Prologue

I stood there, not realizing what I had done.
I had killed a man, for what, 50 caps and some jet?
Not knowing what happened next, I fled, hoping not to die.
Rivet city wouldn't tolerate murderers.

1 week earlier.

I arrived at Rivet city today! Its even better than I thought!
Its clean, its safe, and i don't have do fight for food.
They have a market, a clinic, and even a damn church!
This place is Probably the best I've been to!
I buying a Hotel room tonight and checking the rest of the city tomorrow!

6 days before the murder.

Oh, man, Its the best, I went to a place in the Market and I bought a Combat Knife just in case something happened.
I met the Hotel owner, her name is Vera, and she is super nice, she even gave me a discount on a room!
I went to the church and sat threw the sermon about a woman who saved her son from hell!
I never want to leave

3 days before the murder.

Someone tried to take my money to day, but i shoved him off.
My enthusiasm for this place has dropped, under the safety, it still svcks here.
their is still corruption, crime, and bastards.
I have took up jet to calm my nerves, it helps me.
Its getting harder to buy it, though.
The guy I buy it from is hiking up the price.

The day of the murder.

"I don't care how much you have, I need 20 Caps today" the junkie yelled to me.
"I can't, I don't have the money!" I said to him.
After 5 minutes of arguing he lunged at me to get his money.
I had put up a struggle and took out my knife.
It had went into his stomach, and he let out pain filled grunt.
He came at me, I swear!

I left the city, not wanting to be found at the scene of the death.
I have no were to go except Megaton, and that's a long walk away.
I'm gonna have get there by way of caravan traders route.
I need to get there fast before they find me.

Criticism is welcomed to tell me if i can do better.

this is great ill keep track of this

thanks! this is my best work yet!

My story won't have a lot of action in it, its more thought heavy and it is supposed to make you think.

Chapter one
Sleepless nights.

I couldn't get any sleep last night, the nightmares.
All I see is the man's face as he fell backward, emotionless, except for a hint of sadness.
The Rivet city security team rushes in and guns me down.
I always wake up screaming.

We finally made it to Megaton today, I knew it as ramshackle, but damn.
I entered the gates to find many people gathered around a bomb, a bomb!
"whats going on here?" I asked one of them.
"shh, were listing to him preach!" one said.

I went up to a place called Moriarty's Saloon, a bar of course.
"well, hello their laddie, welcome to my Saloon, I'm Moriarty! would you like a drink?" he said.
"no, thanks" I said to him.
"hey sugar, I'm Nova, lookin' for a good time?"
That could be the way to release his mind of the murder.

"sorry Nova, I can't right now." I told her
"oh, well, Colin will get money out of you some way..." she said under her breath.
"what?"
"hm, oh nothing"

"well can I have a hotel room please?" I asked.
"oh, yeah, 30 caps."
"thank you, I think I'll rest for right now"
As I went up the stairs, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Nova nod to that Colin guy.

I went up to my room for a while, thinking about...him.
Colin busted into my room, with a lead pipe in his hand.
"Don't want to buy anything, get out of my town!" he said as he threw down his pipe to me.
"wait, i don't want any trouble!" I yelled at him.
"well, trouble wants your ass!" he said striking me with the pipe again.
I pulled out my Knife to defend myself.
Colin was making a downward strike with his pipe with both hands on it.
I had to thrust my knife into his neck.

He let out a blood filled scream, as some came out his mouth.
Nova came into the room next."Colin are you alright, did you get his money yet?"
Nova looked down at his body, and screamed.
She tried to run but i caught up to her and grabbed her by the neck.
She would not stop screaming or squirming, I only had one option.
Slit her throat .

I didn't want to I swear! she wouldn't stop....
I hid both bodies under my bed, I went out of the town to try to get some sleep.
Having bodies under my bed isn't the best thing to do.
That's two more you can chalk up on my murder list.

Who have I become?

thoughts please!

plzzz make more this is great

plzzz make more this is great

Oh I will, I will...
Is it really that good?

Yes I think its really good keep it up

Okay than I just hope more people read this!

Honestly, I thought it was boring. You need more detail. Improve your grammar, like starting sentences with capitals, I can't comment more, because I couldn't read the story. I have a short attention span and this just couldn't grab it. Don't take this to offense, I'm just saying that it needs improvement.

I'm not angry, hell I WANT criticism, this story isn't for everyone and I could and will make improvements
Thanks for AT LEAST trying to read it, sincerely.

Capital letters are good, and I dont see why he stabbed Moiriarty, I mean, he jsut woke up with a guy shaking a pipe in his face. I think he would probobly sock him in the face instead. But thats just my opinion

he jsut woke up with a guy shaking a pipe in his face. I think he would probobly sock him in the face instead. But thats just my opinion

no, he had already been hit a few times, this man hasn't seen much combat so he doesn't know what to do, so he just kills without knowing.

some people like it, some people don't, the world will go on...

The world will always go one, unless we get swallowed by a black hole, the sun blows up or we just spontaneously blow up :nuke:

yeah totally, but really thanks for the Imput I just wanted to know someone cares about forms of literature.

Chapter Two.
Bloody Hell.

Oh, God, they found the bodies, I hope they don't come looking for me.
I was the last one in the bar, after all.
I walked back into the city, hoping that they wouldn't suspect me.
The Sheriff had gathered everyone around the bomb for questioning.

The number of people dwindled down, and the last person to speak with him took longer.
I saw The Sheriff glance over at me, and he started walking towards me.
My heart was racing.

"Excuse me, can I have a word with you, at my house?" He said.

"Um, yes I guess..." I said nervously.

We walked up to his house, I trying to think of an alibi.

"Listen, someone said they heard a scream from Moriarty's, and saw you run out" He said.

"that puts you in a very bad spot" He included.

He walked over and sat down in front of me.

"Murderers will not be tolerated!" He yelled.

"Have a good last meal, your going in front of a firing squad tomorrow" He said.

He got up and went to the door.
Before he got to it, I had already picked up a Hammer and...
I had a reason! HE was going to kill me!
I cracked it over his skull, he went down but was still alive.
I had to do it a few more times...

What am I doing?, Why am I killing?

I took his body up to the balcony he had at his house.
I made him fall of it to make it look like suicide, as a cover for me.
He hit the ground quickly, and everyone gathered around.
Some of them looked up to see me.
I hope they didn't.

I tried to slip out of the town, but some of them came and asked me what happened.
I told the that "due to the fact that he didn't do a good enough job to protect people, he committed suicide."
Some of them bought it, but that doesn't mean I can stay here, they will find the Hammer with blood on it.

I have to find somewhere to go, and I can only think of one more.

Tenpenny Tower.

You svck. Lucas Simms is my favorite charactor in Megaton

I know you joking but it's fan FICTION! lol, but really how did you like the story?

I like it. Its.... Epicly Epic

thanks man!

And El Derodo is awesome btw

Lucas is currantly At the bottom of the Potomic in my game

It was more of a diary than anything. I can't seem to get interested in it, I know barely anything about you character. You need to define him, it's motives and virtues.

I've been trying out the recording thing and its not working out, as I can tell from the replies. I'm not calling some of you guy's jerks for not liking my story, I do think I'd be better off doing a third person story, you know? I might try to make an epic one, full off story and.... the wasteland mafia?

Request for this to be closed, my second failed story...

Well i hope you will be succesful in other places :wave: