The Glorious Ben Adams

For starters, you might want to read my last story, http://www.gamesas.com/index.php?showtopic=1034669, because this is the second part of the story, just from the eyes of Ben. So yes, that means the return of Mack, Sloane, and Geoffrey. Woo.

Anyway, some people wanted a story more focused on the mercenary Ben, so here it is. Oh, and one last thing, I'm giving credit to Inferoo357 for the general story idea.
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Doors are a lot easier to break than you'd expect. A strong wooden door, with big metal hinges connecting it to the wall should be hard to break, right? But when that door is knocked to the ground, it sure happens fast. And chances are if you're standing next to it, some broken wood and metal is going to get stuck in your hair.

And as that door first hits the ground, and makes the loud bang that you could hear half a mile away, what do the people inside the house think? Someone just broke in, and caused a lot of damage. At the time, Ben could only think about how much the repair is going to cost.

As that door bounced off the ground, and was trampled by three men in armor holding giant guns, Ben just jumped out of bed. He was in a pair of shorts, just a pair of shorts. They charged into his room, Ben's first thought was to drop on his knees, and that was what he did.

The three men circled him, but stood back, all their guns were on him.

"Get on the ground!" they all yelled.

Ben twisted around, and looked at the ground. "I hate to break it to you all, but I'm already on the ground."

An armored man came from behind him, and kicked him in the back, letting his whole body touch the ground. Two grabbed him under the armor, and took him out the door. One was in the front, and Ben saw the insignia in the back of his armor.

"Ah, god dammit. I knew killing her would come back to bite me in the ass." Ben said, seeing the Vault City mark.

The three men threw Ben in the back of a police car, and slammed the door shut. Ben started yelling just to annoy them.

"You're not the police force of my small community! You have no right to take me from my home. Where's your warrant?" Ben yelled random things the whole ride to VC.

After being forced back out the car, and towards the center of the city. Towards the gallows, Ben started to talk again.

"You're kidding me, right? I'm back here again?"

They threw him onto the wooden platform, and Ben looked at the bloodstained wood.

"Hey, that's that coward's blood, huh? Jeez you need to replace your cleaning crew. He was a funny guy, though. I liked him. He was the one who gave me the pass to the next section, and he's dead. I'd say you got your man."

They threw a bag over his head, and put a rope around his neck.

"We want this done fast, and quiet. So shut your mouth." Someone said to him.

Ben started screaming profanity, until laughing.

"What the Hell did you expect me to do?"

thanks! I like how this is starting out, can't wait to see what trouble Ben gets into! (aside from the trouble he's already in, i have a feeling this isnt the last time lol)

The main thing that bothered me was your third paragraph.

"As that door bounced off the ground, and was trampled by three men in armor holding giant guns, Ben just jumped out of bed. He was in a pair of shorts just a pair of shorts. They charged into his room, Ben's first thought was to drop on his knees, and that was what he did."

I'm just going to post a revised version and tell you what you should have changed. Use these tips for your entire story.

"As the door bounced off the ground, three heavily armed men trampled over it, storming the room. Ben jolted up from his bed in shock, wearing nothing but a raggedy pair of shorts. They charged into his room looking as if they were about to bull rush him. Ben's mercenary instinct took over and he immediately dropped to his knees. Who hasn't ever had their house invaded by gun wielding maniacs?"

First and foremost, for the entire story, I think you rushed it a bit. something I like to do is write up a draft and let it sit for about a day and then come back at it from a fresh angle. You're able to judge it more ruthlessly in my experience.

Second, you don't have to cram so much into single sentences. The officers busting into the home and Ben jumping out of bed should be two complete different sentences. On this same note, though, you could have added in the shorts part to Ben jumping out of bed with the help of a simple adjective, in this case it is "raggedy".

Third, write as if you had the character's personality. Don't overdo it, but I find it adds a lot more immersion. Ben's a sarcastic bastard, act like you are too. Think of it as writing in third person with first person overtones.

Now for the good.

I, as a reader, am genuinely interested on hearing what happens to Ben. Having read each chapter of "Addiction" as soon as you posted, I loved the irony of Ben coming back to these same gallows. The suspense of having no one there to help them only adds to the hype, and I can't think of a possible way he can escape this without it being a cheap twist, such as guard sympathy. Nice work for the first chapter, just take it a bit slower next time.

nice work comedian. I loved Ben in Addiction and can't wait to see what other troubles he gets into.

Thank you two, and thank you Stream for the lesson, and hard criticism. It's no surprise you'll be fixing this story like Addiction. But I really just want to get the story started, everyone, so I'm really sorry if the first like 3 chapters aren't that great... Anyways, since I don't like posting without some story...


Chapter Two: Still Not even.
So there Ben stood, black bag around his head, assuming there was some sort of beige rope around his neck, he was staring in the face of death. A black material that would work wonderfully as cloth for a T-Shirt.

The chances of someone seeing Ben being taken from his small home was very slim. Sure, he lived in the most populated city, and sure, maybe no one has seen a car before and would be interested in it. But no one saw Ben, at least that's what he thought since he hasn't been saved yet.

A car sped up, and swerved to screeching stop, what seemed just a few feet from the platform. Ben had no idea, he cant' see through a black bag.

"Dammit, I don't know how you folks did it in your prissy little Vault, but you just can't break into a guy's home and take him to his death. Without proper authorization, of course."

One man, that Ben and Mack concluded was the leader, stepped up. "I don't know how you Wasteland guys do it when someone kills your leader, then skips town. Would you just sit back and let the killer leave?"

"That first part was very imaginative." Ben said through his black mask.

"You either take down that man, and give him to me. Or we can all see how an army fights without a leader." The man who came in the car said.

"We've got a leader! Me, I took the role." Someone next to Ben said.

"Then we don't want the leader of a city to die in a small fire fight, against someone taking a criminal out of the city, now do we? Oh, wait."

"Just give him the damn killer. We're not in any shape to get in a war with another city. You've seen the NCR Army." Someone suggested.

"Fine! Take the smelly bastard."

The guard ripped off the blag bag, and then the rope. Now finally, Ben could see who had just saved him. He was disappointed to say the least.

A New California Republic Police car was parked just a few feet from him. A rough looking man, crossing his arms and shaking his head, stood next to it.

"I didn't know we had a car in the force!" Ben said.

"Shut up, and get in the God damned vehicle."

"Yeah, of course." Ben said, feeling for the car.

He drove off, and out of the city. The guards all had a watchful eye on him the whole time. After finally driving through the gate, and about five minutes into the boring desert scene, Ben got bored. And he did the worst thing he could at the moment, and that was talk to an irritated policeman.

"You know, this doesn't make us even just yet. At least not until people are willing to kill for me."

"Ben, I'm not in the mood. I should be at home, eating dinner with my wife and son."

"Yeah, that's something a figured. It's always the same when someone like me meets up with someone like you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, never mind. Well, I think I'm going to take a nap. Wake me up when we get home, Mackenzie."

YEAH! Mack makes an appearance! I love how this is turning out, i have a feeling some other characters are gonna make cameos, can't wait to see 'em!

Actually, Mack is going to play a big role in the story. Instead of Ben being a mercenary, he's going to be- Well, you'll see!


Chapter Three: Say "Yes" To Pull the Trigger

"Ben! Wake your lazy ass up!" Mack yelled, shaking Ben in the passenger seat of his car.

Ben groaned, and pushed Mack's hands away.

"Ben, I swear to God..."

"Fine! Fine, I'm awake."

"Get out of the car, we're at the station."

Ben got out of the car, "Thanks a lot, Mack. For saving me back there. I mean, I was about to kick some ass. But you came along and ruined it for me."

"Right, because nothing can stop the Amazing Ben Adams."

"How'd you know my last name?"

"Really? You don't know. You've only been arrested ten times. We've got all your records. Hell, if the chief didn't like the way you looked, you'd be hanging from a rope right now."

"Tell your boss I'm sorry, and that I'm into women."

"You know that's now what I mean. Did you really think I'd come to save you just for the purpose of... Saving you?"

"Why yes, yes I did."

"Well, you were terribly wrong. The chief wants to see you, I don't know why. What do you say we find out?"

"Fair enough." Ben replied.

The police station was clearly a low budget construction job, judging by the inside and outside look of it. The building was made out of sand rocks, like all the other buildings, but there were holes in the wall boarded up by... Boards. It's no surprise that the station was damaged in a city as populated as NCR. Especially after it was against the law to deal and use drugs. Mack has confessed to some of the damage himself, but he's not ashamed of it.

The police chiefs quarters was, of course, the only nice place in the building. Wall paper, which was a rare object at the time, new furniture, lamps, a table, the works. The chief rarely sat at his desk, despite spending a large portion of police money on it. He always slept on his sofa, like the lazy bastard he is.

Mack banged on the open door, when he saw the chief sleeping. About two minutes into slamming the door, he got louder and louder. Until finally waking the heavy sleeper up.

"Wha- What is it?" The chief asked, now sitting up.

"This is Ben Adams. That guy you wanted to talk to." Mack replied.

"Oh! Benjamin!" The chief exclaimed.

"It's Ben. Just Ben. No 'jamin' at the end." Ben stated.

"My apologies. Listen, I was going over your papers from when you've been arrested, and I've also heard about what you've done for the old Mackenzie." Mack rolled his eyes. "I had a deal for you! I could push some papers in, and you could become an official police officer of NCR!"

Mack covered his face, "You're [censored] kidding me?" He said, sighing.

"What do you say, Mr. Adams."

Ben saw the distress in Mack, and liked it.

"Sounds like a [censored] deal!" Ben exclaimed, shaking the officer's hand.

Mack tilted his head back, and moaned.

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That's right, he's going to be a cop.

nice. Looking forward to seeing Ben's style of Law and Order now

lol! awesome!

Chapter Four: The Monster is...

Three Weeks After Chapter Three...

"There are people everywhere, they're all chanting and throwing signs up in the air. They are starting to get violent, please send someone over." The secretary of the mayor said very calmly.

"Where is this going on, madam?"

"In front of the Tow-" The sound of glass breaking interrupted the girl, she started to yell in fear now. "The Town Hall! They just got through the gate, and are throwing bricks through the windows!" The sound of a gun went off, and the phone hit the ground with a thump.

The operator rolled her chair over to a table behind her, and lifted a radio.

"Calling all cars, there's a riot in Town Hall. I repeat, a riot starting at Town Hall."

Mackenzie and Ben reacted first, "Copy that, we're coming to the station. Over."

"I'm sending other officers to attempt to enforce the peace. Out."

Mack slammed the breaks, and did a U-Turn. He headed for the direction of the police station.

"Oh, a riot. That's cool." Ben stated.

"Some of those people are crazy." Mack started, "When we get the riot gear, you watch your ass out there."

"I'll make sure to keep a keen eye on our asses." Ben joked.

Mack stopped at the station, and rushed to get his gear, with Ben right behind. Mack and Ben both stepped out with bullet proof armor. Mack was holding a shield and a pistol with rubber bullets, while Ben had a Riot Gun behind his back. They were accompanied by two other officers, Ricky and Jerry. A van pulled up, the four men opened the back doors and crowded in. The van started with a screech, and soon came up to the scene of the riot.

The roads were blocked off by four police cars, two on each side of the Town Hall. Two more cars were in the front, with officers, including the chief, sitting behind the cars with guns out. The van came to a stop, the team jumped out and went to the chief of police, who was finally out doing something. But only because he wanted to look good in front of the mayor. He'd probably take all of the credit.

"I thought there was a riot!" Mack yelled over the sounds.

"There was, they're after the mayor! He did something to piss all these people off. They've got him hostage! You four get the Hell in there and take them out. I don't care if they live or die!" The chief yelled back.

Ben got on his knees, and threw his elbows on the hood of the police car. He looked through a pair of binoculars, and saw through all the windows. "They're not very good. A Smart group of would be killers would have the curtains closed on all the windows."

"It's no surprise, those morons don't even know what they're doing. Nobody's going to have the balls to shoot the mayor. That's a suicide." Mack stated.

There was a gunshot, and a well dressed man was thrown through a window. A rope was around his neck, and he stopped ten feet short of the ground. His neck snapped, and blood came from his neck and face. A sign written in red ink was around his neck, it read;

"Say goodbye to your precious mayor, pigs."

Ben looked through his binoculars, "Who's the fancy man?"

"That's the mayor." Mack replied.

"Ironic. They killed him just as you said they wouldn't. When do we get in there and kick ass? I don't care they killed the mayor, but nobody call me a pig without a punishment." Ben said, now standing up.

The chief kicked the side of his patrol car, "God dammit! You, Mack, take the others and get in there! Now!"

Im so excited to see how this turns out!

Super long chapter, maybe even too long. So my apologies. This is the real real start of the story. I'm going to take a lot more time on chapters, and make sure they're good enough. Oh, and some more people telling me their opinions would be nice. So if you read this try and tell me.


Chapter Five: ? One Of Us

With one quick pull of a trigger, the door handle shattered into tiny pieces of metal. Ben lifted his leg up, and with one swift kick, the door flew open. Ricky was behind him, and shot his semi automatic riot gun, knocking two rioters to the ground. Ben lifted the sights up to his eye, and moved into the house. Ricky, Mack, and Jerry were behind.

Mack took point, and knelt down with his shield. Ben put one hand on Mack's left shoulder, and held the gun with his other. They moved into the next room, which was filled with more rioters. Ben held the trigger down, and Mack was shooting his pistol. Both armed with rubber bullets. The six rioters all jumped for cover, and four got hit. They were all on the ground, holding where they were shot. Bruises already started to form on the uncovered flesh that was shot.

The two others pulled out pistols, and fired. Ben ducked down behind Mack, and the shield protected them both. Rick and Jerry came in, and Jerry took the glory of the two kills. Blood spurted from the two shooter's bodies, and they fell to the ground dead.

"We're using live ammo on the ones firing back!" Jerry yelled to Mack and Ben. Ben nodded.

"Ricky, Jerry, take the other side of the building. After the ground floor is all clear, we're going upstairs." Mack commanded.

Ricky and Jerry both ran off, into the rooms opposite of Mack and Ben. The rooms on Mack's side were all empty, and he reached for the radio on his shoulder.

"Jerry, how is it over there?"

"All clear, we're waiting at the stairs."

"Copy that, out." Mack said, now running to the stairs with Ben.

Jerry and Ricky stood at the bottom of the stairs, both aiming upwards in case someone jumped out. Ben looked through a on their side, and saw half a leg, with high heels on the foot. He leaned over, and saw the leg attached to a business woman.

"What happened over there?" Ben asked.

Jerry, looked at what he saw. "Some rioters killed her." Jerry replied.

"Up that stairs! Go!" Mack yelled, taking the lead.

The group went up the stairs, which split off to two hallways.

"Same as before. Jerry, you take Ricky right. Me and Ben have the left."

The group split up, and Mackenzie took his role as the shield. There were three doors, two on the right side of the hallway and one on the left. The one on the left was the deceased mayor's office. Mack opened the first door on the right, and it was empty. He moved over to the second door on the right, the room was also empty. Mack and Ben put their backs against both side of the left door.

"Switching over to live ammunition." Ben said, Mack nodded and did the same.

Mack gave Ben a count down with his fingers to when he was to open the door. Three, two one. Ben turned the knob and pushed the door open, also going in the office in the same motion. He aimed right, and held down the trigger. Two gun-wielding assailants slammed against the wall and hit the ground. Mack came in less than a seconds after, and went left.

"One down." was written on the wall, with red liquid.

"Christ, is that blood?" Ben asked.

Mack got closer, and examined it. "No. It's paint."

"What do you think one down means? Are they after more influential people?" Ben asked.

"I'd guess so. Rioting would make it impossible to find the person actually behind it. Guess we were wrong about them now knowing what was up."

"You're just assuming all this, right?"

"Of course."

Ben and Mack walked around the room, looking for any evidence. Ben turned towards the writing on the wall, and examined it. He noticed it was terribly painted, and in the corner of one of the words was part of a hand print.

"They used their hands as paint brushes. Look." He said, pointing to the mark.

"Why would they do that?" Mack asked.

"Hell if I know? Maybe they're finger painting kindergarteners."

"Ricky and Jerry haven't radioed their status. I think we should check it out."

"Alright, you lead Mack."

The two went to check out the other room. There was one door marked "Business". The giant room had one big table in the center, with chairs all around it. And one big chair was at the end, along with a projector coming from the table. A projector screen was opposite of the chair.

"How clich?." Ben stated.

Mack paused, and looked around. He saw another door, and thumping was coming from the other side.

"Do you hear that Ben?" Mack asked, walking to the door.

He opened it, and saw the secretary tied up, with her mouth duct taped. There was a large group of bloody bodies crammed in the large closet with her. Mack took the tape off of her mouth, leaving a red mark around her lips.

"Are these all the people who worked here?" Mack asked. The girl shook her head, and tried to talk.

"They're all hidden downstairs."

Mack looked to Ben, "We didn't see anyone downstairs."

"Ricky and Jerry took the other side of the building. I saw a business looking woman dead on the ground, they said the rioters killed her." Ben replied.

"That's impossible, there was no gun fire." The secretary said.

"We have one alive, the building is clear. Send paramedics up to the business room on the top floor." Mack said into his radio. "Come on Ben, let's check out the downstairs.

Ben and Mack went downstairs, and to the rooms they didn't check before. There were at least twenty people dressed in fancy attire. All of them covered in blood, and dead on the ground. They were all tied, and their mouths were taped shut. Ben looked all around the room, and saw a metal pipe looking thing on the ground. He picked it up, and examined the writing on it;

NCR Police Department.

"It's a silencer," Ben said, looking at Mack, "There's no way the rioters got a police silencer without anyone noticing. We check inventory everyday. What were Ricky and Jerry doing with a silencer?"

Mack spoke into his radio again, "Are their any signs of Officer Rodriguez, or officer McNeil?"

"None. Why?" The chief replied.

"I think they had something to do with this."

"It's like a damn show." Ben said, "I thought this kind of stuff only happened on TV and Entertainment discs."
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Well, I know there hasn't been much Ben-Like dialog from Addiction, but that'll change. He'll still be policing with Mack, and the case about the Town Hall will reopen.

Nice one Comedian. I like the intrigue with two cops going bad as well. Hope Ben's style of policing is like his Mercenary skills. Kick Ass.

I requested a lock on this. For the time being, anyways. I rushed into this story too fast, and I need to go on a thinking break. I'll be back in the future, and I'll make this a much better story. In the break time, I might come up with another story idea. But I'll only post if I feel it's good enough, and hopefully better than Addiction. A lot of things seem to be closing recently, but oh well.

I look forward to its return.

Closed as requested.