So I'm about to start building my new house with the Hearthfire add-on and I must be honest I have no clue what I'm doing!

Now the Civil War is over, I'm going to take a break from adventuring and focus on building a home suitable for my future family. (I haven't got married yet or adopted anyone)

I'd like to hear your views on which area is best to live in with your wife and children and what I should include in my house to make it more family friendly

Also, I'm struggling to decide who I should actually marry! Which females are the most popular choices? I have no idea..

If you want a house in a city, Hjerim in Windhelm is my favorite, and has always made the family happy.
If you want one outside a city, Heljarchen Hall in the Pale, just north of Whiterun is nice. It seems to get less attacks than the other two, and is less secluded with Whiterun a short ride south and neighbors in the nearby farm.

My favorite wife is Morwen from Skaal Village, because reasons, but that's not a typical choice. Probably because she's so tucked away. Most people seem to prefer Ysolda, Mjoll the Lioness, or Aela.
Kill Lemkil in Rorikstead and adopt Sissel for the most badass child, and you're doing her a favor. Sofie and Hroar make for good second choices.

I have insights on several of the houses...

Solitude: My Dunmer married Balimund and adopted Blaise. Both of them seem happy there. I understand that both boys and girls like Solitude, and I think most spouses are content as well.

Markarth: My Redguard is unmarried, and he adopted Sofie and Alesan. Don't live here if you intend to adopt male children, Al complains about there being no place to play.

Whiterun: I have no character living here. Don't know what spouses say. Kids tend to like the city, but not the other kids there.

Riften: My Imperial married Mjoll and adopted Runa. I think that spouses tend to be concerned about the lawless environment. Kids seem happy enough, though not overjoyed.

Falkreath: My Breton is unmarried, and adopted Francois and Hroar. I think that spouses tend to have concerns about the wild location, but children of both genders like it; the boys certainly seem to. I think Falkreath is the Hearthfire site that the kids like best.

Morthal: My Nord married Marcurio and adopted Lucia. He seems happy enough, but she thinks it's a bit scary. Not sure about spouses or male kids.

Windhelm: Don't really know about this one, sorry.

Dawnstar: Not sure aboiut spouses. I think girls like it better than boys do.

Raven Rock, Winterhold: It's not possible to move your spouse or children to either of these locations, though they're excellent for bachelor characters. My Khajiit lives at the College, it suits him fine.

Lakeview is a nice spot for a family home but the problem with HF homes is there's always some random threat outside your door at random times. The safest homes are those in Solitude and Windhelm (depending on the war status) and Hjeirim in Windhelm is smaller then Proudspire Manor in Solitude yet Hjeirim has much more floor space to move around with family and pets. It also has a more homely vibe imo.

Mjoll the Lioness is the best wife as she's an immortal follower who holds her own with a battleaxe and is a good natured person, both strong and sweet. When I adopt I always adopt the 2 sad stories, Sofie and Lucia...they're both homeless girls who sleep outdoors so I can't resist giving them a proper home

I've only built Lakeview Manor in Falkreath but I moved my wife and two adopted children there. While in the building process I chose not to live there until it was completed because it's so lonely without the furnishings.

As for a wife, I too took a while on choosing one. I ended up marrying Ysolda, the woman in Whiterun whom you see in the outdoor market area during the day. I think she's a popular choice.