mod%20Forum/Me3aa.jpg
User avatar
rheanna bruining
 
Posts: 3415
Joined: Fri Dec 22, 2006 11:00 am

Post » Fri May 27, 2011 10:35 pm

On a unrelated note: I have found a picture of Rohugh -- http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b285/rogerhughtaylor/Mod%20Forum/Me3aa.jpg

Yeah that is me when I was younger and sitting on that bloke's lap. My hair got a lot darker and I was http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b285/rogerhughtaylor/Avatar/teddy_bearwipz.jpg which I still wear to this day. :D

Anyways, back on topic eh?
User avatar
Alyce Argabright
 
Posts: 3403
Joined: Mon Aug 20, 2007 8:11 pm

Previous

Return to Fallout Series Discussion