Welcome and good day! I will be making a story of an Imperial named Raman in Cyrodill 100 years after the crowning of Martin Septim. I will divide it into short chapters, and I will write a chapter every 1-5 days. The condition is that it is the invasion from Tomai, a nation once poor and comprised of wandering druids. It is now in the early stages of a modernized country. It's first invasion into the heartlands is going well, and the current ruler of Tamriel, Uriah II, is letting his country get ravaged and torn apart. I'll let the rest of the story explain what happens.

P.S.- The first chapter takes place a little later then I said, then it goes back to the past in the second chpater.

Raman, The Imperial Hero
Volume 1, Prologue

4E 110, Just north of Anvil

Raman sat on the grass, his hands tied in front of him, watching. Just watching. There was nothing he could do. The prisoners from Anvil were lined up, and he was about 10th in line of about 2,000. They were prisoners of the Tomans, as most commoners called them. The Tomans were in the process of their ritual after prisoners are taken captive. The Leader druid would go through the line asking each man, women, and child if they wanted to convert to the Cult of Tomai. If the answer was yes, then the person would be clothed in white and away to be "baptized". After that, they would officially be in the Cult of Tomai. That's what happened to the first man. If you think it over a little, it's a convenient process, the more you conquer, the more followers you gain. Plus, why would anyone choose death over being clothed in white and treated nicely? It's because of what happens after the "baptizing", a process begins in the person. A disease forms, commonly called "Inkpox". The Inkpox disease is closely related to vampirism. The person becomes stronger the longer they are infected and eventually become giant beasts capable of ripping heads off with two fingers. Eventually, in exactly 5 years after the infection, the person dies. So, the prisoner has a choice of 5 years of evil or immediate death if they do not accept.

"Easy," Raman thought, "I'll just accept and be done with this!"

The second man was a different story. He was in his 60s, and he obviously didn't understand much of what was currently going on. He kept vigorously shaking his head with a confused expression on his face when the Druid was questioning him. It wasn't long before a jet of blood sprayed from the man's neck, and he fell limp to the ground.

Now there was an army in the camp surrounding the prisoners, and a soldier wearing white armor with grey trim with a two handed sword hanging from his abdomen, and obviously of high rank from the camp said to the druid, "Screw it, we don't need any followers right now, and this is taking too long. The enemy will be here soon. Take them to the guillotine!" Raman saw two soldiers go with the man to get the guillotine. They, as well, looked as if they were high ranked.

Before long, the Guillotine was dragged to where the prisoners were. "Great, just great!" thought Raman. he saw 4 men, a woman, and two childeren beheaded, and then it was his turn. When he was staggering slowly towards the blade he heard a man say, "Sometimes the blade sticks, they say. Can't wait to see that happen." Another guard looked at him with a puzzled expression on his face, a young man. He clearly wasn't bloodthirsty like the other man.

Raman gulped as his slowly put his head in the primative machine, slippery with blood. He heard a feint noise, a familiar one, and one he wasn't fond of at all. A whistling sound, a slow "hisssh". Raman closed his eyes and waited for the blade to come down.

Well, the first bit left me a little confused, but welcome to Tes Fan Fiction regardless :foodndrink:

The main problem I have with this is that you simply tell us things. Is this to be a narrative, or simply a telling of an idea? Because as it is, I think you could tell us this information in a much better way. For example, show us a scene of one of the people being taken away and baptized and another of one of the people dying.

Aka "I watched with growing apprehension as the Tomans grew ever closer. Their current victim had chosen to convert, and was being taken away for "baptism"."

You can probably do better than that hasty example, but what I'm saying is that this is simply a telling of information when it could be a story. You have to play up the mystery of the situation. Can't quite find the words, but I'm sure you know what I mean.

I like the idea, very creative. Thanks for writing, and keep it up :goodjob:

First, it's very short, a bit too short to be a chapter rather than a prologue, in my opinion. Second, what is Tomai? Where did it come from, how did it invade the Empire, a great military power, if it was once poor, and how did it become 'modern?' My main issue is that the opening seems rather weak. Like you're trying to explain what's going on, but without it fitting in as a story. If you understand what I'm saying. You're trying to explain everything in your own words instead of the words of the character. It seems more like you're showing us an idea rather than an actual story, as it were.

EDIT: Blast you Darkom! Why must you always get there first.

I'm explaining the story and narrating it from a third person view, not from a first person perspective. Tomai is a made up isolated island-country south of Tamriel, and I will explain how it became modern in the later chapters, as I said I would. But, for a hint, it has something to do with the "Ink Pox".

Please forgive me if I am not describing it as the character, I'm doing that because I am going to swith between main characters later. I'm not a writer really, I'm starting out at this. But thank you for your suggestions.

Not always. Sometimes I don't even comment on a story.


It doesn't have to be first person to give us an idea of the protagonist. You simply list facts, you are not telling a story. Even if you are going to switch characters, it would be a good idea to start with one and use him to tell us the backstory.

And yes, I agree with Ambrose's questions, I was probably too focused on the way you wrote it to mention them myself.


PS I think eleven minutes from posting to my response could be my all time best