Prologue
----------------

Robert Moore.
BoS Paladin
ID#:613945
Year:2245

I, along with the best paladins, have been given a Secret assignment to attend to.
Given by Elder Reynolds and only known we few, and The respective Elder.
The assignment: To Travel across America, or rather, whats left of it and find Possible New areas to settle.
To find more advanced pre-war tech and send them back.
Why this is a secret is unknown to me, but some ramblings have hinted at Alien tech, what a joke.
Some say this is about the Enclave, but I think not.
Probably the most talked about are the super mutants, and the FEV virus.
We head out in two days so we must get are equipment ready.
Moore out.

DAY 1
----------------------
We left today, bright and early, maybe around 6 or 7o'clock.
There is 7 of us, plus our leader, Star Paladin Robins
Robins is a tough one, heard his family was wiped out by Slavers.
Poor guy.
Some of the Paladins I know.
Their is Rebbecca, who is the sweetest girl you can meet as long as your not seen through her sniper scope.
Paladin Ryan came from some tribe or, I don't know.
The Brotherhood would never take a tribal, but i guess they an exception.
The only other one is Paladin Willis, resident pyromaniac.
We, only after 2 hours of walking found are selves in a fire fight.
A few super mutants found their way in to an old building, taking potshots at us.
Robins chucked a few frags their way, it was like the sky rained blood.
I asked Robins where we are going and he said a place of "underground Mystery"
Little did i know he meant an old vault.
Before we got there night had fallen but we still got to the vault.
Robins tried to get the blast door open but wasn't able.
We are camping out and working on it tomorrow.
This place smells of death.

A few errors here and there, but overall its not bad.

A few errors here and there, but overall its not bad.

yeah after i reread i saw them too, but were all human, or when it comes to fallout at least most of us are.
I'll do it better on day 2

Yeah. Before you post, you're better off re-reading what you've written, you'll get most, if not all, of the mistakes and it'll look much better.

And speak for yourself, I'm a Ghoul.

yeah, i guess a few thing passed my Eye, sometimes i just type quick and i don't hit every key.
if you like this check out A Lifeless Land, also by me, and i think its better than this.

Robert Moore
BoS Paladin
ID#:613945
Year:2245

DAY 2
---------------------------

Robins was up before any of us, working on the door's control panel.
The tech we brought was able to bypass the doors security system mainframe.
It was a nasty color of red rust an orange ooze.
Last night I said it smelt like death.
Turns out, death smelt us.
The place had more Ferrels than a boneyard on a bad Tuesday.
We crossed into the corridors, shooting them up.
Rebbecca switched to her SMG, since her sniper rifle was basically useless in tight combat.
We got to the main area, a large open rooms with catwalks on each side.
It had large, metal crates also, probably with the junk we need in them.
Robins couldn't get it open by him self, so he got some guy named Doug to help open it.
I've seen Doug around the base before, though I've never had extended conversations with him.
When it opened, out poured Water chips, for purification purposes.
We called into to base to send a scout to get them.
We couldn't go back, since it would be a waste of time.

Robins told them that they'd be outside near the door.
Smart move, eh?

DAY 3
---------------------------

Robins told us the Boys back at base turned the chips into small purifiers, which was good, as we AND the wasteland needed them.
Wastelanders weren't the only ones who suffered.
Some more Muties today, the fight lasted an hour.
That's when we suffered our first causality
It was that Doug guy, went down from Assault rifle fire.
Poor basterd.
Went down in a blaze of glory though, must of took ten 6 of 7 down with him.
We came crossed paths with some "normal" ghouls, they offered to repair are items for us.
They did a good job, too. Damn good.
They sold us some stimpacks as well, witch we needed after the firefight.
If we got them sooner, Doug might be here.
Who knows.
We came across a settlement called Aroyoo or Arroyo or something like that.
One word, Tribals.
Even though they seemed or Civilized than most, still, their Tribals.

Nightfall
-----------------
We saw some explosions off in the distance, but decided not to investigate.
Don't need another stiff on are hands.
I'm the last one up.
Me and Rebbecca were up talking about Doug, apparently she knew him.
I'm just sitting here, sipping a Nuka-Cola.
Its good, but it rots your teeth.

Moore out.

i like it man, good story

Well, the whole recording thing has been done before, though not recently, making it novel enough, I suppose. But if you're not going to use paragraphs, please double space,

like

so

to make things more orderly, otherwise you have a block of text. Overall it's very short, and because of that I find it quite uninteresting. Improve on the depth, the length, and even the dialogue if you choose to continue in this format. As of right now, everything feels severely stiff due to the many single liners. Improve on that, and you'll have something.

Robert Moore
BoS Paladin
ID#613945
Year:2245

DAY 4
-------------------------------------

I awoke to see Robins around the camp fire started by Paladin Willis with his Flamer
"That enough Willis, turn it off" Robins told him.
We all sat around the fire, eating our bramin steaks and the purified water we brought with us.
Robins already turned to drinking, maybe to suppress the memory of the massacre of his family.

We headed out after that, having to carry with us all the stuff we had on I.E. power armor and mini-guns.
we came across an old building roof blasted off, holes in the wall.
Robins noticed some movement before any of us could.
"Rebbecca, head up to that ridge behind us. Willis, get to the entrance to set fire to anything that comes out" Robins demanded.

The others and myself duck behind some rocks, turning off the safety's on our rifles.
Robins told us it was to quiet to be super mutants and too slow to be ferrel ghouls.
My head swarmed with ideas of what could be.
"oh, lord" the person next to be said as we all then gazed up at it.

Deathclaw.

It came sprinting at us before Willis could lit it up. Willis had to catch up with it.
"Burn, BURN! HAHAHAHA!" Willis yelled in an exited manner.
The Deathclaw was lit up in a blaze as it turned around a knocked Willis away. He hit the ground hard
We opened up rifle fire on it, trying to blow it away.

The Deathclaw raised its arm to take a swing at us, and it succeeded in doing so.
The one next to be lost his head, oh, god i can still see it happening.
His blood is still on my armor, no matter how hard i clean it, its still there.
Robins must have got angry with it, because as soon as that happened he took out his mini-gun

"I NEVER GOT INTRODUCE MYSELF!" he said as he opened up fire.
He was literary blowing chunks of it away, I've never seen something more insane.
But the final blast came from Rebbecca and her sniper round to the head.
After that was over we all rushed over to Willis who was bleeding all over the place.
"Willis, the medic needs to knock you out, you need surgery"


"Why, do i need surgery" Willis slurred his words
"You have...you have a claw embedded in our back"
"No, that's my claw" Willis said, probably getting delirious.
The medic tried and tried but in the end it was no good.
Paladin Jacob Willis died that day.
He was 18.

I've seen too much death today.

Moore out.

An interesting way to use 1st person. Keep it up this has lots of potential.

I agree with goris, it's always nice to read something written in the 1st person. It has a better air of mystery compared to the 'god-narrating' of 3rd person works.

i like all the compliments, but i might end it soon as i feel as though i can do better work. It will most likely end after 5 more installments and i will try my hand at different things, i have an idea for a point lookout story, but you'll have to wait as i think though the final details.

This has been Shocking X from GNR......i mean my computer, signing off!

Shocking_Expression has requested a close as another will be (hopefully) posted soon.