Looking for some constructive criticism from some veteran Fanfic Writers, I've posted three chapters so far http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8899810/1/A-Rose-in-Bloom

Some notes about my character
-She was born in the late third era in Cyrodiil
-her father was a legion soldier and mother a farmhand
-was turned into a Pureblood Vampire not long after her 18th birthday (early 4th era)

this is my second attempt at fan fiction so I'm just looking to improve

in terms of in game I use Alternate Start Mod so I don't have to RP around the Helgen scene and can start as a Vampire

thanks for everyone's help.

Also I'm new to this forum so yay!