I know the correct solution probably changes for every child, but how much help is too much help with school work? Especially when the child is directly asking for the help?

Have you ever lost interest in a school subject due to boring assignments, busy work, or something small that you just couldn't get past? Do you ever look back and think if someone had just done the busywork for you that you might have retained interest in that subject into higher levels of study?

I know that ADHD and a learning disability almost crippled my academic career early on. I just couldn't bring myself to sit and do repetitive tasks like mindless grammar homework, multiplication sheets, and horribly boring reading assignments. I would leave such assignments blank and never turn them in. Going into 6th grade, I was placed in only one advanced class (science) and "regular" classes for the rest of my subjects. When my parents discovered that I was getting a 98% in my only advanced class and C-'s in the rest, they made a deal with me.

They knew that I could succeed in a field of interest and also knew that I would never get there if I had terrible grades in all other courses. They said that they were willing to put forth as much effort into my schooling as I would. This is when they pushed the "work now or work later" and reinforced notions that my choices even at that age would shape my career and livelihood for the rest of my life.

This is when they began going as far as reading my assigned books to me and even helping to write the reports for them. They never forced me to study, but would always provide help when asked. In many cases this help surely fell into areas that a teacher would call cheating. That said, within a year I had constant straight A's and was bumped into IB classes. I couldn't have made the transition on my own.

There was a long standing fear that all the years of extra "help" might backfire in the long run. My parents feared that when I left for college, I would still be dependent upon them to survive and that I hadn't learned to work independently. In hindsight, I honestly feel that having some of my middle school essays written almost entirely by parents helped me to become a better writer (not that I am a good one now). I was able to see how they would structure essays and picked up a much greater vocabulary.... After all, my essays at school had to be as good as my homework or it would be obvious that I was getting generous amounts of help. This method continued until I had taken almost every AP class offered by my high school. If I was passing all the AP and IB exams, surely the "help" couldn't be hurting my education more than going without it.

When I went off to college, the transition was seamless. I was no longer receiving any help, but I was now mature enough to adapt and compensate for my learning difficulties on my own.

I am now a 3rd year medical student and recently found out that I passed my part 1 boards exam. I would never and have never cheated on anything in college or medical school but I don't regret any "help" that I received when I was younger. Even now, I really don't think that I could have made it this far without bending the rules early on. I hated school early on and would never have chosen to go to college and face more schooling.

So how important is it to not cheat on homework in middle and high school? Do the ends justify the means?

(Note: none of this applies to cheating on exams....... I never did any of that)

yeah, i never did homework, except once because i would have failed other wise. but i generally Aced classes i cared about and only put in minimal effort in the boring ones where i could still pass if i got a D. although i mostly got A's and B's any ways with out making any more effort than the minimum. except in Algebra 2B, i got a C, but im actually a little proud of that since that was the first and only Algebra class i had ever taken and knew nothing about algebra until that point.