This is the same Kumite Kid of some time back. I decided to make another account to start on a clean slate. It's been a while but I got another story in the works. Hope you enjoy!
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The Gods are as Confused as We Are

Part One

The year is 2278, you know what has happened to the world. It blew itself up, put a gun to its noggin and pulled the trigger. The world's a wasteland now. I didn't have to tell you that much. But what was unbeknownst to most was that it was the year that Kali Yuga was supposed to end. Kali Yuga: the ten thousand year period where civilization slowly but surely goes to hell. To signal the period's end, the supreme being Kalki, the reincarnation of the god Vishnu: the god of Good, was to ride off on his white horse to fight the supreme being Kali, god of Evil. Their battle on Earth would cause the world to implode, dawning a new age of peace. This is their battle. . .


Kali and Kalki are face to face. Their battle is about to begin. Both teleported to a random location, what is known as the Capital Wasteland, with Kalki on his white horse and Kali on foot. Both gods draw their swords. Some crazy ass stuff is going to. . .

Kalki's horse suddenly falls. He manages to jump off with no harm, but the event has startled him to no end. He goes to check the horse.

“My horse has fallen. Could you give me a second.”

Kali is brimming with disgust as he looks down on his foe. He puts his sword on Kalki's neck, ready at any moment to take the life of a fellow god.

“A second !? The manifestation of the Supreme Being needs a time out? We are here to do battle Kalki, with or without the horse.”

“But this horse is oddly sick. Something has overcome him as soon as I came down to battle.”

That's what we here on Earth call radiation poisoning. Where Kali and Kalki planned to do battle was off the charts with radiation. Being supreme beings, however, they have immunity to earthly afflictions and no knowledge of them. Lucky them.

But something strikes Kalki in the side of the head. It was as if he was shot at by some kid with spitballs who kept hiding after he shot him. Kalki knew that that son of a [censored] was there, but he couldn't see him.

“There is something strange about this place Kali.”

At that moment Kali looked around. Kalki was right. Something wasn't right. Kali took the steel from Kalki's neck and placed the sword at his side.

“Why, now that you mentioned it. . .”

Kalki looked around, collecting himself, before asking, “You are familiar with the prophecy, yes?”

“Why would I not be? Civilization is in chaos and you and I will battle and the world will go into flames, dawning a new age. That is why we are here.”

“Except it appears that the world has gone into flames. Look at the landscape. Vegetation is no more, the soil is coarse, the blue skies appear to be covered over by a tapestry of pale yellow. And from what I gather, there is no civilization for chaos to ensue. It is as if a battle between us transpired already.”

“So why are we here then? Did I wake up early just for this?”

“There is something wrong Kali. I would expect you to at least know that. Do you have any idea what happened?”

“I have no idea. For once in a millennial the humans have committed an atrocity that even I had no influence over. I'd pat them on the backs if I could.”

Kalki scoffed at the idea.

“Nonsense. This isn't the work of humans. This is the work of Supreme beings like you and I. I need to know who or what was capable of this. It could be very well something out of my power. I will need all the help I could get. Will you accompany me Kali?”

“HAHA my NEMESIS calls upon ME for help?!”

“This is bigger than both of us Kali. Whatever is out there, it broke the prophecy, broke the tradition that is written in stone. It destroyed the cycle of the world Kali, it could as easily destroy US.”

Kali sheathed his sword and looked down at the ground, thinking with what little brain he had.

“Well, since you put it that way. Fine, I'll go. I'll have you know that I trek simply out of curiosity. There is no fear in my being! It is a shame I did not bring something to write on, otherwise I would be taking notes. Whatever did this clearly knows of evil even greater than I imagined!”

So the two go off on foot, leaving the dead radiation plagued horse to rot. These immortals have no idea what human beings have been cooking up since the beginning of Kali Yuga. They are about to get a taste of it. This is their story. . .

To Be Continued

Part Two

The two immortals took it upon themselves to put on the best human form that they could. They could not let their identities be known. Don't ask me why. I don't know either. But on their path they came across the town of Megaton. Kalki was stunned.

“So there is civilization after all.”

Kali laughed. “You call this civilization? You could blow this town down if you sneezed.”

“I'll refrain from sneezing for now. Who knows, we might find the beings that caused all of this.”

“Let us see then. Let us see if civilization has gone downhill as the prophesy said.”

The two didn't even loaf around the town. They found what they were looking for, walking straight towards the rusted raisin that was the Megaton. This, according to these two, had to be the god that caused all of this.

Kali and Kalki stood at the base of the Megaton. They read the faded label that read “Megaton”. That had to be this being's name. Kali puffed out his chest and hit the air with words.

“Megaton, I come with questions. From what realm are you? Why did you break the Kali Yuga prophecy? Answer me!”

No response. The two stood dumbfounded. Kalki made a hypothesis.

“He is shy. Perhaps he slumbers?”

“I cannot tell either way. Where's his face? He is a large rotund being. I've never seen anything like him.”

“It is obvious that his face is buried into the ground. He is unconscious or dare I say dead.”

“Most likely taking a nap. Let me check.”

Kali took out his sword and nudged the Megaton with the handle, getting progressively harder with each nudge. The metal clanging reverberated through the town. People stood, looking at them as if they had a gun pointed at their head. A man proceeded to run straight at them, shaking his fist.

“Woah Woah Woah! Stop right there! What are you two wackos doing?” The man yelled. Kali moved away from the Megaton. Everyone proceeded as normal in the town again. Kalki calmly responded, lest Kali whacked off the man's ear.

“Wackos? I beg your pardon? What is. . .”

“Yeah, wackos! That's a Megaton!”

Kali sheathed his sword, uttering, “We know. We were trying to wake it up.”

The man rubbed his eyes furiously. What morons, he thought, would have the nerve these days.

“Wake it up?! That'll blow the town to kingdom come you wackos!”

Kali retorted. “We don't want it to . . . uhh, blow sir. We just want to talk to it.”

The man had had enough.

“Talk to it? Oh Christ, you're one of them.”

“One of who?”

“Go in there. It's the Church of the Children of Atom. You'll find your answers there.”

“Who is Atom?”

“Hell if I know. I'm sure they'll tell you. Just whatever you do, for the love of God, don't touch that Megaton again!”

The two thanked the man. The man couldn't be bothered with gratefulness from idiots and cursed at them as he walked back to his home. Kali and Kalki began to converse as they walked towards the Church.

“They have to know about how to talk to Megaton.” Kali said.

Kalki was more concerned about a minor but important fact. “But they also know of the one named Atom as well.”

“So, was it Atom and Megaton that battled and caused all of this? It would appear as though Atom had won. Megaton is obviously out of it.”

“My thought is that he is just dormant, just as we were yes? Megaton could be biding his time. He might have won the battle and was so exhausted that now he rests until civilization needs him again.”

Kali nodded in agreement. “You might have something there Kalki.”

The two reached the door. Kalki laughed.

“For all we know Kali, the town needs Megaton more than ever. It is quite unpleasant. He could bring good things. But let us learn of Atom first. He might be the being that we have to watch out for.”

To Be Continued

LOL Now that's an interesting twist - gods battle to send humanity into turmoil, yet we have proven that we can do that very well on our own! I really enjoy the banter between Kali and Kalki. It is interesting to look at the devastation left behind by a nuclear war, through the eyes of two beings that have no idea how mankind could have blown themselves to smithereens. Great story!

Thanks for the feedback Argon. Here is the next part of the story. Enjoy!
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Part Three

Our dazzling duo of deities dart inside the Church. They meet a woman who appears to be sitting in a pew, reading some crap about children and Atom and stuff. She notices them, puts the book of bologna down, and strikes conversation.

“Can I help you two?”

Kali asserts himself as the head of the party. “Yes. We need to communicate to Megaton or Atom. Can you assist us in this?”

“Atom is communicating through us already, albeit faintly. Only through our dying may we realize the universal salvation brought to us by Atom.”

“So Atom is the good? What about Megaton?”

“It is merely a nuclear warhead.”

Kali smiles. “A new clear head of war? So he is the evil then. Right up my alley. Can you wake him up so I could speak with him? He needs to share his secrets of destruction with me.”

“You speak of the Megaton as if it were living. It is merely a dormant bomb.”

“A dormant bomb? So it did none of the damage we have seen? So who caused all of this? Clearly it cannot be Atom.”

“Why of course it is Atom. The Great War was a nuclear battle, Atom's energy. The Chinese dropped Atom bombs all over the states, leveling everything in its wake. We did the same to them. The whole world is leveled. But don't get discouraged. This a sign of renewal gentlemen. Through Atom, we can discover the beauty of the universe!”

Kalki is stunned in disbelief. Even in his shock he is able to piece together a few words to throw to the lady.

“Give me a moment ma'am. You are telling me that human's have caused all of this?”

“Atom did. But if you want to get technical and say that human's harnessed Atom's energy to destroy everything then. . .yes, yes they have caused all of this.”

Kali laughs. “Remarkable. I told you Kalki, this is man's fault! You owe me something. How about your horse? Oh, I'm sorry, it's dead from an unknown sickness!”

The woman is a bit confused, as any Wastelander would at this point. Where did these two find a horse? She didn't care to ask them, only to console them and to shove the Church's message into their mouths. That was her job right?

“Unknown sickness? Your horse suffered from radiation, Atom's way of communicating through us. Your horse is in a better place now, one with Atom.”

Kalki had heard enough. “Thank you for your help. We are done here.”

Alas, the woman couldn't let the two get away without something. Not after the time they spent. Time was money to the lady.

“How about a donation?”

As the two exited through the door, Kali managed to spurt some nonsense. “The horse is just outside the town's walls. It is full of Atom. You all like Atom right? Fetch that as our donation.”

Kali and Kalki walk out of the town, conversing yet again. It seems that that is all they do. I mean they're gods for God's sake! They should have fire coming out of their mouth, not just words! Jeez! Pardon me, that was uncalled for.

Kalki begins the conversation, still shocked over the knowledge he learned back in Megaton.

“I cannot believe this. The humans have destroyed the prophecy. The fallible, despicable humans! I cannot believe it. How could they harness the power of gods like us?”

“You worry too much Kalki. Figure it as them doing us a favor. We didn't have to go through the laborious task of battling each other and making sure that the world burst into flames in the process. With the world in oblivion it should be restarting itself momentarily. That is the prophecy yes? The world should be a better place now.”

“Did that town look like a better place to you? The prophecy states that flowers would bloom within flowers, that rivers would run free and plentiful, and the vegetation green! But here, horses die of Atom and the sky looks like a tapestry of urine. Does that say 'better place' to you!?”

Kali put his hand on the shoulder of Kalki in his best attempt to calm his archenemy.

“Kalki, I've never seen your righteous and composed self so wild and angry. Relax. We have only seen a glimpse of this world. Let us transport somewhere more civilized. Why, do you see that skyline over there?”

“Barely. It looks like a city.”

“And cities are the epitomes of revitalization. Remember Greece and Rome and Alexandria? Let us see the better place I am talking about!”

In hope, the two travel towards the city, Washington, D.C. Oh boy. . .

To Be Continued

very funny, keep it up.

Oh boy is right! LOL I am almost afraid to see their reaction to this "better place"! LOL Good chapter!