The Apocalyptic Nightmare.

Post » Mon May 03, 2010 10:59 am

Prologue;

Who was he? What was his purpose? Why was he here? They were the three simple questions that baffled everyone inside the Citadel. Three Dogs radio broadcasts had described him as 'heroine of steel' 'protector of sanity'. He was just Twenty-Three years old, and mastered the skills of using a Minigun. He plunged Super Mutants every day with 5mm rounds and done so with a lust. It was a few weeks ago, the dust had settled as a dark figure wearing a black, saggy robe could be seen within a mile of the Citadel. Paladin Kodiak was on watch, as he shouted at the figure.

"You, answer me, who are you?"

It was to no avail, the figure approached Kodiak and unveiled his face. It showed the innocent face of a boy, who seemed unaware who he was. The boy opened his mouth, as the emptiness in his voice became rather amusing.

"I'm Michael Smith, a scavenger from Arefu. I've been intrigued by the heroism, and passion the Brotherhood of Steel shows. I was wandering if I could be given a trial as an initiate."

Kodiak stroked his chin.

"I'm not sure."

He seems fearless.

Kodiak thought to himself.

"Bring me back the head of a Yao Guai, then and only then you will be granted initiation."

"Wait!"

Michael had demanded.

"At least give me a weapon, I'm experienced with Laser Weapons anyone will do."

Michael persisted.

"And how would you know how to wield such an elegant weapon boy?"

He cannot know, he cannot know the secrecy that has tore me apart for so long.

"A Paladin, I forget his name but he showed the residents from Arefu how to become experts in combat. It was one of the trials we had faced.

"You do look the fibbing type."

"I swear to you, I swear sir."

Damn, not as easy as to convince as these other peasant Wastelanders.

"Hmm, I'll give ya' a chance then. Take this pistol, it should help."

"Thank you, sir. Once I dismantle this Yao Guai I'll bring you the head."

Wearing Workman overalls, he held his pistol and his Trench Knife on his holster. He walked confidently left, pursuing the road. He started humming as he heard a roar. Dazzled and confused he ducked down, and looked around him. Before he could blink he was floored, and a blood thirst Yao Guai was nibbling at his feet. Michael roared as he clobbered the creature and got to his feet. He shot it four times with amazing accuracy. Two shots in each eye the creature was left blind, but it's scent was its primary factor once again it floored Michael who dropped the pistol, against the force of the animal he retrieved his knife and slit it's throat. Gasping for breath he began puffing, as he became relieved the brawl was over.

That wasn't so hard.

He thought to himself, consumed by many emotions he dismantled the Yao Guai and retrived it's head. Smirking he held it with a firm grip, as he ventured down the road he'd came from. For his journey was only about to begin, and it could possibly change the faith of the world.

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Latino HeaT
 
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Post » Mon May 03, 2010 12:39 am

I didnt really see much backstory,and your paragraph style is strange.I cant properly review it until I get a better feel for the story.
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Katie Pollard
 
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Post » Sun May 02, 2010 7:45 pm

Ignoring any story line could you please set it to left align? It is very difficult to read when the text is centered and you will get better comments if you change it. :)
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steve brewin
 
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Post » Mon May 03, 2010 8:16 am

I didnt really see much backstory,and your paragraph style is strange.I cant properly review it until I get a better feel for the story.


I changed the paragraph style, and the story is much more different to others. The main character has a backstory that shouldn't be revealed too early. You'll see this later on in the story.
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Emzy Baby!
 
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Post » Mon May 03, 2010 8:30 am

I'm sorry, but due to restrictions I am no longer to commit to this project. Could the moderators close this please?
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City Swagga
 
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