i have a few questions about AI packages for npc's.
for a sleep package do i have to use a reference condition on the bed i want them to sleep in? if not what do i need to do?

If you want to make sure that they sleep in a very specific bed, then yes you need to set the reference of the bed as the target. You could also try placing them right next to the bed in the GECK and use the Near Editor Location option.

It also helps to set the ownership of the bed to the NPC you want to sleep in it. This will keep other NPCs from sleeping in that bed (as well as the player). If all beds are owned and each NPC has their own bed, its highly unlikely that your NPCs will sleep anywhere but their own bed.