Crysis 2- A heartfelt story of love and denial.

Post » Sun Jul 07, 2013 7:12 am

So I thought to myself "Hm, I just spent three hours playing BF3 Campaign, it was rubbish. I'm bored with Crysis 3 right now, so perhaps I should try the good old Crysis 2 again".
Ah, that loading screen, how I didn't miss it.
Now, lets see. 'Press Start...I mean...Enter to begin'
I press enter again, to sign myself in. The game freezes slightly. But its okay, ill wait. We must be patient with this old, wise game.

10 seconds pass, I seem to be logged in! Ah, a major hurdle over. I'm happy I don't need to restart the 'base filtering engine' service so it will bind to port this time around.
I hit 'Multiplayer'. Another freeze, another day. But we're all okay with this.
Another 10 seconds pass, finally at the MP screen! It hasn't crashed yet! I must be in luck!
"Hm, I don't remember what classes I had, lets see", Clicking to the loadouts screen.
Oh, two soundtracks start playing at the same time, overlapping each other, such a joy to my ears.

I setup my class with Scar/Laser and Aim Enhance 3. The noobs won't know what's coming when I hit them with this xxX1337MLGPROXxx loadout. I know what you might say, but its my skills that are overpowered, not the loadout. Da haters dun know nothin bout MLG skillz.

Oh, it appears a friend is online. Is he playing a game? Or just sitting in the menu? Ill never know...
Hm, which server? An Australian Extraction server, has a few people online. I should join that.
Ah, the loading screen. With that music that makes me more relaxed than prepared for battle. At least its not the Crysis 3 Alpha's loading music, which made people want to punch their screen. The game is loading now, because the spinning symbol at the bottom decides to freeze. Then when its done freezing it likes to catch up on all of the spinning it missed out on. What a fun life that symbol has.

Woo! Finally in a game. Better choose my Scar/laser loadout and start noob stomping. Oh. It appears my FoV setting has reset again. Nevermind, I just want to play. What? I don't have infinite sprint and Armour consumes energy while its online? WHAT IS THIS BLASPHEMY! But we don't mind. Its Crysis 2, we can't expect magic. Ah, a level 2 player is currently winning. TheUltimatePlayer, another cheating impersonator of a DooM leader with the same name. I watch in amaze as he uses his aimbot and speed hacks to race around the map. What a legend. I want to be CoD MLG like him when I grow up.

The round ends, everyone leaves. Off to another server! I attempt to fix my FoV setting, but C2 just spits it back right at me. Its okay. The default FoV of 55 works fine, since I just love my gun to cover a quarter of the screen. I search for a new server. An Aussie TDM server! Lots of fun! I'm at that magical loading screen again, watching the spinning symbol live out its life. The game loads! Skylag! My favourite map! I hear the sound of an L-TAG spamming in the distance, as an orbital strike creates 20 seconds of lag, oh how I missed this. I play through the round, getting killed by FY71's. I sure wished I paid $20 on the DLC's. The round ends.

New round time! Lightcamp! Another favourite map! Now, lets see if I can remember how to snipe. I can see another sniper in the distance. "Ah! I should jump snipe! That works in Crysis 3!" I proceed to jump three times to avoid the enemy's bullets, but then strangely cannot jump anymore. My energy has run out! As I die, I quickly remember that jumping consumes energy. I start to cry inside, feeling all butthurt. Crysis y u du dis 2 me.

A hacker joins! Aimbot and K-Volt through the ground! I want to votekick him, but cannot, as his name contains the symbol that the Console uses. I decide to leave. Crysis 2 freezes up again, trying to kill itself. I can understand its pain, being such an inferior creation compared to its peers. I whisper to my computer "Its all ogre now...." as I kill the process. Crysis 2 closes. My life is now complete.


lyk if u cri evry tiem
(Yes, I did write that myself. Its the school holidays and I was bored)
inb4 flame
inb4 people who don't get sarcasm
inb4 tl;dr


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Nicole Kraus
 
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Post » Sat Jul 06, 2013 11:03 pm

Awesome xD
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Robert
 
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Post » Sun Jul 07, 2013 11:17 am

Press X to enter?
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Mr.Broom30
 
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Post » Sat Jul 06, 2013 11:53 pm

Press X to enter?
Woops. Edited. Its an old joke "At least they changed 'Start to begin' to 'Enter to begin' for the PC port", Plus that the PC demo actually said "Press start to begin".
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cosmo valerga
 
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Post » Sun Jul 07, 2013 12:57 am

Still a better love story than twillight.
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Guinevere Wood
 
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Post » Sun Jul 07, 2013 7:16 am

That pretty much was the average C2 experience. You forgot about the lobbies with infinite countdown bug though. ^-^

I love the people here that think C2 was better. I mean it is an opinion but the objective quality of the programming and design was beyond terrible. At least C3 throws lipstick on the pig.
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bimsy
 
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Post » Sun Jul 07, 2013 12:18 pm

Press X to enter?
Woops. Edited. Its an old joke "At least they changed 'Start to begin' to 'Enter to begin' for the PC port", Plus that the PC demo actually said "Press start to begin".

Yup :)

So many nice memories in C2
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Helen Quill
 
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Post » Sun Jul 07, 2013 2:38 am

I'm still disappointed that the console version had pretty spinning buildings on the loading screen and the PC version didn't :(


Also jumping didn't consume energy. Only strength jumping.
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CHANONE
 
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Post » Sun Jul 07, 2013 3:35 am

I spent almost an hour thinking this up and writing it. You all owe me a cookie.
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Nick Jase Mason
 
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Post » Sun Jul 07, 2013 9:08 am

Image
Cookies incoming!
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Talitha Kukk
 
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