A Extremely Large Explosion Was Heard To The Far North West.

"W-Where am I" Mark was laying on the ground, injured.

"We've got him, Sir" Said a Talon Company Merc into a Headset. "Right away, Sir" He said again, Nodding.

Three other Merc walked upto Marks body and lifted his body up. The Mercs started to move, and Mark passed out.

"Huh, What the?" Mark was stunned, His head was spinning.

He was inside some cage. A rather Buff man came up to the Cage.

"You! Officer Montgomery wants to see you know!" Said The Buff Man.

"Well, Let me the hell out!" Mark replied.

The Cage Door opened. The Buff Man grabbed Mark bye the head, and pulled him down a Hallway. There were screams off Pains, Plees for Help. Mark caught a glimpse through a Window into a padded room. There were 4 Men holding down a Innocent Waster on a bed, A scrawny, muscle-less man was holding a knife above the Wasters body and slammed the Knife down into the Wasters Chest, There was a massive scream and then there was Crying. What is this Place? Mark thought, They finally reached a Big Silver Metal Door, Bloodied Hand Prints on the door.
The Buff Guy leant out and opened the door. He grabbed Marks shirt and pushed him in a Dark room. There were two claps and the lights turned on.

"Thank you, Hans" Said Officer Montgomery.

"Yes, Sir" said Hans before spinning and walking off.

"You! Mark Stame" Said Officer Montgomery.

"Me? Who are you? What do you want? and Why should I care?" said Mark.

"Mark, Im Officer Montgomery. I have an offer for you" said Officer Montgomery.

"What type of offer?" asked Mark.

"Well, How about First I dont kill you, and if you like my Jobs you'll be payed Caps" asked Officer Montgomery.

"Go on" Mark sounded intrigued.

"Have you heard of a man named Three Dog?" asked Officer Montgomery.

"Yeah, He plays them songs, There rather entertaining" replied Mark.

"He owes me caps, He hasnt payed me caps, I want my caps, I want you to kill him"

"Okay then"

"Go on, Go kill the so-called Disc Jockey" Officer Montgomery was pointing out the door.

Mark walked back down the Hallway. He walked into the Holding cells and went up to the Locker next to his Cage. From it he Retrieved, a Combat Shotgun with a Self Loading Device and Two 10mm Pistols with Green Laser Sights. He looked around and seen an old wooden door with a Exit Sign above it. He walked out, there was a path with a Old rickety bridge leading across, Mark walked across it. He walked down a gentle slope. There was Rifle fire and a bullet whizzed past his face, He reached for his Combat Shotgun. Mark turned to the Raider, Another bullet was shot from the Rifle, Mark dodged it and charged the Raider. He fired the Shotgun hitting the Raider in the chest, making the Raider spin and plummit into the ground pouring blood from his shoulder.
Mark continued through the Plains of The Wastes, Into the Metro Stations, Through D.C. He finally got to the G'n'R Studios, and walked up to the doors and opened them. He spotted and walked up to a BoS Soilder.

"Wheres Three Dog?" Mark asked.

"He's upstairs" Replied the Paladin.

He walked up the stairs, and into Three Dogs office. He walked into the Bedroom and looked around, Mark seen a Knife laying on the Beside Table. Mark, grabbed it and walked over to Three Dog.

"Aroo!!" Mark mocked Three Dog.

Three Dog turned to see Mark with the Knife. Mark slammed the knife into Three Dogs face, and ran off. Mark walked outside and walked back to Officer Montgomery.

"A Exquisit Job"

Its the First Chapter.
Ive never really written a Fan Fic before.
I hope its good.

To start off with, I will say that I am no Jackie Collins. All kidding aside, I have only recently got back into writing. Andf it was most ly die to comments from the folks here. That being said I will tell you what I think. To start off with, you do have a few spelling mistakes. One that really stood out for me was "plees". Should have been pleas, I do of course make spelling grammar and pucntuation errors myself. I had a really hard time to reading this. The best way I can describe this is to say it's pretty basic. When you would end a line of dialogue, for the most part you did it with he said, he asked. he replied, etc. try adding a comma instead of a period and describe how they spoke. The whole story seems to be lacking in any real sense of emotion. You don't describe what the charcter is thinking or feeling.

The story itself, i'm not a fan of. That doesn't mean it's bad. It seesms like you rushed through this though. Especially at the end .

Keep working at it, you need to flesh out the characters a lot more. Try describing what they looked like. Characters in a story should jump off the page. The reader needs to be able to visualize them. Express emotions.

It's a good start, but I feel it needs a lot of work.

Its ok by my standrds so its ok